Nick and Lilac

Nick and Lilac

By Marian Tee

Copyright © 2013 Blue Ribbon Books

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book wouldn’t have been complete without God’s grace. It wouldn’t have been as great if my publisher wasn’t supporting me every step of the way. It wouldn’t have been as beautiful if not for the exquisite cover by
CT COVER CREATIONS
, and it wouldn’t have been as polished without my editor
Wendy Chan
.

It wouldn’t have been as enjoyable to write if I didn’t have my parents, my siblings, and my partner Allen Tan behind me, wouldn’t have been as inspired if I didn’t have past reviews from book bloggers and beta readers to keep me motivated and fellow Amazon authors to emulate and commiserate with. It wouldn’t have ever been complete if I didn’t have my huge brood of cousins to keep me company while I type until the wee hours of the morning almost every day.

And lastly, Nick and Lilac would have never seen their story come to light if not for the readers I constantly come into contact with, those who leave reviews on Amazon and Goodreads, those who take the time to subscribe, to post comments on my site – and those who read and smile because they had fun reading my story. I wish I could thank each and every one of you here. The sentiment’s there, but it would be nice if I could tell you personally.
J

So if I don’t get to talk to you personally, please know that I’m very thankful that you took the time to buy and read this book. It really, really, really means a lot because with every page you turn, you’re making my dream come true.

PROLOGUE

Three Years Ago

“I had no reason to be a slut.” Seventeen-year-old Lilac York’s voice faltered as she admitted the worst thing about herself. The words alone made her want to curl up in a ball of shame, unable to meet anyone’s gaze, not even that of her therapist.

For years, Lilac had thought of her therapist’s cozily designed clinic as her refuge, the one place she had nothing to be terrified and ashamed about. But by saying the words out loud, it was if old evils had been given back their power to hurt, and they turned her haven into another prison of guilt and self-loathing.

The next time she tried to speak,
it
had come back and tears of frustration welled up in her eyes. “I c-can’t g-get o-over t-that. N-no m-matter w-what I-I d-do, I j-just c-can’t.”

Dr. Petersen’s voice was steady when she spoke. “Take slow deep breaths, Lilac. You’re the one in control here – not your past, not the people who hurt you, no one but you have control over who you are and how you’re doing.”

Several minutes ticked by, the silence between her and Dr. Petersen comforting. It was only broken by the rhythmic beats of the therapist’s metronome.

“Anytime, Lilac.” Dr. Petersen’s soothing voice worked like a beacon of hope in the dimly lit room, the shades completely shutting out sunlight. “There’s no pressure.”

In a rush, Lilac confided bitterly, “I was in love with him.”

When the young girl didn’t speak again, Dr. Petersen said quietly, “It’s not a sin to fall in love.”

“But he was wrong for me!” Lilac burst out. “I’m not stupid---I knew from the start he was wrong, but I just…I just---” She broke off, hardening her jaw in an effort to push back the sobs trying to crawl out of her throat.

Lilac covered her face. She couldn’t bear for anyone to see her face right now, not when she was about to finally unburden herself.

“He l-liked making me nervous. He deliberately frightened me, goaded me, hurt me just so I’d start to stutter. And then he’d make me suck him.” Lilac moaned, the memory like shards of pain stabbing her mind, shredding her dignity.

“He won’t stop saying things…that made me stutter around his cock…my teeth would chatter and chatter and he’d love it and he’d come in my mouth even while I cried. And after that, he’d tell me I did a good job.” Her restraint broke. The tears gushed out, hard enough to cause her chest to heave.

 “Every time I think of it, I feel like killing myself. I feel like hiding away from the world because every time they look at me, I feel like they know what I did and they think…they can do it to me, too.”

The cries that came out from the young girl were heart-wrenching, even for someone who thought she had heard it all. Gazing at Lilac’s bent head, Susan Petersen remembered the first time she had seen her patient– fourteen, slender, and eyes so old and dead Susan had almost thought there was no chance of recovery.

“Hello, Lilac.” Susan’s voice was scratchy, a permanent reminder of her own childhood tragedy when she had her throat slashed by her homicidal, pedophilic stepfather.

Lilac had gazed at Susan’s neck before saying quietly, “I don’t mind if you write when you talk to me, Dr. Petersen.”

She had been the first patient to ever say that, to consider Susan’s pain when it should have been Susan helping her cope. Before Lilac, Susan had thought herself an old weary soul, heart hardened by the ugliness her work continuously exposed to.

But Lilac was different, and now that the girl had grown into a young beautiful woman, Susan secretly looked upon as her own daughter. She was considered one of the old terrors in the university she taught psychiatry at, one whose name was whispered with a mixture of fear and hatred. But with Lilac, Susan had to try her very hardest not to let her voice crack when she next spoke.

“There’s no shame in unburdening yourself, sweetheart. Being able to talk about it is a feat in itself. I’m proud of what you did today.”

Yet Lilac still didn’t speak.

Wishing she could do more to help her patient, Susan continued, “You can only move on from here. You have your whole life ahead of you. The university you’ve been admitted to is fantastic. It’s---”

Lilac shook her head furiously. “I d-don’t t-think I’ll e-ever f-forget.”

“You don’t have to forget, Lilac.” Susan paused, knowing that what she was about to say went against all the ethical principles she stood for. But this was Lilac, and for this wonderful girl she would go the extra mile.

“One day, a man will come into your life. He’ll be the best thing that will ever happen to you and he’ll sweep you off your feet. He’ll make you feel alive and when you’re with him, you’ll know…” Susan smiled into Lilac’s eyes when her patient looked up in shock, as if unable to believe what she was hearing.

“There wouldn’t be a need to forget, only a need to make your heart bigger to fit in all the love that your other half has for you.”

****

Karla Niall Engaged to Shipping Tycoon Abraxas Davos

Nick Christakos sat alone on a couch of midnight black leather, a half-empty glass of whiskey in his hand as he contemplated the headlines that had turned his world upside down, forcing him to fly out to avoid vultures from the press. Because they would come, sooner than later, and he was not in the right frame of mind to stand in front them.

Men like him were supposed to be infallible. All the world knew that Nick and his brother were heirs to a billion-dollar trust fund.

In most people’s eyes, Nick was not supposed to care when his father had thrown his mother and brother out of their house, sentencing Nick to a brutal childhood in order to punish his unfaithful wife.

Because he lived the kind of lifestyle that rivaled royalty, Nick was also not supposed to care that a few years ago, his father had committed suicide once his second wife ran away with all his money.

Because he was the kind of man that made every woman’s fantasy came true, the kind who always made it to society and fashion magazine’s best-looking lists---someone like Nick Christakos should be able to shrug off the fact that the girl he had loved since he was sixteen was now engaged to a man twenty years his senior.

Maybe other people were right in thinking that he should not care, that he should think he was better off knowing now that the girl he loved was nothing but a bitch from hell.

Yet for Nick, the betrayal ran deep. Karla had been the only girl he trusted. He hadn’t just spilled his guts to her. She had been next to him when the Fates mercilessly exposed what became the ugliest truth of his existence.

“Do you think she’ll tell him everything?” his brother asked from the opposite side of the room.

“God help her if she does,” Nick said savagely before taking another swig of his whiskey.

Tonight was the only moment he’d allow himself to be weak. Tomorrow, he was determined to pretend, to don the cloak of icy imperviousness that only someone capable of tracing his lineage all the way to ancient Greek empires could effectively use. And while he waited for the furor to die down, he would just fuck his way to forgetting.

“This is for the best, Nick,” Jason advised grimly as he pressed the button to draw the blinds open. The darkness was too oppressive, and he didn’t want it reminding his brother of the hell he had once lived through.

Moonlight spilled into the room, which was palatial by anyone’s standards. It boasted panoramic glass walls, a scenic backdrop highlighting the raw beauty of their family’s private island – the only property his father’s irate creditors weren’t able to touch because it was also tied to their trust fund.

Nick downed another shot. His gaze was beginning to blur, but he refused to shut his eyes even for a moment. He knew if he did he would remember, but this time he would do so alone, with Karla no longer at his side.

Ten men, all of them holding him down---

A glass bottle shoved into his ass---

Karla screaming that she had called 911---

The doctor unable to meet his eyes as he said there were no wounds, nothing to eventually remind him that he was a six-foot-plus man who had almost been raped by a gang of drug junkies for hire.

Nick put down the glass with a curse, knowing if he didn’t he would end up crushing it with his bare hands.

“Do you want her back?” Jason forced himself to ask. Because if his brother did want the bitch back, he would do everything he could to return Karla to Nick, never mind what he privately thought of the bitch.

“I just want to forget,” Nick said bitterly.

“You were
sixteen
,” Jason gritted out.

Nick didn’t answer.

A part of Jason understood his brother’s pain. Even though he had been lucky enough to have Sylvia raise him, their Greek bloodline had been too powerful to ignore. It was an intrinsic part of them, and words like pride and honor had shaped them from the very beginning. For a Greek man to endure what Nick had suffered---

“There was nothing goddamn shameful about what happened – when you went looking for them alone, you nearly killed them. You beat them up so bad you
would
have killed them if our bodyguards hadn’t caught up with---”

“But they still did what they did and she saved me!” Nick growled.

“Saving you doesn’t mean she’s right for you. She was just at the right place and time---”

“DON’T. Don’t fucking talk about it like that. Don’t belittle what she did for me.” Nick struggled to control his emotions, unable to explain to Jason just how much Karla meant to him. With every night she spent with him, every instance their eyes met and hers didn’t hold judgment – he felt like he was able to rebuild himself again piece by piece. But with Karla gone, it was as if he had been ripped open once more.

Jason’s fists clenched with impotent fury, wishing he could turn back time and suffer for Nick. But he couldn’t and the only thing he could do now was force Nick to see the truth. “You may hate me for saying this, brother, but she was not the right girl for you.”

Nick didn’t speak.

“I know because you deserve someone better than her. And someday, another girl will make you realize that and you’ll thank the heavens you didn’t end up married to Karla.”

Nick suddenly threw his glass on the ground, and it splintered into pieces, leaving a trail of colored liquid on the cold marble floor.

“All I want is to fucking forget what happened,” Nick bit out viciously. “But now that she’s gone---”

“Now that she’s gone, you can finally find someone who truly loves you,” Jason finished fiercely. “She was never good enough for you. Never will be and I’m going to fucking pray to all the gods that one day you’ll see for yourself that it’s true…before it’s too late.”