Nightmare (2 page)

We go into the dining room and pick chairs, Peter and me on one side, Mom on the other. 

“Ava, you're scaring me.” Her eyes go wide in her pale face. Ugh, what am I doing? 

No, I have to get this out. It's killing me inside, keeping this secret from her.

“I know. I've been wanting to tell you what's been up with me for so long, but I just couldn't find the right time.” Bless the stars for Peter. He sits calmly in his chair, waiting for me to speak and doing his noctalis-not-blinking thing. I take a pause to collect myself. Under the table, Peter puts his hand on my knee.

“Just let me get this out and I'll answer, or Peter will answer, your questions after.”

She folds her hands and takes a deep breath. “Go ahead,
ma fleur
, I can take whatever it is.”

I take a deep yoga breath, wishing it could last forever. Only it doesn't and I have to let it out and start talking.

I give her more detail than I gave Tex when I told her. Tex also wouldn't stop saying shut the front door. Mom stays quiet, her hands clenched together, as if she's trying to hold onto something. I know she thinks I can't see it, but I can. I focus on her locked hands as I keep talking, trying to get the words out so they'll make sense.

“Is this true?” she says when I'm finished with the noctalis part. I still need to get to the Claiming part, but I needed a moment to compose myself. Mom takes this as part of the question and answer session.

“Yes,” Peter responds.

“You're not human.” She blinks rapidly.

“No, I am not.”

Her face is as white as the tablecloth with the lace on the edges that we only use on special occasions. 

“Ava-Claire?” Her attention flicks back to me.

“Yeah?” I meet her eyes timidly. I'm scared of what I might find there.

She breathes out before she speaks again. “I think I need a glass of water.”

“I will get it.” Peter gets up faster than he should and gets the water quicker than he should. Mom's eyes struggle to follow him, as do mine. He sets the glass down in front of her and she stares at it as if it's going to bite her.

“So it's true?”

“Yes,” Peter and I say at the same time. I still can't get a read on how this is going.

“Are you okay?” She slowly reaches for the glass and takes a swig of water. Finding it not dangerous, she drains the glass. I always wonder why people think glasses of water are good in crisis situations. I guess it's working, because she looks a little calmer.

“I'm sorry, I was just under the impression that my daughter was seeing a boy who was too old, and a little odd. Come to find out that she's seeing a supernatural creature that could kill her or drink her blood. This isn't the kind of thing you think is going to happen. I kept waiting to find out your real age or that you'd been in prison. No offense.”

“None taken. If I were held accountable to human laws, I would have spent several lifetimes in prison.” Very helpful, Peter. I want to kick his leg under the table.

“That isn't reassuring.”

“I know,” he says. She traces the rim of the glass with her finger, and it reminds me of that night, not too long ago when my parents told me her cancer was terminal. 

“There's more,” I say, sighing.

“Please, don't tell me there's more.” I want to tell her she's right. I so want to.

“It's not bad. It's just something you need to know. It's why Peter is here all the time. I just have to ask you not to freak out. Because it's already done and it can't be undone.” Unless I died or became a noctalis, but I left that part out.

Her hands fold around the glass. “What is it?”

I explain, watching her eyes widen as I tell her about the Claiming. I don't put too much emphasis on the blood thing. More on the fact that it's hard for us to be apart, and that my senses are heightened. Talking about it makes me want to crawl into Peter's lap and forget everything. But I keep talking until it's all out there. Tex would pat me on the back. She's all for complete honesty. From the look on Mom's face, I'm not sure if she feels the same.

There's a silence the size of Aroostook county filling the kitchen when I'm done. I can see her trying to process everything I've said. Which is insane, because I'm still trying.

“I'm sorry to dump this on you. I didn't want to burden you, but I didn't want to lie anymore. Every time you came in and wanted to bring Peter something to eat he always said no, and I knew you thought it was because he didn't want your food or he was being rude. I wanted you to know that it was because he doesn't eat. I know that sounds crazy, but that's the way I feel.” Go ahead and ramble on, Ava.

She reaches for my hand. “I'm glad you felt you could come to me. I always want you to come to me with everything.” Her hand shakes. So does mine.

“And?” I wait for the 'but.'

“
And
I think I'm going to need a little time to think about this. Peter, you can stay as long as you want, but I need to lie down.” She gets up, and she looks so worn out. Like a wrung out washcloth. God, what the hell was I thinking? She's so fragile and I'd put something too heavy on her shoulders. I'd piled it on top of her like twelve million bricks. Bricks dripping in blood. What a lovely image.

“I'm so sorry,” I whisper, my voice thin as paper. Mom grabs my shoulder, her fingers digging into my skin, making me look up at her.

“Oh,
ma fleur
, I don't want you to regret telling me something. Honesty is the best policy. I am grateful for your honesty. And yours, Peter. Thank you.” I didn't tell her about the whole thing with Di. I figured that was just too much. 

“I told Tex,” I say as she gets up from the table, using both hands to pull herself up.

She smirks, and I relax a little. “I bet that went over well.”

“Actually, it did. She won't stop asking if Peter has brothers.” I want to roll my eyes, but I'm still feeling super guilty.

“That would not be my first inclination.” She casts a wary eye at Peter.

“It wouldn't be anyone's but hers.” She pushes away from the table, like shoving a boat away from the shore. Her dress whispers against her skin as she walks back to her room. I can hear her uneven breathing until she closes the door.

I slump down on the table, banging my forehead.

“That was such a bad idea.”

“The truth is never a bad idea.” Peter puts his hand on my arm. It feels good, even through the fabric of my shirt. It's like my skin wants to forget about the suckiness of this whole thing.

“In this case, I think it is. What if I make her sick?” I turn my face so I can see him.

“She is already sick.”

“You don't have to point that out, Peter, I'm aware.” I hate lashing out at him, but I can't help it. I'm not going to go so far as to say this is his fault, because I'm just as responsible as he is. I was the one who kept going back to the cemetery. I was the one who wouldn't leave him alone. I also didn't stop him when he wanted to do the Claiming. I let it happen. And I'd let him feed from me. Twice. It really wasn't as bad as it sounded. It was kind of sexy. But I'd never, ever, tell Peter that.

He removes his hand from my arm and I want to pout. “Would you like to continue playing cards?”

“Not really.”

“What would you like to do?” I don't know, maybe kick some puppies and steal lollipops from crying children.

Honestly? “Die.”

“Do not be dramatic. I have died. It is nothing to write home about.” I can't help but grin a little at his joke. Still, I can't stop thinking about my mother. I don't want to disturb her, but I wish I could talk to her and see if she's okay. I just have this horrible image in my head of her collapsing.

“You are thinking negative thoughts. I can feel them.”

“I can't help it.”

“I know.” His fingers circle my spine. If only his touch could brush away the guilt. “Should I take you flying tonight?”

“That would be nice.” It had been a while since I'd flown with Peter. I loved it, being so free, so high up. We'd talk or not talk and it would be just us and the wind and the stars. I wished we could do it in the daytime, but there was too much of a chance we'd be caught. Even if someone spotted us, the chances of anything coming of it were slim. Basically, Peter was a UFN. Unidentified Flying Noctalis.

“Can we just watch something stupid on tv, and you'll let me hold your hand?” It sounds so lame, but it's what I want. Well, what I really want is to kiss him and forget everything. But I can't do that. I don't want him falling in love with me. I should be meaner to him to make sure it doesn't happen. I'd rather hold his hand, though.

I turn on a show about pregnant teenagers and Peter sits next to me on the couch. I wait for him to take my hand. He does, and everything slips into place. I swear I can hear a clunk. And everything sorta seems like it might be okay. 

Not quite. Something nags at me, and I get restless after a few minutes. “I'm going to check on my mom, okay?” I don't want to let his hand go, but I need to see how she's doing.

Peter nods and I get up, letting go of his hand. My skin goes cold for a second, but I ignore it. My mother is more important than my own comfort.

I knock on the door, but there's no answer so I push it open. Maybe she's sleeping. I peer in, cautious. What I see makes me run, my feet tripping on the cream-colored carpet.

She's on the bed, flat on her back. Her eyes are closed and her skin is crazy pale. 

“Mom!” I shake her shoulder. Nothing. “Mom!” I slap her face, and she finally stirs. “What's wrong?”

“I don't know, I just feel...” She can't finish the sentence and slumps, eyes rolling back.

“Mom!” I scream.

“Here,” a voice says next to me. It's Peter and he's brought the phone. I stare at it like I've never seen one before. What the hell do I do with it? Mom's voice captures my attention. She's awake, but unable to focus her eyes on my face.

“You don't need to call. I'm fine. Just a little dizzy.” She barely has the strength to talk.

“You fainted. That isn't good.” I can't remember the doctor's number. Before I can ask Peter, he's gone and back with the dry erase board that sits next to the phone.

My hands shake as I dial the number. It's Dr. Young's cell phone, so I should be able to reach him. It rings twice before he answers.

“Hi, Dr. Young, this is Ava Sullivan. My mom just passed out and I didn't know what to do.” There's a lot of noise in the background. I think I hear a whistle. 

“Is she awake now?” I hear him walking away from the noise.

“Yes.”

“Okay. I want you to bring her in right away. If I'm not available, someone else will be there to see her. How long will it take you get there?”

Mom's trying to get my attention, but I ignore her. She's going to the damn hospital. “About twenty minutes.”

“I'll let the nurses know you're on your way.” 

“Okay. Thank you.” I hang up. “We're going to see the doctor.”

“I'm fine. You didn't need to call him.” She closes her eyes for a second. Her skin is still so pale, and there are little droplets of sweat along her wigline.

“Yes, I did.” I hand the phone back to Peter. His calming energy doesn't do much for my panic. I don't know what to do?

“Can you walk?” Peter asks my mother, leaning down so he's inches away from her face. Her eyes fill with fear.

“I don't know.”

“Let me carry you.” She tries to shake her head.

“Oh, no. I'll be fine.” Her eyes go wider as he moves his arms to pick her up.

“Mom, just let him. Please. He doesn't want your blood. Just mine.” It doesn't come out the way I want it to. I wanted it to be reassuring, but it comes out wrong.

Her eyes bounce back and forth between Peter and me.

“I will not hurt you.” He waits for her to nod before he gently picks her up like a wilted flower. She looks startled, but only by how easily he does it. I run around, trying to remember what I need to bring. I grab our purses and her car keys.

“Peter? I don't know if I can drive.” My hands are shaking so bad, I can barely lock the front door. 

“Let me.”

“Are you sure?”

“My reflexes are better than yours, even if you weren't in this state.” 

“I'm not in a state.” We're wasting time, so I cave. “Fine. Let's just go.” Mom tries to protest, but it's a feeble effort. That just makes me move faster. Even when she's really sick, there is nothing feeble about Claire Sullivan.

I sit in the backseat, holding her hand and watching her face. I feel like I should be putting wet cloths on her forehead or giving her pills or something. Anything that would make me feel less helpless. And guilty.

I try not to think about the fact that this happened just after I told her about Peter. Shit, that was a stupid idea. What had I done? I should not be allowed to make decisions, ever again.

Peter pulls out of the driveway, gravel spitting from the tires. He drives fast, but not too fast. He also pretty much ignores stop signs, so we're there in ten minutes flat.

Mom looks a little better, but I'm not taking her home until the doctor checks her out, no matter how much she complains and says it's not necessary.

Her hand gripping mine is strong as we pull in front of the hospital. I direct Peter to the front door of Dr. Young's office. Peter parks the car in the fire lane and leans over the seat.

“I will be right back.” It seems like hours, but it's probably seconds when he comes out of the door with a wheelchair, a nurse right on his heels. We get my protesting mother out of the car and into the wheelchair. The nurse turns to me asked what happened and I tell her. Of course, not the part about Peter. Or the shocking news she got just before the episode.

The nurse, who doesn't look much older than me, takes charge, wheeling my mother in and whisking her away to an exam room. She's wearing scrubs with kittens on them, for Christ's sake.

“You can wait here,” she says, and the swinging door bangs behind her. Wait, what?

“I should go with her,” I say to no one in particular.

The doors swing back and forth, the space between them getting smaller with each swing. Soon they're still. Closed. Smells assault me like arrows. The strongest is that weird cleaning solution that you never smell anywhere else outside of a hospital. There's blood, too, but it's covered up by smells of plastic and antiseptic and medicine, so it isn't appetizing. Not that it's normally appetizing. Much. I want to slam my head against the wall. Maybe I'll break my nose. Hell, I'm already in a hospital.