Nightshade (31 page)

Love. Darrius.

“Do you love her?” Radha asked again.

“Yes.” Jessa felt a profound thrill at the admission. “What am I to do?”

Radha was impressed that Jessa would accept this fact so freely despite all that she knew of life. Though Jessa had been sequestered, her seclusion had taught her a great many lessons that made her wise in the dark ways of the human heart. It had made her clever and trained her thoughts to follow hidden paths and long views that most did not even consider. By watching life as she had without truly being a part of it, she had become a dangerous woman in her knowledge of others.

For Jessa to be so near to her most precious desire, to finally be a part of that life she had only glimpsed from the outside looking in, her fear would be most formidable. “If you’ve not the courage to find out for yourself how she feels?” she said, “I’ll not help you. Nor will the Vhaelin, I imagine.”

“It is a reasonable question, Radha,” Jessa said quietly.

“I know. But what if she does? You will have to choose.”

“If she wants me that won’t be difficult.”

“There will be consequences,” Radha said. “Hard prices to be paid, perhaps even violent ones.”

“If she wants me, Radha, then let them come.”

Radha smiled at the steel she heard and moved her hand gently in Jessa’s hair. “You’ve grown into a very fine woman, Jessa-Sirrah,” Radha whispered. “Your mother would’ve been most proud.”

The ladies of the Queen’s Court moved through the crowded solar, their dresses between casual and formal. Though it was an official function it was decidedly private and unhampered by politics. The men were gone from the keep and it was a celebration of their liberty. The afternoon tea was somewhat of a tradition with the Queen when the Green Hills hunt was on, and the women present were her closest companions and Emmalyn’s as well. A few names could not be avoided, but for the most part it was to be a friendly affair free of courtly pretense.

Tables were scattered about and the beautiful afternoon was filled with light breezes and summer warmth. There was wine, both warm spring red and cool Ravonese gold. The tea set on each table was merely for show, for if one were to pour and expect tea she would find a mild blend of Pentab Fire filling her delicate cup instead.

Musicians sat deeper within the gardens and out of sight, the lute and pipes seemingly drifting in with the breeze. And only the most delicious food was present: sweet breads and pastries and delicately spiced meats and cheese. The cooks had even prepared a plate of Lyonese rum sticks, the rolled bread heavy with the dark liquor.

Jessa watched the women around her with enjoyment, never having experienced such a gathering, as Bharjah’s court was not known for frivolous functions. The Blooded women of her land were afforded little more station than the common people, for they were women, after all.

She smiled and was introduced to Emmalyn and Darry’s cousin, Nina Lewellyn, arrived only that morning in Lokey. She was the daughter of Sulladon Lewellyn, Cecelia’s brother, and Jessa liked her instantly. She had blondish red hair and freckles, and green eyes like Emmalyn, her sense of humor extremely bold and more than somewhat inappropriate. Jessa was still not comfortable with the laughter that always seemed to hover upon the edges of life in Blackstone Keep, but she considered it the most pleasant thing she might ever have to get used to.

She met the sisters to the infamous Bentley, and they were as beautiful as he was handsome. Alisha found her immediately, pulling her into their circle. She was a delicate woman and very pretty, and Jessa found her most appealing, liking her eyes and her sweet smile. And there was Melora Salish as well, who moved through the room as if she owned it, her brother’s wife at her arm. As sister to Malcolm’s most trusted advisor, Melora was a permanent fixture at any function no matter who the guest list might contain.

The older women of the court were present as well, friends who had been lifelong companions to Cecelia and a few distant relatives, recently arrived for the upcoming Solstice events. When Jessa was introduced they doted on her and she let them, treating them with the same ease and respect that she showed her Radha. Some had even known Owen’s mother, Marget of the Moonblood orchids. One woman was Cecelia’s own aunt, the only Lewellyn of her generation aside from Cecelia’s father, who still lived.

When talk turned to Jessa’s dresses and how they blended so beautifully the Lyonese and Arravan styles, she was most pleased to tell them that Radha had designed and made them.

As the afternoon wore on with no sign of Darry, Jessa could not help but feel her absence. As the talk about fashions continued, Jessa peered into her chalice and felt strangely abandoned, though she knew that was not the case.
How you must hate these parties, Akasha, and I don’t blame you. The women all seem wonderful and kind and I’m having a surprisingly good time, but it’s a lot of them in one place and all so unlike you.
Jessa turned as Alisha filled her goblet once more.

“Not to worry, Jessa.” Alisha grinned. “’Tis a light vintage.”

“Compared to what?”

Alisha’s eyes lit up. “That’s our girl.”

But Jessa’s humor did not last and she searched through the party once more.

Who is it that you’re worried for, Jessa?
Emmalyn liked Jessa’s deep blue sari and noticed the curves of her beautiful body, somewhat on display though the dress fell within the rules of etiquette. It was the first court function that Jessa attended without her veil, and Emmalyn had heard more than one comment pertaining to Jessa’s beauty.
You look decidedly forlorn, my friend.
Emmalyn glanced about the crowded room.
Perhaps a tad too much all at once?

When Emmalyn suggested the party move into the gardens and they enjoy the air now that the midday sun had passed over, the proposal was met with a cheer. The ladies mobilized as if they were a small army, Emmalyn taking Jessa’s arm.

“You’re not drinking enough, Jessa,” she teased, wanting to make her smile.

“If I drink any more, Em, I’ll be drunk. This would not please my Radha in the least.”

“We’re
all
getting drunk, my sweet,” Emmalyn replied. “Welcome to one of my mother’s afternoon tea parties. Now that the men are gone and the keep is ours, we have no intention of wasting such freedom.”

Darry watched the party from the upper balcony of the great hall, finding Jessa the instant she stepped outside. The sari she wore was beautiful. Jessa was at the center of the inner circle and she supposed that was Emma’s doing, which she was thankful for.

“Nina.” Darry was surprised to see her cousin for the first time in just over a year. Darry had known that Nina was coming, but not when. She expected to see many of her relatives, as Jacob’s wedding was barely two months away.

And then perhaps another wedding, most likely Winter’s Eve if Malcolm isn’t too much of a bloody fool.
Or perhaps I’m the fool.

She had wanted to kiss Jessa so badly she was afraid something inside her would break, and she had thought at the time that Jessa had looked as if she wanted to be kissed.

And so what if she had?
Are you to seduce your brother’s possible bride? Sweet Gamar, I’m so completely damned.

She had returned to her loft in the barracks after leaving Jessa and sat on her small balcony for hours, watching as the stars wheeled their way through the sky. And she had prayed, which she had not done in earnest for many years. She had asked Gamar to give Jessa whatever she wanted. She deserved all that her heart desired and the world at her feet. She deserved love beyond all measure and good sense. Even if Darry could not be the one to give it to her, Darry wanted it just the same. She wanted Jessa to be happy and protected and to know every wonderful touch of a lover who adored her.
Even if it will not be me
.

The understanding of that fact cut deep yet again, and something inside her was bleeding at the knowledge.

“Hello, Darrius.”

Darry’s shoulders twitched but she turned smoothly.

Melora Salish smiled at Darry and rested against the balcony railing, the upper expanse of the hall spreading out behind her.

Melora’s auburn hair fell in careful ringlets about her face and onto the shoulders of her deep russet gown. Her skin wonderfully pale and flawless, the delicate paint she wore at her eyes matched her dress and added to her attractiveness. Melora’s smile deepened at Darry’s appraisal.

“Hello, Melora.” Darry answered, marshalling her thoughts.
Bloody hell, maybe I really
am
cursed. I hadn’t thought of that.

“I looked for you at the fête, but apparently I wasn’t good enough for you to bother with.”

Darry closed her eyes for longer than necessary, not wanting to open them.

“And we used to be such good friends,” Melora said softly.

“That was a long time ago, Melora.”

“Yes. But we were good friends, nonetheless.”

“Yes.”

“Before you felt the need to be a man.”

Darry laughed.

“Have you found, I wonder, that this way is better?”

“No. It’s just who I am.”

“You’re a woman.”

“Yes,” Darry responded. “I am decidedly so.”

“And are you really satisfied by that sort of thing?”

At least you get right to the point.
“Perhaps your many lovers, Melora, have not been doing it right.”

Melora’s smile was quick. “Yes, lovers. Shall we speak of lovers, Princess?”

“Do we want to play this game again?” Darry asked.

“And what game would that be?”

Darry let out a tired sigh. “The one where you try to make me feel ashamed, and I retaliate by slandering your husband’s questionable skills in the bedroom. Which leads, then, to my reciting the list of your many affairs and your claws coming out. Are you not bored of that by now?”

“My husband is quite capable, thank you, Darrius.”

“Is that why you refused to take his name?”

Melora gave a wave of her hand. “The Salish name is mine and I’ve earned it. I saw no need to give it up.”

“And I respect you for that.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why should you bend before a man’s name when your own is more than ample? It’s never made much sense to me. Least of all for you.”

“Capitulation, yes. It can be troubling at times.”

They stared at one another.

“You’ve never bent in your life, Melora.”

Melora laughed. “Neither have you, Darrius.”

“Not much, anyway.” Darry smiled, the hairs upon the back of her neck prickling.

“Perhaps, though, you’ve found yourself upon your knees?”

“As have you, I’m sure.”

Melora nodded with a sly smile and studied her chalice. “Had we known when we were girls that love would be so complicated, I wonder if we would’ve bothered thinking on it so much.”

“Actually, I was rather occupied with learning the sword.”

Melora let out a quiet laugh. “Yes, that’s true.”

Darry examined her closely, not liking what she felt, as always. She said the words yet again, as she had many times over the years, wondering if she would receive an answer this time. “I never meant to hurt you, Melora. I hope you know that.”

“They were only rumors, Darrius. How could you know that by declaring yourself as you did that I would be tainted as well? At least for a time.”

“I didn’t.”

“No. You didn’t think, did you?”

“Still bitter, I see.”

“Not in the least. I’ve found that it adds a bit of mystery to my reputation. Spice, if you will. I have a past now. Was she the lover of our backwards Princess? Did they kiss? It is only spice.”

“A woman needs her mystery.”

“Yes, it helps.”

Darry thought of several responses but saw no use in voicing them. Melora wanted something or she would not be there. Prolonging their conversation was not high on her list of priorities for the day.

“You did bend once, though, didn’t you,” Melora said softly. “But I suppose that can be overlooked because of your station. It’s hard, I should imagine, to defy a king.”

Darry waited patiently.

“I was actually quite impressed at how you handled the Aidan McKenna affair. Much better than I thought you would’ve, considering your temper.”

Darry let out a harsh breath. She could not have been more shocked if Gamar himself had walked up and kissed her.

“I would have thought you might’ve given up your charade after that and come to your senses. Perhaps married your Bentley Greeves for all that he’s a complete cad. But you stayed loyal no matter what.” She lifted her wine. “Cheers.”

Aidan
, Darry acknowledged, her thoughts stumbling.
You know of Aidan.

Melora frowned though her eyes were bright. “You look pale, my dear. Are you quite all right?”

“What do you know of Aidan McKenna?”