Nightshade (38 page)

“Then do not seek to dress your actions in courtly words.”

Cecelia accepted the accusation.
No
,
you’ve had this fire burning in you for many years.

“I’m glad that you’re well, my Lady, truly I am. I would’ve taken your grief upon myself if I could have. But your guilt is your own and I’ll have no part in it. As I shall have no part in manipulating your daughter into a peaceful resolution to your problem.” Jessa rose from her chair. “I am a pawn already and on several fronts. I would not be used by you as well.”

Cecelia took Jessa’s hand before she could move away. “I didn’t intend to ask such a thing, Jessa, I assure you.”

“No? You weren’t going to ask what Darry said? How she seemed, or what her intentions are? You should ask her yourself.”

“Perhaps. But I have no avenue into her thoughts now, and it cuts at my heart as you can’t possibly know. I wish to help her, if I can, to find some sort of peace with this.”

Jessa sat back down, giving in against her better judgment.

“She told you what happened? Is she all right?” Cecelia asked. “That’s all I ask. Is she well?”

Jessa tried to compose her thoughts into an answer that would not betray Darry.

“Is she all right?” Cecelia asked once more.

“She is trapped, I am thinking.” Jessa chose her words with prudence. “Between then and now. If you denied her a love then, how might she have one now? How might she
ever
have one, yet still remain your daughter?”

Cecelia was struck not only by the words but also by Jessa’s tone.
What are you afraid of, Jessa?
She searched across the room only to find Darry’s savage eyes, an expression of such ferocity there that her heart tightened. “How indeed,” Cecelia whispered, and rose as Darry moved across the hall. “Thank you, Jessa.”

Darry stopped on the other side of the table, her eyes blazing as they challenged Cecelia. And then she turned and Cecelia saw them change instantly, filling with tender worry and question.

“Princess, are you well?” Darry asked softly.

Cecelia let out a startled breath.

Jessa smiled with absolute affection. “Of course.”

Cecelia heard it in Jessa’s voice instantly, like a clarion sounding into the silence of a winter’s night. Jessa’s expression revealed everything and Cecelia saw it all, even as she had those years ago when Aidan had looked up from her lace.

“I was considering a walk in the gardens perhaps, though I lack an escort,” Jessa said.

Darry set her goblet on the table and moved back along its length, her eyes never leaving Jessa’s as she did so. Jessa’s smile deepened and she stood and followed on the opposite side.

Cecelia sat down rather heavily, staring after them.
Blessed Gamar!

Emmalyn moved into the room as Darry escorted Jessa in the opposite direction. She saw how pale her mother was. “Mother?”

“I’m fine, my darling.”

“You look tired. It’s off to bed for you.”

“I think not,” Cecelia said. “Sit down, my love.”

Emmalyn took the chair opposite.

“We need to talk.”

Emmalyn raised an eyebrow and Cecelia pressed a hand to her right temple as it began to throb.
Bloody hell, why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I see it? Sweet Gamar, what a fool I’ve been.

“Perhaps this is a conversation best had in your chambers,” Emmalyn said.

“For more reasons than one, apparently.”

“Are you finally intending to tell me what in the bloody hell is going on?” Emmalyn asked. “It might be nice to know why my sister walks about like a caged animal. Or why she wears a weapon to her own table?”

Cecelia thought of the dagger on Darry’s silver-studded belt, its leather hilt peeking out from beneath Darry’s jacket. It had been a bold statement and she had not missed it. The knife spoke for Darry’s true feelings.

“Or why for the last three days she has stalked the practice yards in a manner so violent that not even her own men wish to engage her blade?” Emmalyn continued. “Though they have, and I can only guess at the bruises she has as a result. I had to watch today as Jemin McNeely threw her across the yard as if she were a bloody child’s toy, though only after she nearly killed him.”

Cecelia’s chest tightened with pain.

“Aye,” Emmalyn said, trying to read what was in her mother’s gaze other than fear. That in itself was enough to set Emmalyn on edge, but there was something more and she needed to know what it was. “It wasn’t a very comforting thing to watch. Even Bentley was afraid. I don’t think she knew what she was doing. I want answers, Mother, and I want them
now
. My sister is in pain and refuses to talk to me. I would like to know who caused it.”

Cecelia set her hands on the table and pushed to her feet. “Upstairs, you’re right.”

“Was it…was it you, Mother?” Emmalyn asked, unsure if she wanted an answer.

“Yes,” Cecelia said. “Among others.”

“I’m not going to like this, am I?”

“No, you’re not.”

They walked along the garden path, Jessa glancing over at Darry every few feet. “I’ve missed you since our ride,” Jessa said quietly.

“Yes.” Darry tried to slow her pulse. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

You.
Darry’s mind spoke with a silent groan of distress.
Of everything, of course, but mostly you, Jess. Gods, I just want to kiss you. Though it would never be enough.

“Thinking about what?” Jessa asked again.

“I’m not all that sure.”

“Though perhaps I don’t truly wish to know. Perhaps I’m only with you now so that I may find a way to your horse.”

Darry laughed as their eyes met. “Well, you may not have her. Besides, my price would be very high.”

“I would pay it,” Jessa replied.

Darry studied a line of heavy bluebells along the base of the hedge.
Just don’t speak at all
.
Just hold your bloody tongue.

As they moved farther along the turns of the garden path, the scent of foxglove filled the air and mingled with heather. “Perhaps we might go riding again?” Jessa said. “Would that be all right?”

“I would like that very much,” Darry answered.

“You’re not afraid to lose again?”

“Such a thing isn’t possible, I think.”

Jessa pulled the silken shawl from around her shoulders. “You’re somewhat arrogant for one who has lost once already.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Darry said quickly. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Jessa took hold of Darry’s sleeve and gave her arm a gentle shake.

“I only meant…” Darry let out a breath of frustration. “I only meant that there can be no loss in time spent with you, Jessa. In your presence I find only happiness.”

Everything inside of Darry cringed.
You’re a complete ass, Darry.
She felt a blush creep along her neck, unable to stop it.
And I’m trapped; she has me trapped. Seven hells, I think I might die. Where’s the turn to the patio? The fountain?
She glanced along the path and recognized virtually nothing.
I don’t believe this. I’m fucking lost in my own gardens.

Jessa still held to Darry’s sleeve as they walked. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sweet Jessa.” Darry winced, realizing she had spoken the endearment aloud.

Jessa closed her eyes.
I can’t take this anymore. I’m going to bloody well die.

“Jessa?”

She fought hard to find her tongue.
One word, any word
. “Yes?”

Darry backed away, and Jessa was forced to let go of her sleeve. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this, and I don’t know how to make it stop anymore.”

Jessa searched Darry’s eyes, a touch of panic tickling at the back of her neck. “Do what? Make what stop, Darry?”

“
This
.” Darry was cornered and she knew it, and for the first time in her life, she gave in without a fight. “I wanted only to be your friend. And though we’ve not spoken of it directly, I suppose, I understood from the first that you know me to be a backwards woman. That you’ve accepted me with such ease has been a great gift to me. I know the laws in Lyoness and I was afraid you’d be offended.”

She swallowed roughly and continued before she lost her nerve. “And as I said, I wanted only to be your friend. To just
be
with you. You’re so wonderful, Jess. I’ve never known anyone like you. Seven hells, I did needlepoint and
liked
it.”

Jessa let out a breath of laughter.

“But there’ve been times when you’ve…” Darry struggled, letting out a heavy breath. “I’m thinking that you didn’t know what you were doing perhaps and I was misunderstanding, though I was hoping as well, I admit that. I don’t know, Jessa. I’m sorry.”

Darry could see that she was making little sense.
“And within the grove…” She charged ahead regardless. “I have no words to express how I feel about that, none that will do justice to your compassion. And though I’m still filled with rage…But even so I think, perhaps, that now I have a much greater problem.”

“Might I help you?” Jessa asked, trying to decipher Darry’s words.
Please don’t tell me that you’re leaving to find your lost love
. The thought had occurred to her but a few hours after they had parted the night of their ride, and it had plagued her without mercy ever since.
Don’t tell me that, Akasha.
“Or perhaps you meant it, when you said we could no longer be friends?”

“I’m trying to tell you, rather stupidly, I guess, that I don’t know
how
to be your friend anymore. Because I cannot make this wanting stop.”

Jessa’s heart caught.

“I don’t mean to offend you,
truly
I don’t, but I can only tell you the truth. I may not understand etiquette as you do, but I know what’s right and wrong. To do less than tell you the truth would be unworthy of you. And I’m fairly certain I’d never survive another pleasant conversation. It’s very hard for me not to say what I want, it always has been. Maybe for others it’s—”

“What truth?” Jessa had no restraint left in her. Whatever would finally happen between them would happen
now
, one way or another. “Darrius Lauranna, what bloody
truth
?”

“That I’m dying with want for you, Jess. That I long for your touch, even the slightest brush of your hand. And by that same token, it’s all I can do to keep from just touching your skin.” She closed her hands tight and lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jessa, that I’m not stronger than this. Yet I must confess that these things are the
least
of my desires where you’re concerned.”

The balance of Jessa’s world was sent reeling and she bit down on the torrent of words that tried to spill free. The silence between them was charged with tension. Jessa saw how absolutely exposed Darry was, standing in wait for her response.
Waiting to be rejected.

And so it was that Jessa felt her future unfold before her, and it was more vast and unexpected than she had ever dreamt. Darry wanted her and she had confessed it, her gentle words opening a path through Jessa’s heart that was wide and sprawling and filled with light.

Darry felt utterly lost, waiting for the axe to fall.
Bloody brilliant, Darry.

Jessa’s hands slid atop Darry’s, her fingers spreading out and taking hold. “Open your hands,
Akasha
.”

Jessa caught her breath at the intensity of the gaze. Darry’s hands relaxed and opened at her command. Jessa guided them to her waist and stepped closer as Jessa slid her touch along Darry’s face. “
Atta-loosha tu en fanta
,” she whispered. “
Nessa anna
, Darry.”

Darry’s eyes fell to the fullness of Jessa’s mouth.
Oh hell, that’s done it, Jess.

“These things you name? They are the least of my desires for you as well.” Jessa felt dizzy to be speaking her desire aloud to the one who was its cause. “And so I would like it very much if you would just kiss me now.”

Darry felt herself bending, unable to question the unexpected words.
Just kiss me now
. Her blood was rushing and a sweet want blossomed in her as their mouths hovered close. She felt Jessa’s breath against her lips and the warmth of Jessa’s hands on her face. She could smell jasmine and feel the silk of Jessa’s sari like water beneath her touch.
Sweet Jessa, if I start I’ll never stop.

“Please,” Jessa asked, “won’t you kiss me?”

Darry brushed her mouth softly against Jessa’s in answer.

The contact was spare as her lower lip teased with its presence, tasting slowly of Jessa’s upper lip. The caress was hesitant at first, until Darry could not stop her tongue from gliding upon its delicate underside and Jessa opened to her, just slightly, just enough.

Her breath passed across Jessa’s lips and Darry felt trembling hands in her hair. She could see the want in Jessa’s eyes, and it was the key that released everything. “This is…a most pleasant development.”

“Yes.” Jessa spoke in a soft breath. “Thank you for finally saying something.”