Nightshade (14 page)

“But you just said that two alphas mate to create a new pack?” His voice quaked.

I nodded, feeling the heat in my cheeks spill down my neck and arms.
I have to tell him; he has to know.
But I didn’t want to. I was sure he’d stop touching me as soon as he knew the truth, and that thought made me feel empty.

“You can’t tell me that you’re going to . . .
mate
”—he choked on the word—“with Ren Laroche because you’ve been ordered to.”

“It’s more complicated than that.” I drew my knees up to my chest, anchoring myself to the earth. “The only reason that Ren and I, or any of the young wolves, were born was to form the new pack. It’s what the Keepers brought us into the world for. They made matches for our parents, just like they’ve paired us as they see fit. Our union is a legacy of the alliance between Keepers and Guardians.”

He was on his feet. “Are you even dating Ren?”

“That’s not how it works.” I stood up. “You don’t understand. We’re not supposed to . . . come together until the union.”

“The union?” He turned away, muttering and shaking his head. When he faced me again, his lips thinned. “Are you trying to tell me you’re getting married? To that jackass? When?”

“At the end of October.” I put my hands on my hips. “And he’s not a jackass.”

“Could’ve fooled me. How old are you?” He peered at me. “Eighteen?”

“Seventeen.”

He lurched forward, grasping my shoulders. “That is insane, Calla. Please tell me you’re not just going along with it. Don’t you care?”

I knew I should shake him off, but his eyes were so bright with concern that I remained still.

“I care. But it isn’t my decision.” I couldn’t pull my gaze from his. “I serve the Keepers as all Guardians always have and always will.”

“Of course it’s your decision.” His face filled with pity, and I was suddenly furious.

I shoved him away. He lost his footing and fell to the ground.

“You know nothing about my world.” I spat the words.

He jumped to his feet with surprising agility. “I may not, but I do know that telling people who they can and cannot love is absurd.” Despite my hostility, he walked toward me and took my hand. “And cruel. You deserve more.”

My fingers trembled in his grasp; unwelcome searing liquid pooled in the corners of my eyes. Tears streamed down my face, blinding me
. Why is he still touching me? Doesn’t he understand?
I ripped my hand from his and stumbled backward.

“You have no idea what you’re saying.” I wiped my eyes, but the salty torrent wouldn’t stop.

“Don’t cry, Calla.” He was close again, touching my face, brushing away my tears. “You don’t have to do this. I don’t care who these Keepers are. No one can have that much control over your life. It’s crazy.”

I glared at him, flashing sharp fangs.

“Listen to me, Shay.” My words lashed out. “You are a fool. You know nothing. You understand nothing. Stay away from me.”

“Calla!” He reached for me, only jumping back when I shifted forms and snapped at his fingers. I could still hear him calling my name as I escaped into the forest shadows.

DARKNESS ENVELOPED THE SKY BY THE
time I wearily pushed open my front door. Tranquil piano nocturnes lilted through the house, the sound track of my parents’ ritual on nights they didn’t patrol the mountain. Chopin in the air, a glass of wine in my mother’s hand or a tumbler of whiskey in my father’s. Tonight my father would be nestled in his leather chair while my mother roamed the forests near Haldis.

My shoulders slumped as I climbed the stairs, feeling like a heavyweight’s punching bag. All I wanted was to take a hot bath, to go to sleep, and to not wake up. Ever.

When I reached the top step, a strange series of bumps and shuffles came from behind Ansel’s closed door. I paused outside my brother’s bedroom and raised my hand to knock, but the door flew open.

“Hey, Calla!” Bryn emerged from Ansel’s room, flushed. Her eyes met mine for the briefest moment. When she looked away, the muscles in her jaw jumped about in a furious dance.

“You’re still here?” I swiftly did the math in my head. I’d left Bryn sitting at the kitchen table almost twelve hours earlier.

Her gaze darted along the hall. “Um. Yeah. Uh. I was . . . you know . . . helping Ansel with his poetry homework.” She tapped her fingers on her hips and didn’t raise her eyes to meet mine.

“Right.” I peered at her. “I guess he’s really fallen behind?”

A smile poked at the corners of her lips. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

“Thanks for the help, Bryn!” Ansel called from within his bedroom.

“See you tomorrow, Cal.” She flew down the stairs.

I followed her rapid exit with narrowed eyes before heading into my brother’s room. Ansel lounged on the bed. He flipped over the pages of an English literature anthology with nonchalant sweeps of his fingers.

“How was patrol?” He continued his non-reading of the pages in front of him.

“Fine.” I settled on the corner of his bed. “And how was your day?”

“Fantastic,” he purred.

“And why is that, baby brother?” I asked, propping my chin in my hands.

He sat up, squared his shoulders, and shoved the book so hard that it careened off the bed onto the floor.

“Isn’t that your homework?” I pointed at the discarded anthology. He ignored my outstretched finger.

“I need to talk to you,” he announced, straightening even further.

“You do?” I rolled onto my side. “What is it?”

He continued to stare at me, eyes unblinking. “It’s about me and Bryn.”

“Yeah?” I raised an eyebrow at him and plucked at the coverlet.

A frustrated expression flitted over his face. “I mean, me
and
Bryn.”

Oh dear.
I’d been expecting this for some time.
Poor Ansel.
“That’s what you just said. What about you two?”

“Come on, Cal,” he said. “Are you gonna make me spell it out for you?”

“Obviously I am,” I said, knowing what he was going to say and yet hoping it wasn’t true . . . for all our sakes.

A rosy flush moved up his neck. He coughed. “I mean, haven’t you noticed how I—?”

He shook his head and punched a pillow so hard its seams burst. Goose feathers floated in the air between us.

I sat up. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He moved his head up and down as though he was rehearsing a speech in his mind.

“I want to be with her.” He drew a sharp breath and plunged on. “When the new pack forms, I want Bryn to be my mate.”

“Ansel!” It was worse than I’d imagined.

“Look, Cal. I love Bryn. Totally. Utterly. Everything that you read about in books and watch in the movies. She is all I want in this life,” he said. “I just needed to know if I had a shot. So I told her today.”

The words I knew I should say ran through my mind, but they lost in the mental wrestling match to the question I wanted to ask.

“And what did she say?”

His face lit up. “She let me kiss her. I think she liked it.”

I groaned but felt a spike of relief. Maybe this wasn’t so serious after all. “God, An, this is Bryn we’re talking about. You know she’ll try anything once.”

I gestured toward the hallway. “As soon as I got home, she couldn’t get out of here fast enough. I’m sorry, hon, but I’m guessing she’s mortified now.”

“Nope,” he said. “She’s just worried you’ll be mad. In fact, she’s afraid you’re going to bite one of her ears off.”

“Look.” I hoped he wouldn’t take the letdown too hard. “I know you’ve been crushing on Bryn since you were a puppy, but don’t get your hopes up.”

“Gimme a break, Calla,” he said. “I’m not your baby brother anymore. This is for real.”

“You’re awfully confident.” I regarded his blinding smile cautiously.

His eyelids lowered, lashes veiling his gray irises. “What if I told you she let me kiss her for four hours?”

“What?” I nearly rolled off the bed.

“And it wasn’t just kissing.” His expression was positively devilish.

“Ansel!” I gaped at him, realizing I’d completely misjudged the scenario.

He bobbed up and down on the mattress, his eyes bright with mirth.

I rolled onto my stomach, grabbed a pillow, and sank my teeth into its cotton sheath.

“Come on, Cal. Be happy for us. We’re in love.” Ansel poked me in the ribs repeatedly.

I spit out the pillow and left the bed, pivoting to face him, fists pressed against my hips.

“That isn’t how these things work for us. I don’t care what books or movies say. We do not live the way humans do!” I snapped. “Ansel, you
know
that.”

“I know, I know.” He avoided my glare. “But Dad said that the Keepers take suggestions for matches from the alphas. So since you know how Bryn and I feel, then you can just pass that along.”

“I can,” I said. “But I cannot guarantee anything. Mating is arranged by the Keepers. They always have the final say.”

“According to Dad, Lumine followed his suggestions to the letter.” His eyes were so hopeful my heart somersaulted.

“I know. But Lumine won’t be our mistress. Remember? I told you this morning, it’s Logan.” Knife-sharp jabs pierced my abdomen. “If he says Bryn and Mason have to pair up, there won’t be anything I can do about it.”

I expected an outraged protest from Ansel, but he burst into laughter. I frowned as he collapsed onto the bed in hysterics. “Yeah, that would be something.”

“Uh—what’s the deal, An?” I said. “I was being serious.”

“Yeah, right, Calla.”

When I remained silent, he gaped at me. “Do you really not know?”

“Not know what?” I asked, feeling like someone excluded from an inside joke.

Ansel picked up the only uninjured pillow left on the bed, squeezing it between his fists. “Mason is gay.”

“You’re not serious. Mason?” I said. “Mason is gay?”

Ansel sighed. “You know, this is the problem with you alphas, you’re so concerned about taking over the new pack that you don’t notice what’s happening right in front of your face.”

“Mason?” I repeated, embarrassed by the astonishment I heard in my own voice.

“He and Nev have been dating for the past year,” Ansel said, flipping onto his stomach.

“Nev? Who’s Nev?” I frowned.

Ansel just looked at me and waited. It only took a moment for me to understand.

“You mean Neville? Ren’s Neville?”

“No, not Ren’s Neville. Mason’s Neville.” He grinned. “And he goes by Nev.”

“For a year?”

“Yes, they met in a support group for Guardians who are ‘out.’” He hooked his fingers in air quotes around the last word. “Because you know, none of us could ever really be out in unapproved relationships. Straight or gay.”

A wry laugh burst from my throat. “So you’re telling me that Mason and Neville—er, Nev—are both in Gay Guardians Anonymous?”

He shrugged. I dropped back onto the bed.

“Wow.” It wasn’t so much of a surprise that Mason was gay as that he’d hidden it so well. Then again, it was a matter of life and death, but the thought that he didn’t trust me enough to confide something so important made my chest burn.

Ansel stretched out beside me, his head resting on his folded arms. “It’s all under the table, of course. Because of the Keepers. They aren’t exactly tolerant of alternative lifestyles.” He made a bitter sound.

I buried my hands in my hair, squeezing the sides of my head. “No, that’s true.”

Mason and Neville?
It was hard to imagine. Mason was outgoing and hilarious, but Nev just seemed, well, quiet.

Ansel pulled the latest issue of
Rolling Stone
from his nightstand. “Which is ironic, considering Logan.”

“Logan?!” I slapped my hand down in the middle of the magazine, forcing him to look at me.

“Yeah, Logan. At least that’s what Mason says. But for him, or any Keepers for that matter, it’s not an issue like it is for us. I mean, Logan will just get a witch trophy wife to pop out some heirs along the way and have as many incubi boy toys on the side as he wants.” His eyes flashed wickedly.

“Ansel!” I shrieked. At least I won’t have to worry about Logan acting like his father.

“Oh, come on, Cal. I know I’m your little brother, but it’s not like I don’t know about this stuff.”

He threw the pillow at me. “In fact, this conversation makes it obvious that I know a lot more than you do.”

Then his tone gained an edge of idealism. “But I hope that it means good things for us. I mean, what I said about Logan. He’s still a Keeper, but maybe he’ll be different.”

“Yeah.” I looked back at Ansel.

He chewed his lip, thoughtful but still optimistic. “I had to risk it, Calla. I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

A shiver raced up my spine. “Okay, Ansel. I understand. But until there is an official order from the Keepers, you two are under the table as well. Please be careful.”