Nil Unlocked (28 page)

I didn’t dare touch Rives. He was wound so tight I feared he’d splinter.

“You’re right,” I said quietly. Rives’s fists stayed clenched, ready to fight an invisible enemy. “I did just get here. But like you said, I got a prep course. A personal one. My uncle was Leader, too. So while I don’t know much about your Nil, I know this: Being Leader here is an honor and a burden. It isn’t easy, because people always have choices, even if you don’t agree with them.” My voice stayed calm. “But you don’t have to let being Leader consume you. You don’t have to lose
you.
Doesn’t that make sense?”

Rives stared at me with an unfathomable expression.

“Rives!” Jason’s shout broke the moment. Rives took in a deep breath and spun around.

Jason was jogging toward us from the Cove, his curly hair bouncing like crazy. “We’ve been looking for you!”

“You found me.” Rives grinned at Jason. No weird wall existed between those two. “What’s up? Good news?”

“The best,” Jason said, smiling wider. “Johan caught a gate. On South Beach. Ahmad said a single flashed and Johan had to run for it, but he made it.” Jason beamed. “He’s gone, with a few days to spare.”

Jillian flew into Dex’s arms with a shout; Dex smiled and hugged her tight. Rives dropped his hands onto his thighs and lowered his head, exhaling deeply like a massive weight had been lifted off his chest. When he raised his head, his eyes glistened with water, and it wasn’t from the Cove’s spray.

“Skye,” he said, his voice choked. “Maybe I can’t save everyone, but I can’t stop trying.”

Rives’s pain was as raw and visceral as Charley’s, and just as terrible to watch. Even departures moved our fierce Leader to tears. It made me wonder how long Rives had been here. I’d guessed months but I’d never asked, and now was not the time. Rives didn’t need a reminder; he needed reassurance.

“We need to find that gate,” I said softly.

“What gate?” Jason asked.

CHAPTER

39

RIVES

DAY 280, LATE AFTERNOON

Skye opened her mouth but said nothing. Her eyes slid to me.

What do I say?
her turquoise eyes asked. I’d never seen Skye hesitant. And her hesitation was because of me. She was torn between keeping my secret and answering Jason’s question, an awkward position I’d stuck her in for too long.

“I’ve got this one,” I told her quietly.

Relief flooded her face, making her smile. Making me relax. Finally I did something right.

With Jason’s question as a cue, I filled him in on Skye’s stationary inbound and the two island loners. He listened with wide eyes, taking it all in, saying nothing until I finished.

“Do you think the loners are the raiders?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. They don’t want anything from us,” I said, thinking of the mangoes. “Not our food, not our help. But we need theirs. Their help, anyway. We need the island info they’re hiding.”

Jason nodded. “So what’s the plan?”

“Search as usual, find Maaka and Paulo, then find the gate. I don’t think we can find it without them. Skye wouldn’t have found hers without Paulo.”

“That’s crazy,” Jason said. “And a little badass.” He looked at Skye with newfound appreciation; she was too busy talking to Jillian to notice. “She just walked into that gate, following some kid she didn’t know, hoping it would take her here? And who wants to come here?” Jason shook his head.

Maaka and Paulo
, I thought. But I said, “Skye.”

Jason was staring at her. “You know who she reminds me of? T—”

“Don’t,” I said sharply. “Just don’t.”

Jason reddened like he’d been burned. “Sorry.”

“Me too.” I sighed. I put one arm around his shoulders. To my surprise, Jason had gained a few centimeters lately. He still had a way to go before catching me, but he was definitely in range. And his voice hadn’t cracked all day.

“C’mon, bro,” I said. “Let’s head back. And raise a toast to Johan.”

*   *   *

I knew something was off the instant we stepped into camp.

Michael, Cho, Uri, and Leila stood by the cold firepit. Nothing roasting, nothing cooking. A dead fire and I couldn’t remember who was responsible for restocking it, and the foursome around it didn’t seem to notice. Or care.

They stood tight, talking in low tones I couldn’t hear. The four turned as one when I said, “Hey.”

Michael nodded and broke from the group. He strode straight toward me.

“Archie got attacked by the leopard,” Michael said. “Cho saw the cat with”—Michael paused, like he was rethinking his words—“part of the kill. It was Archie. We know.”

I nodded. I knew, too. But I said nothing, because I sensed Michael wasn’t done.

“Rives, the traps we set? They are not working,” he said flatly. “The City is cat hunting ground now. It is not safe.” Regret filled his eyes. “We choose to leave,” he said softly. “We will test our fate elsewhere. All we want to bring is a water gourd, the knife I made, and the clothes we wear.”

His eyes asked for permission, a gift I felt unworthy to give.

“Take it.” I glanced at his bare feet. “Sandals too. And food.” I offered my hand. Michael shook it, square jaw tight.

“You are a good Leader, Rives,” he said quietly. “It is not you.”

It
is
me,
I thought.
I can’t keep us safe or together.

But right now it wasn’t about me; it was about Michael, a kid who just wanted a better shot than the one I offered.

“Where will you go?” I asked.

“Tonight we will camp in the cave. The one with the carvings, behind the waterfall,” Michael said. “Then we will head to the North Shore. Nothing likes the North Shore.”

“True,” I agreed. The North Shore screamed island defense. Incoming waves spit high against a harsh black rock wall. Where there was no wall, there were rocks. No animals. No sand.

No room to run.

Then I thought:
Michael knows about the Looking Glass cavern.

What else does everyone know that I don’t?
My grasp of City knowledge and City politics slipped farther down the
he’s-got-his-shit-together
list. Maybe I hadn’t broken my rules, but I sure hadn’t followed them.

Look around.

Pay attention.

I hadn’t seen this City fracture coming.

Abruptly I thought of Maaka, who never joined the City in the first place. I wondered what Maaka would think when he found squatters in his sacred cavern.

The idea made me smile.

Anything that made Maaka uncomfortable was a good thing, and I needed something good to counter how much I sucked as Leader. I couldn’t hold the City together at the first sign of danger.

Michael’s feet shifted; he was clearly ready to go.

Regrouping, I gently grasped Michael on the shoulder. “One last thing. Don’t bring fire into the cave. It’s sacred ground. I know it’ll be dark in there, but no fire.”

Michael nodded. “No fire. And it is dark everywhere here, my friend.”

“True enough.” I dropped my hand. “I wish you well, Michael. Get home safe.”

He nodded, his face fiercely calm as he shook my hand. “You too, Rives.”

I nodded at Leila, who was watching from a few meters away. I’d never really had a conversation with her. “Good luck, Leila,” I said.

“Thanks.” No handshake, no smile. Just a clear desire to leave.

Same for Cho and Uri.

Sy came up and stuck out his hand. It trembled like he was cold. “Rives. I’m taking off, too.”

“Seriously?” Sy was far from a risk-taker, and betting that Nil outside the City was safer than inside was a massive risk.

He nodded. “I can’t stay here another night. I’m going to take my chances out there with Cho. And Michael,” he added.

I glanced at Cho, who remained expressionless. All I knew about him was that he had a firm commitment to self-preservation that trumped his commitment to the City. Uri faced away, already mentally gone. Sy had never chosen allies well.

“Good luck, Sy. You know we’re here if you want to come back.”

His head wobbled. “I know.”

Still gripping his hand, I lowered my voice. “Stick with Michael. I trust him.”

“Thanks.” Sy pumped my hand like it might give him winning island mojo.

“Good luck,” I repeated. It took all I had not to add
you’ll need it.

As the group walked away, Dex clapped me on the shoulder, his voice low. “You can’t save everyone, mate.”

“Maybe not,” I said.

But I can damn sure try.

I glanced around, wondering if Maaka was watching the City split. Kiera’s eyes were on me. My eyes caught hers. She smiled and mouthed,
Let them go
, in French.

As if I could make them stay.

Ahmad stood to her right, his eyes on Sy’s back. Skye stood behind me; I sensed her.

No sign of Maaka at all.

I didn’t sense him, either. The last time I’d sensed Maaka watching when he didn’t show was the night he’d dropped the carved moon.

A gift he’d given.

A gift I’d taken.

I stiffened, struck by an unpleasant thought.
Did I owe Maaka now? What does he want?

My fists clenched reflexively.

“What’s wrong?” Skye gently tapped my right fist with one finger. Like she’d hit a nerve, I released my hands.

“Do you really need to ask?” My laugh was sharp.

She gave me a long look, one that said
yes.
It was moments like these when I wondered exactly how much Skye saw. My gut said
too much.

“I’m sorry they’re leaving,” she said finally, as if she’d settled on this as the most likely reason for my worry. Her eyes flicked to Sy’s retreating back. “But it’s not your fault. This island is bigger than all of us.” She paused. “And you’re a good Leader.”

“Seriously?” I laughed again. I wanted to punch something, like Nil. “Did you see what just happened? A good Leader would’ve kept the City together. A good Leader would’ve changed Michael’s mind.”

“Really?” Skye asked, her eyes searching mine. “I told you earlier, free choice. If Michael doesn’t want to be here, it’s no fault of yours. Pressuring him to stay makes no sense.” She pursed her lips. “Nil doesn’t come with a guidebook; it doesn’t come with rules and a plan. We’re all just doing our best. Same for you. You don’t have to be a savior.”

I looked at her. “Because that’s your job, right?” My voice sounded bitter and I hated it. “You had a guidebook. You came to save everyone.”

The hurt in her eyes made me wish I could take it back.

“Not a guidebook.” Skye’s voice was quiet. “More like a peek into my uncle’s head. It was addictive and terrible. And I know I’m not a savior.” She looked at me, the flecks in her eyes hardening. Because of me. “None of us are,” she said.

“None of us are what?” I asked.

She frowned. “A savior. I don’t think it works like that. I don’t think one person can do it alone. I think if we’re going to leave, it has to be a group effort.”

I looked away, because looking at Skye hurt, deeply, for reasons I couldn’t explain and didn’t want to. And I knew I’d been an ass. Again.

“I hope you’re right.”

Skye nodded. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. Then she walked away.

I almost asked for her to come back. Part of me desperately wanted her to turn around, to talk about Nil and island secrets and strategies, because despite her rookie status, Skye got Nil better than anyone I’d ever met. But part of me rebelled, the same part begging me not to play with fire. The part that told me I’d pushed her away on purpose.

I let her go.

I turned away, and the driftwood moon shifted against my chest. A subtle reminder of a debt unpaid.

What does Maaka want?

That disturbing thought clung like a Nil shadow, ratcheting up the mental chaos already in full churn.

I focused on Maaka because it was easier than thinking of Skye. I didn’t know how to get Skye out of my head, or how she’d snuck in so deeply when I wasn’t paying attention. But Maaka was my link to the mythical gate, our one shot at an islandwide exit. And I couldn’t shake the sense that he wanted something from me, too.

I thought of it on watch, I thought of it while I killed myself with sprints. I thought of it while trying to sleep, which right now was a total Nil joke. Sleep these days was not happening, unless I channeled Dex and napped on the sand in daylight, which was actually going better than expected.

Time passed.

Days passed. One, then two, and another after that.

Today was day number five.

Five days since Michael and crew bolted from camp. Five days since Archie’s death, five days of uneasy peace. Five nights of expectant nothing. Five days of no gates, five days of no Maaka, five days of wondering what he wanted from me. Five days of dodging Skye and seeing her everywhere.

I was more wired and exhausted than ever.

Done with today’s sprints, I dribbled a crosshatched ball up and down the beach, one of the ones Li had woven, wondering how weak my football skills had become. I hadn’t seen a pitch in months. I was used to breaks, but I’d never had a break this long. An extended break, with no end in sight. Maybe a permanent break.

What a shitty thought.

Out of my head, Nil.

When my control slipped, I slumped against the large black rocks by the water’s edge, closed my eyes, and willed myself to relax. The ball tucked into the curve of my side like I was chilling on the pitch. The rocks were warm, like the afternoon sun. The feel of the ball slipped away, replaced by the weight of the crescent moon around my neck; it pressed hard on my chest, even though I wasn’t wearing it.

Most people wanted something from me. I got it. I was Leader, a position that came loaded with obligations and expectations. But did Maaka want something from Rives, the Leader, or just me, Rives? I could barely separate the two anymore. Lately I hadn’t bothered to try.

If Maaka’s gift came with strings, I couldn’t see them.