No Apologies (6 page)

   “Well, I can clear my calendar for you baby. Let me know what day you want me to come down there, and I will make the arrangements. Now I hope you don’t think that I am going to come down there just to watch NYC traffic.” Hell! I was trying to give her a damn hint to let her know that I will be on fuck mode. But I see she want to play this little come and get me game, so fuck it! I will be there. “I don’t have classes this Friday, and I have a late class on Monday, so can you come down Friday morning?” She asked.

   “I will be there by noon on Friday, but wait don’t you live in the dorms?” Hell, I damn sho ain’t gonna be on fucking in nobodies dorm room. I am a freak but umm, no I will pass. “No, I have a small apartment that I rent out, so whenever I want to have a party, or just want some me time, I go there on the weekends,” she said. “Okay then, I will see you in a few days around noon Jazzi. Oh, I am glad you called.” Now I am all smiles and shit, but still cool. I guess because I know she has a man, but yet she wants me at least for the weekend. I just hope ol’ boy and I, never cross paths. I won’t fight over no pussy, but I will kick a niggas ass for stepping to me the wrong way. Bullshit ain’t bout nothing, but I do know how niggas get over pussy and a pretty face. “Talk to you soon.”

   I can’t believe I am in NYC for a chick. Man, my boys will clown my ass, if they knew this shit. Hey, what they don’t know, They can’t clown me for. One bag packed; a couple pairs of jeans, shirts and draws, and I keep the crispy Nike joints on deck. She has texted me, gave me the address and everything already. I just landed thirty minutes ago; hopping in a yellow cab, shouting from the back seat, giving him the address, looking out the window. The fucking streets was crowded as hell.

  It was wall to wall people on the streets, and the cars was bumper to bumper. This shit is crazy! I will take the Dan Ryan back in Chicago any day. This motherfucking cab swerving hard, and shit. I mean I know he know the streets and what not, but damn he can slow down. Slapping that cabbie a dub I took out, I got out and slammed the door. I wanted to cuss him out for driving so damn reckless, but damn it! I am on a mission right now, and hell! Everyone knows that when pussy talks most guys listen.

Goldie 9

Damn baby! This is my third time texting you. Umm you need to hit me now!
I bet that’s my last damn time texting her ass, and she wonder why I am always suspicious of her ass all of a sudden. She done got real motherfucking sneaky and shit. Always saying she with her girls. She need girl time and shit. What the hell she need is to be here with me and Rasheeda. I can’t believe this shit! I am in the house, and now she out. This shit has been going on for weeks. I bet I put a stop to this shit as soon as she get home. As soon as I pick my phone up, it chimes letting me know I got a text. Damn near dropped the fucking phone trying to see who texted me.

  
Hey baby, I just saw your message. I will be home in five minutes, coming around the corner now.
Five minutes. Yeah we gonna see as soon as she walks in. Got me sitting my ass on the couch, bouncing one leg like a fucking crack head with a drink in my hand, and it’s only nine at night. Man, when I heard the fucking keys, I sprang up from the couch, and was on beast mode. When she entered the corridor, it took everything in me not to start cussing her ass out. I stood at the entrance watching her every move like a fucking hawk. The way she hung her jacket up, kicked off her fuck me pumps, laid her purse down on the navy blue chair beside the coat rack, which was immediately to the left as you walked through the door.
 

  
“Hey babe.”
Did she just throw the “Hey babe” at me like it was nothing and she’s been gone practically all damn day?
“Hey baby, where the hell you been?” I wanted to cuss her ass out right then and there, but I’ll wait and see how this thing gonna play out first.
“Since when did you start questioning me about my whereabouts?” She asked.
“When I sensed you been lying to me about where the fuck you been!”
Okay, I gotta stay calm because the shit that is running through my mind, makes me see how motherfuckers can end up on the First 48. This will not be a whole night of Q&A, either she going to be honest or she gonna keep lying and then that’s where we are going to have a big problem.

   “I was with friends having a few cocktails, and now I am home. What the hell is wrong with you tonight?” She retorted. “There is not a damn thing wrong with me, but there will be something wrong with you, if you don’t start telling me the fucking truth around here.” I kept my tone cool, nice and low but stern. The look on her face told me she knew I wasn’t playing, but she was gonna hold true to her story since I already know she lying. Got me following up behind her ass around the house; from bathroom to bedroom, like some fucking puppy dog. Watching her ass from the back she even walking different. It is taking everything in me, not to snatch her the fuck up. I promised her I wouldn’t lay hands on her anymore, but my fucking blood is boiling within me and I am on edge.

   “Okay Jas,” I clasped my hands together, sitting on the bed watching her every move. Normally she would get naked and sashay her bubble ass to the bathroom, but tonight she grabbed her robe and house slippers, and went into the bathroom without even taking her clothes off. See this ain’t shit new to me. I know the signs to look for, but the fact that she think I don’t know the game because a nigga all in love, makes her look like the damn fool. “Okay Jas, what?” She asked. “I am going to ask you one more time where were you, and before you say with your girls, please remember Jas, this is
GOLDIE
you talking to,” I smirked as I finished my sentence. Looking at her as hesitation grew on her face, then she became fidgety with her hands.

   “I have to take a shower and lay down. I am just tired and you are bombarding me with these bullshit ass questions. For the last time I was with my girls having drinks.” Off to the bathroom she went thinking she was leaving me on dummy. Well the joke is on her ass. I will not now or not ever, play the dummy for no motherfucka including her ass. If I stay in, we are going to argue all damn night. If I go out, I may fuck around and fuck someone. Fuck it! I will stay in just so she don’t think I am doing the tit for tat thing, but I am damn close to doing so. That’s why it doesn’t pay to try to be on the straight and narrow. Muthafuckas still try you because they think you are on the same old bullshit you used to be on. I guess I will be taking my ass in the other room tonight. She knows, I know she has fucked up, and I am gonna let her sweat. Reaching over to grab my phone off of the glass coffee table, I give her one last look before she turns, and heads for the bathroom.

   Grabbing the remote; watching whatever sports is on television, my mind is racing like a muthafucka. I know the old saying “what is done in the dark will come to the light,” I knew this day was going to come. I just didn’t know when, and I am just glad that I was prepared for it. Flicking on the T.V. like a mad man; trying to cover my thoughts with the news, when in actuality, all I can think about is going in that fucking bedroom and fucking her until she fucking passes out. But I am a nigga from the streets, fucking behind another nigga ain’t my style.

   It would be different if I didn’t know about it, but damn it! I know, and I am really trying to see how to handle this shit. Either leave it alone, let her do her until she get it out her system, or let her know I know, and then give her an ultimatum. Fuck this! I know what I am about to do.
Ring… Ring… Ring…
“Hello.”

   “Hey ma,” I said. “Umm, who the hell is this on my fucking line?” She asked. “Girl please! If you don’t stop playing with me. You may forget many other niggas, but I’m one nigga you will never forget.” Look at this shit, now she wanna play like she don’t know who the fuck I am. I swear, I don’t know why most of these women playing these dumb ass games with me tonight. “You know what ma? Never mind that I called. See you lost your fucking memory…deuces.” That’s it. I am staying my ass home before I fucking hurt somebody. What the fuck is this, fuck up Goldie’s day or what? Bitches lying, and getting on my damn nerves.  Man, I must be turning soft because this shit right here would not even be a question on whether to go off or not. I would be going off and out the fucking door by now.

   Some of the shit… I wonder who the fuck is this texting me, looking over at my phone, seeing a blue light keep blinking, has thrown off my thought process. Checking my damn phone, and this shit like to pissed me off immediately.
Yeah Goldie, I know this was your ass. I haven’t heard from in a long while, so why are you really texting me? Aren’t you at home with little miss wifey?
Look at this dumb shit. If she didn’t want to speak, why the hell text me? She know, out of all women, that I am not about to chase no ass. Especially if that’s all you are to me. Throwing my phone back on the bed wondering, thinking, and planning, as always.

   A slight tap on the door, and in walks Jas. With a damn towel wrapped around her body, hair dangling in her face, and the faint scent of some chocolate shit she puts on, filled the air. “Hey baby, I didn’t know if you were sleep or not. Are you planning on coming to bed anytime soon?” she inquired. “Later maybe… why… what’s up?” I replied. “I just thought we could lay together that’s all babe.” She always do this dumb shit. Know I am mad, then walks her ass in here like ain’t nothing wrong. She always pull the sex card on me as much of a nigga as I am. She done played the wrong damn card tonight. The thought of fucking behind some nigga is fucking me up, and bout to have me fuck her up.

   “You know what Jas? As much as I would love to have you lay next to me, under better circumstances would be fine. But under this bullshit ass circumstance, its best you take your ass in the bedroom and get some sleep. I will see you in the morning, and close the door on your way out.” I continued clicking on the T.V. as if I was looking for something, knowing damn well I wasn’t. Watching her standing in front of me with her towel wrapped around her, and her mouth gapping open in pure shock. Let me further know she on some bullshit. Then she walked out the room just as quietly as she came in, and closed the damn door.

Indigo 10

   I can’t believe this nigga calling and shit, like I am suppose to just jump up and answer for him. He may have some fools in his life, but damn it! I will not be one of them. I mean, I did text him to let him know that I knew it was him calling all along, but seriously, what could he want at night time other than some pussy? On top of that, his ass got in house pussy. So he really needs to lose my number. Besides I have a new man, and he treats me just right. I don’t have no time for this bullshit with Goldie ass.

   Knowing him, he’s either pissed about something, or just being the dog ass nigga he is, and just want to fuck someone. His reason for calling me, could only mean that. He never wanted anything else with me other than a sexual relationship but this pussy is getting dicked down by a monster dick that knows how to please me and take care of my needs; not that I asked him to, but he came correct from the very beginning. Living downtown in a loft is amazing; I can look over and see Lake Michigan.

   I don’t have to worry about the bullshit that comes with home repairs. For the most part, all the old niggas I was fucking with, I no longer wanted them be able to just come by whenever the spirit moved them. I needed a fresh start, I wanted to be able to just leave the bullshit behind, and start anew, and that meant getting a new place to live. Walking around this loft daily, as my feet become familiar with the wooden floors; the ceramic counter tiles in the kitchen, the Jacuzzi and stand up six shower head in the bathroom and my massive California King bed, I feel alive here. There is an old saying “The quickest way to get over a man is get under a new man,” and damn it! They did not lie.

   I am woman enough to admit that I did fall in love with Goldie’s no good ass. As much dick as I got elsewhere, I still couldn’t shake him, I tried my damnedest to shake his ass, but I couldn’t. Goldie has this magnetic appeal about him from the way he dress, the low tone of his voice, and the way he commands attention and respect just by entering a room. The fucked up thing about that is, he creeps in your brain by telling you all the good shit you want to hear; giving you some of that good dick, and even when he says he don’t want a woman he makes you feel like you are his woman. Then you see his ass with some other woman twenty-four hours later, and get instantly pissed.

   I start remembering how he held me, kissed me, sucked every inch of my body. Whispering in my ear, telling me he loves me. That man, that man! Every time I think about his ass, my fucking body starts to shudder with excitement, and panties start to slowly get creamed. It should be against the fucking law on how one man can have this much power over any woman. Hell! Every woman that he has probably come across, I am sure he has left a cemented foot print in their hearts. He finally went legit with his mentoring program. From what I hear on the streets, it is thriving.

   He goes by his government name now, instead of his street name Goldie, I must admit he is really trying to do his legit thing. I will never forget how he treats women just to serve as a pawn in his bullshit ass games. I can say one more thing about Goldie, he is one of the few men that will tell you the truth about something, but that shit don’t mean shit really, when feelings get involved.