No Brighter Dream: The Pascal Trilogy - Book 3 (21 page)

“Do you mean that I will be a duchess?” Ali asked. “I don’t see what difference that makes.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m sure you’ll make a fine duchess, but I was actually speaking of Andre. You’re going to have to be very patient with him.”

“Yes, I know,” Ali said. “What has happened to him is like what happens to oysters.”

“To
oysters?
” Georgia asked, nonplussed.

“Yes.” Ali pushed the tray aside and slid out of bed, going to kneel at Georgia’s feet and taking Georgia’s hands between hers. She looked earnestly up into her face. “Every now and then a grain of sand slips inside the shell that the oyster can’t rid itself of,” she said.

“Ahh,” Georgia said. “I think I see.”

“Do you?” It was terribly important to Ali that Georgia understood what she was trying to say. “All I want is for Andre to be happy again. Maybe my love can be like the soothing coating that wraps around the oyster’s grain of sand. Maybe it can heal him and protect him, and together we will make something as fine and durable and lustrous as a pearl.” She squeezed Georgia’s hands tightly. “This is why it doesn’t matter so much that Andre doesn’t yet love me. It’s enough that he cares. A pearl must begin somewhere.”

Georgia smiled at Ali with great fondness. “Andre has no idea how lucky he is to have found you,” she said, then hesitated. “It is not my place to speak of the past,” she continued carefully. “That is Andre’s story to tell you when he’s ready. But I will say this much: I don’t think he could have found anyone better suited to be his wife than you.”

Except his fairy-child,
Ali thought, her chest squeezing painfully. But she chose to keep her peace, for that was her greatest regret, that even if Andre did learn to love her, he would never be able to love her as he’d loved Genevieve.

“Thank you,” Ali said, her throat tight. “You could not have given me a kinder blessing. And I promise that I will look after Andre as best as I know how, now that it’s my turn.”

“Be happy, Ali. And know that Nicholas and I love you always.” She cleared her throat and reached for a handkerchief, wiping her nose. “Now,” she said, returning to her usual practical self, “I believe Matthew has been beating a path around the pavilion again. Best if you put him out of his misery before lunch.”

Ali swallowed hard, the grim reality of that situation returning. “Yes. Yes, I will,” she said.

Georgia turned on her way out. “It will be all right, Ali. You and Matthew were always great friends. I’m sure that’s how it will work out in the end.”

“Oh, I hope so,” she whispered. “I really hope so.”

There was nothing worse than breaking someone’s heart.

She found Matthew inside the pavilion, his hands folded against his knees, his head bowed. He looked up as she approached, but his eyes held foreboding.

“Alexis,” he said, standing. “You came.”

“Yes, of course I came,” she said, her heart feeling like a shrunken thing in her chest. Treacherous. Mean. She was a hideous monster, treating him like this when he’d been so kind to her, so sweet and loving and unfailingly generous. To know she was about to hurt him so terribly was unforgivable …

But Matthew, with his infinite grace and innate sweetness, saved her the moment. “It’s over, isn’t it?” he said, walking toward her. “Don’t say anything, Alexis. I can see it on your face. I felt it yesterday afternoon, and I saw it last night.”

“Matthew,” she said, barely able to get the words out. “You’ve been such a dear friend to me. You’ve always been there, always so true. I—I’m sorry…” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m not the one for you. I will always love you, Matthew, but not as you need to be loved. Not as a wife should love her husband.”

He only shook his head. “It’s Montcrieff, isn’t it? He’s done something, said something to dissuade you from our marriage.”

Ali met his eyes evenly. “You know how I’ve always felt about him. Had you and I married, Andre would have been between us forever. I tried to tell you that.”

“And I still don’t believe it,” Matthew said. “We had a good chance at happiness before he came back. Alexis, love, don’t be a fool. You can’t really think Montcrieff will offer for you?”

He stood with both hands shoved low on his hips, so masculine, so beautiful in his own way. Ali saw for the very first time how splendid he was, what all the other women had been fluttering about. Perhaps it was because her own senses had finally been awakened that she could see it. But she could only admire him as she might admire a brother. To her own mind, nothing would ever compare to Andre. And oh, how to make Matthew understand?

“Matthew,” she said tentatively, feeling her way along as carefully as she might negotiate the edge of a precipice, “as much as I care for you and always will, it would have been a terrible mistake if we’d gone beyond that.”

He looked away. “You only say this because that— that damned excuse for a man has swayed you, reminded you of your life before this, before us.”

Ali reached up with one hand and touched his shoulder. “No. He didn’t sway me. All he did was come home, as I always prayed he would,” she said, willing him to hear her, to know that what she was saying was true. “As much as you and I are friends, you only know me for what I have become here. Andre knows my origins, and he doesn’t just accept them, he understands them in a way that no one else does.”

“Understands them?” Matthew said, the bitterness in his voice causing Ali to cringe. “Do you really think he understands you? My God, he sent you to this country to rot for all he cared. And now he comes back and you fall at his blasted feet like a dog begging to be kicked yet again.”

“That’s not true,” Ali said, piqued by Matthew’s unfair assessment. “Far from kicking me, he asked me to marry him. And I accepted.”

“You—you what?” Matthew stared at her, his face paling. “No. No, you couldn’t have.”

“I did,” she said more calmly, already regretting her outburst. “I’m sorry that you’re hurt, I truly am. But oh, please, please believe that this is for the best.” She held her hands out to him.

Matthew stepped away. “Never. Never. I can see that your mind is made up, but by God, I think you’re making the worst mistake of your life.”

“No,” Ali whispered as he turned on his heel and walked swiftly away. “I’ve just saved us both from the worst mistake of both our lives. And one day you’ll know it, Matthew. One day, pray God, you’ll know it.”

She took a deep breath, then started toward the house, her face turned toward the future.

Andre’s face unfortunately was turned toward a stall box, his attention on the horse inside it when Matthew came storming into the stables.

“Montcrieff?”

The slightest prickling on his spine warned Andre, but not quite in time. As he turned, Matthew’s fist flew toward him. He could have deflected the blow easily enough, but instead of ducking or knocking Matthew over with his own fist, he moved into it.

The swing caught him on the underside of his jaw and sent him reeling back against the wall, his head rebounding against the wood. He sank down, his hand cupping his bruised face. There wasn’t much he could do about the stars dancing in his eyes.

“Nicely delivered,” he managed to say, massaging his jaw, wondering whether it was broken.

“What the
hell
did you do that for?” Matthew asked, shaking his hand and regarding Andre as if he’d just met a madman.

“Call it sheer stupidity,” Andre said, struggling to his feet. “Or call it an apology. I don’t much care. Christ, you’ve got one hell of an uppercut.” He abruptly sat down again and lowered his head onto his knees. The blood in his mouth was nothing compared to the dizziness in his head.

“Damn you to hell,” Matthew shouted.

“Probably already done,” Andre replied from the shelter of his knees. “Now be a good sport and go away.”

Matthew frowned. “I—you’re not badly hurt, are you?”

Andre managed to look up, a gleam of irony in his eyes. “Nothing I won’t survive. Sorry about all this, coz. But then it’s nothing you won’t survive, either.”

Matthew looked as if he might well come at him again, and Andre held up a forestalling arm. “Go on, get out of here before you kill me properly,” he said. “I’m not worth a murder charge. Ask anyone but Ali, and she’ll probably change her mind within a year or two.”

“You had better do right by her,” Matthew said, regarding Andre with a peculiar mixture of resentment and admiration. “If nothing else, at least you know how to take a blow like a man.”

Andre had to fight a desire to burst into nonsensical laughter. “Thank you,” he managed to say with a straight face, saved primarily because his face couldn’t move at ah. “And I will do my best to do right by Ali. That I swear.”

Matthew looked down at him one last time, then turned on his heel and left.

Andre just managed to hang on until Matthew was out of sight before passing out. The very last dim thought that occurred to him as the world spun away was that life with Ali would never be dull.

A
li looked around the drawing room, which had been commandeered for wedding preparations. Boxes upon boxes of wedding presents were strewn about, each one labeled and readied to be shipped to Sutherby. She imagined Andre had an equal number of boxes strewn about, and probably the same huge pile of correspondence on his desk, mostly letters of congratulations from well-wishers, or those jockeying for an invitation.

Ali was still astonished by the fuss that had ensued once the engagement announcement was placed in the papers, and she was thrilled that today was the last of the preparations. By tomorrow evening, she and Andre would be on their wedding trip with not a single detail to attend to and nothing to think about but each other.

She couldn’t wait. She’d missed him terribly over the last month, although she doubted he’d missed her in the least. He’d probably spent the entire month wondering how he’d managed to get himself into such a fix. Ali grinned. Poor, poor Andre.

He’d been so subdued when he’d said good-bye to her, Nicholas and Georgia watching him like a hawk as he kissed her cheek. He told her only that Nicholas would explain the settlement to her, then swiftly left.

No, Andre hadn’t been himself at ah. He’d behaved more like someone stunned from a bad blow, which she supposed he was.

But at least his two letters since had been friendly and relaxed, and she hoped that meant that he’d adjusted to the situation. Andre had always been nothing if not practical, and since he knew there was no going back, she imagined he’d decided to put the best possible face on their marriage, even if he wasn’t awash in love for her.

Ali looked around the room again, wondering if there was anything she’d forgotten in the endless list of things that had to be done. Thank God efficient Hattie had come down to help out, or they all would have been exhausted.

“Well, I think that’s it,” Hattie said, coming into the room with her checklist. “Your trunks are packed, and all that’s left to do is change into traveling clothes.”

“I can’t believe it’s finally over,” Ali said. “Hattie, thank you for all you’ve done.”

“Don’t be silly,” Hattie said. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Just think, tomorrow morning and you’ll be a duchess.”

Ali shook her head. “Sometimes it all seems like a dream. Imagine. Me, a duchess.”

“I don’t know how you did it, but it’s the coup of the decade,” Hattie said. “I still don’t think you realize how coveted the invitations are.”

“I don’t know why,” Ali said. “People get married all the time.”

“Not to dukes, they don’t. Lucky, lucky you for having been born a Catholic,” Hattie said wistfully. “I think everyone had forgotten Montcrieff’s religious affiliation, that he would have to think of the church when he picked a wife.”

It was all Ali could do not to laugh. Andre was on precisely the same speaking terms with God as he was with his parents. And that was the one thing that dimmed her joy at her forthcoming wedding, that they would not be there to see their son be married.

It seemed terribly unfair of Andre to behave this way toward them—and so baffling, all this mystery about the past that no one would speak of. She frowned and stared down at the ground, wondering if there was any way that she could find to mend the rift between them. But how, without incurring Andre’s wrath?

“Alexis? What’s the matter?” Hattie asked. “I didn’t mean to imply that Montcrieff only chose you because of your religious faith. I’m sure he finds you very attractive too, and clever and fun. But since he hardly knows you, it only makes sense that it would be a factor.”

Ali glanced up. “What?” she said, distracted.

“Oh, dear, are you having an attack of nerves? Brides do, you know, and it’s little wonder.” Hattie blushed. “Are you, um … worried about tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night?” Ali said, trying to work out what Hattie was talking about. “Oh,” she said as the light dawned. “No, not at all.”

“Alexis,” Hattie said, blushing even more fiercely, “it’s very indelicate of me to speak of such things, but do you actually know what happens on your wedding night? You do realize that you must submit to Montcrieff in every respect?”

“Mmm,” Ali said happily. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Wonderful?” Hattie said, horrified. “I think it sounds appalling!”

“Oh, I don’t think it can be appalling,” Ali said lightly, wishing she could tell Hattie that she knew just how wonderful it was. “Look at Caroline,” she said instead. “Do you think she’d blush and squirm the way she does whenever she looks at Langley? I think that whatever he does to her in bed must be heavenly.”

Hattie’s mouth fell open. “Alexis, you are wicked,” she said, looking delighted.

“Why is that wicked? It seems a perfectly natural thing to do, and it’s not as if Andre is old and shriveled and has stinking breath.”

“But he’s practically a stranger,” Hattie exclaimed. “Do you really not mind the idea of a stranger touching you like that?”

“I like the way he touches me,” Ali said.

“You—you do? I mean, he has?” Curiosity crept into her voice. “Did he, um … did he touch you when he proposed?”

“Do you mean did he press his mouth to mine?” Ali asked innocently.

“Yes—or did he just bow over your hand and murmur all the right things? He seems so cool and collected that I would imagine that would be more his style.”

Ali burst into laughter, thinking of exactly how Andre had proposed, stark naked in the moonlight, looking anything but cool and collected. “No, he didn’t bow over my hand. And he didn’t coolly press his lips anywhere.”

“Oh,” Hattie said with strong disappointment. “What a pity.”

“I don’t know,” Ali said, considering. “I rather liked being pulled into his arms and kissed as if nothing else in the world existed.”

Hattie’s eyes widened. “Really?” she whispered. “Oh, Alexis
really
? He did that?”

“Really,” Ali said. “He does it very nicely too,” she added with enormous understatement. “I know he’ll do everything else the same way. Actually, I’m looking forward to it.”

Hattie’s hand slipped to her mouth and a giggle escaped. “Only you would say such things, Alexis.”

“Well, it’s true. I never would have agreed to marry Andre if I didn’t think we’d be happy together. You must know that my acceptance had nothing to do with his position—I couldn’t bear it if that’s what you’re thinking when I take my vows tomorrow.”

Hattie chewed on the tip of her finger, a habit she had when she was about to say something she thought she shouldn’t. “Since you brought it up,” she said, her tone contrite, “I honestly don’t know what to think. I don’t mean to imply that you shouldn’t marry Montcrieff, but you always said that the reason you never took your suitors seriously was because you were waiting for someone very special.” She looked away. “I thought you believed in true love.”

Ali, her heart sinking, realized that Hattie had been keeping her peace all this time, putting a good face on celebrating her friend’s good fortune and worrying about her happiness underneath it all. It spoke well to Hattie’s devotion that she was taking this last moment to try to dig out the truth. She owed it to Hattie to give her as much of the truth as she could.

“Hattie, do you remember asking me why I was upset after the Umbersville ball?” she said, choosing her words carefully.

“Yes,” Hattie said solemnly, her ginger curls bobbing with the earnestness of her reply.

“I couldn’t tell you the truth then, but I can now. I
was
upset, very upset. You see, the moment I saw Andre across the room, I knew that he was the special person I’d been waiting for all these years.” Ali quite liked the ring of that, and it was the truth, after all.

Hattie’s eyes widened. “You did? Oh … I remember now! You suddenly turned pale. And—and then you looked so odd when he came up to be introduced. Did you really and truly know in your heart of hearts that he was the one?”

“I really and truly knew in my heart of hearts. But then when we danced I inadvertently did something to anger him, something foolish and childish,” Ali said, also truthfully. “I thought I had ruined everything. And then he came to Ravenswalk, and I was so grateful to be given another chance.”

“Do you mean he didn’t come down to propose?” Hattie said, astonished.

Ali shook her head. “He came down for something else altogether. But when we spent some time together, he realized that he had a strong attraction to me, as I had to him. And so he asked Nicholas for my hand.” Ali felt very satisfied with her new version of events, which was more a story of careful elimination than falsehood, but carried a nice emotional punch.

“Oh,” Hattie said breathlessly, “oh, Ali, how absolutely divine! So it really is a romance? But why haven’t you said anything before this? You made it all sound so businesslike.”

“I—I wasn’t sure you’d believe me. It seems so improbable, I know, and it’s probably better if the rest of the world does consider it a business arrangement. But you see,” she said, crossing the room and giving Hattie a quick hug, “tomorrow, when I swear to love and honor and obey him, I will mean it with all my heart, each and every vow.”

Hattie looked as if she might swoon. “I wish my true love would come along for me,” she said faintly. “It is all I want in life.”

“Shall I tell you something?” Ali said, hoping she wasn’t speaking prematurely. “The way Matthew has been spending so much time with you of late makes me think love might be right around the comer.”

Hattie colored to the roots of her ginger hair. “Don’t be absurd,” she said. “He only sees me as a friend who is of comfort to him while he recovers from his heartbreak. You’re the one he loves, even if he does hardly speak to you.”

“If that’s what you think, then you’re blind, Hattie Charleton, for Matthew never loved me. I swear to you, he has yet to know what real love is, the kind that sustains a marriage. I think that if he’s lucky, he’ll find it in you.”

Hattie looked down at the ground, twisting her ever-present handkerchief between her hands. “I am plain,” she said, her voice low.

“You are no more plain than I am,” Ali said impatiently. “You are no beauty like Caroline, it is true, but neither am I. And as much as I love Caroline, I will tell you that you have more personality and certainly more intelligence in your little finger than Caroline possesses in her entire body. So there.”

Hattie peeped up at her with a shy smile. “Do you really mean it?” she asked.

“Don’t be silly. Of course I do. Have you ever known me to say anything I don’t mean?”

“No … I suppose not. Oh, Alexis, do you really think there’s a chance? I care for Matthew so.” She blushed again.

Ali’s heart went out to her in sympathy. “I know you do. And if I didn’t think there was a good chance, I wouldn’t have said anything. You’re exactly what Matthew needs; you’re strong and solid and dependable, and you have a heart of gold.”

“And ginger hair and freckles to match,” she said despondently. “And I sneeze constantly.”

“I don’t know what is wrong with ginger hair and freckles, and furthermore, when I consult with Andre I’m sure he can tell me what to do for your sensitivities.”

Hattie looked perplexed. “What in heaven’s name makes you think he’d know anything about those?”

“Well…” Ali said, realizing that she’d said more than she ought to have, “being a scholar he must know about everything, so he’s bound to know something or someone who can help.”

Hattie, bewildered, nodded. “It would be nice if he did. No one, including all the physicians Papa has consulted, has come up with anything helpful. I’m so tired of sneezing and sniffling and itching all the time.”

“We shall see,” Ali said. “But I think it’s probably nearly time to leave. We should change our clothes, and I must find Sherifay. I hope she won’t be too lonely while I’m gone, but Nicholas promised to keep her happy until we’ve returned from our wedding trip and she can be brought to Sutherby.”

Hattie, who sneezed at the very idea of Sherifay, vigorously rubbed her nose, then returned to her efficient self and immediately set about making the final arrangements, leaving Ali to take an hour to herself.

She spent it saying good-bye.

To Ali’s great surprise, Andre was waiting at the station as the train pulled in, his hat in his hands, the wind ruffling his dark hair. Just the sight of him gave her a rush of joy, and she could barely wait for the train to come to a halt. Although she allowed the porter to help her down the steps, she abandoned all restraint the moment her feet touched the ground.

“Andre!” She flew across the platform, oblivious to the amused glances of the onlookers, and flung herself into his arms.

“Ali,” he said, his hands going around her back, steadying them both. “Well, hello.”

She raised her face and gazed up at him. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. I missed you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” he said, the warmth in his eyes telling her that he meant it.

“Do you mean you haven’t come to cry off?” She tucked her fingers in the lapels of his jacket. “I can’t think why else you came to meet the train unless it was to put me back on it.”

Andre smiled down at her. “Actually, I came to escort you personally to your new home. I thought you might need some moral support—I didn’t want the shock of Sutherby to send you running in the opposite direction.”

“Would you have wept bitter tears if it had?” she asked, cocking her head.

“I don’t generally weep, but I would have been sorely disappointed,” he said, setting her away from him. “And as much as I loathe decorum, I think we had better observe it for at least the next twenty hours or so. We didn’t spend the full month apart to go and slip up now. Do try to behave like a timid bride, will you, at least once we get to Sutherby?”

Ali grinned. “All right. I can wait another twenty hours to show you how I really feel.”

“If that greeting just now was anything to go by, I have a fair idea of what’s ahead,” he said with a light laugh. “But that’s what I mean. Don’t forget that we’re barely supposed to know each other.” He lifted her gloved hand to his lips and placed a kiss on its back. “Just this much and not a millimeter more.”