No Bunny But You (Holiday Romance Series) (14 page)

He took a long swig of water.

In a sudden rush, Molly wished she could climb back
into her clothes. Somehow, this was a conversation that needed
clothes on.

She swallowed, trying again. “Drake, in all the time
you’ve known me, have I ever indulged in random sex? I mean other
than the couple of drunken nights in college, which you know I
still regret. Ever as an adult?”

Swallowing his mouthful of water, he sat the bottle
down on the table, seeming to have realized she wasn’t kidding
here. “No. I don’t think I’ve heard about any subsequent random
messing around. Of course, I probably don’t hear every aspect of
your life, but no.”

This was the moment, Molly decided. If she was ever
going to gamble on anything, this was it.

“Drake, what are we doing here? Are we starting
something or just getting our rocks off? If this is just
messing
around
for you, it needs to stop.” She paused, taking a deep
breath before going on. “I want to stop. I need more.”

He stared at her, lifting his water bottle in his
hand. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. Wasn’t it good
for you? You
seemed
to be having a great time.”

“I was.” Pausing as she struggled, she sent him a
painful smile. “I was having a really good time, but that’s
because—because you mean a lot to me. Not just a hot ass in a tight
pair of jeans. You’re my friend, but…I don’t want to be a friend
with benefits. Not with you. Like I said, I want more.”

His earlier expression of confusion shifted to
irritation. “You mean a lot to me, too. You’ve been my best friend,
helping me out with the blog thing and…and I thought the
benefits
part was great. I don’t see a reason to forgo
that.”

Reaching over, she snagged her discarded shirt and
struggled into it without her bra. She needed some protection from
the brutality of this conversation, even if it was symbolic. “I
didn’t say we had to forgo that. I said I don’t want to be a friend
with benefits for you.”

Starting to yank on her jeans, she looked at Drake.
“I’ll give you a reason to forgo the benefits part, smart ass. I’m
in love with you. Okay? Is that reason enough?”

Molly jerked her pants closed, zipping and snapping
them, acutely aware of his not having said anything to her
declaration.

“Molly—“ He stopped, seeming not to know what to
say.

“Never mind.” She scooped up her bra, cramming it
into her purse. “Never mind, okay? You’re okay with the blog thing
now and you’re up for the award and all. I don’t think we have
anything else to say to one another.”

* * *

Molly sat on her couch alone. It had only been
several hours since she walked out of Drake’s life, but she
couldn’t seem to do anything. She should be calling the caterers
and firming up the arrangements for the picnic. She just kept
sitting on her couch as light faded out of the sky beyond her
window, staring at the dark, silent television.

After those drunken college mistakes, she’d had the
urge to take long, hot showers. But this was nothing like that. She
didn’t regret making sweet, sweet love to Drake. That’s what it had
been for her, even if he was just screwing.

She couldn’t hate him, even though that would have
been easier.

Turning her head against the back of the couch, her
gaze fell on her desk. It was piled with stacks of Easter picnic
paraphernalia. She knew she needed to immerse herself in work, but
lethargy kept her anchored there.

She’d told him. Told him the very thing she’d known
she shouldn’t say. Hell, she shouldn’t have kissed him back when he
was trying to comfort her about that damned cartoon character
debacle at the birthday party.

Everything she was afraid of, the reason she’d held
back from telling him how she felt—it had all happened the way she
feared. They’d made love fiercely and…now it was over.

The phone rang and she fished it out of her purse,
her heart pounding until she saw it wasn’t Drake calling.

“Cheryl?” Molly wearily held the phone to her
ear.

“Hey, Easter Picnic coordinator! How’s it going?” For
a woman who’d been dealing with the scary possibility of breast
cancer, her mentor sounded good.

“I’m good. How are you? Did you get the flowers I
left at the hospital? They said you were having some sort of test
when I came by.”

“They tested every possible aspect of my body. Being
in the hospital is exhausting. I was never more relieved to be
home.”

It was a relief to hear the humor in Cheryl’s voice
again. “Have you gotten the results? Is this just a blip? A scary
thing you can put behind you?”

“I haven’t gotten the results of the lumpectomy yet.
Medical time seems to run much slower.”

“You sound good, though. Do you feel like you’re
recovering? I know anesthesia can be hard on the body.” Pushing her
own preoccupation aside, Molly focused on her friend. What was a
broken heart compared to potential cancer?

“Yes. I don’t think my boob is ever going to look
right again,” Cheryl said mournfully, but I’m feeling better every
day. At least, if this was cancer, they caught it early.”

Molly wrinkled her nose. “I’ve heard that having a
positive attitude is important in these kind of situations.
Although I have no idea how anyone could do that—be positive, I
mean.”

“Lots of prayer,” her friend replied with a touch of
humor. “That and the hope that you won’t be faced with the
worst-case scenario.”

“I plan to come by the house when you’ve had the
chance to recover some. When are you supposed to hear something
definite about the lab work?”

“Soon. In the next couple of days, I think. So, how
is the picnic coming?”

Throwing her head back against the couch, Molly began
talking of her bunny challenge. At least, when she was talking
about all this with Cheryl, her mind didn’t keep circling—as
much—around Drake.

* * *

“Molly, calm down!” Her friend motioned with palms
down, like she needed dog-signals. Maybe she did, what with the
near hyperventilation thing she was doing.

“I think I’m losing my mind. I’ve tried to stop
thinking about this, but I can’t.” Molly sat down at Abby’s kitchen
table the next morning.

Standing at the granite-topped bar, her friend hung
up the dish towel in her hand and came to sit also. “So you’ve been
having sex with Drake. We talked about this. Not the end of the
world. Breathe.”

“That’s not the problem—I mean, yes, it’s part of the
problem, but that’s not the worst of it!” She got up from the table
and began pacing back and forth. “I’ve been telling myself that
it’s not the craziest thing I could have done, but then I went and
did an even crazier thing!”

She paced back to the glass slider at the back of the
room. “Oh, geez. I’m losing my mind over this!”

“I can see that,” Abby responded. “Come sit down
again and tell me what’s been going on—I mean besides you having
sex with a totally hot guy who you’ve had a thing for. I’ll admit
I’m jealous…, but that can wait.”

Molly rolled her eyes. “You think?”

“When did all this start exactly? The sex part, I
mean. When you came by the school the other day, you said you had
had sex, but I didn’t get the time frame exactly.”

“It’s been…happening, at least the lead up…for a
couple of weeks.” She sat back down at the table.

“I think we should talk details here. You know I’m
having a dry spell.”

“Excuse me.” She glared at her friend. “Excuse me if
it didn’t occur to me to trot my emotional crisis out for your
entertainment.”

“That’s okay,” Abby said as if she didn’t hear the
sarcasm. “You’ve had a lot on your mind.”

Giving an indignant laugh-snort, Molly resisted the
urge to get up and pace again. “I’ve just been…confused about this.
Like I told you, he kissed me and then—“

“Just like that, he kissed you? Out of the blue? You
must have thought your prayers were answered.” Propping her elbows
on the table, Abby looked at her with avidity. “Really? There was
no warning? You couldn’t really go into detail with the kids around
the other day.”

Closing her own eyes in exasperation, Molly said, “I
was upset about that crazy cartoon character guy showing up sloshed
to the kid’s birthday party—I told you about that—anyway, Drake was
comforting me. Rubbing my back and telling me it would be
okay….”

She stopped for a moment, remembering how sweet he’d
been. With her all upset about that superhero idiot, she probably
sounded as crazy as she felt now. No, Molly decided miserably, now
felt a whole lot crazier.

“He was comforting you and then you guys kissed.”
Abby nodded as if that were to be expected. “Okay. You’ve had the
hots for him for a while now.”

“He’s my best friend!” Molly wailed. “I’m not
supposed to kiss my best friend. No matter how I secretly feel
about him. Not like that anyway.”

“There were tongues and everything.” Her friend sat
back with a satisfied expression. “Did you get it on then? Where
were you this time? In the car?”

Shaking her head in exasperation, Molly asked, “No,
we weren’t in a car. Why aren’t you surprised about this? I mean,
when I stopped by and you were outside, gardening with the kids,
you didn’t seem surprised when I told you we had sex. Not
really.”

“Because it was bound to happen.” Abby grinned. “You
and Drake have been a partnership for so long and you’re both
gorgeous, not involved with anyone else and not gay. I’m just
saying.”

“Guys and girls can be just friends,” protested
Molly. “We were just friends—no benefits—for a long time.”

“True, but you have a romantic history and you’ve
neither one really gotten interested in anybody else for quite a
while. Besides, you’re in love with him. The chemistry is still
there.”

Molly dejectedly propped her chin in her hands, her
elbows resting on the table. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Abby nodded, as if she’d known this a long time. “So
what did you do that’s so bad? I knew you were sleeping with him.
You said having sex with Drake wasn’t the worst thing.”

“It wasn’t.” Twining her fingers together nervously,
she said finally, “But this last time was…amazing and…and I-I told
him I loved him.”

“OMG! You did not. Really? Wow.” Abby finally seemed
like she got the magnitude of the situation. “What did he say?”

“Nothing. Not really. He said something about us
being friends with benefits…. Then I got all flustered and said
that wasn’t enough for me, that I loved him.”

“Wow. You actually told him that you loved him? After
all this time?” Her friend stared at her, a somber expression on
her pixie face.

“Yeah, I know.” Molly still couldn’t believe she’d
dropped the ‘L’ word. Of all the stupid things to have said. “That
was two days ago and he hasn’t called or anything. I’ve been going
crazy.”

“I can see why,” Abby commiserated saying again
slowly, “I can see why.”

* * * * * * * * *

That afternoon, Drake chose a wrench—he
thought—from the tool box that he and Molly bought, trying not to
think of her.

He stared at the dripping kitchen faucet, the
tool in his hands, and remembered again her panting out his name in
ecstasy. Remembered her declaring that she loved him.

That she wanted more than just a tumble when
she had the urge for sex.

He’d felt like she hit him between the eyes
with a sledge hammer. Like he was fifteen again.

Everything seemed to have shifted since they
had sex. That afternoon in his apartment had been incredible.

Sitting there on the kitchen floor, he had to
admit to himself that it had been so good between them, he’d been
scared out of his mind. Losing casual sex with a casual girl, that
was no big deal, but this? Hell, he didn’t even know what to say to
her.

He’d felt frozen and off-kilter. Loving Molly
hadn’t led to anything good before. How did he know it would now?
She’d become the most important person in his life. He feared
taking a step in any direction. Drake didn’t want to lose her.

And then she walked out. Just like that.
Walked out like he’d feared she would. They’d talked of going to
the Bloggie ceremony together, but they hadn’t talked since the
relationship conversation and he had no idea where they were. Hell,
they’d never even talked about this, not really. Not about how this
changed everything. And then when she’d said something and he
hadn’t known exactly how to respond—fear did crazy things to a
man—she walked out.

Somehow in his thoughts about things with
her, it had seemed as if he didn’t actually commit to a romantic
relationship, he was somehow protected from feeling awful if she
left.

Stupid. He couldn’t imagine feeling any worse
about being walked out on than when Molly went through that
door.

Since she’d made her declaration about not
just wanting sex, Drake had thought a hundred times about calling
her. But a sick feeling inside his chest sprang up whenever he
considered it. Like he’d already screwed things up beyond
repair.

Drake blew out a disgusted breath and tried
to focus on what he was doing. Looking again at the
how-to-fix-a-leaking-faucet web page up on the laptop that sat on
the kitchen counter within reading distance, he tried to banish all
thought of Molly.

It was hard to do when she’d taught him all
about this crap…and then blackmailed him about the column.
Blackmailed him! He wasn’t sure he’d believed that Molly would have
ever gone to Mike with the truth about having helped him with blog
info, but the fact that she’d have threatened it still blew him
away. If he hadn’t needed her to get him through the learning
curve—the one he was facing at that moment—he’d have ended their
friendship right then.

Maybe.