No Crystal Stair (28 page)

“I'd say you've been pretty lucky.”

“Lucky?”

“Helen Rose has been through hell since the first day she married. They say Clyde makes a pass at every woman under thirty who sits in his dental chair.”

“Oh, Mother.”

“Well, that's an exaggeration. But he's had his share of affairs.”

Ann Elizabeth was shocked. No wonder Helen Rose had that lost look and filled her time with bridge parties, charities and children. “I couldn't stand that,” she said.

“No. You're lucky you haven't had to. Now, after sixteen years, Rob takes one look at another woman and you take off, ready to throw your marriage out the window.”

“It wasn't just one look and I didn't . . . I'm not...” She stopped. She hadn't thought beyond the hurt. “Mother, you're sounding like I should have ignored the whole thing!”

“Oh, Ann Elizabeth, honey, I'm not saying this isn't serious. I even admit that it might be
more
serious because Rob isn't the philandering type.”Julia Belle hesitated. “What does he say?”

“Not much.” She hadn't given him a chance. “That it wasn't like... like I thought. That I'd shut him out.”

“Had you?”

“Well... but you don't know what I was going through, and he... He didn't have to go running into someone else's arms!”

“Oh? He probably didn't go running. The arms were just there and he needed them. I suspect the decision to send Maggie to that school was as hard for him as for you.”

“Oh, no, Mother! He didn't have any qualms until—”

“He was probably putting up a front for you. Weren't you pulling in the opposite direction?”

“Yes, but—”

“He certainly wasn't going to let you know he had doubts, too. How do you suppose
he
felt? You pulling him every step of
the way. He needed someone to say, ‘You're okay. You're doing the right thing.'”

“Well, why couldn't he see it my way? I'm not convinced even now, that it
was
the right thing.”

“Oh, Ann Elizabeth, of course it was.”

“But, Mother... one little colored girl in one school.”

“Didn't you say other coloreds came later? Didn't you tell me how much they needed you? How you helped them make the adjustment?”

She nodded.

“That was a great contribution, Ann Elizabeth.”

Ann Elizabeth looked at her mother. She hadn't thought of it as a contribution. “Well,” she said slowly, “it was just that I was the only Negro parent who... who was there.”

“Exactly. You were there. It was a big step for those black kids and you made the transition easier. I bet your college education came in handy. You can thank your daddy for that, and you can thank Rob that you were there to use it.”

“Yes, it was Rob who insisted that we integrate.”

“I'm not talking about that.”Julia Belle twisted her wedding ring around her finger. “You haven't shared Rob's letters, but I noticed there was a book of checks in one of them.”

“He said he didn't want me to run out of money.”

“Uh-huh.”Julia Belle smiled. “Money. And time to volunteer at that school because your husband supports you.”

“But that's not what counts.”

“No. These are things we take for granted. You and I are considered part of a privileged class—with privileges we are purported to use for our pleasure. But we all make out contribution, wherever we have the good luck or the bad luck to be.”

“Good Lord, Mother, you keep talking about contributions and privileges and all that stuff. I'm talking about my husband having an affair with another woman.”

“Sometimes we take our husbands for granted, too.” Julia Belle seemed to be musing. “I remember when you father was in medical school and working part time as a dining car waiter to pay his way. We lived in a rented room and I was teaching school and felt, I guess, a little put-upon. At least, I wasn't paying too much attention to that pretty little nurse who was helping him with his studies. When I did look up, I found he was spending more time with her than with me, and much of it at her apartment.” Julia Belle laughed and pushed back the streak of gray hair that only enhanced the shiny black framing her still-youthful face. “Well, I broke that up!”

“I just strolled up to the student's lounge one morning when the two of them where having a little tete-a-tete over coffee. He looked like a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I was supposed to be at school, you see. I just sat down, leaned close and whispered very sweetly. ”If I see this again, there'll be hair pulling and screaming and coffee dripping from the ceiling.'”

“Mother, you wouldn't have!”

“Your daddy didn't know whether I would or not. He sure couldn't risk it in front of all his professors. That put a stop to the little meetings. And to the affair—if there was one.”

“Just like that?”

“Not exactly. I got a medical dictionary and I helped him with his studies. Besides that, I gave him so much sex and sympathy, he didn't have the energy or the inclination to seek it elsewhere.”

Ann Elizabeth, still trying to picture her mother as a brawling wife and voracious sex partner, sighed. “You sound as if Rob's betrayal was all my fault.”

“I'm just trying to make you understand something, honey. I once read a card that said marriages aren't made in heaven, they come in a do-it-yourself kit. I'd like to add that they need constant maintenance. And I want you to understand something
else. Every day our men are taking it on the chin—hard knocks from the outside world. Perhaps that's why they need more coddling, more ‘You're wonderful honey' than most. If they don't get it at home ...”Julia Belle gave a significant shrug.

Ann Elizabeth thought of Rob's words.
Par for the course. People get shoved around for lots of reasons.
She knew how often he'd been shoved or excluded. But he'd never griped. He even joked about it. Her father had once said, “Your mother has made me a comfortable retreat.” Had
she
done that for Rob? Always instinctively she'd acted as she though she should... as a wife, a mother. “I had to think of my child, too,” she said now. “I wanted Maggie to be happy with friends around her. Like I was at Oglethorpe.”

“Maggie's at a different place in a different era. Everything changes, Ann Elizabeth.”

Do you want things to stay the way they are, Mrs. Moonlight?
Who'd said that? Was she still holding on to the past?

That night when she went to bed, Ann Elizabeth was still hurt. Still angry. But more frightened. What had her mother said about sex and sympathy and being five hundred miles away?

The next time Rob called she wasn't as cool and detached. “Ann Elizabeth, we need to talk.”

“Yes, Rob. We do.”

July 1959

 

R
ob arrived two days later, and Ann Elizabeth drove alone to the airport to meet him. She stood by the gate, feeling unsettled and anxious as passenger after passenger descended. No Rob. Then there he was, in a dark-blue business suit, sophisticated, distinguished and somewhat aloof. He searched the crowd, and when he saw her his eyes lit up. He smiled, a warm intimate questioning smile that deepened the creases in his cheeks and sent her pulses racing. She flew into his arms, buried her face against his chest and clung, oblivious to the people around them.

“You drive,” she told him. But not home, not yet. Washington Park. It would be deserted this early in the morning and they would have privacy.

He parked under a big oak tree in the almost empty park, switched off the engine and turned to her. Her breath caught and for a moment she could only look at him. He had shed his coat and tie, and his deep brown skin so like her father's was beautiful against the crisp white shirt. He was unbelievably handsome to her. Deep-set dark eyes, long lashes, full lips so often curved with laughter or puckered in a whistle. That was what she loved about him. He was always cheerful. And yet he was strong, tough and ... lovable, she thought as she began to cry.

She hadn't meant to cry, but everything set her off these days. And one look at Rob... He was
hers.
How could he ... how could he ... ? She couldn't hold back the gulping sobs. All the pent-up hurt and anger came gushing out.

He pulled her close. “Oh, honey, don't.”

“I can't... can't... stop,” she choked. “I... I'm so mad.” She hadn't meant to be mad. After that talk with her mother she'd meant to be calm and understanding. “I'm so mad. You don't ... Obviously I'm nothing to you. If you loved me, you couldn't ... wouldn't...”The words seemed to be stuck in her throat and her tears soaked his shirt.

“If
I loved you! Oh, honey, if only you knew how much I love you. You're my life, Ann Elizabeth.” He hesitated, as if carefully choosing his words. “That thing with Marcia was just—”

“Don't!” Blind rage checked the sobs. She sat up, pushing away the arms that had held that... that hussy! “Don't mention that woman to me. I hate you. And I hate her. Pretending to be so concerned for all the poor little colored children, so dedicated, when all the while she was scheming to get her hands on you. She's nothing but a tramp and I hate—”

“Stop it, Ann Elizabeth!”He shook her, not too gently, shocking her into silence. “Stop acting like a crybaby and listen!”

“Don't you talk to me like that. Not after what you did!”

“All right, I screwed up.” Suddenly Rob looked very tired. “I'm sorry. Sorrier than you'll ever know, damn it.”

“You don't sound sorry! And I think we've talked long enough. Why don't I take you back to the airport so you can go back to your tramp.

Rob drew a deep breath. “I
am
sorry. But that doesn't solve anything. Neither will screaming and name-calling. Can't we talk?”

She rubbed the back of her hand against her wet cheek but said nothing.

“Listen, Ann Elizabeth, all hell's breaking loose at the base, and Marks is pissed off at me for leaving. But I happen to think that you . . . our marriage is important. When you said you'd talk ... Anyway, I promised to get right back. I'm scheduled to leave tomorrow night. Will you listen for a minute? Please.”

She nodded.

“First of all I want you to understand something. Marcia Wheeling is no tramp. She's a fine human being. She's sincere, warm—”

“And so?” Her voice was cold, sarcastic, hiding the panic...
might be more serious because Rob isn't the philandering type.

“In the second place, she wasn't scheming to entrap me. She was just... there. I ...” His eyes changed focus, stared into the past. “I was so scared. Really scared, Ann Elizabeth, scared for Maggie. And confused. Maybe you were right and I was wrong. Marcia kept assuring me that Maggie would be safe—one child, already living in the neighborhood. And she gave me a different perspective, made me see it as an opportunity, something bigger than you or me. She really is sincere, honey. She believes in our cause and works hard for black children.”

“That's no reason for you to ... to fall into her arms.”

“No. And that's not... Oh, Ann Elizabeth I can't explain why it happened.” He turned away from her, his face reflective. “Like I said, she was there. I liked her, admired her, I was grateful for her support, and... well, I guess I was sorry for her, too.”

“Oh?”

“She's all confused herself. Her own life is in a shambles.”

“How?”

“She's madly in love with a husband who's cheated on her with one woman after another, it seems.”

Ann Elizabeth thought of Helen Rose, living in misery—too much in love or too embarrassed to leave Clyde. “I thought Marcia was divorced.”

“She was, is, I guess. Only now she's thinking of going back to him.”

Panic surfaced again. “You're still seeing her?”

“Good God, no! I saw her at an NAACP meeting Sunday and—” he hesitated “—okay, she phoned me last week. Heard
you were out of town and she was concerned that rumors had reached you.” His mouth twisted. “Said she'd hate for another woman to be in her shoes. I lied. Said you were just visiting your parents and would be home soon. Then ... Well, she wanted to talk. We're still friends, and I guess there was no one else she'd told about her husband. Anyway, he's promised to seek counseling, and she wanted to know did I think she should return, that sort of thing.”

“What did you tell her?”

“To go back to him. That living without the person you love is hell on earth. God, Ann Elizabeth, you don't know what it was like. Trying to talk with people and deal with that crap at work when all I could think about was you. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't give a damn about anything. And then when I got off that plane an hour ago and saw you standing there, waiting... it was like everything fell into place and I was on solid ground again.”

A comfortable retreat. Do I do that for you, Rob?

“Ann Elizabeth, do you know how beautiful you are?” The adoration, the consuming love in his eyes answered the question she hadn't asked. “Just to see your smile. I'll never make you cry again. I promise.”Willingly, eagerly, she returned to his arms.

Later that night when they were finally alone again, in her room, she smiled at him. “Do you like the new bed? Mother said the old one didn't suit you.”

He glanced up as if looking for the canopy, then back at the bed. He chuckled. “I hadn't even noticed. Maybe it's because anyplace
you
are suits me, my lady in the parlor.” His words were warm and engulfing, a prelude to rediscovery. And more. A consummation, more passionate and powerful, greater than what they'd almost lost.

 

 

The next morning she was busy on the kitchen phone, trying to get reservations so she and Maggie could return with Rob,
when the operator cut in with an emergency call. For Rob. She handed him the phone.

He answered, then gave her a complacent nod. “The office.” But as he listened his expression became grave. He scribbled a number on the pad. “Thanks. I'll take care of it and I'll be in touch,” he said, then rang off and picked up the phone again. “My mother,” he explained as he dialed. “An accident.”

“Those damn stairs!” he exclaimed when he'd completed the call. His mother had fallen down the stairs and broken her hip. Hank Stevens, the tenant downstairs, had taken her to the hospital. He'd wanted to call earlier, but Thelma wouldn't let him. The doctors had found no internal injuries, but were unwilling to release her unless there was someone to care for her at home. Hank's wife was out of town.

“I'll call and change my flight,” Rob said.

“No.” Ann Elizabeth put a hand on his arm. “You need to get back to work. I'll see to Thelma.”

“And the children can stay with me for the present,” said Julia Belle, who'd been wiping the counters.

That night Ann Elizabeth and Rob left at the same time, flying in different directions.

Ann Elizabeth was glad to look after the indomitable Thelma, who had welcomed her so graciously all those years ago. She kept the place clean, lugged flowers and groceries up the stairs, prepared delicious meals and babied her mother-in-law as much as the older woman would allow.

She was a little disheartened at the way the Watts neighborhood had deteriorated. Thelma's well-kept house was a sturdy brick, the wood trim newly painted and the yard carefully tended by Hank Stevens. But many of the surrounding houses were beginning to look unkempt. Sagging steps, broken windowpanes, cluttered yards. Stevens said there were frequent muggings in the neighborhood now. The corner store had been robbed three times, and the last time the owner had been shot
and wounded, but was still hanging on. The men around the pool hall were younger, noisier, less courteous.

Ann Elizabeth was concerned for Thelma's safety and suggested she come to live with them.

“No, I'm gonna stay right here,” Thelma said firmly. “And you can stop frettin' about me. I done got the swing of these crutches, and Lizzie's back now. She'll be up here every day. You go on back and see after Robert and the children.”

“If I do, you'll get back to work as soon as you're off those crutches. And you don't need to work. Besides, I don't like leaving you alone, and I know Rob would feel better if you were with us.”

“No. That ain't never gonna happen. Ah, now, don't look like that. It ain't you. You just like a daughter to me and I know I'd be welcome—spoiled, I'spect. I ain't ready to just sit.”

“Oh, I'd keep you busy. And you'd love Virginia.”

“That's another thing. Virginia.” Thelma grinned at her. “Honey, I promised myself when I left Alabama I'd never go back to the South.”

Ann Elizabeth smiled and didn't say what she thought. If Thelma's “South” meant segregation and poverty, this rundown section of Los Angeles was just about as South as you could get.

 

 

“Ann Elizabeth, I have a surprise for you,” Rob said when he met her at the Hampton airport. “We're leaving here. I waited until you got back to tell you.”

“You should've told me before I left.”

“Well, I wanted to be sure first. I thought I should wait until all the details were ironed out.” He hesitated. “I ... I thought you'd be glad to leave.”

“Oh, I am.” She reached up to caress his face, wishing she could wipe away all the anger, pain, torment and anxiety of the months spent in this city. “But... well, the past is past, Rob,
and I don't care where we are as long as we're together,” she told him. “I was only thinking of Thelma.”

“Mom?” He looked puzzled as, arms around each other's waist, they walked to the baggage carousel.

She described Thelma's misgivings about moving to the South. “I might have persuaded her if she knew we were moving to—” She stopped to confront him. “Where are we going?”

“Germany.”

She stared at him, mouth open. Never in her life had she imagined traveling to Europe, much less living there. And in Germany? Would Rob... ? He hadn't said much about his stint as a POW, but there was a certain look in his eyes whenever that country was mentioned. “Rob, how do you feel about this move?”

He waited a beat. “Well, it's a prestigious position. A special project with NATO, involving several countries.”

“But?” she prompted, seeing his harried expression.

“But nothing. It's a good move,” he said. “As you know, I've been back and forth on short trips. And... it's a different country now. They're still busy repairing, rebuilding, clearing up the scars left by the war.”

He's not thinking of scars to the cities, but to people, she thought as she watched him trying to convince himself. “When? And for how long?” she asked.

“We'd have to leave almost immediately. And for two years,” he answered. “It'll be good for the children. You'll get in some travel, sweetheart, and it's a good step for me.”Now he sounded like he was trying to convince her.

“You don't have to convince me.” she said, genuinely excited. “I've always wanted to visit Europe”...
but Germany?

 

 

As she prepared for the move, she was surprised to discover that she was more than a little sorry to leave the Lansberg
community. Sorry to desert the children, black and white, she tutored as a volunteer at the Lansberg school. Sorry she wouldn't see the installation of the park's playground equipment she'd helped to fund. Sorry to leave the friends she'd made, especially Mrs. Levin and Clara, who had both become like family.

One bright spot. Unexpectedly Clara was recovering. The treatments she had endured had miraculously sent the cancer into remission.

“You look great,” Ann Elizabeth told her friend, admiring the new crop of blond hair, the bloom in her cheeks. “Isn't it wonderful what doctors can do!”

“Not just doctors,” Clara said. “You. Taking care of Lisa, driving me back and forth . . .”

“You would have done the same for me,” she said, knowing Clara would have.

“It wasn't just the driving and everything. It was you. You were always so cheerful, talking up a blue streak, with some jingle popping out that would make me laugh even when I was really down and—”

“Oh, no! Don't tell me,” Ann Elizabeth said. “My mother says I talk too much, and Rob gets pretty fed up with my silly quotes and little lectures.”

“Don't you call them silly and don't you ever stop saying them! That one about holding on when there's nothing to hold to ... Honest to God, Ann Elizabeth, you kept me going with them.. .” Clara's voice was choked, and her eyes brimmed with tears.