No Going Back (28 page)

“What are you doing?” I say as I follow him out the door of the tour bus.

“What are we doing you mean? Well, we are going on a mission for a place to buy a pregnancy test. There has to be one near this place. I mean, we are smack in the middle of this huge ass city. A fucking convenient store should at least have one.” I stop walking. “What’s wrong?” He quickly turns around and searches my eyes.

“I’m just scared, ya know?” I don’t see how I forgot all about the stupid shot once we hit the road the last time. I didn’t even realize it had been over three months since my last one. It’s official. I suck.

“No matter what Mallory, I am by your side. Through this whole thing. There’s nothing to be scared about. You’re safe and I won’t let anything happen to you or the child we will have one day.” He wraps me up and I focus on the warmth of his body as his fingers float through my hair. His hot breath on my ear causes goosebumps to run up and down my arms. “I’ve wanted this my whole life. I want this with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” Damn him. I can’t hold back the tears after hearing his hearts desires of having a family with me. It breaks my heart and melts it at the same time. He’s had it rough and so have I. I know that together, we make each other stronger, and that I can face anything with him by my side.

I close the bathroom door and pee on the stick. I place it on the counter as I stand there watching it. Seth lightly knocks and opens the door before I can respond. I’m leaned against the wall, and he’s leaning against the counter. He looks at his watch. “Two more minutes. That first minute felt like a fucking lifetime.” I smile at his impatience, no reassuring words to say since I’m just as nervous as him. “It’s time, precious.” He looks at his watch, then at me. Waiting for me to see if we are going to be parents.

I start tearing up and he comes up to me pulling me with stick in hand into his arms. “It’s okay baby. We can always try. It’s not like we were even trying this time. Wait.” He pauses. “Weren’t you on the shot?”

I nod. “But being on the road with you, I didn’t realize I had been due for another one a couple months ago.”

“Well, I had told you from the get go to get off the damn thing. Especially after we got married. I told you I was ready and I wanted us to have a baby. Plus, if you’re not preggo, we can screw like rabbits and hope that we have our own little one soon.” His analogy makes me smile.

“I know you had said that, but I didn’t want it to mess up everything you have going with the band,” I admit.

He tilts my head up to make sure his eyes convince me if his words alone aren’t able to. “Having a child with you will only make my life better. It could never fuck it up.” I smile and press my lips to his. I let out a breath before give myself an inner
You got this…no matter what, it’s all good
and pick up the pregnancy test

“Seth.” I look back up at him. “We are going to have our own little rabbit sooner rather than later. I’m pregnant.”

The last four months of pregnancy have been enjoyable for the most part. Turns out I was right around a month a long when we found out I was pregnant. The morning sickness that showed up quickly after has been bearable. It hasn’t been the horror stories I’ve heard from some other expecting moms. For that I am thankful. Since I am now The Rifters manager and accountant I’ve been able to orchestrate it just right to make sure Seth can accompany me to all of my doctors’ appointments.

Today we are heading to my ultrasound. Today we are hopefully finding out the sex of our baby.

“Are you nervous?” Seth asks, entwining our fingers together and resting our hands on my leg.

“No way. Either way I’ll be happy. The fact that I’m having your child, I know the baby will be perfect whether it’s a cheerleader or a football player.”

“You know that guys can be cheerleaders too,” Seth teases.

Doctor Gregory places the wand on my jelly covered belly as Seth tightly grips my hand standing beside me. She finds the measurements of the spine along with the femur. Points out our baby’s feet and hands. Checks the circumference of the head and listens to the heart beat. All while I’m dying to find out what we are having.

“So, can you see what it is?”

“I’ve been trying to get the lil squirt to proudly show us some kind of sign, but he or she is playing very shy today. I hate to break it to you, but I think we will have to schedule another ultrasound for your appointment next month.”

I try to hide the disappointment in my voice. “Well, that baby must not be our kid, because neither one of us is shy.” Doctor Gregory laughs.

“Everything else looks perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll see you again in four weeks.” She was almost out the door before she turns back around. “Seth, how’s the tour going?”

“It’s going really good. We have a concert here this weekend. I’m really excited to be playing back in my home state.”

“Yeah, I’m taking my daughter to it. She’s so excited.”

“How ‘bout I hook y’all up with meet and greet passes then?”

Doc beams with excitement. “Nessa would love that!”

“I’m starving,” I announce as we walk out of the hospital.

“Well, you are eating for two, precious. Where do you and my baby want to eat?”

“Hmm, so many choices. What was that?” I look down towards my very present baby bump. “Your baby said it would like Italian.”

“Then I know the perfect place.” He grabs my hand. “It’s only a few blocks away. How ‘bout we just walk since it’s nice out?”

“Baby and I would like that.”

All the sounds and noises of the bustling downtown are in a sense calming. Maybe it’s because this is our home city, not some strange one that we only stay one night in before packing up and moving to the next. Seth’s phone rings, bringing me out of the trance I was in.

“Hello?” I can hear that it’s a female. “Hey mom.” He pauses for a while, “Yeah, sure. I’d like that,” pauses again, “Okay see you tomorrow, bye.”

“What’d your mom want?” I ask.

“She wants me to meet her and Derek for lunch tomorrow. Says she has something she needs to discuss with ‘us boys’.” He quotes her.

“Well, good. That should be nice. You know what I’ve been thinking about?” Seth pulls the door to the hole in the wall restaurant open and waits for me to answer. “I’ve been thinking about calling my mom.”

I decide to do something I haven’t done in years tonight before I go to bed. I dial my mom’s number…a number that I’m not even sure is hers anymore. It rings three times before it’s picked up and a female voice answers.

“Hello?” My mother says from the other end of the line.

“Hey mom, it’s Mallory.” I can’t control the shakiness in my voice.

“Mallory. Wow, it’s been a very long time since I’ve heard from you,” she says with disappointment evident.

“Well, if I remember correctly, the last time I saw you and good ole dad, I was told to be on my merry way and to never return.”

“You’ve always had such an imagination.” She laughs. Actually fucking laughs.

“You’re right. Well, just letting you know I’m pregnant, but since I’m so imaginative I’m sure the idea that you’d actually want to be a grandma is a far stretch as well.”

“You’re pregnant,” she says with disgust. “So what’d you think…you could call me up and get help with a baby that you probably don’t even know who the father is?” Hold the fucking press. I’m about to bitch slap this lady through the phone.

“First of all, I’m married…to the most amazing man ever.” I look over at Seth who has been holding my shaky hand the whole time and smile. “Second off, I don’t need a damn thing from you, never have, never will. I knew this was a fucking mistake to ever call you…to think that you actually maybe just a little bit gave a rat’s ass about me. But now I know with absolute fucking certainty that it was you guys the whole time. I was never good enough for you no matter how hard I tried. I’m here to tell you that I am good enough. I have self-worth and the man I’m married to helped me find what you guys destroyed. Thank you very fucking much for the insight on how not to be a mother. I will never be like you or treat my child the way you treated me my whole life. You can take this phone call as a final goodbye to the child you never cared to know.”

“Mall…” she tries saying before I end the conversation, turning my phone off afterwards.

“What a fucking cunt!” I yell. I’m not even sad. I’m fucking pissed. She had the nerve to think I actually was calling her up because I needed something. Like I’d ever call them if I needed anything. I’d become a fucking surrogate or donate a kidney on the black market before that shit ever happened.

I willingly go into Seth’s open arms and let him pull me onto his lap. “I’m sorry your parents are shit Mal. Always know that you are loved no matter what. They are the ones who are missing out. Let them live with their own regrets. You can now put this behind you and we can keep moving forward.”

“I love you so much, Seth. Thanks for always being you and loving me no matter what.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

*SETH*

I’m dreading today. I haven’t seen my mother since Derek and Jesika’s wedding. We finally talked everything out a few months after the shit hit the fan. Derek had been bugging the shit out of me telling me how I needed to talk to her. I agreed, but that didn’t mean I wanted to. I’m glad I finally did though. Especially now that we have a baby on the way.

I scan the restaurant looking for my brother’s ogre ass and my mom. I see them in the back laughing. I wasn’t expecting Doug to already be here and it’s shocking to see how awesome they’re all getting along. I don’t want to be the dick in the situation, so I’m trying fucking hard not to let past feelings take over as I make my way to the table.

“Oh hey, Seth.” Derek acknowledges my presence before continuing the story he was telling them like he’s some sort of comedian all of a sudden. By the way they are all cracking up, it must have been a good story. My mom stands up and makes her way to me.

“It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you. I’m so proud of the man you have become.” She hugs me tightly.

“Geez mom. Don’t start crying. Please.”

She sniffles as she pulls back, “I’ve just missed you. And now you’re married and going to have a baby soon. I’m so proud of you.” I’m not sure I’ve ever heard my mom tell me she was proud of me. Who would have thought me settling down would make the woman proud.

“Thanks. I guess.” I slide in the booth next to Derek. “So what’s this whole get together about anyways?” I ask as I glance through my menu.

“That makes me so happy Seth. I’m tired of living in past regrets. Life is too short to hold tight to grudges. I’m so happy for you and Mallory. You both deserve so much happiness.” She looks at Doug, “This guy has kept me in the loop. I hate knowing what happened because of that evil ex of yours. I hope she gets everything she deserves at that hearing.” Doug looks at her with eyes full of compassion.

“She will get everything she deserves. You can count on that, dear.” Dear? I’m confused by the way these two are acting towards each other.

“When is it again?” she asks.

I shake my head clearing my mind of the crazy ass thoughts going through it, “The what?”