No Greater Love (20 page)

Suddenly Maarten looked every year of his age and his voice was weaker than it had been. “You will be the family’s bulwark.” He leaned forward and patted Dirk’s knee. “You will be the family’s guardian.”

Dirk made a last attempt. “You have the wrong brother. I am the irresponsible one, the incompetent one, the consummate screw-up.”

“Maybe you were but not anymore. Now, you are going to be the family’s protector, the custodian of the family’s finances.”

“I don’t know anything about finances,” Dirk said weakly.

“You’ll learn.”

“I could make huge mistakes. I could lose the family’s investments. They’ll hate me forever.”

“Well, I lost the family’s rubber plantations. I doubt if you can top that.”

“That was during a war. The Japanese had occupied all of Indochina.”

“Yes, but my father did not consider that an adequate excuse for losing his rubber plantations.” Maarten ignored Dirk’s groan. “Families are a huge responsibility.” He caught Dirk’s eye. “Crispin and Ann Marie want to have children desperately. Pieter and Janan may have more children.” He paused and said lightly, “Who knows? You may find your true love and marry.”

“I don’t think there is much chance of that,” Dirk said faintly.

“Humph. You haven’t been to Indonesia yet.”

Chapter 18

“Forgive me,” Pieter said humbly as he faced Janan in the narrow, dark living room overlooking the Rapenburg Canal. “It was unthinkable of me to try to rush you into anything.” He shifted from foot to foot fighting to control the urge to sweep her into his arms. “It was inconsiderate of me. You have gone through a very difficult time and need time to recover.” Unconsciously, he took a step closer. “But I must tell you how much I love you. I have loved you since we first met. Since that moment in the liquor store when you were so mad at me for taking the last bottle of Jenever.” He held out his hands. “I have dreamed of being with you again since . . . since I woke up that morning and found you gone.” He bowed his head. “It was the worst moment of my life and all I could think of was getting well so that I could come back. You were mine. I had found my heart’s true love, and lost her.” His voice cracked. “I tried so hard. I was determined to come back to you a whole man.” He captured her hands with his and lifted them to his lips. “I would have crawled onto a plane if I had known about the babies.” His voice was thick with unshed tears. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t know.” She pulled her hands from his and cradled his face in her hands. “I developed symptoms of preeclampsia early on in the pregnancy. The babies’ lives were in danger unless I stopped working and went on bedrest. I had to do something quickly to save them.” She slid her arms around his neck and pressed her tear-slicked cheek to his. “You must realize that I would have done anything to keep our babies alive and healthy.”

“Preeclampsia! Your life was in danger too.” He shuddered. “You could have died.” His arms encircled her, drawing her closer. “I understand now that you and Carl worked together to save them. He gave a priceless gift, his protection for you and the babies.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I was so angry, so jealous. I felt as though everything in the world that mattered to me had been ripped away.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against his throat.

“I won’t rush you. I’ll wait as long as you wish but please say that you will marry me.” His hands belied his words as they molded her body to his. “We’ll take it very slowly and maybe you will come to love me as I love you.”

“Or not.”

He gave a groan of agony. “Or not?”

“Or not take it very slowly,” she whispered, pressing her lips to his.

“Oh, Janan,” he said reverently, covering her face with kisses, “I adore you.” He held her back so that he could see her face, hope making his voice tremble. “If we file the intention to marry today, we could be married in 15 days.”

“Yes, oh yes,” she whispered against his lips and then lifted her head to say, “I began to fall in love with you the moment you handed me your bottle of Jenever, and then, on my father’s bed, when you used your hands to design the most beautiful dress for me, I knew I would love you for all time.

“As soon as we are married, we will move to my house.” He rocked her in his arms. “It has a beautiful garden that you will love.”

“And steps up from the cobblestone street?”

“Six broad steps, very like the ones at your home,” he reassured her, and then began to speak in a serious tone. “They say that I am in remission.” He paused at her quick gasp. “Yes, wonderful news but the future is still uncertain.” He held her gently against him. We don’t know how much time we will have.”

“We will take the time given to us,” she said firmly. “Now tell me. Can we really be married in fifteen days?”

He pulled her closer. “I would like to be married today, but Dutch law requires us to wait for 14 days after filing the
ondertrouw,
the notice of intention to marry, with the city registry.” He chose his words carefully. “All marriages in The Netherlands are done in a civil wedding ceremony usually in the town hall with two witnesses. I will file the notice in Amsterdam and ask Crispin to be my witness.”

“I will ask Emine to be my witness.” She laughed lightly. “We used to make such wonderful plans for our weddings.”

“Some people have a religious service in addition to the civil wedding ceremony. If it is what you wish, it can be arranged.”

She shook her head. “No. I would prefer to have just the civil ceremony.”

With a startled expression, he stammered, “The babies. Who will look after the babies?”

“I don’t want to leave Sophia alone with them here in Leiden.” She paused and then said firmly, “I will ask their grandmother to come and help Sophia.”

“Their grandmother? My mother!” Pieter exploded. “My mother is the last person I would trust.”

“She has been very kind,” Janan hastened to say. “She visited me while I was in the hospital and asked if she could do anything to help me.”

“And did she do anything to help you?” Pieter asked in a cynical voice.

“Yes, she shopped for some personal things that I needed.” She raised her chin. “She helped me with a few other things, too,” she said, remembering the envelope marked ‘Personal Papers’ that Pieter’s mother had handed her without a word.

“I am so sorry.” He hung his head in shame. “I should have realized that you needed help.”

“When I needed help the most you came,” she rushed to reassure him. “When I first saw you enter the delivery room, I thought it was a mirage. I was so alone and afraid and then you were there.” She lifted his hand and pressed a kiss into his palm. “You were there to share the most wonderful moment of my life.”

He hesitated, then said, “My mother . . . the babies?”

“She adores them.” She put her arms around him. “They are lucky to have two wonderful uncles but she is the only grandparent they have. We mustn’t shut her out.”

“It is going to take time for me to learn to trust her,” Pieter said brusquely.

Janan hurried to change the subject. “I wonder what one wears to a civil wedding ceremony,” she said as she looked down at the black dress she was wearing.

“Do you remember that afternoon when I said that you should wear regal colors?”

She nodded, remembering his long fingers circling her wrist as he described the band of the sleeve and then those fingers tracing the line of her throat and outlining the neckline of the dress that he had designed in his mind. “Yes, I remember. There was to be a mauve scarf around the shoulders and the dress, a glowing aubergine. You said that it should be a violet so intense that it’s almost black.”

“While I was in the hospital, I whiled away the hours when I was isolated sketching dresses and other things for you?” He rocked her gently in his arms. “There is one that you might like to use for your wedding dress.”

“In violet?” She plucked at the sleeve of her black serge dress.

“Yes. I will have the sketches delivered to you this afternoon.” The feeling of burning desire that he had been struggling to suppress threatened to overcome him. “Janan, I want you so much. I want to hold you and feel your beautiful body beneath mine again. You know that, don’t you? But not here, not in Carl’s house.” His body trembled as he stepped back from her. “In my house. In my bed.” He smiled as he thought of the replica of the Inn’s tree-house bedroom that he had created in the master bedroom of Maarten’s distinguished old home. “I want to know you again, all of you, and I want to wake up and find you there beside me. I don’t know how much time we will have, but I don’t want to be separated again, ever.” He took the ruby ring from his pocket and slipped it onto the ring finger of her right hand where it blazed in the dark room. “My Great-Uncle Maarten gave this ring to his love, to Mei Ling, and she wore it as an engagement ring and a wedding ring. It would please me very much, my dearest love, if you would wear it now and forever.”

She had waited so long to hear him say he loved her but one thought would not go away as she touched the radiant ring.
What about the babies? He had talked before about doing what was best for the babies, doing the right thing, but he had never said how he felt about them.
She stared at the priceless ruby and thought of the two precious infants who depended on her.
She was the only one in the world responsible for their well-being. She had to ask the question that might destroy her chance of happiness.
Taking a step backward out of his arms, she asked, “What about the babies?”

Pieter bowed his head. “When I saw them, just minutes after they were born, I thought that I had seen a miracle—your two beautiful babies.” He lifted his head and looked straight into her eyes. “At that moment, I thought that Carl was the father and I wanted to kill him. I felt as though I had been castrated, cheated out of my manhood.” His voice trembled. “And then when I went to Carl’s house to pick up my mother, I saw Carl’s face and knew that he could never have been the father. I knew then that those babies were mine! My babies who would have Carl listed as their legal father. It just about destroyed me to think of what I had lost. I accused Carl and my mother of robbing me of my children. I said that I would never forgive them for not letting me know.”

“I’m so sorry,” Janan whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you but Carl could not reach you and I knew that their lives were in danger unless I stopped working and rested.” She wiped the tears from her face. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“I am the one who must beg your forgiveness. You and Carl did what was necessary to protect them.” He frowned slightly. “My brain tells me that the name of the father filed on the birth certificates should make no difference to me, but the thought of Carl’s name listed as the father haunts me. Crispin says that it can be changed as soon as we are married—that I can be listed as the father.” He took her hands in his. “I want to have those babies, to hold them, to love them, but first I want to be acknowledged as their real father.”

“Oh, my darling.” Janan took his face in her hands and pressed a lightning kiss to his mouth. “I am the one who filed their birth certificates and the father’s name is listed as ‘Pieter Bentinck’ on both of their birth certificates.”

“But how could you? They had to be filed at the Civil Registry within three days of birth and you had just gone through labor and delivery.”

Janan smiled at him. “A woman in love can do anything . . . with a little help and a taxi.” She hugged him tightly and pressed her blushing face into his shoulder.

“My name!” He lifted her chin with his fingers so that he could see her eyes. “I am listed as the father? The children will never have any reason to doubt who their father is?”

“Yes, you are listed as the father.” She nodded as she said firmly, “You have always been their father.”

“How did you manage? You would have had to produce some identification.”

“I used a copy of your passport and birth certificate,” she said hesitantly.

He frowned. “I am the only one who has them.”

“No. Your mother had a copy.”

“My mother!”

“Yes. She came with Carl to help me take the babies home from the hospital and as she was leaving, she handed me an envelope and told me that her housekeeper, Mies, would be coming to help me for a few days. Later, when I opened the envelope, I found a copy of your passport and birth certificate. I knew then what I was going to do.” She hesitated and then said quickly, “I think you will have to sign an acknowledgement form but there is no need to change their birth certificates.”

He pulled her closer and gave her a searing kiss of possession and then lifted his head to ask, “How is their last name listed?”

“They have my last name. I did not change my name when I married.”

“You didn’t?” His eyes gleamed. “Your name is still Coers?”

“Yes. I didn’t take Carl’s last name.” She was silent for a long moment and then said cautiously, “There is a note in the margin of the birth certificates that says that the mother is a married woman.”

“Oh, God,” he groaned. “You jeopardized your own reputation for my sake.”

“The day will come when I will tell them the story before someone else does, but,” she said fiercely, “they will never have to doubt who fathered them.”

“We are now as we were then with the exception of the scars of a year’s tribulations,” he quipped. Suddenly turning serious, he asked, “When we are married, will you take my name?”

“Yes, my love. I want to have your name. I want to have all of you.”

“You shall but not here,” he groaned. “I wish I could take you to my home now and never let you go, but it would not be right. We have to wait until we are married but I don’t want to leave you here.”

“Emine has asked me to come to stay with her. She is coming for us this afternoon.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“Yes. Oh, yes. I feel as though this house disapproves of me.”

“What will you do with it?”

“I’ve thought about it. Carl waited his whole life to live here again and I can’t sell it to a stranger.” She spoke firmly. “I will make it a ‘safe house.’ A place where orphaned refugees can live without charge until they have a job and can find their own place.”