No Longer Safe (22 page)

I didn’t know a tear had escaped. ‘Sorry,’ I said.

‘No – don’t apologise.’

I managed a crooked smile. I could barely believe what I’d
just heard. ‘You said there was also a question?’

‘Ah, yes. It follows on, really. I wanted to ask if you
thought there might be a possibility you could feel something similar. It’s
early days, I know, and things are messy my end – and we live at opposite ends
of the earth – but am I…you know, in with a chance, do you think?’

I gave him an answer without hesitation ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I
think you might be...’ 

He reached across to me, searching my face. He must have
found what he was looking for and sank his mouth into mine. I closed my eyes
and in that instant, images of Charlie and the lake dissipated into oblivion.

I don’t know how many minutes passed as we remained locked
together in one long, sumptuous embrace. It was the voices of young children
approaching that forced us to separate.

‘Let’s go in,’ I suggested, reaching for the door handle.
‘We can continue this particular conversation later…’ I turned and gave him a
coy smile.

‘Why not?’ he patted his pockets, collecting himself. ‘Don’t
think I’ve ever had such a meaningful discussion in a car park.’

As Stuart had promised, the lunch was delicious and my
appetite was gradually tiptoeing back. The restaurant specialised in organic,
local produce and I managed nearly half of probably the best winter pheasant
stew I’d ever tasted. Stuart had a sticky-toffee pudding all to himself and we
moved to a comfy sofa by the log fire.

I thought of how far we’d come since the doubts and unspoken
accusations of yesterday evening, but hanging around in the back of my mind I
knew there were parts of his story he hadn’t yet told me. I hated the idea of
pulling our romantic moment into darker waters, but I needed to know the rest
of it. 

‘You said there was more to tell about your nephew
and…Karen…’

He turned to me and took both my hands, pressing them together
between his. ‘How’s it going at the cottage?’ he asked.

‘Karen’s worrying me. She’s been good to me in the past, but
she’s not the fun-loving, bright spark I remember.’

It was true – and not just since the terrible business with
Charlie. Karen had seemed different; she’d been distant and tense from the
start.

‘She’s got her daughter back after a long life-threatening
illness and you’d think she’d be over the moon. But she doesn’t seem happy.
It’s as if she’s had her good qualities – the vibrant colours of her
personality – washed out of her.’

‘Why do you think that is?’

‘I’ve no idea. I had no contact at all with her for about
six years. I don’t know anything about her life now – a lot must have happened
during that time. You reckon she’s lied about those years since Uni, don’t you
– popping up out of nowhere with what now looks like a made-up story about
being in Hollywood…?’

He bowed his head. ‘Has she done anything else to make you
distrust her?’

The muscles in my neck had gone rigid. ‘Tell me what’s going
on,’ I said.

‘Okay.’ He leant closer and lowered his voice. ‘This is
going to be hard,’ he warned. I kept perfectly still. ‘Jim Cohen, the private
detective I told you about, has done a lot of background work trying to track
Charlie down. Charlie doesn’t have a criminal record, but seems to have friends
on the wrong side of the law and Jim came up with a bunch of names in
connection with his search. Karen Morley is one of them.’

‘O-kay,’ I said slowly. ‘What does that mean?’

‘Jim followed as many avenues as he could to try to find a
link to Charlie – he’s costing me a fortune, but he’s doing a thorough job.
Apparently, Charlie is pally with Don Rees; he’s married to Pamela Rees, who
was in Holloway prison until earlier this year.’

My hand was gripping his as if we were about to topple over
the edge of a cliff.

‘This is where it gets interesting,’ he said. ‘Pamela’s
cell-mate was none other than Karen Morley.’

Suddenly I was terribly hot, as if an inferno had
ignited inside my stomach.

I stared at him, my mouth gaping. ‘Karen’s been in prison?’
I was astounded. ‘It can’t be the same person – not my Karen.’ I’d raised my
voice and people in the restaurant were turning their heads.

‘It’s definitely her,’ he said, patting my knees. ‘Jim has
only just confirmed it. That’s why I couldn’t say anything before now. I still
haven’t got the details.’

‘What did she do? Why was she put away?’

‘Like I say – we don’t have the full facts yet. He’s working
on it.’

‘I can’t…not Karen…what could she have done...?’

An image of Karen standing in the snow beside the bonfire,
burning the stool, came into my mind. I thought about how methodical she’d been
about getting rid of Charlie, how in control she’d been the whole time. I
thought about how she’d appeared to call the police straight after we found the
body and they hadn’t come. About the car that wouldn’t start. The phone socket
in the sitting room she said she knew nothing about…

‘You’re in shock,’ he said, a look of concern darkening his
face. ‘Do you want to get out of here?’

‘No…’ I was staring into space, trying to figure it all out.
Did she know Charlie? Did she know why he had come to the cottage?

For the first time, the idea that Karen had killed him
solidified in my mind. I hadn’t dared let it take full hold before, but with
everything else – and her subsequent actions – it made sense.

‘She didn’t want the police involved,’ I muttered, not
realising I’d said it out loud.

‘What?’ he said.

‘Nothing…I don’t know…’

He held me close and I hid my face inside his jacket.
Everything seemed to be flashing; shapes in the room, pictures in my head. I
closed my eyes hoping it would stop, but it only got worse. 

He gently shook my arm. He’d been speaking to me and I hadn’t
heard him. ‘I said, do you want a coffee?’

‘Oh…a brandy, I think…’

He disappeared for a while and returned with two glasses – a
double shot for me and a soda and lime for him, as he was driving.

‘When will you know more?’ I asked him, gulping down half of
my glass in one go.

‘Jim will be in touch later today. I’ll let you know as soon
as I hear from him,’ he promised.

‘Thank you.’

He settled back, one ankle on the other knee, his arm around
me. It felt so natural to be cuddling up against him. Suddenly my life split
into two parts – before Stuart and now; this chance of a new beginning with
such a compelling man at my side. If only…

At that point he mentioned the police. ‘Did you hear?
They’re sending divers down into the lake – Loch Tierney.’

I tried not to stiffen. ‘Why?’

‘At least two families say they saw something early on
Saturday morning. A boat in the lake, something dropping into the water –
sounds very dodgy.’

I knew this beautiful encounter with Stuart was too good to
be true. The reality of the situation came flooding back over me again.
Everything wasn’t going to be alright. Karen and I had been seen.

I kept my gaze on him, tried to keep my hands still. Now the
police were going to find Charlie and start asking yet more questions. Stuart
would be beside himself. I couldn’t face a round of enquiries, omissions and
lies. I’d break – I knew I would.

‘Did the police say what they’d seen?’ my voice had weakened
to a hoarse whisper.

‘I don’t know. It was just a short update on the local
news.’

Nina might know more. I made an excuse to go to the Ladies’
and gave her a call. I told her I’d heard a boat was seen at the loch and asked
whether she could tell me any more.

‘Not really. Ted and Lorrie – do you remember? They saw
something. And a couple in the cottage further down, closer to the water. They
spotted the boat right in the centre of the loch very early on Saturday
morning, apparently. The sun had barely come up and they were out at the crack
of dawn looking for wildlife with their binoculars.’

I shuddered at her last word.

‘Did they…see what happened?’

‘Only that there were two figures in the boat – and they
threw something over the side. Something heavy. The police think it’s the boy.’

‘Oh – they think it’s Brody?’

‘Yeah – they’re sending divers down today. I didn’t really
want to go and look, but if you— ’

‘No, no, no,’ I said. ‘I’m just…you know…interested.
Obviously, I want the police to find him – but it might not…’ I stopped before
I gave myself away.

‘Malcolm and I are going out shortly – I’ve got my camera
and he’s got his paints, but if you wanted to meet up later, I could come and
collect you?’

I didn’t know if I could face it. The police would have
found the body by then – I dreaded to think what state he’d be in – but one
thing was for sure, they’d know it wasn’t Brody.

Nina would want to tell me all about it and I didn’t know if
I could keep up with the mock surprise,
They
found a man, not the boy?
I told her I’d call her later and thanked her
for the offer.

As Stuart and I walked back to the Land Rover, I felt
completely disconnected from myself. I felt dangerous, on the edge. I didn’t
trust myself to say anything, because I couldn’t guarantee that my words
wouldn’t run away with me and my mouth wouldn’t spill out all kinds of
revelations about my misdemeanours in the last nine days. Was it only nine days
since I’d got here and my life had become one long surreal nightmare?

Stuart took me on a scenic route back to the cottage. It was
starting to snow again, as I knew it would. I sat back and let everything wash
over me; his idle chatter, the bare trees and patchwork fields, the vacant road
winding ahead of us. I coiled in on myself, thinking and thinking about what
was going to happen next. Stuart took it that I was horrified and confused with
the revelation about Karen and didn’t appear to expect any conversation in
return.

The divers would find Charlie. The police would go round all
the cottages asking about him. They’d check the byre again. They’d look through
the remains of the bonfire. They’d find something. Someone might identify Karen
or me from the boat.

I needed to warn her. This was happening right now and we
had to deal with it – regardless of what Karen had done in the past. We needed
to run through our story again. I needed her steely resolve, because I could
feel mine unravelling.

I gave Stuart a firm hug at the front door, but didn’t
invite him in. I felt appalling guilt for keeping from him the one thing he was
here to find out.

‘I just need…you know…to let things sink in…’ I said. Part
of me wanted to tell him the truth, but somehow the words refused to form. I
had too much to lose.

He seemed to expect nothing more. He brushed my cheek with
his hand and said he’d call later.

The three of them were in the sitting room. Mel was in the
sling, tucked against Karen’s body, asleep.

‘Come and play cards,’ Mark called out. ‘Small stakes,
nothing too risky.’

‘It’s okay, thanks,’ I said wearily. ‘Karen…?’

‘What?’ She looked up, holding her cards in a fan in front
of her. I barely dared to look at her – unable to square the intelligent,
poised and captivating woman I had known with someone who had apparently been
tried, convicted and spent time in jail.

‘Can you come…a minute?’

‘What is it now?’ she huffed, standing up, trying not to
disturb the baby.

I led her upstairs, out of earshot of the others and told
her the news.

‘They’re going to find him…they’re going to find him…’ I
chanted. Everything was collapsing.

‘Keep your voice down,’ she snapped.

‘Shit – the police will check for blood. They use special
lights and it comes up blue.’

‘Shush – calm down. We burnt the rug.’

‘What about underneath it?’ Panic was bolting up to the
surface. ‘The blood could have soaked through.’

‘It was dry, clean. Honestly.’

‘But, we’ll have left traces on the carpet when we dragged
him down the stairs, won’t we?’ We couldn’t burn the stair carpet.

She sighed heavily as if I was overreacting. ‘They have no
idea he was here,’ she said. ‘Just wipe that whole story from your mind –
finding him, moving him to the byre, taking him to the lake. We don’t know his
name. We don’t know a thing, okay? He was never here.’

If only it was that easy. I didn’t want to tell her Stuart
was looking for him – I didn’t think that would go down too well.

‘What if they find something – his shoe might have slipped
off, or—’

She cut me off. ‘They
won’t
find anything.’ She took a step towards me. I flinched, expecting her to grab
me again. ‘Don’t let me down on this, alright? Don’t cock it up!’

At that moment Jodie called up the stairs shouting, ‘Your
turn, Kaz,’ and I lost her.

That evening I was glad to have the distraction of
cooking supper. I was on autopilot from the start; chopping carrots, peeling
potatoes, slicing cauliflower, dicing onions. I called it Lancashire Hotpot,
but I simply threw in a random mix of ingredients without thinking. The only
thing you could say about it for certain was that it was hot.

I’d called Stuart three times by then, but he hadn’t yet
heard from Jim.

The atmosphere around the table was unexpectedly subdued and
I suspected something had happened – another row between Jodie and Mark, a
telling off from Karen, an ultimatum from Mark? I scrutinised each of their
faces to see if I could work out who the injured party was, but they all seemed
equally downcast, barely communicating, only looking up to pass the salt.

Jodie and Mark offered to do the dishes without any
prompting and, while Karen was upstairs settling Mel, I tried the landline
again. Jim had called Stuart, but he had only a handful of details about Karen.
She’d ended a sentence in May, but he didn’t yet know her crime, or how long
she’d served.

By the time I put the phone down, I was overwhelmed with
exhaustion. There was nothing for it, but to go to bed.