No One Else to Kill (Jim West Series) (23 page)

“Is the sky blue?”

“Then let me suggest a Zinfandel from the Heritage Oaks
Winery.
 
Cross Benson recommended it to
me the first night I was here.
 
It was
very good and I feel like having some again tonight.”

“Sounds good,” he said.

Susan brought out the two glasses and took our orders.

“To Cross,” I said holding up my glass, “may his killer
soon be behind bars.”

“Did you know the guy very well?”

“Not well, but well enough to know he shouldn’t have died
the way he did.”

“For sure.
 
Do you think the police will catch the
killer?”

“I hope so.”

“This is good wine.
 
I’ll have to remember it.”

What was left of the hunting group, sans the
Schutte’s
, entered the dining room and went to their
favorite table.

“Think it’s one of them?”

“Seems likely,” I said.

“Kind of scary.”

“So, Colt, what’s the good news?”

“Oh yeah.
 
Did you two talk about your inability to save
that poor woman?”

“You mean Randi?”

“Yes.”

I thought back for a second.
 
I didn’t think I talked about it.
 
It wasn’t something I needed to dwell on, but
then I remembered.

“You know, he did make some comment about my trying so
hard, but that she still died.”

“That’s it!”

For a second, I thought he was going to high five me, or
at least shout eureka.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s really complicated and not easy to explain in
a few words.”
 
I translated that to mean
that I might be too stupid to understand the explanation.

“You have a short, sixth grade version of the answer?”

“Ha!
 
I didn’t mean
it like that, but I’ll try. One of the demons that
has
kept him from moving on since the incident has been his failure to act in any
manner to help that poor woman.”

“The woman who showed up, almost dead,
at his cabin years ago?”

“Yes. His inability to respond and provide her assistance
has been an issue we never could get past.
 
I reassured him as did others that there was very little he could have
done for her, but our efforts never penetrated his guilt.”

“I didn’t say anything to him that might have helped, at
least nothing I can think of.”

“No, Jim, you don’t understand.” Maybe he couldn’t help
being condescending. “It’s not what you said, it was the fact that you tried so
hard and the woman still died.
 
He saw
you try. He knew you were going at it like a person obsessed with saving
her.
 
He said you wouldn’t let anyone
pull you away.”

I listened with mixed emotions. He almost sounded that he
was happy that the woman died, but I couldn’t believe that he meant it that
way.
 
It reminded me of one of my boxing
matches as a
doolie
, or freshman, at the
Academy.
 
We were in the middle of the
third and final round.
 
Up to that point
it had been anyone’s fight, suddenly my opponent hit me with a right that I
never saw coming.
 
My mouthpiece went
flying and I saw stars, but I didn’t go down.
 
The ref rushed in between us and asked me if I was all right. For some
inexplicable reason, my head nodded that I was, and the ref reached down and
picked up my mouthpiece.
 
He placed the
mouthpiece, now covered with white powder from the canvas and a reddish hued
drool that hung down from it, back in my mouth. The ref motioned for the fight
to resume, and we stood there toe-to-toe and continuously clobbered each other
for the last sixty seconds in the manner of true amateurs.
 
I remembered I lost that match, but it was
the only bout where afterwards all the upperclassmen from my squadron who were
present came up to me, patted me on the back, and praised my efforts.
 
The loss mattered, but my willingness to
stand there and keep fighting won their admiration.

“Are you listening to me?” Colt asked.

“Oh, I was just remembering something.”

“About your wife?”

“No,” I wondered what made him think that.
 
“No, something else.”

“Anyway, it’s only one more brick in the wall, but every
step forward helps.”

“I would have thought that the shock of her appearance at
his cabin and the subsequent experience with the police would have caused the
majority of his problems.”

“They may well be the biggest factors, but sometimes it’s
something specific, something behind the scenes,
that the
patient has to overcome first before they can face everything
else.”

“But you said that you had discussed his guilt before.”

“Oh, sure, hundreds of times.
But
I obviously never really honed into it as I should have.
 
His treatment by me and others has always
been focused primarily on handling the shock of that poor woman showing up
there and the subsequent psychological trauma he went through with the police.
His guilt issues have been a side issue.”

“And maybe it shouldn’t have been?”

“Right.
 
I mean who wouldn’t feel a little guilty
about not being able to help?
 
Don’t you
feel bad about your inability in saving that woman?”

That woman.
I didn’t think of her
as that woman. I didn’t even like the way it sounded.
 
Perhaps Randi had become closer to me in
death.

“Of course I do,” I said.

“Well, to the rest of us, his guilt was a normal
reaction.
 
We encouraged him to get past
it, but never focused on it as a serious piece of the puzzle that had to be
resolved before the rest of his puzzle could be put back together. Besides it’s
actually a subset of the guilt.”

“The what?”

“That even if he tried his hardest back then to save her,
she still would’ve probably died. We encouraged him to move pass his guilt
because her death wasn’t his fault. However, we never honed in on his lack of
real skills to save her.”

I wondered why not, but didn’t ask.
 
It had already gotten too complicated for me.

“So you think he might be on the road to recovery now?” I
asked.

“I wouldn’t go that far.
 
That puzzle I referred to isn’t a two dimensional one. There are layers
to it, and there’s nothing one can actually see to evaluate progress.”

“So, do I get part of your fee?” I asked, trying to
lighten the conversation.

“Like I said, this case doesn’t pay.”

“I know, just kidding you.”

“He seems to like you, Jim.”

“Maybe he just sees me as a kindred spirit.”

“Could be.
 
No offense, but it’s easy to see you’re
carrying a lot of baggage.”

“Are you always this flattering, or are you just looking
for another patient?”

“No offense intended,” he said and somehow kept a straight
face.

“Can I get you a dessert?”
 
Susan had come to my rescue.
 
“We
have a very good Boston Cream Pie.”

“No,” Colt said.

I would’ve have liked to have used the moment to make my
escape, but the dessert won out.

“I’ll have a slice.”

“I’ll find a big one for you,” she said.
 
She’ll go far, I thought.

“Jim, I appreciate your talking to me.
 
This is the most optimistic I’ve felt with
Sean’s condition in a long time.
 
If you
don’t mind, I think I’ll head back to my room.”

“Not at all.
 
If I don’t see you before I leave in the
morning, good luck.”

We shook hands and he left.

Susan walked up to the table. “You’re staying aren’t you?”

I sat back down.
 
“Of course, I’m not missing out on that dessert.”

She placed the oversized slice of Boston
Cream Pie
on the table in front of me.

“I think I need a cup of coffee to go with that.”

“Coming right up.”

The dessert tasted great.
 
The perfect attitude adjuster after the conversation
with Colt.
 
I looked up and saw
Geri walk into the dining room alone.
 
She started to head to the table where her colleagues were seated but
spotted me and changed directions.

“Jim, mind if I join you for a second?”

“No, please do.”
 
She wore a flowered blouse and dark slacks.
 
A nice look, I thought. I could see her as a
CEO.

“I want to apologize for this afternoon.”

“Apologize?”

“Yes, for dragging you off with me and making you listen
to my woes.
 
I needed to vent. Sorry I
picked on you to listen.”

“Hey, not a problem.
Walking
through the woods with a pretty lady does wonders for my ego.”

She smiled.
 
“I
think you’re a nice guy, Jim. I wish we could have met long ago.”

“Me, too.”

She flashed a smile at me again and left to join her
friends. I could feel that second smile. It kind of hung there and wrapped
around you like a warm blanket on a cold night.

“Get a grip, man,” I said to myself. “I must be the
easiest pick up in the world.”
 
I took
another bite of my dessert.

 
walked
out of the
dining room intending to head up to my room.

“Jim, hey Jim!”
 
Bev called me from the bar.

I walked over.
 
“What’s up?”

“They dropped off my car a few minutes ago.
 
I was tied up and couldn’t leave.”
 
She nodded to a foursome I had not seen
before.

“Are they staying here?”

“Yes, can you believe it?
 
They hadn’t heard about the excitement we’ve had.
 
They’re over there discussing whether to stay
or leave.”

“Get a few drinks in them and their courage will grow.”

“Will you run outside with me in a minute to help me check
my car?”

“Sure, but let me go up to my room for a second.
 
I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I returned in a few minutes. I had put on my jacket in
case we spent too long outside.
 
Her car
had been washed and looked fine.

“Not as much damage as you thought?” The two light poles
provided enough light to allow us to inspect the car.

“No.
 
Had to get a
new tire, realignment and balance, but nothing bent or broken.
 
All in all, I say I was lucky.
 
I let the water catch me by surprise.”

“Well, it wasn’t easy to see.”

“True, but it flooded there last year, and I almost did
the same thing.
 
Think I would’ve
learned.”

“They cleaned it up.
 
Looks nice.”

“Thanks.
 
It needed
a good washing even before today, but that’s an expensive way to get a car
wash.”

“Better than being rolled off a cliff,” I said remembering
an incident that happened last year.

She looked at me inquisitively but didn’t say anything.

“Have you taken it for a test drive?”
 
I asked.

“No.
 
That’ll have
to wait until I get off, but they drove it here, so they should’ve noticed if
anything was wrong.”

“That’s true, and I’m sure they would have been happy to
fix anything else that needed repair. In fact, sounds like your friend runs an
honest shop.
 
Most places would’ve taken
advantage of you and fixed a few things that didn’t need it.”

“
Brrr
, I’d better get back
inside.
 
Thanks for coming out here with
me, Jim.”

“No problem.”

“I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to come out here alone.
Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said as we walked back inside.

The foursome that had been debating whether to stay or not
walked out of the lodge seconds after we returned.

“They
leaving?”
 
Bev asked the young man behind the reception
counter.