No One's Hero (Chadwell Hearts) (4 page)

—-♥—-

K
evin

Not again, not again,
I’m chanting to myself as I race around the hood of the SUV at a dead run. There’s smoke coming from the hood of her car, and all I can think is that I’ve failed. I wrench her car door open, relieved that it isn’t jammed shut, and snatch her out. The belt fights me until I reach across, unsnapping it as I pull her toward me in one deft move. She blinks several times just before I tuck her head beneath my chin, letting myself feel that she’s still warm and real and alive.

Once my heart has slowed, I lean back, rapidly scanning her pale face. “Are you hurt?”

She swallows, then licks her lips while I pry her chin upward with my fingers, prodding her with my sharp gaze. She looks shaken, but otherwise okay. “I’m fine,” she snaps, pulling away from me. “But my car isn’t.” Anger flashes in her blue eyes, like clouds blotting out the sun.

“You’re the one who took off like a crazy person. I forgot I was dealing with a teenager when I expected you to discuss transportation arrangements with me like an adult.” Technically, I’m not sure that I can quite qualify her as still a teenager, but she’s definitely acting like it, and the intended insult seems to hit its mark. Right now the age difference between us feels like a giant chasm, and I wonder if I was ever so reckless and immature.

“You didn’t want to discuss anything, you just wanted to boss and direct, expecting me to fall in line.” She crosses her arms across the swell of her chest.

She’s not wrong, but I’m not inclined to admit that to her, so yeah, I can be a bit immature. “I guess we’ll never know, and now it doesn’t matter, seeing how your car just became out of commission.” My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I wince as I pull it out.

“Yeah,” I answer, jerking it to my ear.

Axel’s voice screams through the receiver, “What the fuck was that?”

I contemplate the seething bundle of fury in front of me while I try to formulate an answer. If she weren’t standing right here, I’d probably tell him that the calm, sedate house cat he’d offered me was no ordinary kitten—no, I now had a she-tiger by the tail—and that my fee just doubled. But I that would go over about as well as a KFC running out of chicken. The hungry masses might revolt, and you never knew who they’d choose to eat alive. I didn’t plan to offer myself up. “We had a bit of a miscommunication, but we’re working it out. You’re going to need to send someone down to the end of the lane to retrieve her car. Probably just call a tow truck.”

“Christ, Kevin. I asked you to take care of her, not terrorize her. Angel wants to talk to her. Can you put her on the phone?”

I relay the request, and Lexi takes my phone, pressing it to her ear. I step away to give her some privacy, but I can hear Angel freaking out through the receiver as I go. Seems I’m not the only one with a fiery kitten by the tail. Under the guise of inspecting her car, I toss surreptitious glances behind me while Lexi talks animatedly into my phone.

After a minute, she stops shaking her head and she begins whispering, cutting off my ability to hear whatever she’s saying. I watch her transform, using the reflective window of her car as a mirror to observe unobtrusively. Slowly, the fight drains out of her, and I know I’ve won. My carefully schooled muscles jump, feigning surprise when she taps me on the shoulder. “Here.” She gingerly hands me back my phone and I casually glance down, noting the call has been terminated. “Just let me move my stuff to the SUV.”

All the fight has left her. The feisty girl—
the reckless girl,
I correct myself—is gone, leaving behind one who is nearly limp with resigned defeat. Something about it tugs my heart dangerously close to caring. It’s almost like her spirit has been broken, and I feel oddly guilty all of a sudden.

No good can come of thoughts like those, so I shove them aside. Whatever has brought the change over her isn’t my problem, other than the fact that it makes my job easier if she’s decided not to fight me. We don’t speak as we methodically move her saddle, tack box, three duffel bags, purse, and various plastic bins to the back of the SUV. I have no idea how she fit everything in the trunk, and yet, for someone moving away, it isn’t much.

Would she have packed more if she’d had a larger vehicle, or is she that determined to leave this life behind?

She slams her trunk closed and tosses her keys into the front seat. “Axel said to leave the keys and the tow truck would be along soon. We don’t have to wait.”

Honestly, I don’t think her car is worth towing. It looks like it’s been biding its time, just waiting for the worst possible moment to break down. But noting her scowl, I keep my mouth shut. For whatever reason, this stupid car means something to her, and I know from experience that sometimes people place an exorbitant amount of emotional value on things without financial correlation. I see it as junk, but to her, it’s everything.

Dammit. My guilt seeps through the cracks of my armor.

Wordlessly she trudges to the SUV and climbs into the passenger seat with all the enthusiasm of a prisoner headed to their execution. I catch her eye briefly before the door closes between us, and the hatred in her face catches me momentarily off guard. Somehow, I’m positive that I’ve quickly come to represent something she despises, and any chance of us having an amicable relationship may have just gone down the drain.

It isn’t necessary for us to be friends for me to be her bodyguard, so that suits me just fine. Hatred is ten times safer than love, or attraction.

And I’m not blind. I saw the way she ate me up with her eyes before she knew why I was here. Most women look at me like that—and that isn’t bragging, just fact. Half of them see someone who could give them a good fuck, and the other half see someone they can fix.

Only half of them are wrong, while the other half usually walk away satisfied.

If this weren’t a job, and if she weren’t Axel’s pet project, she could be one of them. But I learned my lesson—I don’t get physically involved with clients, and I don’t get emotionally involved with anyone. And I sure as hell don’t cross Axel.

Lexi doesn’t look at me while I settle in my seat and start the truck. Each time I glance over, she’s staring passively out the window, sadness haunting her reflection in the window. “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask against my better judgment as I merge deftly onto I-95, silently cursing the little Prius that tries to cut me off. I’m bigger and more determined, and I hold my ground.

She’s quiet for so long I’ve given up hope on her answering, when she speaks softly. “Do you always get your way?”

“Almost always.”

Lexi nods to herself, as if this confirms whatever is going through that pretty head of hers. The interstate is long and boring, and her silence screams at me, a constant reminder of how we started off on the entirely wrong foot. I should feel good about making it clear that I won’t tolerate her tantrums, but instead concern gnaws at me.

It isn’t until long after we’ve crossed the Virginia line that I suddenly understand why. Lexi’s teetering on the edge, and one small breeze might shove her over. If she topples, she’ll freefall, spiraling completely out of control, not caring about herself at all. Something is destroying her from the inside—Lord knows I should recognize the signs—and she’s staring down a loss of hope. Without hope, I know just how dark it can get. If she does fall over that edge, and stops caring at all about herself or her safety, it will be impossible for me to keep her safe. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Which means I now find myself walking a tightrope, unsure how to proceed. Axel might have hired me to keep her safe from Nick, but I’ve got a strong suspicion that what I really need to do is keep her safe from herself.

—-♥—-

L
exi

I should feel lighter and more free with each mile closer to Chancellorsville College. Instead, I just feel suffocated, trapped in more of the same. I’m trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter. College is still my ticket to freedom, and so what if I’m stuck with a bodyguard. Okay, so fine, I won’t exactly be having the typical freshman experience like I hoped, but I can still be pretty normal.

Maybe I should ask Kevin to pretend to be my boyfriend. Then, instead of everyone thinking I’m weak or helpless, they’d just think I’d scored a hot guy who was so wrapped up in me he constantly follows me around. And I’d be lying if I said being wrapped up in his arms after he pulled me out of my car didn’t feel good. I never thought of myself as the type of girl who would go all weak-kneed for the caveman routine, but his concern was so real, so palpable, it was hard not to be moved by it. There’s just something about knowing a guy is strong enough to take care of you if it comes down to it that’s sexy. And his rock-hard chest wasn’t so bad either. So yeah, he’d make great boy-fling material. But what if I meet someone who I’m actually interested in—sure Kevin is hot, but he’s an ass—and they think I’m already taken?  Hmm, no. Maybe posing as a fake boy-toy isn’t such a good idea after all.

I’m still mulling it over when Kevin breaks the silence. “Do you want to drop your stuff off at the townhouse before you check in on campus? When is orientation?”

“What townhouse?” For the first time since we left the farm a few hours ago, I pivot in my seat enough to look at Kevin fully. It’s nearing early evening, and he’s got dark glasses shadowing his face, protecting his eyes from the blinding late-day sun. In the awkward light, his hair is darker, and he somehow appears more mysterious.

Or maybe it just seems that way because once again, things have been decided that concern me, but I’m the last one to know.

“Axel and I agreed that it would be next to impossible to screen everyone coming and going from a campus dorm, so he’s rented you—us—an apartment near campus. Just think, you won’t have to share a bathroom with a bunch of other girls, no pesky resident adviser to stick their nose in your business—”

“No, that’s apparently what I have you for. And thanks, but no thanks. I’ve already paid for the dorm for the semester.” Rather, my student loans have.

“And Axel’s already paid for the apartment. Knowing him, you’re getting the better end of the deal.”

I’m sure it seems that way. Axel isn’t in the habit of sparing any expense when he decides to do something for someone, so I’m sure the place is fantastic. Just not for me. I don’t want a posh townhouse, I want to be in a crowded dorm, just like everyone else.

I'm quiet for a long moment, trying to find words that won’t sound stupid to voice what's in my head. The streets outside the truck window are quaint, and I can tell we’re getting close to the school. Pedestrians mill about on the sidewalks, going nowhere fast, as if they’re content just to be. I crave that, and pray I’ll find it here.

Failing to come up with a better way to phrase my thoughts, I just say it. "I want to have sex."

Kevin blinks. "That's terrible idea."  He licks his lips. "I mean—”

"Watch out!"

Alerted by my outburst, Kevin slams on the brakes and narrowly misses hitting a woman walking her dog. The tires squeal in admonition as he leans into the wheel, straightening the truck between the lines. "Shit." Kevin breathes heavily as the woman shoots us a dirty look from the safety of the sidewalk. He tosses her a small wave by way of apology, then continues as if nothing happened. "What I mean is, you’re beautiful, sure, but I don't want to complicate—”

“—I didn't mean with you." I can't help being a bit flattered and a bit annoyed, all at once. I mean, how freaking cocky is he, assuming I meant I wanted to have sex with him. It’s not like I’ve got super-high standards, and if I’m going to make up for lost time I can’t afford to be too picky. But Kevin has already been crossed off my mental possibility list. Even if I do keep finding the thought of his arms around me flickering through my mind. I’m sure it’s just because I don’t have a lot of experience, and I’m so anxious to remedy that. I’m not
actually
attracted to him for real. Even if he
did
just call me beautiful.

I smile, thinking about it.

"Well, that’s sort of humiliating.” He rubs absentmindedly at his chin, where a honey brown layer of stubble is just visible. “I just thought... Well, never mind, it doesn’t matter. So...you’re a virgin?" He flushes red, then quickly adds, “Not that that matters, either.”

Right. My turn to be humiliated now. My virginity isn’t something I generally discuss with anyone, much less with gorgeous boys who make my insides quiver even as they ignite my temper, so I’m not even sure why I brought it up. Except, I feel an indisputable need to make him understand why my freedom is so important to me. I’m not just a spoiled brat, and I know that must be what he’s thinking.  “It’s not that I didn’t have the chance, you know. Guys used to be into me, before Axel scared them all away. His excuse was that the guy I was dating wasn’t good enough for me, but between him and my parents, chances to date have sort of been slim. How much did he tell you about my mom and my sister?” I pause, waiting for him to offer some sort of reaction.

“Nothing really.”

His nothing is clearly something. Axel is nothing if not thorough—well, thorough and blind, but that’s a whole different matter altogether. He probably provided Kevin with my entire life’s history. Even though I tried hard to keep the different parts of my world separate, I’m not surprised Axel knew more than he let on. “My sister died in the hospital right after we were born. It was sudden, and my mother never really recovered. For my entire life, I've been forced to fill the hole. Trying to live for someone who's dead is...”

“Suffocating,” he finishes for me, in a voice that tells me he knows firsthand.

“I've been sheltered for the last eighteen years, unable to do anything that might be considered a risk. Between Axel and my parents, it's been like being stuck as a little girl. And I'm not. I need college to be different. I'm planning to live as much as possible. I'm going to make bad choices without feeling guilty for giving myself the chance to learn from my mistakes. I'm going to have sex. Hopefully a lot of sex, and if you or Axel have problems with that, you might as well go home now, because while I agreed to let you bodyguard me, I didn't agree to let you to take away my chance to live. My parents didn't know how to let me live, because they were so afraid something would happen to me too. My freedom died that day along with my twin's. Yes, I understand that Nick is a threat, but I'm not going to give up my chance to live just because he might want me to die. Seems to me living is my best revenge.”