No Ordinary Bloke (32 page)

It was too late anyway. I heard a car start outside the window, and I rushed to peek. Down below, I watched as Gerald closed the passenger door and then walked to the driver’s side. Instinct told me to yell and run to stop them, but reason said no. That wasn’t going to win her back. That only worked in the fucking movies. Real life was unpredictable and unfair. You didn’t always get the girl in the end, especially if you acted like an idiot chasing after a car. Who wanted to be with that sodding fool?

As I watched the old Land Rover speed down the drive, reason began to leave me as emotion took over entirely. I’d been dumped by the only woman I’d ever truly loved. I wasn’t an angst-ridden seventeen and feeling these things with little context for their meaning. I was thirty-seven. I’d been around. I knew how special she was—how special she was to me. Allison wasn’t replaceable. Sure, warm bodies could fill in for different aspects of her. I could share a bed, a dinner, or a day in the park with other women, but no experience would be the same without her.

Overwrought by the enormity of what had just happened, I sank into the old arm chair by the window. I pinched my brow and squinted to get a hold of myself. I tried to hold back the tears which demanded to be released, but that just made the nausea in my stomach churn. When I focused on not puking, a few tears found their way down my cheeks. I was a mess.

Minutes later, a soft knock rattled the door. “It’s Adam. Can I come in?”

“Give me a minute.” My words were garbled, as I tried to hide my tears.

Adam must’ve known I was in no shape for conversation because he was quick to answer. “Don’t rush, because Nicki and I are leaving for a few hours. Mum asked us to pay a visit to my dad’s old friend, Lester. He’s in a home now. We need to go this morning, so you’ve got the place to yourself.”

“Thanks.” Another wave of nausea hit me as I realized that most likely he and Nicki had originally planned to be gone for the day so that Allison and I could have some time to enjoy Lathan alone. Now they would be gone so I could be a morose bastard by myself.

Either way it was considerate and kind. I remembered that I needed to thank Adam for his kindness from the night before. I raised my voice a bit to say. “Thank you for last night. I hope everything is sorted out.”

“Everything is fine. Don’t worry about it. Lord knows you two weren’t the first people to ever get in a fight at The Kirkham.”

“Thanks, mate.”

“No worries. We need to leave now. Get some fresh air, all right?”

“Yeah, I will,” I said, though I had no intention at that moment of doing anything. “See you later.”

Five minutes later, I heard another car start. Peering over the back of the chair, I watched as the estate’s newer model Land Rover drove down the road. I turned back around and realized I was entirely alone. Alone and miserable.

My stomach churned some more, and I knew I needed food or I really would vomit. Even though I was the only person in the damn place, I was hesitant as I walked down the stairs. An enclosed room felt much safer. I poked around the kitchen, hoping to find something for breakfast, but nothing seemed appealing. Toast with coffee was all I could force down. As I sat by the kitchen window and looked out on the grounds, I realized that the place was fine right now while I was alone, but I really didn’t want to be there with other people. Gerald would be coming home soon enough, and I didn’t want to see him. He’d never ask a question about why he had to take Allison away, but I didn’t want any bloody questions or comments about her. I then imagined pained looks from Nicki as she fretted over what happened. Enduring that seemed impossible as well.

No, if I was going to be alone and miserable, I needed to be in my own home. I’d catch up with Adam later—I didn’t have it in me to talk to him that day. I closed my eyes imagining the pain of retelling what had just happened to me. No, I couldn’t go there.

Maybe in a few months I could talk about it, but not now. I looked about the kitchen, still messy from Little V’s food disasters at every meal. At least I’d tidy up the kitchen for them before I fled.

The last time I’d been rejected by Allison I was able to still a life that resembled the one I had enjoyed before her. True, I’d sworn off sex then, but I still carried on a social life with my family and mates. Not this time. I became a bloody hermit. It was only when Adam twisted my arm that I’d go watch football with him or grab a pint. He only brought up Allison once, asking how she was doing. It was his roundabout way of finding out what happened between us.

Just hearing someone else utter her name dug at my heart. I gave him the most direct answer, hoping that would be the end of it. “We split up.”

Adam’s expression became grave. It wasn’t like I’d ever said too much about my feelings for her, but he knew how much she meant to me. Jesus Christ, how could he not? He knew me better than I knew myself. He’d never seen me want to be with only one woman, so he understood what my intentions were for her. After a moment, he asked, “Have you talked to her recently?”

“No,” I said it so decidedly that he never asked again.

As the months passed, occasionally there would be a lull in a conversation, and I always wondered if he was debating whether or not to bring her up. It wasn’t that women were a bloody taboo subject. We’d still talk about the birds in the bar, but it wasn’t the same. After Allison, nothing was ever going to be the same.

O
nly a woman could ever be completely sure she knew what was best for someone else. While Adam tiptoed lightly around my pathetic life, the women in my world decided to stick their noses where they were neither bloody welcome nor belonged.

Elinor was the first to step in, albeit very tentatively and not very far. I was her boss after all, with a considerable age difference hanging between us. It really wasn’t proper for her to be too nosey about her younger boss’s love life. Sure, in the past she’d made little comments here and there, but she would never pry. That wasn’t Elinor’s style.

The problem was that I’d changed so much since Allison dumped me that it impacted Elinor’s job. She was under orders to decline every invitation unless it was required by my bosses. I figured I could close a deal in a boardroom; it didn’t have to hinge on dinner or drinks. Saying “no” all the time was difficult for her, so occasionally, she’d pop in to my office to ask for a specific reason I was turning down an invitation.

One day, I heard a knock on my closed door. “Come in,” I said, not looking up from the hedge fund prospectus I was immersed in.

“Excuse me,” she said, walking in and closing the door behind her. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

“It’s all right,” I said as I put down my reading. “What do you need?”

“I just received a call from Mr. Singh’s assistant,” she said as she held a small cream colored envelope.

“What does Hardeep need? You know I’ll help out however I can.” Hardeep Singh was in his fifties, and we’d worked together in various capacities over the years. After a career of small time corporate toil, he’d now struck it big. He was CEO of a small tech company that was on the brink of turning into a rather large tech company. We got on well and often joked that we’d made one another a lot of money. He was a great bloke.

“It’s just that you received an invitation to his daughter’s wedding.”

“Yes.” I looked down again at my reading to avoid her eyes. “You know what do with something like that.”

“I know, and I was going to decline for you, but today his assistant called to make sure you received the invitation.”

“And you said yes, but that I was declining so now we can all move on, right?”

“Well, I did say we had, but when I said that you most likely couldn’t make it, she said Mr. Singh would be very disappointed.” She smoothed the paper of what had to be the bloody wedding invitation. “Normally I wouldn’t think twice about what she said, but I do think it was rather significant he invited you. The assistant said it wasn’t a typical huge, Indian wedding. It’s quite small because the family only invited their closest friends.”

“I can’t go to a wedding.” The words came out panicked, and as they hung in air, I comprehended just how crazy I sounded. Why the fuck couldn’t I go to a wedding? Especially that of a close colleague’s daughter, when it was an honor to be invited.

Elinor’s expression softened. After a few moments of silence, she said, “Why not? What’s wrong with a wedding?”

I looked over her shoulder at the door, wishing so badly that it was open so I could pretend not to hear her. I couldn’t think of an answer for her that wasn’t the truth. On the tip of my tongue, the honest answer was waiting to come out.
“I can’t bear to be around happy people in love because the love of my life just dumped me.”
Avoiding her eyes, I opened a desk drawer and pretended to look for a pen. “I don’t usually go to weddings.”

“True, but this is Mr. Singh.”

“I’m busy.”

“Actually, your calendar is clear. What do you want me to tell them?”

“That I have a meeting in Santiago, Chile that I can’t miss.”

“All right.” Her voice was measured, though I knew she hated such a bullshit lie.

“Is that all?” I asked in too curt of a tone.

Again she was quiet. Because Elinor was much cleverer than me, she then asked a question that would tell her exactly what was going on with me. “Pardon me, but has my performance been lacking recently? I find you’ve been speaking to me differently lately. You still treat me very well, but you’re a bit sharp.”

Oh God. I was such an arse. She was the best damn assistant in London, and I was making her feel bad? That would never do. I dropped my reading back onto my desk. “I’m so sorry if I’ve given you that impression in anyway. Your work is top-notch, as always.”

“Well, thank you. I’m glad to hear that you still appreciate my work.”

“Of course.” Somehow I felt like I was still in trouble.

“Are you feeling well? You don’t seem yourself lately.” She tapped the wedding invitation in her hand. “You’re usually far more social.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine,” I said as my hand searched for that prospectus. I needed a distraction to get rid of her. “Just busy.”

“Maybe you should take a break. Maybe a holiday somewhere warm?”

“That would be nice.” Just then my fingers touched the prospectus, and I held it up. “Maybe soon.”

“Very well, then.” She smiled. “I’ll look into what might work with your diary.”

“Fantastic.”

As soon as she shut the door to my office, I flung the prospectus back onto the desk. Elinor had never booked a holiday for me in the past. I was a firm believer that if my employer was willing to give me a salary and paid holidays, then I was being paid to work and paid to take breaks, so I took those days off. If Elinor felt the need to send me on holiday, I must’ve been a bastard to be around.