No Ordinary Love (High Rise Novella Three) (4 page)

“I figured you’d need to talk about it.” Nat ruffled the blanket she was covered in to the side to make room for Alex. “And do you know how old Isabella is? She needs her beauty sleep.”

It was still weird to hear Nat talk about someone with such affection in her voice. She’d obviously dozed off while waiting for her. Her hair rioted in all directions and her big blue eyes struggled with the sudden light. Alex crashed down next to Nat and let her head sink to her flatmate’s shoulder.

“I feel as if I’ve opened Pandora’s box.” Alex took a deep breath before continuing. “The effect she still has on me took me by surprise. What Rita and I had was so all-consuming. I loved her so much.” Tears started welling up behind her eyes again. “Of course, she ruined it by getting off with her bloody tutor, but at the end of the day, she’s still Rita, you know. My Rita. Seeing her shook me so hard.” Alex brushed a teardrop from her cheek. “And she looked gorgeous as ever.”

“Maddie knows your disappearing act had something to do with Rita.” Nat cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t lie when she asked.”

Alex shook her head. “I walked along Bowen Road, all the way to Wan Chai and back thinking about what to do with Maddie. I don’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t see her. She called me several times and I couldn’t even face speaking to her on the phone. I have no idea what to say to her.”

“Tell her the truth. She’ll understand.”

“I don’t even know what the truth is. All I know is that when I saw Rita, everyone else paled in comparison. Maddie included.” Alex buried her face in her hands. “God, I feel awful just saying that.”

Nat curled an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Seeing Rita again was always going to be hard. Just don’t make any hasty decisions.”

“It was all too much too soon. Maddie is wonderful and I care for her a great deal, but what was I thinking? That I’d just jump into bed with someone who vaguely reminded me of Rita and everything would be all right? How utterly stupid.”

“Is there any part of you that would contemplate giving Rita another chance?”

“Every part of me not controlled by rational thinking.” Alex looked up and turned to face Nat. “Do you think that in our life we can come across one person who touches us so deeply everything changes? Someone we’d forgive the worst crimes. Someone we can’t help but fall for over and over again?”

“Oh, Pizza.” Nat drew her near and cradled Alex in her arms. “You need to sleep on this. Rita showed her true colours in the end and no one is as perfect as we want them to be.” Nat twirled her fingers through Alex’s hair. “I witnessed first-hand what Rita Lowe did to you. She does not deserve a second chance from someone as good-natured and awesome like you. She simply doesn’t.”

“I know.” Alex sniffled and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “I know she doesn’t deserve it.”

* * *

After a night of tossing and turning Alex got out of bed at the crack of dawn. When she walked into the kitchen to eat her morning grapefruit, she found Isabella drinking a glass of water.
 

“Morning.” Isabella was dressed in one of Nat’s black Blondie t-shirts and a faded pair of Nat’s boxer shorts. Without make-up and her hair in a tousled mess, she looked like a different person.

“Sorry for keeping Nat up last night.” It dawned on Alex how irritating it was that her best friend and flatmate’s girlfriend was her own girlfriend’s best friend.

“No worries.” Isabella deposited her empty glass in the sink. “I know it’s not easy that we’re all so up in each other’s business.” Was she reading Alex’s mind? “But I just want to say I’ve known Maddie for a few years and she’s a changed woman. Since she met you something opened up inside of her. She’s crazy about you and maybe she’s not good at expressing it, but it’s written all over her face.”

Alex stared at the floor. She was hardly in the mood for an early morning lecture on her relationship, but she didn’t want to offend Nat’s girlfriend.

“Point taken.” Alex waited for Isabella to leave the kitchen before starting her morning ritual of carving out grapefruit chunks, but Isabella stayed put, resting her brown eyes on Alex.
 

This must be how she gets people to say things they don’t want to talk about. A loaded silence and a stare that seems to see through you, as if she already knows what you’re going to say but is waiting for you to connect the dots in your head. How utterly condescending. Alex had always been more of a fan of working things out in the gym instead of talking them through.

“I presume I’ll see you in class this evening?” A night of fitful sleep hadn’t exactly cleared the fog in Alex’s brain, but she knew she needed to talk to Maddie sooner rather than later. She didn’t want to disrespect her even more by discussing Rita with anyone else but her.

“You will.” Isabella scooted past her, pausing to lay a hand on Alex’s forearm briefly. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“In Nat’s bed, you mean?” Alex hoped to lighten the mood. It wasn’t her style to take her insecurities out on other people, and she knew Isabella meant well.

“She does seem to experience difficulties letting me out.” Isabella tapped her on the shoulder and exited the kitchen.

Alex realised a clean break with Maddie—if that’s what she ended up needing—was out of the question. She’d have to move out of The Ivy first.

MADDIE

Maddie had barely stepped out of the shower when the chime of the doorbell startled her. It was seven a.m.
 

It could only be Alex.

A towel draped around her body and her hair dripping wet, she padded to the door and swung it open. Both fear and relief washed over her at the sight of Alex. She looked strung-out, worry visible in the shallow lines of her face and sadness swimming in her dark eyes. But at least she was there.

Maddie wanted to pull her in and hold her close for long moments, but she thought better of it. Alex hadn’t used her key. And she hardly looked like the bearer of good news.

“Come in.” She had trouble looking Alex in the eye. A persistently optimistic part of her screamed for recognition from somewhere in the back of her mind, but Maddie had known—and caused—enough heartache to know love didn’t always win. She was also a firm believer in expecting the worst.

Alex entered the flat without saying anything. Only yesterday morning they had been fine. Maddie had kissed Alex goodbye while she snoozed a while longer in her bed. Maddie hadn’t seen Alex since, but the vibe between them couldn’t be more different.

“Let me quickly put something on.” It felt wrong to receive whatever news Alex was about to deliver so scantily clad. Maddie rushed to her bedroom and slipped into a lying-around pair of jeans and a hoodie. Before heading back into the living room, she took a deep breath, tears already working their way up to her eyes.

“Do you want some tea?” Bringing water to the boil would give Maddie another few minutes of respite. Alex’s demeanour was enough of a giveaway. She sat in the couch like a bird with its wings torn out. Defeated and no sign of hope in her eyes.

“No.” Alex shook her head. “Please, sit down for a minute.”

Maddie chose the arm chair across from Alex. What on earth had happened in the last twenty-four hours? Alex was a mere shadow of the cheerful bundle of energy she usually was. Her hair was uncombed and even her muscles—always so divine-looking—seemed less toned.

“I’m sorry about going AWOL last night.” Alex breathed in deeply, as if calming her nerves. It didn’t stop her hands from shaking. She looked up and closed her eyes for an instant. “Rita contacted me about a week ago. I tried to ignore it, but…I couldn’t. I had to see her. I should have told you, I know that, but I had no idea it would be like this.”
 

Maddie let her body sag into the soft cushions of the chair. She braced herself for what was coming next.

“When I found out about her and Peggy, I was in pieces. And then you came along and it was simply wonderful. I happily fell in love with you because it allowed me to ignore all the pain she had caused me. I used you to feel good about myself again. To my surprise, it worked.” Alex looked away. “Until last night.” She swallowed and bit her lip. “There’s no easy way to say this.”

Maddie’s entire body started trembling, agony rattling her. She was forty but she hadn’t been on the receiving end of a break-up often. This one was about to knock her sideways.

“Are you going back to her?” Her voice sounded icy, exactly the way she wanted it to sound.

“Heavens no.” Alex shook her head. “Never.” She slid to the edge of her seat. “I guess I just need some time. I have all these emotions coming at me, things I haven’t dealt with. Issues I pushed aside the second you came along.”

“But you still love her.”

Alex sighed and gave a curt nod of the head. “I don’t want us to split up. Not like this. You mean too much to me. I just…” Alex massaged her forehead with her fingertips. “Aargh, this is exactly the kind of lesbian I never wanted to be. The one who overcomplicates things and doesn’t seem to be able to make up her mind.” She looked up again. “I don’t want to string you along and I want to be honest with you. Seeing Rita was a punch in the gut. Like the universe asking me what the hell I was playing at.”

“Let me stop you right there.” Maddie had enough of Alex going around in circles. “From where I’m sitting, it’s really simple.” Her heart thundered in her chest. “Either you want to be with me or you don’t. There is no in between.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say. It’s not so simple. It’s—”

Maddie cut her off again. “It is to me. You’re not over your ex. You’re not ready for this relationship. I get it.” Maddie tried hard to swallow back the onslaught of tears prickling her eyelids. “Don’t forget to return your key.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this. We can talk about it.”
 

“No, we can’t. There’s nothing left to say.” Maddie fidgeted with her fingers to keep them from shaking too much. “I’d like you to go now, please.” She shot Alex one last glare.

“I don’t have my key on me. I’ll give it to Isabella.” Alex rose from the sofa and the thought of her leaving, of her exiting the flat for good, caused Maddie’s stomach to contract painfully.
 

Maddie looked the other way, out of the window with the spectacular view. She didn’t watch as Alex made her way to the door and closed it behind her with the gentlest of thuds. She waited until she heard the bell of the elevator before bursting into tears and burying her face in her hands, soaking the hoodie—which turned out to belong to Alex—and staring into the darkness of her palms for a long time.

When she pushed herself out of the armchair after time seemed to have stood still for hours, she knew she was done with Hong Kong. She had tried and failed. She wasn’t enough for Alex, that sweet, kind-hearted girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly, but who had just ripped her heart to pieces.

ALEX

“I should probably move out.” Alex sat with her knees tucked into her chest on a chair across from Nat’s desk.

“Has seeing Rita fried your brain, Pizza? Because all of a sudden you don’t seem capable of making rational decisions anymore.” Nat looked shaken. Her skin was pale and her eyelids sagged over her blue eyes.

“All I was asking for was some time to figure things out—”

“You told a woman who loves you that you love someone else, Alex. No one wants to hear that. No one.”

“I was being honest.”

“Yeah well, sometimes a little white lie goes a long way if it keeps you from breaking someone’s heart.” Nat pinched the bridge of her nose. “I told you not to make any rash decisions, and what do you do first thing in the morning? Before the crack of fucking dawn…and for what? For that two-timing bitch who hurt you so much you couldn’t get out of bed for days? Do you remember? Because I certainly do.”

Alex rocked back and forth in her chair, hoping it would lull her into oblivion. She wasn’t expecting a pat on the back, but a little compassion would have been nice. Isabella had been right. They had all become too entangled.
 

“It’s not as if I’m going back to her. I will never forget what Rita did and I will most likely never forgive her, but stop reducing her to just that. We were together for six years and they were the six happiest years of my life.”

“I know, Pizza, I know.” Nat got up out of her chair. “But that’s over now. There was no need to sacrifice a perfectly good thing just for the memory of it.” She walked towards Alex and planted her hands on her shoulders. “I wish I could shake the righteousness out of you sometimes. It would make everyone’s life a lot easier.” Nat opened her arms and pressed Alex’s head against her belly. “You did what you had to do, but I believe you made a terrible mistake.”

“I can’t just ignore how I feel. That wouldn’t be right.” Alex buried her nose in Nat’s crumpled t-shirt.

“And heaven forbid something feels not right in the perfect world of Alessandra Pozzato.”

“When has my life ever been perfect?”

“That’s just it, Pizza. Life is never perfect, but you always try to be. It’s about time you gave that up and started slumming with the rest of us.”

Alex freed herself from Nat’s hug. “Do you want to go somewhere? Just for a few days. Phuket or Samui? Somewhere as close to perfect as possible.”

“You can run, but you can’t hide, Pizza. And if you have any feelings for Maddie at all, I strongly urge you to make it right as soon as possible.”

* * *

Ever since they’d met, Maddie had made it a point to make it to Alex’s Friday evening seven-thirty body combat class. Often barging in late, elbowing her way to the front—a dangerous thing to do in a room full of people punching the air—with a wide smile etched across her face. It was how they started their weekend, together and all the happier for it.

It was odd not to see her focused face, to not be able to shoot Maddie a quick wink in between tracks and dream about how her blue-grey eyes would stare into her own later, after a shower and a quick meal. Isabella and Nat kicked side to side and the fact they were there made Maddie’s absence sting even more.