No Place to Hide (10 page)

In the end it turned out that Brian Grayson, one of the teachers, had experienced a very pressing need for a bathroom and hadn’t wanted to use those that had been brought in specially.

“We’ve left him there with extra loo roll,” Matt informed them. “Poor guy would probably rather we weren’t all standing around waiting for him to come back when he finally makes it.”

As they all laughed and turned away, Justine linked her arm with Matt’s, saying, “Have you told anyone about the videogame thing yet?”

“Only you, and we don’t know if it’s actually going to happen, so we don’t want to jinx it by spreading it around.”

Understanding that, she said, “So when are you speaking to the agent again?”

“He’s going to call sometime in the next few days to let me know if the Japanese guy’s coming over to London. If he isn’t, will you be able to get away for a trip to California?”

“I’ll make sure of it. Two weeks max, I’d say.”

“Plenty long enough. It’ll be a great treat for the kids. For all of us.”

“And we can afford these things now the business is taking off.”

Pulling her to him, he touched his lips gently to hers. “You’re amazing,” he told her. “You deserve every bit of the success you work so hard for.”

“And yours is right around the corner,” she assured him. Not that his job at the BBC wasn’t going well, because it was, but it didn’t pay anything like the kind of returns she’d started seeing lately. Besides, in his heart he was desperate to write full-time, or design videogames now that the possibility had come up—anything that made use of his creative talents and would allow him to work from home.

It was already dark by the time the children finally began to droop with exhaustion, with only the fairy lights and streetlamps casting a dreamy glow over the park, and the smell of fresh grass, earthy water, and buttery popcorn lending their own magic to the night air. Kegs of beer and bottles of wine had been rolled out hours ago, blankets had been spread on the ground, and Matt had plugged his iPod into a set of speakers for those who enjoyed Dire Straits, or Frank Sinatra, or Beyoncé—he had just about everything.

It could hardly be more perfect, Justine was reflecting as she and Matt joined Simon and Brad under the tree to start getting the children down. A successful and memorable evening to end the infants’ school term, with a long and hopefully hot summer stretching out before them. Maybe even a trip to California, as well as the villa she and Cheryl had booked in Tuscany for both their families, and whoever else wanted to come along.

Wesley slid from the branches, settling straight onto Simon’s shoulders, followed by Chantal, who slipped gently into Brad’s arms before Cheryl came to take her. Next was Abby, awkwardly and headfirst, so that both Justine and Matt made a grab for her. Neither of them realized that Ben was coming down too until he hurtled into his sister, and quick as a flash Matt grabbed him.

From there it seemed to happen in a terrible slow motion: Ben swung upside down, his leg slipped from Matt’s grasp, and as Justine gasped in horror his head slammed with sickening force into the concrete below.

Present Day—Culver, Indiana

“Mummy,” Lula said quietly.

“Yes?” Justine answered.

Lula didn’t look up, simply carried on crayoning at the kitchen table, her little head propped on one hand while the other made careful circles on the page so she didn’t go outside the lines.

“Do you have something to ask me?” Justine clicked on her laptop to buy a new winter coat and snow boots for Lula from the OshKosh B’gosh online store. If they didn’t fit she could always send them back, or perhaps she’d venture over to Plymouth or South Bend on a shopping trip one day soon.

It was odd how she was finding it difficult to leave Culver.

Perhaps not odd, more understandable, considering how safe she felt here. What was odd, she’d decided, was knowing she was surrounded by people who had guns and yet she still felt safe.

Actually, she knew most of her new friends and neighbors owned firearms, though Sallie Jo had already told her that she didn’t, nor did David, nor any of their immediate circle.

“There are a lot of us anti-guns around here,” Sallie Jo had said, “but it’s not a battle we’re going to win in this county, or even this state, so for a peaceful life it’s a subject best not raised too often.”

“Anyways, it’s mostly farmers and hunters who use them around these parts,” David had added, “and I guess none of us really has a problem with that.”

Justine supposed she didn’t either, since the situation was much the same in rural England: farmers and hunters had guns, although only with permits, and no one was ever allowed to carry one about in public. She wasn’t sure if it was allowed here; she’d never spotted anyone with one, apart from the police of course, and even that seemed excessive to her, considering how tranquil the place was.

Chippingly had been every bit as tranquil. She’d felt safe there, until suddenly she wasn’t anymore.

“Mummy?” Lula said again.

“Ye-es?”

“When are we going home?”

Justine’s heart thudded. Where had that come from? She hadn’t asked it before, not even when she wanted to speak to Matt, or Rob. “We are home, sweetheart,” she said, almost dismissively so as not to make a big deal of it.

“No, I mean our proper home with Daddy and Abby and Ben.”

With a dry mouth and wretched heart Justine got up from the table and went to busy herself at the sink. How was she going to answer the question? Why hadn’t she prepared herself for it, when common sense alone should have told her it was coming? Except not now. Last year, maybe, even just after they’d arrived here, but coming out of the blue like this when Lula hadn’t mentioned Abby or Ben in such an outright way in months…

A torch beam flitting about in the woods suddenly caught her eye. She guessed it was Billy Jakes looking for rabbits. He was always out around this time of night. Thankfully he never came close to the house, even if there were rabbits on the lawn, and she’d yet to hear him fire a gun, so she guessed he must use traps. She didn’t approve of those much either, but the last thing she was about to do was launch herself off on some kind of moral crusade.

People in glass houses…

“Mummy, you didn’t answer my question.”

Justine carried on tidying the sink. More than anything in the world she longed to give her precious girl exactly what she wanted, but she couldn’t. There was no home there anymore. Matt, Abby and Ben had gone, just as she and Lula had, although in a different direction.

“I want to go home,” Lula whispered.

So do I,
Justine didn’t dare to say. She didn’t even want to think it. They were at home here, and this was where they were going to stay.

How was she going to communicate that to Lula in a way that made sense and wouldn’t upset her? And again she had to wonder why Lula was asking now, when it had been more than a year since they’d been together as a family. She’d felt sure Lula would forget. Lula had been only two when she’d gone to Rob and Maggie, and it seemed incredible that she still remembered her first home.

Justine wondered what her memories were, but she didn’t dare to ask. If she did, it would bring them to life, and that wasn’t going to help either of them.

“Why won’t you answer me, Mummy?” Lula asked worriedly.

Going to her, Justine lifted her up and held her tight. “We can’t go back there, sweetheart,” she murmured.

“But why?”

“Because this is our home now. We belong here with Sallie Jo and Hazel. You like being with them, don’t you?”

Lula didn’t answer.

“Don’t you?” Justine pressed, sitting her back so she could look into her eyes.

Lula nodded. After a while she said, “Hazel’s my best friend.”

“I know she is. Is it nice having a best friend?”

Again Lula nodded. “She’s nearly five,” she said. “Older than me, but not as old as Abby and Ben.”

“No, she’s much closer to your age. And there are all the other children at day care too. You didn’t know many children your age before, did you?”

Lula shook her head. Her sky-blue eyes were avidly searching her mother’s. “I like it here,” she suddenly said, and circled her arms round Justine’s neck.

Knowing she was saying it to make her mother feel better just about broke Justine’s heart. “That’s good,” she said softly, “because I like it here too. And the best thing is that we have each other, so we can go exploring together, and find a lovely house for us to buy.”

“Can’t we stay in this one?”

She needed some sort of stability, to know that things weren’t going to keep changing, people weren’t going to keep leaving.

“For a little while, yes,” Justine said, “but not forever, because it belongs to Mr. and Mrs. Stahl, our landlords. Do you remember, I told you about them?”

Whether Lula did or didn’t remember wasn’t clear as she laid her head on Justine’s shoulder and wound a finger in her hair.

This was too hard. It was at moments like this that she started to doubt her ability to cope. “Once we’ve bought a house it’ll be all ours,” she said cheeringly, “and we won’t ever have to move again.” Had she said the right thing? Was that really a promise she could keep?

Lula yawned and snuggled in more tightly.

“Time for a tired girl to go to bed.” Justine smiled. Carrying her through to her bedroom she began helping her to undress. The room was almost entirely pink, with stars and angels and butterflies dangling from the ceiling and sparkling net drapes over the bed. It was so similar to the room Abby had had until she was ten, when Matt had helped her to redecorate to her own design, that it was all too easy for Justine to forget where she really was.

Don’t think about Abby.

After bathtime Justine read Lula a story. Her favorite at the moment, because it was Hazel’s, was
The Runaway Pumpkin
, but Justine didn’t get any further than the first page before Lula was fast asleep.

Kneeling next to her, Justine smoothed a hand gently over her honey-colored curls, smiling through tears at the way she was cupping her adorably innocent face in her hands. She was like a little cherub who knew no wrong, had no understanding of what wrong really meant beyond arguing back to Mummy or putting her dress on inside out. She did both often enough, but there was a sweetness to her soul and a very real gentleness in her heart that made her want to be good. Whether she would always be that way, Justine had no idea; she only knew that she’d be a fool to take anything for granted.

“You will forget,” she whispered, “I promise.”

As a wave of unbearable emotion surged in her heart she got quietly to her feet, and leaving the door slightly ajar she returned to the kitchen.

It was gone midnight in London, too late to call Rob, but she dialed the number anyway and after a handful of rings her sister-in-law’s voice came down the line.

“Maggie, I’m sorry, it’s me,” Justine said. “Did I wake you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Maggie assured her. “Rob’s away for a couple of days, but how are you? Is everything OK?”

“Yes, it’s fine. I just…I just…” She was starting to lose it, couldn’t form her words.

“Take a breath,” Maggie urged gently.

Doing as she was told, Justine got herself back in control and finally managed to say, “Lula was asking about…She still remembers them…I mean, I knew that, but she wants to see them.”

Sounding worried, Maggie said, “What did you tell her?”

“I managed to get round it, sort of. Maggie, it’s like she knows it upsets me to mention them, so she doesn’t really want to do it…It’s awful. I feel so bad.”

“Where is she now?”

“Asleep. I’m sorry, I just needed to talk to you or Rob.”

“You know we’re always here.”

“Thank you.” After taking another breath she said, “I’ve decided to get her a dog. I know she misses Rosie, so I thought it might be a good idea.”

“I think it is too.”

“David told me about a Coton de Tulear not far from here that needs a home. She’s only a few months old, apparently.”

“Are they little white fluffy things, like bichons?”

“That’s right.”

“Then she’d be perfect. Can I ask who David is?”

“The local news editor,” and so Maggie wouldn’t read any more into it she added, “He’s a good friend of Sallie Jo’s.”

“I see. How is Sallie Jo?”

“She’s fine. Quite busy at the moment, so I haven’t seen much of her.”

Maggie said, “You mentioned in your last email that you were going to look for your grandmother’s house.”

“Yes, I thought I might, but I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea. David wants to write about it in the paper.”

Immediately realizing the problem, Maggie said, “And there’s an online edition? Of course, there always is these days. Can’t you just say you’d rather keep it a private affair?”

“I guess so, although he’ll probably find it odd. Anyway, there’s another issue with it, which is the way some people have reacted to my grandmother’s name, and when you add to it the fact that my mother won’t talk about her…Frankly, I really don’t have the heart to deal with any more scandal, or disgrace, or shunning, whatever might be lying in wait.”