No Regrets: A Novel of Love and Lies in World War II England (The Thornton Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

When Brighton entered her mind, she thought of Violette, who’d told her long ago to call if she was ever in need of help. Was that what she should do now? But, the only reason she’d left that safe cocoon had been because she wanted a healthy, decent environment for Chloe. Chloe was four years old. She was old enough to question her surroundings. If it had been a problem in 1941, it would be more so now. Was there anyone she could leave Chloe with for a short spell? Just long enough to get away and collect her thoughts?

Of course there was! She hadn’t been thinking straight. Josef was here now. That made things entirely different. He would understand completely. He wasn’t working yet, because the restaurant was still in the planning stages. So, he was home every day. He’d be able to make certain Chloe was at school on time and that she was cared for properly. Elise wouldn’t be gone forever. She needed a friend. Someone she trusted – and there weren’t many of those in her life. She knew Josef would agree with her plans. Once she’d had time to think – time alone – she’d make a decision about how to carry on. Violette had been the closest to a mother Elise had ever known. She’d be kind and caring. Elise trusted her advice.

When she rose the next morning, she fed Chloe breakfast and saw her off to school. Then, she approached Josef with the plan she’d devised. While he hated the thought of her leaving him, even for a short time, he had to agree that her idea made sense. He didn’t know Violette, but it was enough for him that Elise truly seemed devoted to her. There was certainly no question about the woman having been wonderful to his sister. She’d helped with money to begin anew and had made certain that Elise had the best care when Chloe was born. She’d cared for her during what had been a long, emotionally difficult pregnancy. If it hadn’t been for Violette, who knew if Chloe would ever have been born?

“Of course I’ll tend to Chloe. You know I love her. You need have no worry about your daughter. I do believe it would be good for you to be with a female friend for a while. From what you’ve told me, she sounds ideal. Rather like a mother. You’ve had a terrible shock. I understand your need to sort it all out and, while I’m your brother and am here for you, I also understand that women need other women. So, go with my blessing. There’s one other reason I think this would be wise. If you stay here in Thornton-on-Sea, while trying to work your way through this morass, there’s an excellent chance you’ll run into Sloan. I’ve already told you he still loves you – greatly. You know that I hope you two can work through all of this. But you’re my sister, and I want what’s best for you. So, I don’t think it would be good for Sloan to be able to have access to you. I know you still care deeply for him. Feeling as you do, it would be hard to think straight if you’re face-to-face. You’d think it would be easy, when both of you obviously still care for each other. But, I understand why it’s not. Take the time you need. Look at the dilemma from every angle and listen to any advice your friend offers. When all is said and done, you’ll know what to do. I feel certain of it. When do you plan on going?”

“As quickly as possible. It’s only a short train trip. But I need to let Violette know I’m coming. I wouldn’t want to just turn up on her doorstep, unannounced. I’ll have to write to her.”

“Why not send a wire? It would be much faster. You don’t have to give a long explanation at this juncture. You’ll have plenty of time to tell her every detail. Just tell her you want to come, and I’m sure she’ll cable back and say whether it’s a good time for a visit.”

“Oh Josef, you’re such a dear. Why didn’t I think of that? Of course, it’s the sensible thing to do. My mind is all muddled.”

Elise ran to the centre hall, where she grabbed her purse and cardigan. It was still September. Summer lingered with pretty, warm days and comfortable nights. She hoped such weather would continue until she’d accomplished what she wanted with her journey to Brighton. It was much easier to pack light, summer apparel, than heavy woolens. She sent the wire from the
Western Union Office
. It was short and to the point:

“Violette. You once offered me refuge. I need that now. May I come at once?”

She signed her name and paid for it to be sent immediately. The man at the counter told her they would ring her when a reply came. She’d ridden her bicycle and, as she left the storefront to return to her cottage, who pulled up to the kerb but Sloan Thornton? This was exactly what she was trying to avoid by going to Brighton
.
He disengaged from his automobile and walked toward her.

“Elise, please wait a moment. Don’t run. I won’t ask you to stay long. I know how you feel, and don’t blame you. I’m sure you know, by now, that I’ve spoken with Josef. I know what my behavior did to you, and I know that an apology isn’t going to begin to undo the damage I’ve caused. But it’s a beginning. I’m so dreadfully sorry. I would do anything to make it right. But I’ve no idea what that would be.”

Elise stood there with her head bowed, holding on to the handles of her bicycle. She was glad she had it for support. Finally she spoke.

“Sloan. I appreciate your apology. Yes, it was called for. But you’re right. This isn’t a time when a simple ‘I’m sorry’ is going to change very much. Your cruel words echo in my ears. Worse still, they echo in my heart. You must understand that it isn’t a matter of forgiveness. It’s a matter of trust. You showed me, unequivocally, that you didn’t have one iota of trust in me. The moment you were told one untrue thing about me, you believed it wholeheartedly. A person who loves another doesn’t act that way. And you! You, who prattled on about ‘soulmates’ from the very beginning. I don’t think you understand anything about true love. I have to go now. Chloe is at home with Josef. I don’t like to leave her.”

She considered mentioning that she was leaving Thornton-on-Sea, but then thought better of it. She didn’t want the faintest possibility that he would try to follow her. Elise climbed atop her bicycle and didn’t even glance behind her. He was wise enough not to utter another word.

She’d been home about three hours when the
Western Union Office
rang, saying there was a return wire from Brighton. She asked that it be read over the telephone.

“Always your home. No need to ask. Advise arrival time
.”

Dear, special Violette. Elise had known her response would be positive. Next, she rang the rail station and learned there was a train leaving Thornton-on-Sea at 3:05 p.m. She would definitely be on it. She found Josef in the parlour, reading the newspaper and told him her plans. He smiled and said he was glad. She also took time to tell him about her run-in with Sloan. Josef thought she’d handled it well. Elise ran up the stairway and pulled out her old luggage. The last time she’d packed had been when she was moving to Thornton-on-Sea. ‘How strange the world is’, she thought. ‘I would never have dreamed that I’d be returning to Brighton with a broken heart.’

She packed carefully – mostly clothing appropriate for a warm autumn, but she also put in some jumpers and a black, woolen skirt she could wear with nearly anything. Mostly, there were daytime frocks, under garments, and nightwear. She also put in a photo album of Chloe, so Violette could see how the little girl had grown. When she was ready, she went back down the stairs, where Josef waited to take her to the station. Chloe wouldn’t be home from school until after she’d left. She hated not being able to say goodbye to her little girl and voiced her concern to her brother.

“I’ll explain to Chloe,” he answered.

“Yes, but what will you say? I don’t want her upset in any way. She’s bound to think it odd that I’d simply run off and not even wait to tell her goodbye.”

“I’ll tell her a little white lie. I’ll simply say that you have a friend who’s being married and has asked for you to be there. I’ll say you received a wire. That you didn’t have time to wait until she came home from school, or you would have missed the train you needed to take in order to arrive in time for the wedding. Does that sound all right?”

“I suppose so, although I detest telling Chloe any sort of lie. Isn’t there something better you could say? If I get into a story about a wedding, she’ll want all of the details, and one lie will lead to another. Can’t I stay with the truth as closely as possible?”

“She remembers meeting Violette at Giselle’s wedding, doesn’t she?”

“Oh, I’m sure she does. That was the highlight of Chloe’s life.”

“Well, what about saying something came up, and you needed to speak to Violette about it. Nothing serious, but the sort of thing one about which one would seek advice from a mother. She knows you’ve always thought of Violette in that way, doesn’t she?”

“Yes. Both Giselle and I spoke of Violette often. She knows how thrilled we were when Violette came to Thornton-on-Sea. You don’t think it would frighten and worry Chloe if I run off so unexpectedly?”

“Not if I treat it casually. I’ll make certain Chloe knows this has nothing to do with her. Furthermore, I’ll let her think I don’t even know the full reason for the trip.”

“I hope she doesn’t think it has something to do with my plans to marry Sloan. What if she mentions that?”

“Elise, you’re analyzing this far too much. If she mentions Sloan, I’ll brush it off. I’m not about to give her an inkling of the problem between the two of you, nor let her think that’s what this is about. Maybe she’ll think you’ve gone to beg Violette to come to your engagement party and wedding.”

“All right. I’m going to have to tell Chloe the truth about Sloan and me, but that’s another thing I want Violette’s advice about. I want to do it in a way that will cause Chloe the least amount of pain.”

“I know that, Elise. Now come, I’ll drive you to the station. Then, I’ll stop and wire Violette your time of arrival. I’ll be back home by the time Chloe returns from school. Everything will be fine. Just make sure to let me know when you’re coming back.”

They sat in Elise’s old room at
Maison de Violette
. Elise had arrived just after five o’clock, and Violette had met her at the station. They stopped for a bite to eat at a small bistro and walked to the familiar, lavender house. Violette had prepared Elise’s room with lovely fresh linens, and the bed was turned back. Most of the girls in the house were either out, or sleeping, so there was no great fuss about her return. Neither Elise nor Violette had brought up the reason for such a spur-of-the-moment visit, but now that they were in a private, comfortable setting, it was time for a long chat.

“So, Elise. Tell me what this is all about. Of course, you know I’m happy that you’ve visited. But I know you well enough and, from the tone of your wire, there is obviously something amiss. I’m fairly up-to-date on happenings in your life – your love for Sloan Thornton – the engagement – the wedding plans. Something has gone awry. Am I right,
Mon Cherie
?

“Yes. You’re right. How perceptive you are.”

“Elise, I’d have to be a nit-wit not to have figured this out. What has happened?”

Elise burst into tears. Violette let her sob for a bit, before asking any more questions. She put her arms around Elise, holding her as a mother would, patting her on the back and murmuring soothing words. Finally, when Elise seemed to have reached a place where no more tears were flowing, at least for the moment, Violette resumed the conversation.

“Whatever happened, it’s come near to breaking your heart. I’ve never seen you in such distress. Please tell me, Elise, so I can know how to help you.”

Elise started at the beginning and told the entire story. There were many breaks in between, when sobs began again. Violette was patient and didn’t rush her. Occasionally she reached over and patted her hand, or cuddled her. Violette looked extremely angry when Elise reached the part about the words Sloan had spoken, but she made no comment. When Elise was finished, which included having seen Sloan outside of the
Western Union Office
, she hung her head. More tears streamed down her face. Violette took some time to answer.

“Elise. You have every right to feel the way you do. If you never wanted to see him again, no one could argue. But I’m going to ask you to think sensibly. It’s so easy to let emotions take over at such a time. I don’t want you to make a terrible mistake that you’ll regret for the rest of your life. First, let me ask you this. Do you still love him?”

“I don’t know, Violette. I don’t know. I shouldn’t. How can I love a man who would believe such things about me, without even letting me tell my side of the story?”

“Oh, you could, my dear, you could. And it wouldn’t be unusual or wrong. Life isn’t a fairytale. You know that. People love one another; hurt one another. It’s much easier to be hurt by someone you love than by a stranger. You care what someone you love thinks of you. So, I’m not a bit surprised to hear that you very well may still love him. I think you probably do. I don’t believe there would be so many tears, if he meant nothing to you.”

“You’re probably right. But how could I ever forgive him? He says he’s dreadfully sorry. He knows the way he acted was disgusting. But, how could I ever trust him again?”

“The answer to that is easy. You could trust him again because he has told you that he loves you, and that he knows what he did was wrong. Are you telling me you don’t believe people make terrible mistakes in life?”

“No. You know I’m not like that. But I can’t imagine a man who supposedly loves a woman, saying such heartbreaking things, let alone believing such rubbish about his future wife.”

“Elise, you know how much I love you. One of the reasons that’s true is because you’re still such an innocent. Love doesn’t always bring out the best in people. Love can also bring out the worst. Emotions are sensitive things. They’re also volatile. If one can feel incredible passion with their lover, one can also feel the opposite. Love wouldn’t be love if emotions didn’t rise and fall. That’s why marriage isn’t necessarily an easy thing. They, who think it is, aren’t very clear about what it means to put your heart into another’s hands. Elise, I’m going to tell you a story that I’ve never shared with another soul. But, I think it might help you to see this situation more clearly.”

“All right. You know I’ll keep it confidential. I can’t imagine that there’s anything I don’t know about you. You’ve always been so open with me.”

“I have been, but this is something I never thought would be important.”

“Please tell me,” Elise implored.

“After my husband and son died, remember I told you I went to London
,
and because of depression and lack of caring about anything in the world, I involved myself in this business?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Well, I left out one part of the story. I wasn’t a full participant, yet. The person I worked for was the head of what would be known today as an escort service. Gentleman paid us to accompany them to upscale events. It was rather like the venture that Giselle was involved with in Paris. Only, because it was at an earlier time in our history, there truly wasn’t any inappropriate behavior between clients and working girls. Remember, it was 1920. I was a beautiful girl in those days...”

“You’re still a beautiful woman,” Elise interrupted.

“Yes, well, I was only in my early twenties then. Our clients weren’t men on the prowl, looking for sexual partners. The vast majority were aristocratic gentlemen. Or, widowers, who didn’t want a woman to misinterpret their intentions and start pressuring them for marriage. Often, the men were homosexuals. You know, they’re still treated badly today. Back then, it was fearsome. They often needed a woman to accompany them to fancy balls and the like, especially during the Season, and our service fit the bill perfectly. It was all understood upfront. There was no concern on their part about marriage-minded mothers. I actually enjoyed the work. There was nothing seedy about it. We dressed in lovely gowns and were taken to elegant places. Seldom did anyone know we weren’t part of the crème de la crème.

Then, of all things, I fell in love. I’d never dreamed I could feel that way again, after the heartache I’d suffered when I lost my husband. The gentleman was extraordinarily decent and fine. A nobleman. He wasn’t a client. He was visiting his cousin in London. His home was in the Midlands. His cousin was a friend of mine. She was in not connected with my work – had no idea what I did. She rang and asked if I might like to accompany him to a debut ball at a country house. I saw no reason to reject the offer. I knew the girl whose debut it was. His cousin told me that he hated attending that sort of event without an escort. In other words, it was what would be called a ‘blind date’ in today’s world. I wasn’t the least concerned about it. After all, I’d been in many similar situations, except that the person escorting me knew it was a business arrangement. His name was Alan Bryant - Lord Alan Bryant. He was a young earl, who’d just inherited his father’s estate. When I met him, face-to-face, I was bowled over. He was extraordinarily handsome, sophisticated, and refined. Yet, he was also thoughtful and considerate – very down-to-earth. As much as I’d adored my husband, I have to admit that I was even more taken by Alan. Of course, he knew nothing of my employment status. He just assumed I was the dear friend of his cousin – which I was. We met, and it seemed like we’d known one another forever. We got on famously.

The ball we attended was like something out of a storybook. It was a gorgeous summer night, the house was filled with flowers of every colour and kind, and I wore a splendid gown. I could tell, as the night proceeded, that he liked me. Although I really didn’t believe in such things, it was honestly love at first sight. Nothing inappropriate happened. We were just two young people, who were very attracted to each other. After that, he asked me to walk out with him many, many times. I was so in love. I couldn’t believe my good fortune. I began to believe that all of the heartache I’d endured had been preparation for the lovely thing that was happening to me. He spoke of marriage, and of course, I would have walked down the aisle with him the next day. He knew I was a widow, and it didn’t matter to him. We were very close to announcing our engagement.

During that period, I continued to act as an escort, since I had no other means of making a living, and it was important that I always dress beautifully and look the part of a lady who could become a countess. That part of my life never interfered with the other part. It was as though I lived two separate lives. I knew the places where I might be likely to run into him and avoided them like the plague. Never once did that happen. Nor did I ever see anyone who knew him. That is, until one night when my escort was a gentleman who was also from the Midlands. He was older and a very decent sort, but no one in whom I would have been interested in. He took me to dinner at a lovely restaurant, following a stage play. While dining, he mentioned Alan’s country house –
Over Hill
Manor.
Apparently he lived very near there. That worried me a bit. Of course,
he
knew I was an escort. While there was nothing unseemly about my behavior, you can imagine that it wasn’t the ‘done thing’ among noble people. I certainly didn’t want Alan to know. But what was I to do? Tell the man the truth and confess my fears? Tell Alan the truth? Hope that he didn’t find out until after we’d married, or preferably never? All of those options ran through my head. I chose the last. I definitely swore that I’d never see Timothy again – the elderly gentleman - and prayed Alan wouldn’t find out. I would have quit the escort business at once, but I had nowhere to go. Because of the excellent money I made, I lived in a smart flat in Belgravia and dressed in the finest Paris-designed clothing. If I left the business, I don’t think I would have had enough money to pay for a lowly bed-sit in West Ham. More than half of my gowns were on loan from the service.

Well, to make a long story short, Alan
did
find out. He ran into Timothy at some event or other, and when they chatted about London, Alan told him he’d met a lovely lady in London. He told Timothy my name. Timothy hadn’t intended saying anything about the fact that I was a hired escort, but once he learned that Alan was serious about me, he felt he owed it to him to be honest. Alan was flabbergasted. And so began a scene similar to that which you’ve described with Sloan Thornton. He felt he’d been duped. I suppose he had been, but I hadn’t known how to cope with it. He said horrible, foul things to me. He had a right. Everything he said was true, except that I hadn’t done anything so terribly wrong. He was under the impression that women who did such work were prostitutes. I tried to explain, to no avail. He left me with a broken heart.”

“Was that the end of it, then?”

“No. I went to his cousin, my friend. I explained everything, and while she was horrified at my confession, she wasn’t disgusted with me. She was a woman, after all, and women understand these things better than men - righteous prigs that they are. She went to him and told him my entire story. He understood, after listening at length. He was ready to forgive me. But, fool that I was, I wouldn’t allow my pride to accept his forgiveness. I thought he should apologize for the things he’d said, and the way he’d behaved. So, instead of reconciliation, there was another row. That time, I said terrible things to him. I won’t go into all of it. Suffice it to say that what I said was enough to kill whatever feelings he had for me. That was truly the end. I threw my life and happiness away for pride. After that, I did become a full-fledged prostitute. I didn’t have to. But, I was angry and saw it as a way of throwing his words back in his face. I was a fool.”

Elise was weeping by that time. It was a miserable tale, and it hit all too close to home. Instead of finding the solution to her problems, she was even more confused. Violette asked her one more question.

“Elise, are you trying to punish him for hurting you, and is your pride overriding common sense? If you truly don’t believe you could ever trust him again, then I don’t think there’s a future for the two of you. But, if you aren’t being honest with yourself –well – perhaps you need to re-evaluate.”

Violette stood and kissed Elise on both cheeks.

“Sleep,
Mon Cherie
. A good night’s sleep can do wonders. I want you to be happy. You know I’ll be on your side, no matter what. But I don’t want to see you throw away happiness with both hands, like I did.”

***

Elise was still at
Maison de Violette
two weeks later. She’d thought and thought about what Violette had said. She had finally come to the conclusion that, if she were very honest with herself, pride was the primary obstacle to a reconciliation with Sloan. She was sitting at the writing desk in her private rooms. There was a knock on the door. Knowing it was undoubtedly Violette, she didn’t even turn around. She just called softly, “Come in.” The door opened and she continued to write.

Without glancing up, she said, “I’m writing a letter to my brother, Josef. I’ve just finished one to Chloe. I’ve told them both that I’ll be retuning soon. I know Chloe is anxious about me, and I miss her. I miss Josef too. I’ve reached the conclusion that my pride has been standing in the way of listening to Sloan. What’s more, when I really think about it, isn’t what I accused Sloan of doing to me, the same thing that I’m doing to him? Not allowing him to explain. I’ve been wrong. I pray I haven’t lost him. I know that my love for him was very real. It still is. I need to go home and speak to him. We can work this out. It was a horrible misunderstanding. Just like what happened to you. I love him, Violette. I don’t want to lose him.”