Noah (4 page)

                Noah

Bells found me
near the old willow tree at the far end of the pasture. It was a far walk unless you were on a golf cart or a horse. Even though my father had wanted to sell them, we still had a few horses that my sisters rode on occasion. The biggest one was named Oz. It had been a while since I’d ridden him, but I knew it would get me away from everyone else. With a bottle of whiskey in my satchel, I took him out in hopes for some peace and quiet.

“I knew I’d find you out here. Maybe you should answer your phone from time to time.” She climbed off and led the smaller female horse named, Puddles, over to tie her up. “It would have saved me the hassle of saddllin' this one up. She’s tough to deal with.”

“She doesn’t like to be ridden anymore, that’s why.” I took a swig of my dark colored beverage and looked out at the woods.

My cousin plopped down beside me and grabbed the bottle from my hand. She took a few sips and handed back, while scrunching up her face. “That is awful.”

“It does the job.”

“So you’re tryin’ to get drunk? That’s real classy with the whole family here.”

“If you’re here to give me shit you can just turn your little ass around and go back to the house.” As much as I missed her, I wasn’t in any condition to hear her giving me advice.

“What is your problem? I know it’s not just me. You forget I know you better than that.”

I covered my head with my hands and closed my eyes. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Bells. I need to get the hell off of this ranch.”

“You mean tonight? We can go out –.”

“Not just tonight.” I looked over at her. “For good. I’m so fuckin’ sick of it here.”

I’d mentioned it to her before, but I don’t think she’d ever believed me. Usually it was after some heated discussion with my dad, where I just needed to vent.

“This again?”

I stood up and walked away from her. The rustle of
the dried grass let me know she was following behind. “Just stay out of it. I’ll wait until you all leave to tell my parents.”

Her hand grabbed my arm at the elbow. I turned to face her, feeling disturbed and unwilling to explain my reasoning any further. “Where are you goin’ to go?”

Our eyes met and I could see concern in hers. “Bells, no matter where I go you’ll always be welcome. I ain’t goin’ far. I just want more for my life. I’m tired of bein’ told what to do. Maybe I want to build houses, or work in an office.”

“You’re bein’ ridiculous, you know you don’t want that.” She was right. Those jobs sounded horrible.

“Maybe I do. Has anyone ever asked me? No! They haven’t. This family is so fuckin’ one-sided. I ain’t doin’ this same old shit anymore.” I took off my baseball cap and wiped the sweat off my forehead. “I ain’t yellin’ at you, Bells.”

“I know.” Her arms wrapped around me and she let her head fall on my chest. “I’m sorry about earlier though. I guess I’ve got my own problems too. Ever  since college ended all I hear about is what I’m goin’ to do next.”

“I’d still like the damn opportunity to be able to have a choice. Do you know how hard it is to wake up every day and know that someone has your future planned out for you? I’m sick of it. This shouldn’t be up to my dad or even my grandmother. My dad thinks that since he was cool about runnin’ the ranch, I will be too. That’s bullshit. I’m not him.” As the words escaped my lips I realized that I’d raised my voice.

Bells stared at me with wide eyes. “As pissed as we both know he’s goin’ to be, you can’t NOT say anything, Noah.”

“Yeah, well, I was tryin’ to find the right time to do it.”

She let out a sigh. “There’s probably not goin’ to be a good time to talk to him. I know you’re pissed, but you takin’ over the ranch means everything to your dad. He’s not going to be calm and collected.”

There had been plenty of times where I wanted to bring it up. He had to know I was miserable. I hadn’t kept it a secret. “Yeah, I’m aware of that. It ain’t like there’s ever goin’ to be a good time.”

“Noah, please don’t get mad at me for askin, but are you sure this ain’t just you rebellin’? I mean, are you goin’ to turn around and realize that this is where you belong, after it’s too late?”

“Bells, trust me. I know what I’m doin’.”

The words were said with confidence as they left my lips, but somewhere inside of me my heart was telling me something completely different. I’d fought with myself over them each and every night. I wasn’t exactly sure why, because I knew I wasn’t happy. It was just there, buried deep inside where nobody else would ever know.

Bells and I enjoyed the sun setting and the sounds of nature all around us. We’d talked about many things, but finally she asked something that I wasn’t sure I had an answer for. I guess I just hadn’t thought that far ahead to even consider it.

“Noah, what are you goin’ to do if your dad tells you that you have to leave? I know he’s your family, but we both get how strict he is. Have you considered that he’s goin’ to be so pissed that he tells you to leave the ranch?”

“I don’t think my mom would let that happen, Bells. If anyone can calm down my dad it’s her.”

“Just promise me one thing.” She looked right at me, as if her question was extremely important. “Promise me that if things get heated you’ll walk away and cool down. I don’t want to see what happened last time. This weekend is goin’ to be so special for your parents. I know you. When you get a plan churning in that head of yours, you take matters into your own hands. I know you’re not goin’ to wait until after everyone leaves. You
rollin’ around in the dirt with Jake wasn’t cool. You could have avoided it.”

It annoyed me that she’d said that about me. If I’d ever been anything in my life it was devoted. “You have a good point, and I will respect it, this time. I won’t ruin their party. Contrary to what y’all might think, I do love my parents. It ain’t like I look for reasons to sabotage their happiness.”

She laughed. “You took that the wrong way, cuz.”

I nudged her, knocking her down in the grass. “Well then learn how to say it right, dammit. I don’t have time to decipher your English.”

With just a crack of sunlight left to see with, we gathered the horses and rode back to the barn. I noticed my little sister, Addy, and my cousins, Josh, and Callie
standing behind one of the out buildings. At first glance they weren’t doing anything wrong.  They were all close enough in age where it wasn’t like one was leading the other.

Bells put her hand up for me to stop walking toward them. “Did you see that?” She backed us up behind a large John Deere tractor that was sitting perfectly between the barn and other building. “I saw smoke.”

I started to move and she grabbed a hold of my arm. “Wait! Do you remember us smoking for the first time, on this very ranch?”

“That’s different.”

She pulled me back again. “How so? We were younger then they are, Noah. Stop actin’ all big and bad.”

That instance the hint of marijuana filled my nostrils. “Son of a bitch!” I easily pulled out of my cousin’s hold and headed in their direction. Though still far enough away, I could see my cousin, Josh dropping the joint on the ground and standing on it, hiding the evidence. He was the youngest out of all of the kids, so he definitely had no business sneaking around.

Their faces were priceless, all looking as if they were going to go to jail. Footsteps tromping behind me let me know that Bells was high on my tail. “What are you three doin’?”

Josh p
ut his head down. My sister Addy spoke up, taking the lead like she always did. “We were hangin’ out. What’s it to you, Noah?” For a teenager, I had to give her points for having lady balls. That kid would stand up to anyone.

I pointed at her face. “Do you have any idea what dad would do if he caught you out here smokin’ pot?”

She motioned for me to walk back the way we came from. “Mind your own business, Noah. You ain’t dad.”

In that moment I felt overcome by anger. I grabbed a chunk of her hair and yanked her away from everyone else. “I may not be your father, but I’m as close to it as you can get. Get your ass back to the house before I tell everyone what you three are back here doin’.”

She pulled away from me, getting up in my face the best she could being a foot shorter. “You’ve got no proof, and besides, you wouldn’t dare be a dick like that.”

I leaned forward, almost touching her face with mine. “Little girl, don’t you dare lie to me. I’m goin’ to give you one more chance to walk away, or I’m goin’ to kick your little ass myself.”

My sister punched me in the gut, then huffed and puffed toward the house. Her fist had done nothing but knock the wind briefly out of me. “You better not let me catch you again, Addy.”

She turned with her hand on her hip. “Or what? You goin’ to tell on me? I’m so scared,” She said as she rolled her eyes.

“What is wrong with you? Are you still pissed about the party I wouldn’t let you have?”

“You’re the lamest brother on the planet. Get out of my face, Noah.” She motioned for me to walk away.
“Seriously, give me a freakin’ break.”

I watched her walk up the porch steps and go into the house. I wasn’t a dick. Telling my parents wasn’t something I’d do, not unless I had to.

While I’d been privately dealing with my sister, Bells was handling our other cousins. She came back to join me once they’d all left. Afterwards she picked up the joint, brushed it off and smiled, I knew exactly what she was planning on doing.

She lifted it up to her lips and lit it with a lighter. “Where’d you get that?”

“I took it from them. If they don’t have a lighter they can’t smoke.”

She handed me the joint and let the smoke out of her mouth. “You’re evil.”

I’d always  been anti drugs, but marijuana wasn’t exactly considered a drug, per se. Plus, I needed something to take the edge off of my stress. I took a hit and passed it back.

“Stop lookin’ around. We’re adults, Noah. We can do what we want.”

I started laughing loudly and coughing at the same time. “No, we really can’t.”

She hunched over, giggling even harder. We both knew we weren’t stoned yet, so this was just us blowing off steam, getting silly because we were both so annoyed with our lives. Suddenly, she stood up and looked at me. “Do you really want me to move in with you?”

I sighed and closed my eyes for a second, wondering what it would be like to live with a woman. I’d wondered about having a live-in girlfriend and never wanted it, but this was different. Bells was my family and I knew that out of anyone in the universe I’d want it to be her. Besides, she’d be cool if I didn’t come home, or even if I brought someone home with me. Sure, she’d be opinionated, and probably never like a single female that walked through the door, but that was what she did anyway. “Yeah, it would be cool.”

“What the fuck are you two doing?” I recognized both the look of horror on Bells face and the sound of her father’s voice.  She handed me the joint inconspicuously, but it was obvious what we’d been doing.

“Hey, Dad. When’d you get here?”

My uncle Ty began to laugh. “I came out to bust Josh and his sister, and I find you two instead. We could smell that shit from the front porch. Noah, what the fuck did I tell you about pressuring my little girl into drugs and other illegal activities?”

I looked at Bells and she smiled. “Sorry. We were just reminscin’ that’s all. Come on, Dad, I know all about your party days. You probably still do it with uncle Conner.”

Uncle Ty was a crazy man. Growing up he’d taught me how to be funny, mischievous, and also that no matter what I did, there’d be a time to grow up and be responsible. “Back in the day I did a lot of things. If your mother caught me out here smoking dope with our daughter she’d cut my balls off and grill them as an appetizer. Put that shit away. There’s kids here that look up to you. You know better.”

Maybe we should have told him that we’d gotten it from the kids, but it seemed stupid to get them in trouble when we were adults.

“Dad, wait up!” Bells went running over toward him. “Don’t be mad at me. It was just for fun. Neither of us do it everyday.”

I smiled, watching Bells kiss up to her father. Aside from me, he was who she’d always turned to. Their relationship had begun on the day she was born. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t her biological father.  She’d never have another dad, or want one.