Nobody's Angel (14 page)

The ground beneath her foot was suddenly not there. Lucy slipped down three stairs before she grabbed the balustrade and stopped her fall. Her arm wrenched in the socket as she clutched the wood beneath her desperate fingers. The stair beneath her feet felt insubstantial and treacherous. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears, her knees had turned to rubber as she clung to the banister and watched him take two steps toward her. Lynne screamed, but Lucy could barely make out the words. Her mind skewed desperately back to another place and another man. She couldn’t breathe. She was choking. Her vision flickered black around the edges.

Run!
Lucy turned, her feet taking the stairs two at a time. She didn’t stop for a coat, but hurtled through the front door, her heart pounding so loudly she could hear nothing else.
Get away,
the blood pounded in her ears.
Run, Lucy, run.

The air hit her like a slap in the face, but Lucy barely felt it. The pavement was icy beneath her feet as she scrambled. Her footing went out from under her and she hit the ground with a bone-jarring thud. She tasted the coppery tang of blood in her mouth, but she didn’t stop. She crawled back to her feet. She must escape.

A large form materialized out of the dark in front of her and Lucy screamed. The form moved and she brought her hands up to shield her head.

“Lucy?”

Hands on her arms, confining her and stopping her from getting away. Not this time. She wouldn’t let it happen again. She was stronger now. Lucy kicked out. Her foot slipped again on the ice and she almost fell.

“Lucy, stop.”

The hands prevented her from falling. Strong arms enfolded her against a hard chest. She wrenched her head free. She couldn’t breathe.

“Lucy, don’t make me shake you, baby.”

Richard.

Her mind did another dizzying whirl and she stopped. Her breath caught in her throat and her head dropped forward onto his chest. She smelled sweat and Richard and she dragged the comfort into her lungs.

“What the fuck happened?” he asked.

She heard her mother’s voice, but Lucy couldn’t frame the sound into words. Beneath her ear, his heartbeat pounded slow and sure. Richard spoke again, a deep rumble through the breadth of his chest. She felt numb. She was aware of her feet moving, being steadily propelled forward. The cold crept around the edges of her perception and she shivered. Her teeth chattered in her head.

Lucy looked up.

Richard’s face was set and grim. The details started to drop into place. He led her, half-carried her, toward his house. Lucy’s chest constricted. She’d totally freaked out and she’d done it right in front of Richard. She wanted to run and hide, but his hold on her was firm and unrelenting.

“I’m okay now.” Her voice sounded stronger than she felt.

“Bullshit.” He marched her up the porch and through the front door. Lucy found herself in his kitchen again, being gently, but firmly, shoved into a chair. “Stay there,” he said. His face was streaked with perspiration. Lucy took in the workout gear, the sweat making it cling to his body. He must have been out running again.

“Richard.” She cleared her throat. “I really am fine.”

His mouth tightened and he shook his head. “Stay there.” His voice brooked no argument. “I am going to see what I can do for your mom, but you stay there.”

Her mother. Lucy shot out of her chair as she realized she’d left Lynne there with that crazy old bastard.

Richard stepped right in front of her. “Sit.”

Lucy’s knees folded beneath her.

“I’m going over to see what’s happening, but you need to stay right here.”

The door slammed behind him and Lucy felt the silence in the kitchen press down on her. She propped her elbows on the table. Her hands were still shaking. Fuck. She had totally and completely lost it. She hadn’t done that in years. It was this place. Being here was going to drive her out of her fucking mind.

She wanted a drink, but she knew she wouldn’t have one. The need to run and keep running had her halfway out of her chair. She could leave while Richard was still in there with her parents. She could get in her car and drive, but where?

Lucy shook her head and sat down again. She knew she wasn’t going to do that either. Her knee ached and she bent to examine it. Her jeans were ripped and blood seeped out, staining the fabric around the tear. She must have done that when she fell. When she fell running out of the house like a crazy woman. Carefully she tugged the sides of the rip apart to assess the damage. It wasn’t a deep cut, more of a bad graze.

She wondered what Richard was doing over at her house. With a groan she dropped her forehead onto the table. Way to go convincing him she was the new and improved Lucy. She’d dragged him into another one of those scenes he hated so much. She should never have come back here. It had seemed so right when she and Mads talked it over. It was going to shit so fast it made her head spin. Tears pricked the back of her eyelids and she raked in a hard breath. She couldn’t cry, she couldn’t.

Time dragged by, but Lucy focused on her breathing. The faint scent of almonds rose from the wood beneath her face and she grabbed onto that small detail. Drawing in the calming air and letting the ball in her chest unravel as she breathed out again.

She heard the door open and she sat up.

Richard stalked into the kitchen, his face carved into grim lines. The silence stretched between them as he walked over to the faucet and poured a glass of water. He brought it over to the table and set it in front of her.

“Is my mother all right?”

“She’s fine,” he said curtly. “I had to give your dad something to calm him down.” He ran an impatient hand through his hair. “I have to take a shower and then we’ll talk.”

It was the last thing she wanted to do and Lucy started to rise to her feet. One look made her sink back down again.

“I should go,” she protested.

“No.” Richard had a look on his face that promised questions, questions she really did not want to answer.

“I won’t be long,” he said and left the kitchen.

She was alone with her lunatic thoughts again. She glanced around her for distraction. The kitchen was as immaculate as ever.

He must have had the world’s fastest shower, because he was back in the kitchen before she had time to formulate a cohesive set of answers. He was in another pair of disreputable track pants and a T-shirt, his hair wet and slicked back against his head. He didn’t speak, but knelt in front of her. Lucy wondered what he was doing, before she felt his hand grasp her calf as he peered at her knee.

“It’s nothing,” she said, dismissing the scratch.

Richard didn’t seem to hear her as he examined the wound carefully.

Lucy wriggled beneath his clasp. He really was making too much of it. “I’ve had worse.”

He sucked in a deep breath and looked at her. “That was my next question.”

“It’s nothing, Richard.” She shifted her leg out of the warm hold of his hand. “My dad got aggressive with me and I had a meltdown.”

“You’re lying, Lucy.” He got up and moved back to the counter. He found some swabs and a tube of antiseptic ointment. He put warm water in a bowl and came back to where she sat.

Lucy hissed in a sharp breath as he cleaned the scrape. He kept his head bent. His hair was drying, curling up slightly at the edges. Lucy wanted to reach out and touch the softness of those curls. Richard had always kept his hair short because he hated those curls. He worked in silence, smoothing ointment over her wound.

“Do you think I’ll live?” She tried to lighten the mood.

Richard grunted and rose fluidly to his feet and sat opposite her. His eyes searched her face intently.

“Your dad is getting worse, you know?” He clasped his hands together in front of him on the table. Richard had long, elegant fingers and Lucy stared at them. “I recommended a center I know. It’s nearby and he can stay as an outpatient or live in. I’ll write up my assessment and send it to Lynne in the morning. I tried to talk to your mother tonight, but she’s very upset.”

“No kidding?” Lucy huffed. “I’ve never seen him like that. He was like a complete stranger.” They were drifting closer to that place she did not want to go. Lucy talked to fill the silence. “I mean, you know he’s never been the most charming man around, but nothing like this.”

“Lucy?” he cut across her babbling. She snapped her mouth shut. “Your dad is sick and we can do something about that, but I want to know what the fuck happened to you out there.”

“I told you—”

“Lucy.” He leaned forward. “What happened?”

His eyes bored into the back of her head. He was not going to back down and Lucy sighed. She so did not want to go there.

“It was a while ago.” She dropped her eyes and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. She hated talking about this. “I’m over it.”
Which is why you went apeshit tonight,
her mind whispered. Lucy gave a short laugh and looked at him.

She could see the same thought in his eyes.

“For the most part, I’m over it.” She drew a shaky breath.

He watched and waited.

“I don’t know what happened.” She shrugged and clasped her hands together on the table. Two inches separated her hands from Richard’s and she realized she’d unconsciously mimicked his pose. “My dad started to get aggressive and suddenly I’m right back there.” She met his gaze and held it. Concern darkened his eyes to indigo. “Something like tonight hasn’t happened in a really long time.”

“Who was this guy? Jason?”

Lucy almost laughed at that. “No,” she said hastily. “Jason had lots of charming quirks, mostly around not being able to keep his dick in his pants, but he never hurt me. Not physically.”

Richard looked down at his hands for a long while. He stretched his fingers out until they touched hers. The smallest brush with the very tips of his fingers, but the warmth spread over her entire hand. Her fingers relaxed and he slid his between hers and tangled them lightly together.

“No matter how angry I was,” he spoke at last, “I would never have wished that on you.”

“Me neither.” Lucy shrugged. “But it’s a strange thing, because in the end it was what got me sober. I had to go that low before I could claw my way up again.”

His fingers tightened around hers. “How low?” His voice was a soft growl.

“I’m not going to get into the details with you.”

Richard’s face tightened.

He was not happy about that, but Lucy shook her head. The details were unimportant anyway. “His name was Peter and he was fun and exciting and he never judged me on how much I drank. Not such a nice guy as it turns out. A bit too quick with his fists.”

Richard drew in a soft, harsh breath.

Lucy smiled ruefully. “He wasn’t nearly as ready to put up with my shit and my drama as you were.”

“Lucy?” His voice was so tender it almost undid her control.

Lucy pulled away. She couldn’t risk the touch, not with her soul laid bare. “Peter put me in the hospital in the end.”

Richard closed his eyes as if hearing the words pained him.

“That’s where Mads found me and dragged me back into the land of the living.”

“Mads?”

“My sponsor.” Lucy smiled. Mads, her sponsor, lifeline, and biggest nag.

“Luce?” Richard’s eyes were unguarded and stripped bare of pretense. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that shit.”

“No,” Lucy agreed, unable to look away from his stark honesty. “But I was drinking and so was Peter. He was a mean drunk.”

“I wish I’d known. I—”

“What?” Lucy cut him off. “There was nothing anyone could do. It was my battle and I had to fight it alone.”

“I’m sorry.” He took her hand again. “I’m sorry you got hurt.” He raised her hand slowly and pressed his mouth into the palm. His lips were warm against her skin.

Lucy’s fingers folded over the place he’d kissed as if she could hold the warmth in.

“I never thought of you as being in trouble.” He frowned down at her hand.

“I know that.” Lucy blinked at his bent head. “None of this is your fault. It’s all on me and I can live with that.”

Richard absorbed that in silence for a long while.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to talk to Ashley.” He spoke so suddenly, Lucy started slightly.

“No, you shouldn’t,” she agreed.

Richard gave her a wry smile.

It tugged at something deep within her. “Ashley doesn’t want to hear it from me. I could only make things worse for you.”

“I was reaching,” he said, shrugging one shoulder.

“Reach in another direction,” she suggested and he gave a short bark of laughter.

“So, you won’t talk to Ashley and we’re good?”

“Or something?” Lucy agreed. She tugged her hand out of his light clasp. “I should go home.”

“You’re going back there?” His forehead creased into a frown.

“My mom is there.” Lucy didn’t want to go back into that house, but her alternatives were not looking huge right now. “You said you had him calmed down?”

Richard nodded.

“And I know he’s sick.” She spoke with a lot more confidence than she felt. “He’s never done anything like this before.”

“You could stay here?” Richard suggested, but Lucy could see him regret the suggestion even before it had hit the air.

“No, I couldn’t.” She shook her head and got slowly to her feet. Her knee felt sore and bruised, but not even sore enough for a decent limp.

“Lucy?” Unspoken thoughts and feelings crowded into the small space between them. He wanted to touch her, she could read the intention in his eyes, but she couldn’t let him. It would shatter what little composure she’d managed to regain.

He reached for her, but Lucy stepped away. His hand dropped back to his side. “I’ll walk you home and make sure everything is all right.”