NOCTE (Nocte Trilogy #1) (26 page)

TRIGENTA
SEX

I’m
in my bed.
 

The sunshine is bursting through my
windows, flooding the room with light.
 
I open my eyes, to find Finn sitting next to my bed.
 

“Dramatic, much?” he asks, his eyebrow
raised
.
 

I gaze around the room, only to find it
empty, but for my brother and me.

“Where’s Dare?” I ask quickly. Finn looks
away, shielding his thoughts from me.

“Gone,” he simply says.

Gone?
 
Without another word?
 
Or explanation?
 
Or anything? I know I told him to go,
but still.
 
God.

My stomach balls up, like it’s being
constricted in a vise.

“Dad’s downstairs getting you some
breakfast.”

“I don’t want breakfast,” I say
petulantly, staring out my windows. The sky is still blue, the sun still
shines… even though Dare is gone.
 

“Are you ok?” Finn asks finally.
 
“You passed out on the beach.
 
Dare carried you here, but once dad
found out that you’d gotten upset while you were fighting, dad made him
leave.
 
What happened?”

“Nothing,” I mutter.
 
“I’m just surrounded by secrets and
craziness and I can’t let Dare keep secrets too.
 
I want him here, I want to be with him,
but I’m going to lose my mind if the people in my life don’t start being
straight with me.”

Finn stares at me, startled.
 
“What do you mean by that?”

I don’t blink.
 
“I think you know.”

But before he can reply,
we’re interrupted by my father
.
 

He breezes through the door with toast
and juice, like it’s an ordinary day.

“Good morning!” he calls out, setting the
tray on my stand. “I’m glad you’re awake.”

I stare at him icily.

“You sent Dare away.”

My father stares back, standing his
ground.

“You literally passed out on the beach,”
Dad tells me concisely.
 
“While you
were having a fight with him.”

“My love life is my business,” I remind
him.
 
“I decide who to send away.
Not you.”

My father shakes his head. “I decide who can
stay on my property,” he tells me. “And you’re under enough pressure without
adding more to it.
 
Dare understood.
He agreed, actually.”
  

“Dare agreed that he shouldn’t be with
me?” I ask doubtfully.
 
Dad’s
expression slips a bit.
 

“Not exactly.
 
He just agreed that he shouldn’t be here
last night.
 
I’ll let you decide
when you want to talk to him next.
 
But
when you do, you need to make sure you’re ready. Being emotionally involved
with someone is a big deal, honey. Especially when your emotions are fragile
already.”

I ignore that.
 
“Where did he go?”

 
“I don’t know,” my
father
answers firmly, walking back to the doorway. He walks out and I stare at the
wall, fighting the
red hot
tears that well up in my
eyes.
 

“I sent him away and he was the only one
outside of you and dad who has ever loved me,” I tell Finn without looking at
him.
 
He looks flustered and scared
and sad.
 

“There was mom,” he offers hesitantly.
 

“She’s dead,” I say icily.

He can’t argue with that.
 

“I want to be alone,” I tell him
finally.
 
Alone with my thoughts, alone with my pain.
Because I gave myself to him and he left
me.
 
I sent him away and he accepted
that and he’s gone.

Finn startles, staring at me in
surprise.
 
Because
I’ve never wanted to be alone before.
 

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“Ok,” he finally agrees. “But if you need
me, I’m right down the hall.”

He slips out after looking over his
shoulder reluctantly, but I don’t call him back.
 
Instead, I pull the blankets up and
stare at the oceans, at the boats on the horizon. I wish one of them could take
me, and sail me to wherever Dare is.

He might be hiding things from me, but
the pain on his face was real.

He loves me.

No matter what, I have to believe
that.
 

It’s what anchors me.
 

I close my eyes and sleep.

When I wake, I find Finn’s St. Michael’s
medallion on my
night stand
. He left it with me
because apparently, I
am
the one who
needs it.
 
Also, it’s evening. I
slept all day.

Hesitantly, I swing my legs out of bed
and sit at my desk instead, opening my laptop.
 

I punch Adair DuBray into a search
engine.
 

I’m half-surprised that 1. A ton of
results are returned.
 
And 2.
 
I’m only just now doing this.
 

I scroll through the results hesitantly.

Apparently, his family, or his
step-family
, rather, are very affluent in England.
 
They’re old money, and every Savage
(that’s their last name) goes to Cambridge University.
 
Dare went there himself, and graduated a
year early.
 

There are tons of pictures of him posted
… pictures of him at various parties, with various women on his arms.
 
The articles mention how he’s a
disappointment to the Savage matriarch, because of his wild ways, his inability
to settle down,
his
refusal to conform.
 
His partying ways are compared to that
of Prince Harry.
 

You’ve
got to be kidding me.
 

What kind of family is he from that
gossip
sites are so interested?
  

He lives on some huge estate called Whitley,
with his grandmother.

Eleanor Savage.

A widow, she had two children, Laura Savage
and Richard Savage II, both deceased.
 

She has three grandchildren, but only one
is named.
A step-grandson, Adair DuBray.

I stare at the picture of Eleanor.
 
Even in the picture, her mouth is drawn
tightly into a frown, like she’s perpetually displeased, like she’s unable to
be satisfied.
 
No
wonder Dare doesn’t like her.
 
No wonder he’s a self-proclaimed rogue.
 
 

I read an article interviewing him after
he graduated Cambridge early and with honors.
 
He told them that he was off to America for
a while. That was earlier this year, back in the
Fall
.
 

So he’s been here since the
Fall
, and he was only just hunting for an apartment when he
met me?

How strange.
 

I look again at the pictures of him.
 
He’s surrounded by
drunk women, beautiful women
.
 
All long golden legs and blond hair.
 
In one photo, he’s got his arms wrapped
around one girl, with a drink in his hand as he flippantly toasts the
camera.
 
His eyes stare into the
lens… black, black, black as night.
 

Black as anything I’ve ever seen.

Blacker than my sadness.
 

I gulp back tears because I already miss
him.
 
Because I
gave my body to him.
Because I don’t want him to ever take a picture
with another blond girl because
he’s
mine.
 
Because
he’s hiding something from me and because I want him anyway.
 
Does that mean I’m weak?

I choke back a cry and pick up my
phone.
 

I text him quickly, although I’ve never
texted him before.
 
I didn’t have to before… he lived a
hundred feet from my house.
 
But now
he’s gone.
 

I
miss you.
 
Even though you have your
secrets.
  

I slide the phone across my desk and
climb back into bed.
 

I don’t know how long I
sleep,
I only know that it’s daylight once again when I open
my eyes.
 
Finn is sitting in my desk
chair, watching me, concerned.
 
He’s
pale, his skinny hands clasped in his lap.

“You’ve got to eat something,” he tells
me.
 

I turn my face away.
 
“I don’t feel like it.”

“You’ve been sleeping for two days,” he
points out.
 
That surprises me, but
I don’t show it.
 
“At least take a
drink.”

He pushes a glass of water at me.
 
I lean up, take two sips,
then
lie back down.
 

“Go away, Finn.”

He studies me, his blue eyes appraising
me, searching me.
 
“You know, if
you’re trying to show dad that he was right, this is the way to do it,” he
points out.
 
“You’re acting crazy…
clinically depressed.
 
Is that what
you’re trying to do?”

“It takes crazy to know crazy,” I mutter
and then I feel guilty when Finn flinches.
 
Pain gushes through me, remorse. “I’m sorry,” I say quickly.
 
“I didn’t mean that.”

He shrugs, pretending it didn’t
hurt.
 
“That’s all right.
 
It’s just the truth.
 
You’re acting crazy right now.
 
If dad’s wrong and you’re really in a
place where you should be dating someone, get out of bed and act like it.
 
Show them, Calla.”

He stares at me plaintively with that
challenge and I hate him right now for being so logical.

For being so right.
 

“I’m still tired,” I tell him
miserably.
  
I want to stay in
here where it doesn’t matter that I’m alone.
 
I want to stay here where nothing to get
to me.
 
Not mom’s death, not Finn’s
crazy, and most of all, not Dare’s absence.
 
  

Finn shakes his head.
 
“I’ll check on you later.”

I watch him leave,
then
grab my phone.
 

No new messages.
 

Dare didn’t answer.
 

I close my eyes.
   

“Get up.”

I open my eyes, and it is dark once
again.
 

I have no idea how long I’ve been in bed,
but I’m assuming it’s been another day.
Or twelve hours.
 
Or twelve years.
 
Who knows and who cares?

I stare up at Finn.
 

“Enough, Calla.
 
You’re stronger than this.
 
Maybe you don’t care, but I do.
 
I need you. I need you
up,
I need you to be strong.
 
Sleep through the night if you want to,
but in the morning, I need you to get your ass out of bed and quit feeling
sorry for yourself.”

He’s firm and stern and brotherly.
 

My eyes fill up with tears, so I close
them.

I hear him sigh as he walks away and
closes my door.
 

****

Finn

I sit in my sister’s desk chair and watch her sleep. I stare
at the tears streaked down her face, the way her hair is matted and wet.
 

This is pathetic.
 

Her pain causes me to hurt.
 

FixItFixItFixIt, the voices
chant.
 

I can’t.
 
That’s the bitch of it.
 
I can’t fix it.