Not Another Vampire Book (35 page)

Kara
frowned as they moved forward, her eyes scanning the prisoners trapped inside
the various cells.  Some of them were listlessly slumped on the ground.  Some
of them were crying for help or shouting threats.  Some of them looked dead.  “Okay,
seriously.  Who are all these people?”  She demanded, horrified by the medieval
conditions.

“Enemies
of the crown.”  Fibos ignored the Vampiric misery all around him and headed
down the row of cells.  “I imagine King Slade is in isolation.  He’s too
powerful for this kind of containment.”

“You
mean, you guys
always
keep them here like this?”

“Of
course.”

Kara
couldn’t imagine anything worse than being here in Vampire jail.  What was
wrong with these people?  Damien sure didn’t keep prisoners like this.  When Damien
took
her
captive, he’d given Kara whatever she asked for.  A safe place
to sleep, trips to the
Wild West Show
, incredible orgasms…  The man had
honest-to-God battled dragons for her.  How dare the Vamps call Damien a
creature, when he was such a good man and they had rats and corpses in their
basement?  The Vampire Isle seriously needed some prison reform.

She
glowered at Fibos’ back.  “Did you ever see
The Shawshank Redemption
?”

He
ignored that.  “That’s it, just up ahead.”   He pointed to the cell at the end
of the hall.  It looked different than the others, its bars shimmering like
gold dust.  They must be supernaturally enforced somehow.  Tanya didn’t really
have another way to signify magical crap.  It all kinda glittered.

“Slade?” 
Kara called as loud as she dared.  “Are you in there?”

“Witch!” 
Slade’s voice boomed from inside the darkened depths of the cage.  “Thank God
you’ve come for me!  I’m chained to the wall.  Hurry!  I’ve been bruised!”

Karalynn
peered in at him.  Sure enough, SuperVamp was strapped to the far wall with
gilded ropes, his tank sized arms pulls up over his head.  For some reason,
which Kara didn’t really want to speculate on, he was also shirtless.

“Oh,
my mighty king!”  Melessa pushed forward, all but shoving Kara out of the way. 
Her china doll face pressed up against the bars, trying to spot her ‘1 twu luv’. 
“Tis, I!  Lady Melessa Fairrose.  Your
real
Eternal-One, come to save
you!”

A
long dramatic pause, then:  “Melessa!”  Slade absorbed and adapted to the plot
twist in record time.  No doubt Mel’s almost nonexistent neckline had a lot to
do with his sudden firm belief that she was his predestined bride.  He stepped
closer to her as far as his bindings would allow.  “Finally, I have found you! 
Oh, how I have long dreamed of this moment.”  He paused, his face turning
away.  “But, you should not have come, my treasure.  It is far too dangerous
for a delicate girl, such as you.  You should have allowed the Witch to rescue
me alone.”

Kara
tilted her head back and counted to ten.

“Oh,
Slade!”  Melessa clasped a hand to her chest in a move specifically designed to
draw attention to her décolletage.  “How could I not come rushing to your side
in your hour of need?”  She paused, her eyebrows drawing together.  “Plus, your
toad of cousin has taken over our castle.”

“Worry
not, my heart.  I shall save our magnificent home from that stable boy.”  Slade
smiled.  “You must stay safe, precious darling, and allow the Witch and I to
slay To’kel alone.  Remember, you are but a flower caught in a storm.”

Annnnd
that was about all Kara could stand.  “Fibos, can you get him out of there?” 
She asked, before she did the literary world a favor and gagged both of the
star-crossed imbeciles.

“Yes,
immediately.”  The Vampire sidekick sounded weepy with emotion.  “It is
so
good to see you again, your majesty.”  He breathed reverently as the four other
Vamps bowed at their king.

“Of
course it is.”  Slade agreed, with characteristic Slade modesty.  “Now hurry
and free me.”

That
was easier said than done, what with the glowy magic bars blocking their path. 
One of the Vampires had stolen a huge ring full of keys from someplace and they
began trying them one at a time.  One at a painstaking, super slow,
they-were-totally-gonna-get-caught time.  Kara
really
missed Damien.  With
his powers, he could get through the damn lock in about three seconds.  There
wasn’t a doubt in her mind.  Without him, this was going to take a while.  She
puffed out a breath and glanced down at her watch.

Right.

Kara
impatiently dug the manuscript out of the depths of her purse.  Chapter
seventeen should have started by now and she needed to know where they were
supposed to be heading here.  She flipped the pages back, tilting the novel so
she could read the print by the light of the nearest torch.

Let’s
see…  Last chapter, poor Damien had been captured by that dunderhead Slade, in
a fight scene straight out of an old serial Western.  All Tanya had needed was
to tie Melessa to some railroad tracks, stick Slade in a white ten-gallon hat,
and it would’ve been worthy of B movie infamy.  Hopefully, Damien would never
need to read that section of the story, because he would
not
be a happy supervillain
to see himself defeated so easily.

Of
course, the whole point of this bargain basement Caribbean vacation was to keep
Damien out of all Vampire fights for the foreseeable future.  Like her
possible, inadvertent marriage, Damien’s reaction to her plan was something
Kara was trying not to think about, though.   As much as she wished Damien was
with her, Kara did
not
look forward to the next –Oh-- nine hundred years
of complaining because she left him behind.

Yeah,
Damien was
really
gonna take that badly.

He
was kind of a control freak.

“Oh,
Slade!”  Melessa clung to his mighty arm.  “Finally, the demon is locked up and
you and I can be safe.”  She eyed Damien through the golden bars of the dungeon. 
“How dare you kidnap me and try to keep me from my precious Sladey-kins.  Thank
heavens his grandmother’s cat is really a prophet and told her of your
treachery.”

“To’kel
said he killed that damn cat.”  Damien hissed.

“Well,
Fluffy survived, thanks to Slade’s heroism.  More importantly, Slade saved
me
. 
You nearly ruined my wedding, you monster, but now you are defeated!”

“Yes,
fear not, sweet Melessa.  The creature is defeated.  You are defeated,
creature.”  Slade eyed Damien through the golden bars of the dungeon.  “I have
rescued my beautiful bride from your fortress from Hell and have taken you
prisoner here in my impenetrable golden castle.  Now you shall be executed and
the vile Wizard Warlock race shall be wiped forever from the face of the
earth.”

“Or
so you’d think.”  Damien smiled, evily.  “Except, all this had been my real
plan, all along.  For To’kel wasn’t the only one working with me to see you
destroyed.”

Uh-oh.

His
real
plan?

If
Damien had any other schemes brewing, he would have filled her in on them by
now.  Kara knew that.  Last night, he’d told her everything inside of his heart
and soul.  So, whatever this sudden plot-twist was, it wasn’t coming from him. 
This was all new material. 
Eternal Passion at Sunset
was screwing
her
over, making stuff up as it went along.

Damn
it, what was the book trying to pull, now?

Kara
all but ripped the edge of the page, she turned it so fast.

Behind
her, Fibos gave a cry of delight as the key to Slade’s cell finally turned in
the lock.  “Witch, I’ve got it open.”  He dashed forward to untie his beloved
king.  Melessa and the other Vamps surged in after him.

She
barely heard the commotion.  Kara’s eyes stayed locked on Damien’s ludicrous
dialogue, her heart rate speeding up in panic.

“You
have just walked right into my elaborate trap, Vampire.”

Slade
gasped as someone suddenly snuck up behind him and held a diamond sword to his
manly neck.  His eyes fell on Damien’s henchman with anger and surprise. 
“You!”

Kara’s
mouth dropped open.  “
No
.”  She spun around, just in time to see Slade’s
cell door slam shut.

Eugene
stood there, his gaze cold behind his monocle as he stared at her.  “This
really is your fault, you know.”  He twisted the key savagely, locking the cell
and trapping the rest of the rescue party inside.  “You have no one to blame
but yourself.”  From the pocket of his plaid vest he somehow pulled out an Uzi
and aimed it at her.

An
Uzi
.

In
1892.

Tanya,
you
bitch
.

“Hey!” 
Slade protested, loudly.  “Wait, I’m still in here.”

“We’re
all
still in here.”  Melessa corrected.

“Oh…
Well, I meant you, too, my delicate love.”

“What
are you doing?”  Kara ignored them and gaped at Eugene, too shocked to even be
angry.  Or scared.  The Vampires were all inside the cell, so she now facing
down Rambo the Accountant on her own.  Seriously, why did these things always
happen to her?

“It’s
all your fault.”  Eugene repeated.  “If you hadn’t interfered with Damien, I
could have worked with him to stop that son-of-a-bitch Vampire from stealing my
bride.  Instead, you seduced the sorcerer and I was forced to make other plans.”

Okay,
now
she was starting to feel the anger.  “You’re just supposed to be the
boring ex-boyfriend guy.  You can’t take a sudden heel-turn right in the middle
of my rescue!  That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Ah,
but it makes perfect sense, my dear.”  Eugene’s slight British accent was
clipped.  “I’m not just an accountant, you see.  I am…”  Dramatic pause.  “The
necromancer.”

Oh,
Lord. 

It
just got more and more stupid.  “You’re
not
the necromancer
. 
You
can’t be.  There was no
foreshadowing on that, at all.”

Eugene
wasn’t giving up.  “I helped To’kel send the zombies after you at the Fair,
trying to get that book.”  He pointed at the manuscript with the gun barrel.

“No,
you
didn’t!
  You were at the damn hotel with Melessa all evening.”  The
plot holes were unbelievable here.  “You didn’t even know about this supernatural
crap until this morning, when I told you what was going on.  You’re just a
boring human.  You
know
that.”

“Necromancers
are
human.  It’s a calling, not a species.  Just like with Witches.”  He
smirked.  “You should know that better than anyone.  Now, give me that book.”

Kara
eased it back into her purse, keeping her hand locked tight around the binding,
even inside the leather bag.  “What do you want it for?”  She hedged.

“I
am going to trade it to To’kel for Melessa, of course.”

“Why
would you have to do that?  Mel’s right in there!  You don’t
have
to
trade.  To’kel doesn’t have her, dummy. 
You
do.” 
Eternal Passion at
Sunset
was fogging his mind.  Kara had to break through it if they were
ever going to get anywhere.  “Eugene listen, I know in romance novels, the
girl’s fiancé usually turns out to be a jerk, so the author can justify her
dumping his ass for the hero.  But, you don’t even like Melessa. 
Think!
 
You
wanted
her to leave you, remember?”

Eugene
frowned, like he was trying to reconcile his less than lovey-dovey past with
his ‘If-I-can’t-have-her-I’ll-take-you-all-out-in-a-blaze-of-glory’ present.  He
lowered the gun a bit, looking confused.  “I didn’t
believe
I loved
Melessa, but I must have.  I have all these feelings, now…”

“Hey,
Wii-iiitch?”  Slade called, in a particular grating, sing-songy tone.  “Hel-llloooo? 
We seem to be stuck.”  The cell door rattled, like he still wasn’t totally
convinced it was locked.

Eugene
snapped back into Mr. Hyde, the gun jerking back up to point at Kara’s head. 
“You’re trying to blind me with your lies, just as To’kel told me you would. 
It will not work Witch.”  For one teeny second, she might have been able to
talk him through
Eternal Passion at Sunset’s
haze, but now the moment
was gone forever, thanks to the King of the Idiots.

“Hey,
Wiiii-iiiiiiiiiitch? Little help here?”

Kara
closed her eyes in frustration.  “Slade, would you shut-up!  I’m doing what I
can to get you out of there, but –Honest to God-- it’s really tempting to just
let Eugene Uzi you, at this point.”

“Eugene?” 
Melessa’s now Ariel red curls appeared by the bars.  “Goodness, whatever are
you doing?  Let me out of here, at once.  There are bugs everywhere, you fool!”

“You
whore.”  Eugene spat out the words.  “You think you can lead me on with your
perfect, stunning beauty and then leave me at the altar for that muscle-bound
ape?  Who do you think you’re dealing with, woman?”

“Ugh! 
Could you be more self-involved?”  Melessa sounded put upon.  “Look at Slade
and then look at you.  Let’s see…
You’re
some scrubby, nearsighted,
accountant and
he’s
an immortal Vampire king with the body of a Greek god
and a friggin’ castle.  Hmmmm… hard choice.”  She rolled her eyes over at Slade. 
“Do you see why I didn’t want to marry him?  I mean, the nerve to think he
could compare to you or be worthy of me!”