Not Dead Yet (7 page)

“Bad dream about what?”

“I’d really rather not talk about it.”

“Talk to me.”

“You’re going to bug me until I do, aren’t you?”

“You know it.”

“Fine.  This Rose Catalino case is getting to me.  It’s bringing back a bunch of bad stuff from the past, stuff I thought I had gotten over.”

“I’d be surprised if it didn’t.”   

“Yeah,” Theia replied.  “Maybe I need to go back to my shrink.  If these things can still get to me after all this time, maybe I’m not as ‘over it’ as I thought I was.  One thing is for sure, I have to find a way to get off this case.”

“What do you mean, get off the case?  There is no case.  The judge dismissed the petition for the order of protection.  Your client has fallen off the face of the earth.  Case closed.”

“Not exactly.” Theia filled her in on the conversation she had the day before with Lu.

“Are you nuts?” Mollie blasted.  “You can’t get involved with this!  That idiot will kill you.  He’s probably already killed his wife.”

“But what if he hasn’t?  It’s not like the cops are knocking themselves out looking for her.”

“Theia, promise me you’re not going to get involved with this.  It’s a formula for disaster.  Nothing good can come of it.”

“I agree.  So, what should I do when Lu tells me he’s  called again with his demands?”

“Maybe he won’t.  Maybe it was all a sick joke on his part.  Or maybe he knows he’s the prime suspect, so he’s gone underground. With a little luck, maybe he won’t ever call Lu again.”

“I hope so.”

“Promise me that if he does make contact again, you won’t do anything without talking to me first.  We’ll try to figure out a way to keep you safe.  Do you want to stay over with David and me for a few days until this thing blows over?”

“No, I’ll be okay,” Theia responded.  “Thanks.  I really appreciate the offer.”  In truth, Theia would rather pull out her own spleen than accept help from anyone.

“The offer stays open, in case you change your mind.  Now, who are you going to see?”

“What do you mean?” Theia replied.

“A shrink.  You said you’re going to see a shrink.  Who are you going to see?” Mollie asked.

“I guess I’ll go back to the one I went to a few years ago, when I first moved here and was still working through some things.” 

“Well, I’m glad you are going to talk to someone.  You have kept this bottled up for way too long.”

Theia shrugged her shoulders and sighed.  “I don’t know,” she waffled.  “Maybe it was a one-time thing, the nightmare. It might not happen again, at least for a while.  I mean, the nightmares never went completely away.  Maybe I should wait and see if it happens again any time soon.  If I start having them frequently, then I will revisit the idea of seeing a shrink.  I think I’ll hold off on it for now.”

“That’s brilliant, since everyone knows PTSD goes away on its own,” Mollie replied.

“Post traumatic stress disorder?” Theia blurted.  “I don’t have post traumatic stress disorder!”

“How is the weather there in the state of denial?” Mollie quipped.

Even though Theia knew she had PTSD, it was jarring to hear someone say it.  Theia glared, then shrugged her shoulders again, reaching for the telephone. “I’m only doing this because I know you will nag me until I do.”

“I’m only doing this because I am your friend,” Mollie said.

The therapist was available to meet with Theia in an hour, thanks to a cancellation. 

“I can’t do this right now,” Theia complained.  “I need time to prepare.”

“You mean you need time to think of an excuse to cancel the appointment?” Mollie chided.  “Go before you chicken out.  You know you need to do this.”

Theia’s nerves were so tight by the time she arrived at the therapist’s office, she thought she could shatter glass.  She always feared that if a therapist knew everything that went on inside her head, she would be involuntarily committed.  She looked all around as she walked into the office, as if she expected someone to pounce on her.

“Hi, Theia, good to see you again,” Toni Devore smiled and offered her hand.  Although Toni reminded Theia of a cherished childhood friend, whose children Theia had  babysat, Theia wanted to bolt for the door.  Instead she sat down in a large leather club chair with as much enthusiasm as she would have for the dentist.  Toni sat in the other club chair. 

“I just want you to know,” Theia began, “I don’t think I need to be here.  I just came so my friend would stop nagging me.  All I had was one little nightmare.  No big deal.  Nightmares aren’t real.”

“Let’s talk and see if there is anything else going on,” Toni said kindly.  “Why don’t you tell me why your friend thinks you need to see me?  I know you came to see me once before, but as I worked you right in today, I did not have the opportunity to pull your file.”

“It’s really nothing,” Theia insisted, picking at her clear nail polish.  “I used to be married to a man who was mentally ill.  When we split up, he stalked and shot me.  That was five years ago.  I’m over it.”

“I remember your case now, but not all the details.  Does he still stalk you?”

“No, he’s dead.  Shot and killed at the scene.  Look,” Theia said impatiently.  “That is all ancient history.  I don’t live there.  I refuse to wallow in the past.  That’s just not who I am.  I’ve worked hard and rebuilt my life.  I am happy and healthy.  My life is perfect now.”

“Tell me about the nightmare.”

“It’s nothing.  Really, this is all blown out of proportion.  I had a domestic violence case recently and it brought back some memories, and I had the nightmare again. Then I woke up but thought it was five years ago and that he had broken into my apartment.  I went looking for my gun, and finally realized I don’t have a gun anymore, and that I don’t even live in that apartment or that city anymore. As soon as I woke up all the way I knew exactly what was real and what wasn’t.  See, it’s no big deal.  I’m sure it will be fine,” Theia replied.

“Is this a recurrent nightmare?” Toni asked.

“Yes, at least it was, five years ago.  But then it eventually faded away to the point where I hardly ever have the nightmare anymore.”  Theia banged her foot repetitively against the leg of her chair.  She held herself carefully, to the point of being rigid.  Her spine was straight, chin up and face carefully composed to present a calm, confident facade.

“It sounds like you’ve worked hard not to let this trauma destroy your life,” Toni commented.

Theia rolled her eyes at the word “trauma.”  Words like that were for other people, people who saw themselves as victims.  “Working hard is one thing I’m good at,” Theia admitted.  “I don’t really have any talents or practical skills, except that I will work as hard as I have to in order to get where I want to be.”

“Did you learn this from your parents?” Toni asked.

“Is this the part where you want me to tell you about my childhood?”  Theia asked, deadpan.

Toni smiled at her.  “You have done this before.”

“A few months after the shooting I went to a shrink for a check-up.  I wanted to find out if I was messed up from it.”

“What happened?” Toni asked.

“After three sessions, the therapist told me I was fine, and that I should write a book.  She offered me a copy of her notes. That and my two visits to you, today included, are my grand total of visits to therapists,” Theia smirked.

“You appear to have coped well.  How did you meet your husband?” Toni asked.

“Ah, we’re going there.  Okay,” Theia conceded.  “I went to college eight hundred miles away from home,” she recited in a monotone voice. “My family didn’t think women should go to college or have careers, so I supported myself and paid for college on my own. During my freshman year of college, I was going to school during the day and working at the local hospital at night, drawing blood and working in the lab.  One night I was called to the emergency room to draw blood on a trauma case.  There was a new emergency room doctor, who came up to the lab as soon as the patient left the emergency room.”

“All right, that’s how you met.  What happened then?” Toni prodded.

“He asked me out on a date,” Theia answered.  “He showed up at the dorm in his red t-top Corvette.  I felt like a princess in a fairy tale, being picked up for a date by a doctor in his red Corvette.  We went out to dinner and a concert.  The next day a huge bouquet of flowers was delivered for me at the dorm.  For the next year he swept me off my feet, taking me to Acapulco, buying me jewelry, sending me flowers and taking me to nice restaurants.  We got engaged and then married.  Life was perfect.”

“How did you get from there to him stalking and shooting you?” Toni asked.

“Well, after we were married, his mental illness surfaced,” Theia answered.  “At first I thought he just had isolated outbursts of temper, but over time I realized there was something more.  When my safety became an issue, I went into hiding and divorced him, but he would not leave me alone.  Everything culminated with him shooting me and the police shooting him.”

“Where were you shot?”

“Through my right arm and in the chest,” Theia replied.  “But that is all dead and buried.  I faced my demons head on, and I won.  I’m fine now.  I have a great life, and I plan to keep it that way.  So will you please give me your stamp of approval so I can tell my friend she can stop worrying?  All I had was one stupid nightmare.  No one ever died from a nightmare.”

“Tell me about the nightmare,” Toni urged.

Theia described the nightmare.  As she did so, she leaned forward and her body tensed up. She cracked her knuckles, gave a brief shudder, then lifted her chin in defiance.  “That does not mean anything is wrong with me.  It’s perfectly normal to react to unpleasant things.  It’s like sneezing from black pepper.  In fact, it would be abnormal to have no response,” Theia said, defensively.  She forced her muscles to relax, and she leaned back a little, to a more natural pose.  “So, what is the verdict?” Theia asked Toni.

“I think you have done a great job of getting through some extremely difficult experiences that could have broken you,” Toni replied. “You might have worked so hard that you are overcompensating, but I haven’t talked with you enough yet to know for certain.  I would like to meet with you again.  How about next week, unless you have another nightmare before then?”

Theia begrudgingly agreed, then returned to her office.  She attacked the stacks of work on her desk, to make up for the time lost while talking to the therapist.

Her phone rang.  Theia stared at the ringing telephone.  Damn, she hated phones.  She shook her head and snatched up the receiver.

“Theia Pearson,” she said robotically.

“He called again.”

“Uh, who is this?” Theia asked.

“It’s Lu, who did you think?” she chuckled.

“I was really hoping I wouldn’t hear from you again.  Only about this case, of course.  Nothing personal.”

“Gee, can you feel the love?”  Lu volleyed back.

“Look, I’m not going to get involved in this,” Theia said. “There is nothing I can do but give him two victims instead of one.”

There was silence on the line.

“I was wondering what you would do,” Lu replied.  “I don’t know what I would do in your shoes.  Ten years as a DJO in the city, I have seen almost everything, and this guy gives me the willies.  There’s something about his voice, and the way he says things.  He’s real evil. I would probably react the same thing you are.   Do you want to know what he said anyway?”

“Do I really have any options here? I can worry myself sick about what he said, or worry myself sick wondering what he said,” Theia stated.

“Hey, remember – I’m just the messenger.  I didn’t ask to be in this anymore than you did.”

“I have an idea,” Theia suggested.  “You tell me this one last message, then you don’t tell me any more, ever.  Does he call you on your work line or on your personal number?”

“He calls on my work line,” Lu answered.  “No way am I giving out my personal phone number to the idiots I have to ride herd on.”

“Don’t blame you there,” agreed Theia.  “Listen, have your number at work changed for thirty days, and tell them not to reassign that number to anyone.  Disable any voice mail to it.  We’ll be done with it.  No more messages.”

“Okay—sounds like a plan.  So here’s the message,” Lu said.  “He says to meet him at the abandoned quarry outside of Dixton tomorrow at midnight.”

“You have got to be kidding!” Theia exclaimed. “That is SO clichéd! They really should not allow morons to watch tv crime shows.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Lu admitted. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.  The only thing I do know is that I will not be at the abandoned quarry outside of Dixton tomorrow at midnight. Thanks Lu!”

Theia sat at her desk, fuming.  She stomped down the hall to Mollie’s office.

“Want to do lunch?” she asked.

Mollie took one look at Theia’s face and said,  “Did the idiot call back?”

“Yep.  Want to brainstorm?”

“Oh yeah!”  Mollie grabbed her bag and they were out the door.