Not Forgotten (24 page)

Chapter 35

Matt watched Natalie’s dead gaze drift about his house as if seeing it for the first time. He wished she would say something, anything, to let him know she was going be okay. Since picking her up from the hospital she had been quiet and it was scaring the crap out of him. He had carried the conversation, barely pausing to take a breath, afraid of the silence he knew would follow.

Matt understood that whatever she had experienced with Harry hadn’t been pleasant. It would’ve been terrifying. He cursed himself for not figuring it out sooner. It had almost been too late. Harry had had the knife against her throat. The image would never leave him.

He wanted to share her pain, her horror and fear. He wanted to hold her and help her to heal, if only she’d let him. She had almost lost her life. He would never forgive himself for that. He was the one who had drawn her into this nightmare and he wondered if she blamed him. Why not? He blamed himself. He could feel her pulling away from him and desperately tried to bridge the gap.

He had explained in the car ride home that she would be required to make a formal statement about the previous night’s events and that he had requested they wait until tomorrow. After all, what did it matter? Harry was dead. Her statement was merely a formality and would be used in his review by Internal Affairs to prove the use of deadly force was warranted and necessary.

He wasn’t concerned. Again, it was merely a formality. If there had been any issues in him discharging his weapon, Alec Harris would’ve already suspended him. He would’ve been relieved of his badge and firearm until a decision was made.

Natalie sat perched on the edge of his couch, her bandaged hands in her lap. Thankfully the cuts were shallow and would not cause permanent damage. They would heal in a couple of weeks. If only mental trauma was as easy.

She was pale and looked so lost. It broke his heart. He longed to go to her but was unsure if she wanted him to. She had made no action that told him so, or otherwise. From the moment he had shepherded her out of the hospital and into his car, she had made no sign that she was even aware of his presence.

Matt hated this. He hated feeling so damn useless. She had to be drowning in thoughts and emotion. Her house, her once safe haven, had been taken from her and now he had brought her here, a place she barely knew. He only wanted what was best for her, and he wanted to be close enough so that he could keep an eye on her for his own peace of mind. Almost losing her had made him realise just how important she was to him.

Matt wondered if he should’ve taken her to a hotel. Perhaps she would be more comfortable in a neutral place. He glanced over at the suitcase by his front door where he’d dumped it before going to pick Natalie up from the hospital. He had filled it with clothes and toiletries from her house. As it was now a crime scene, she wouldn’t be able to enter it for some time. Not that he thought she’d ever want to again. At least not for a while with the memories so fresh in her mind.

Had he made a big mistake? He watched Natalie stare silently at the wall of his living room. Had he been presumptuous to think she would want to stay with him?

“I’ll take you to a hotel,” he blurted out.

Natalie turned to face him. “Why?” she asked, her voice as fragile as she looked. “Can’t I stay here with you?”

Matt let out a deep breath and felt some of the tension leave his body.

“Of course you can. I just thought you’d be more comfortable in a hotel.”

She shook her head and glanced down at her bandaged hands.

“No. I want to stay here.”

“Okay. Can I get you anything?”

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth but it seemed the effort was too much for her and it slipped back into a frown.

“I’m fine, really, Matt. I’m just tired.”

He cursed himself for not following her to the hospital. He should’ve handed the case over to Darryl. Except he knew he couldn’t have. He was point and it was his job to finish up the case and complete the necessary paperwork, including his statement. Still, all that didn’t matter when it came to Natalie. Last night must’ve been awful for her and he wondered if she had gotten any sleep or if nightmares had kept her awake. He moved closer to her but stood far enough away that he didn’t crowd her.

“Did they give you anything to help you sleep?”

Natalie nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t want to take it. I’m afraid if I do I won’t be able to wake up. That if I dream I will be trapped.”

She stood and paced the room. Her feet dragged, her head stooped, and he smelled the antiseptic lotion the nurses had lathered her cuts with beneath the white gauze bandage.

“You need to rest.”

“I know.”

He moved over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, effectively stopping her then gently guided her to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. He was about to direct her to the spare room when she headed straight for his bedroom. He followed slowly, completely bewildered at what to do. He wanted to help her but didn’t know how or where to start. She was fragile. Did he treat her as such or did he act as if everything was normal? What did she want him to do? She was hard to read.

Matt watched from the doorway as she got comfortable on his unmade bed. Natalie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. He could imagine what she was smelling. He hadn’t had a chance to change the sheets since their night together. Natalie opened her eyes and looked at him. There was so much emotion in those blue pools that he almost fell to his knees.

“Natalie?”

She patted the empty spot next to her, silently telling him she wanted him with her. Matt gladly crossed the small space dividing them and stretched out beside her. He pulled her into his arms gently, careful not to bump her hands. She rested her head against his chest and he could feel her warm breath through his shirt.

Her shudders shook them both as she began to sob loudly. Matt held her tighter in the comfort of his arms and kissed her head. He didn’t speak. There were no words, only actions. She cried for hours, each tear breaking his heart. He couldn’t believe how much he loved her. There would never be a day for the rest of his life that he didn’t and someday soon he was going to tell her. But not tonight. He could wait. Tonight was about healing. For Natalie to purge herself of the fear and vulnerability she had felt at Harry’s hand. Matt only hoped she felt the same about him.

Natalie hiccupped and Matt felt her relax beside him. He listened to her soft breathing that told him she was asleep and for a long while he simply watched her sleep. When he could no longer keep his eyes open, Matt snuggled against Natalie, inhaling her scent and allowing himself to drift off.

Chapter 36

Natalie sat in the interview room of Harbour Bay’s Local Area Command. The four-storey, L-shaped, light mud brown imperious structure overlooked the sea-green harbour and farther out to the Tasman Sea. Originally it had served as a convict barrack and had been converted in the seventies for the growing police force.

The grounds were immaculately manicured, the grass trimmed and lush. The hedges were clipped and the garden was filled with a bright cornucopia of coloured pansies as if somehow trying to distract attention away from the monstrosity of the building.

Natalie tried to remain calm. It wasn’t as if she had anything to worry about. She hadn’t done anything wrong but still she felt nervous. She didn’t think she was ready to talk about that night. Matt squeezed her shoulder and she jumped. She had forgotten he was there in the room with her. Natalie wasn’t sure how. Since the moment he had picked her up from the hospital the day before, he hadn’t let her out of his sight. She loved him all the more for it. She liked being someone’s number one priority for a change but she didn’t lie to herself and admitted that it wouldn’t always be like this. Matt’s job was very important and she knew if she wanted to be with him she would have to share him.

Natalie smiled at his reflection in the two-way mirror on the cream coloured wall then dropped her gaze to the charcoal grey floor. She was a coward. In the past twenty-four hours, Matt had been so patient and kind to her, yet barely any words had passed her lips. Least of all the most important ones.

She remembered how Matt had held her while she’d cried the entire night. He had been so compassionate, so tender. He had given her the strength to go on. She had been so lost, so afraid, and then he had folded her in his arms and she had been found. Natalie wondered if Matt had any idea how much his presence in her life had changed her. Probably not. Men weren’t known for deep contemplation.

She was definitely in love with him. Now all she needed to do was tell him. Her stomach fluttered with apprehension and not from the approaching interview. She had never once put her heart on the line and Matt had the power to crush it into a million pieces. She could only hope he was feeling even a smidgen of the same for her. They could work with that. The thought he might not be on the same page made her more afraid than when she’d been trapped with Harry. This was what she’d hoped to avoid all those years.

The door to the interview room opened and cut off all her troubled thoughts. A tall man with a crew cut stepped in and she recognised him from the night before last. The night when Harry had almost killed her. He had been one of the detectives who had stormed her house. He was dressed in a sharp suit minus the jacket which she guessed was probably resting on the back of his office chair. His serious brown eyes met hers.

“Doctor Miller, I’m Detective Sergeant Darryl Hill.”

He shook her padded hand more gently than she’d expected. She watched as he shot Matt a frown as he sank into the chair opposite her. Natalie felt her stomach clench painfully and was glad she had refused the breakfast Matt had served her. Even the coffee was souring in her belly.

Matt took the seat beside her and she caught the brief guarded look the other detective gave him. He obviously didn’t like the fact Matt was sitting in on the interview. She wondered why. Surely he was the best qualified person since he had been there to witness some of the evening’s events.

But then, what did she know?

“Thank you for coming down here today, Doctor Miller. I understand you’ll be wanting to get this over with.” He paused briefly, looking again at Matt. “For certain reasons, I have been asked to conduct this interview due to the nature of your involvement with Detective Inspector Murphy.”

Natalie blushed, mortified that Detective Hill knew about her and Matt’s night together. Who else knew? She shot Matt a dark look. He stared back at her with a stony expression, his jaw clenched. When she left this room, was she going to see the sly looks on his colleagues’ faces? The idea gave her pause and had her nibbling on her lower lip anxiously. Matt’s green gaze held hers and her breath caught in her throat.

No man who had treated her so kindly and sweetly would ever laugh with his buddies over a conquest. It had to be the exceptional circumstances of the case that would’ve had an honourable man like Matt providing such personal information. Still, that didn’t answer her question about how
he
felt and Matt certainly wasn’t offering his feelings to her which left only one option. She was going to have to ask him. She internally shuddered. The very idea had no appeal whatsoever.

His eyes told her without words that it had been necessary and she sent him an infinitesimal nod to say she understood. She wasn’t exactly thrilled that their relationship, such as it was, had become common knowledge. She’d barely had time to process how she felt let alone sharing what was an incredible and ground breaking night for her with anyone other than Matt. But she understood.

Natalie turned her focus back on Detective Hill who was still speaking. Her mind fought to catch up with the conversation while piecing together what she had missed. To her immense relief it clicked inside her brain so she didn’t have to ask the detective to repeat himself. He wanted her to recount the events of that night as she remembered them with as much detail as possible.

“Please take all the time that you need, Doctor Miller. If you require a break let me know.”

Natalie nodded. She was grateful Matt had chosen to stay with her. He was the only one keeping her together. His sheer presence empowered her.

Natalie listened as Darryl spoke formally for the record, identifying himself, her, and Matt. He read out the time and date and stated it was her official statement in regards to the events involving the Butcher
.

Natalie waited for her cue, then obediently began reciting the facts as she knew them. The call from Matt. How they’d talked about Linda Cavanaugh’s murder. She couldn’t bear to call Linda ‘the victim.’

Her voice was stiff but her recount precise as she relived hearing the noise downstairs and how frightened she had been. Gary’s return. The baseball bat. She grazed lightly over their past to give context to the wrong assumption she’d leapt to and why he’d ended up with a concussion.

She felt Matt give the bandaged hand resting on her thigh a comforting squeeze and she forged on. Detective Hill listened intently and gave Matt the occasional glance. After a while his features blurred and she was drawn into the memory of that night as if she was once again there. The man coming out of the shadows. The fear she had felt at that moment.

“He was my patient. I spent time alone with him in my office,” she said, her voice sounding disembodied even to her. “I didn’t know who he was at the time. He used a fake name and a disguise. I learned then that he’d been toying with me.”

“How so?” Detective Hill questioned.

She wet her lips. “He mentioned women in his sessions. Occupations but never names. He found that amusing, to tell me all about the women who had come before me. He wanted me to know there was no hope.”

“You talked to him?”

Natalie nodded. Her free hand came up to blot away the tears that rolled down her cheek, using the bandage as a tissue. She made herself take deep calming breaths when she felt the cool blade against her neck again and told herself it wasn’t real. She was free. She was alive. Matt had saved her. Just like he had saved her from herself.

“I angered him purposely. I knew he was enjoying my fear so I tried not to show it. I taunted him, pushed him to the edge. I know it was silly but I was pissed off when I thought I was going to die.”

She felt Matt’s hand tighten painfully around her own and she knew he didn’t like the reminder of how close she’d been to dying. If his shot had missed the mark—she didn’t want to think about it.

“You were extremely brave,” Detective Hill commented.

She hadn’t felt brave. Even now she was shaking from fear.

“I’ll be right back with your statement. Detective Murphy, may I have a word?”

To Natalie’s ears, the request sounded more like an order. Apparently it had to Matt’s ears also as he stood. Natalie bit down on her lip to stop from making a sound of protest. He was her rock. If he left her now, she was sure she’d shatter.

“I won’t be long.”

Natalie put on a brave face and watched as he followed the other detective out. She felt as if he was walking out on her and stamped down hard on her insecurities.

By the time Detective Hill returned alone, her hands were wrapped around a mug of coffee a uniformed officer had brought her. In the short period of time, her brain had bounced from Matt, to Harry and Helen and the lives that had been destroyed to finally land on Hallie. She really needed to see the girl and tell her everything she’d discovered over the last few days. Hallie would need her, would count on her to be there.

Hallie deserved so much better than the raw deal life had thrown her. But it was what a person did with it that showed their character. Hallie could’ve easily given up but she’d chosen to fight. Natalie admired that. She admired Hallie. She was fierce and independent. Courageous and determined. The girl had fought so much in her short life. Natalie never wanted her to do so again. From that moment on, Natalie wanted to fight for her. She wanted to protect and nurture. She wanted to shower Hallie with affection and opportunities.

Detective Hill slid a manila folder across the table to her. Natalie flicked through the pages and saw that her words had been transcribed onto paper.

“Is Matt going to be in trouble?”

“For shooting Harry Teller or for getting involved with you?” the detective asked.

Natalie swallowed hard. “I doubt anyone is worried about Harry.”

The man shrugged. “It depends on the Boss.”

“I see.”

“He knew what he was doing, you know,” the detective said. He continued when she raised her eyebrow. “About getting involved with you, I mean. He knew the score ahead of the game but it didn’t stop him.”

She thought about that. Yes, Matt had known the score and still he’d slept with her, even though he could have been suspended or even relieved from the Butcher case. She desperately wanted to know what was going through his mind. Why were men so hard to read?

Natalie turned her own mind to the file and skimmed through the document. With heartfelt relief she picked up the ball-point pen that had placed on the table for her benefit and neatly signed her name on the dotted line. She was glad it was all over. She felt raw. Her time with Harry wasn’t something she wanted to dwell over.

She hugged herself, suddenly cold. “What about Harry?” she asked, remembering Detective Hill’s earlier question. “Surely it would be considered a necessary course of action?”

Natalie thought her life had been turned upside down by Matt but it appeared she had brought havoc into his. In their short acquaintance he had risked his career by being with her, and had shot and killed a man to protect her. Matt was probably regretting the day he’d met her.

Detective Hill’s face was a mask of stone. The expression similar to the one she’d seen on Matt’s face once or twice. “An investigation has been opened. Internal Affairs will determine the outcome.”

Internal Affairs. Natalie didn’t like the sound of that.

“They cast judgment despite not being there to witness the events?” she asked, harshly.

“Matt’s statement, and your own, will be sufficient evidence for them to be able to make an informed decision. I wouldn’t worry, Doctor Miller.” He stood. “You can wait for Matt at his desk if you like. He should be done soon with the Boss.”

Her eyes widened. The Boss. Had she gotten him into deep trouble? Was he about to be reprimanded? What was the Boss likely to do to him? Surely he couldn’t be fired? He was a damn good detective and he loved his job. What had she done? Her stomach knotted.

Natalie worried at her part in whatever punishment Matt received as she followed Detective Hill through the building towards the Detective Unit. He led her to Matt’s desk, which as she’d noticed previously on her last visit was slightly messy though she felt no need to clean it up. A person’s work space was private and she knew she would be mad if someone cleaned up her desk, moving things they shouldn’t. She thought a messy desk was a happy desk and she always seemed to find whatever she was looking for amongst the clutter.

The bull pen—or as Detective Hill had called it the
Pig Pen—
was a large area and occupied most of the second floor of the building. In addition to the open-area pen, there were two interview rooms, a kitchen, two large conference rooms and two sets of toilets that took up the rest of the space. There were no cubicles, the desks each set a meter apart and lined facing one another like a classroom, Matt’s on the end. Of the ten desks, five were empty and the other four desks looked identical to Matt’s.

Natalie gnawed on her lower lip as she sat down in the chair to wait for Matt. She had made a complete mess of everything. If he lost his job, would he end up hating her? How could he not? He loved his job and did it well. She would certainly hate someone who cost her the job she loved.