Not His Kiss to Take (29 page)

Joseph cleared his throat.

Evan registered the sound and knew he should respond somehow, do something. He just couldn’t think. Or breathe.
Jamie. Here. You’re not imagining it—he’s really here.
Absolutely couldn’t tear his eyes away from him either, in case he vanished again in a swirl of pixie dust. Jamie stared back at him and pulled at Evan’s iron will like a magnet.

The deep, rumbling sound of Joseph chuckling finally intruded into Evan’s complete and utter focus on Jamie and his sudden appearance.

“
Since no one else now exists anyway, I think I’ll leave you two alone.”

Tearing his eyes off Jamie actually hurt. “Jesus, Joseph,” Evan said as embarrassment flooded over him, particularly red-hot on his face. His dick was hard. In public and on display for all to see.
What are you, fifteen?
“I…I’m sorry.”

Patting his shoulder, Joseph chuckled again. “Don’t blame you a bit. Look at those eyes, ooh-la-la. I’m straight, and even
I
think he’s gorgeous. But you might want to wipe some of that drool off your chin before you drown in it.”

“
What?
”

“
Right there.”

“
That’s beer.”

“
Nope. Definitely drool.” Joseph laughed harder and shrugged into his coat and an even uglier scarf than before, baby ka-ka brown this time. “Call me when you land. Can’t wait to hear all about the one who finally caught the city’s most eligible bachelor and made him drool.”

On his way to the door, Joseph paused beside Jamie, looked him over, turned his head back to Evan, wagged his brows, smiled with approval, and carried on. Jamie never even noticed him. The kid’s eyes were big and wide and a shocking indigo in the neon light. And focused solely on Evan.
All mine.

Someone had to break this crazy stalemate. Evan’s foot squished wetly in a puddle of something frothy when he moved forward a step. His empty beer bottle shot forward and skittered under a nearby table. Calling to Jamie telepathically must be working; he was closing the distance between them. Yes.

Come to me, Jamie…

Evan lurched forward, forcing his shaky legs to carry him. Fuck the wait—he’d
go
to Jamie before he died of crushing want. They met between two empty tables. “Jamie…” he breathed. So he wouldn’t reach out and grab him, drag him into his arms, and beg shamelessly, Evan grabbed his own pant legs instead and fisted the material so tightly his knuckles cracked.

Contrary as ever, Jamie said nothing and revealed no reason for his unexpected presence.
He’s so beautiful
. Two years of migraine pain and suffering and dying inside hadn’t hurt as badly as those three weeks without Jamie sleeping curled against him, all his promise and possibility dreaming quietly until morning light.

Somehow, someway, he had to get that back again.

If only he could think! Or move. Breathe, even.

Something new shone in Jamie’s eyes: a quiet confidence. Something old vibrated in the set of his jaw: a familiar stubbornness. The kid’s mind was made up. About what, Evan had no idea, since Jamie had never gotten acquainted with predictability. The space between them disappeared until only an inch separated Jamie’s shirt and tie from Evan’s faded Henley.
Ah, Jamie
. He sighed long and deep.
I missed you so
.

Golden stubble sparkled beneath Jamie’s wind-kissed cheeks. Dare he give in to the urge and scrape along his jaw with the edge of his thumb? Or touch the blood-red lips beginning to chap? Would Jamie allow it? Or bite? Could go either way.

Where have you been, lovely boy?

A blur of movement flickered at the corner of his eye—a flash of charcoal and white and Jamie’s open hand. Evan braced for the strike he deserved, but it never came. Instead, Jamie’s icy fingers brushed across the stubble darkening Evan’s jaw and the hint of a cleft on his chin.

Touching me… You have no idea how much I’ve missed you touching me, Jamie.

Evan’s whole body leaned into that chilly caress. An ache he never knew he had abruptly ceased, and he found he could breathe again. Evan chased Jamie’s fingers with his cheek as they skimmed over to his ear, and then he forced himself to remain still as they moved to the back of his neck and wound into the too-long hair curling at Evan’s nape. At peace for the first time in three weeks, Evan closed his eyes and let himself simply…
be
.

I must be dreaming… He’s never touched me like this before.
If Evan opened his eyes, he’d wake up.
Don’t wake up…don’t wake up…don’t open your eyes!

Jamie pushed on the back of Evan’s head, forcing it downward and forward. Evan let his head fall, halting close enough to hear Jamie inhale over the sound of his own rapid heartbeat. Sweet, hot breath washed over his skin. Jamie’s scent filled his nostrils—musk and fresh air with a hint of bubblegum.
God
, he’d even missed the very smell of him. Simply enjoying Jamie’s presence, he leaned closer and just…
breathed
.

Seconds later, warm, damp softness covered his mouth—a delicate, wondrous, delicious brush of…
lips
. Jamie’s mouth. On his! Incredibly gentle. Definitely not a dream this time, but a…a…

…
a kiss.

Jamie was kissing him! Floored, Evan went completely numb, body freezing in place. Inside, though, fireworks went off—no, the factory fucking
exploded
and leveled the city. Evan’s heart soared. There it was—the whole wide world rushing in.
Jamie’s world.
Evan opened himself up to it and let it come, let his soul sing with the joy of it.

Kiss me once, James, and bring me to life.
A miracle—his desperate little prayer had been answered.
Kiss him back…
Hell, yeah. Parting his lips slightly, with all his pent-up eagerness and every one of those weeks of wanting carefully held in check, he nudged Jamie’s full lips with his own. Tasted like heaven—
better
than heaven.

Applying more pressure, the barest press of his lips, Evan deepened their first kiss. He tried not to push it—God knows he did—since this was Jamie’s gift to him and not his kiss to take. Jamie responded in kind, opening his mouth slightly and firmly—

“
Get a room!” someone yelled—
fuck, go away, Louis
—and just like that, Evan’s dream collapsed.

Reality burst through the hole in Evan’s bubble of wonderful. Some parts of Jamie’s world could be really loud and irritating. Ah, well. Jamie was back. Smiling crookedly, Evan opened his eyes. Forget a smile—Jamie’s grin stretched from ear to ear. “Hi, beautiful,” Evan said.

Being Jamie, a simple
hello
would never do. He rolled his eyes and shook his head like he’d never been called beautiful before in his life. Poor thing. He was so put upon. “Hi, Dr. Deviant.”

Ooh. That was new one. “You say deviant like it’s a bad thing.”

And here he thought Jamie couldn’t smile any bigger. Wrong. Jamie positively glowed with delight. “Maybe not.”

“
Yeah?”

“
Oh yeah.”

“
So,” Evan began, taking a deep breath. Excitement and anxiety coiled together in his stomach. “Was that…
a kiss
?”

In all seriousness, Jamie answered, “Yeah. I kinda missed my chance before. I damn sure wasn’t gonna miss it again.”

Really? Okay—he must still be dreaming. “You wanted to kiss me?” he asked. “Before?”

“
All the time.”

Goddamn it! The little shit. “Then why didn’t you? I waited and
waited
. Christ, Jamie. It would’ve changed
everything
.”

A great, heaving sigh rattled Jamie’s frame and disrupted the perfect line of his suit. His brow furrowed. Trust would never come easy for Jamie.

“
I didn’t—
I couldn’t
—kiss you because I thought it was…
gay
.” It was painful watching Jamie struggle. But Evan couldn’t help him this time. “All that other stuff we did? I could tell myself it was just sex; it meant nothing. Just pleasure, like you said. But kissing? Kissing means something. At least it does to me. And I was afraid if I kissed you, it would suddenly change who I was. I mean I never even
looked
at another guy before you—not ever. I liked girls. Then you come along. And you’ve got this voice… Just about fucking melts me every time you talk…and I start thinking you’re sexy, start wanting to touch you…and, well, I thought if I gave in and kissed you, it’d be the end of me. It’d mean I was gay.”

Wasn’t like he didn’t know all along that Jamie thought that way. It just sounded so much uglier out loud. More real.
Truer.
Evan’s heavy shoulders drooped. “And you’re not gay.”

Jamie shuddered and drew in a pained breath. Looked down at his feet. Tensed his already tense shoulders. Evan prepared himself for imminent disaster, for Jamie to rail at him like before or blame him or turn around and walk out the door never to be seen again, his worst nightmare replayed all over again. As if once wasn’t enough.

Only Jamie’s feet didn’t budge. He stayed. The tenseness in his shoulders flowed away. When he raised his eyes, that confidence Evan had glimpsed earlier had returned, shining brightly. Jamie’s cheeks turned that lovely, breathtaking red.
Blushing? What the hell?
“I think maybe I am a little bit gay,” he confessed. Then his lips curled into a wry smile. Jamie looked him straight in the eye. “But only for you.”

“
Only for me?”
Is that even possible?

“
Yeah.” Jamie grinned shyly. “Just for you.
Because
of you.”

Holy hell.
What the fuck could he possibly say to that? There weren’t words big enough, and he was a doctor. If he couldn’t find the right tongue-twister, it hadn’t been invented yet. But this? Jamie had checkmated him. Shocked him speechless. Now he’d have to settle for staring—more staring.

Did Jamie have any idea how brave he was? How beautiful inside and out?

Jesus.
Just for me?
And he’d almost lost him being stupid. Forcing Jamie out into the world again had been the right thing to do. Jamie had needed to quit hiding in fear, but Jesus, Evan could’ve done a better job of it. And Evan had been wrong to close the door behind Jamie—
on Jamie
, on what could have been.

What might be?

What Evan needed, what
they
both needed was a second chance. One of Jamie’s special do-overs.

While he thought about how to ask for forgiveness and that magical do-over, Evan let his hungry eyes feast. What was with that suit? Probably a story behind it, but damn, did Jamie have any idea the danger he was putting himself in? There were certain places in town where, dressed like that and gorgeous as he was, Jamie would get hauled into all kinds of dark doorways and thoroughly molested.

And what the hell, had he trimmed his hair?
Still long enough to get a good handful, though.
But yes, it was shorter, damn him.