Not Safe for Work (23 page)

“Except they’ve given you the ultimatum. If they fire you, you’ve got a damned good case.”

I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, well. In this state, as long as they’re not firing me for being in a protected class, there’s nothing I can do. And last I checked, ‘in a relationship with a powerful client’ is a Facebook status, not a protected class.”

Marie rubbed the bridge of her nose. When she dropped her hand, she said, “I’m sorry, Jon. If I’d known…” She shrugged apologetically. “I mean, I didn’t even realize you were gay.”

“I’m…I’m not.” I combed a shaky hand through my hair. “I’m bi. Not that it matters. I just, um, never made it public when I was dating a man.”

“Well, either way, that meeting blindsided me too, or I’d have tried to do something.”

“I’m not sure there’s much you could have done. I just wish I knew what to do
now
.”

“You and me both.” She folded her arms loosely. “Listen, if I have your permission, I can go talk to HR. And I’ve got a lawyer friend that can probably help.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“In the meantime, just keep working. I know that’s asking a lot because your concentration is probably shot, but I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“I know. And…” I cringed. “I need to finish that model for the meeting with Horizon Developing this afternoon.”

Marie winced. “Shit.” She chewed her lip, rocking from her heels to the balls of her feet. Then she met my gaze. “Skip the meeting. I’ll make excuses to the partners. It isn’t like they’ll say anything to anyone but you or me, and I’ll vouch for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” She shooed me toward the door. “Go. I’ll come up with something, and we’ll figure this out somehow.”

“Thanks.”

I left, and on my way to the elevator, my stomach lurched. I wasn’t ready to face my crew anyway, so I stepped into the men’s room to compose myself. The sick feeling subsided pretty quickly—enough that I knew I wasn’t going to actually puke—but the panicked, heart-pounding, gut-twisting “oh fuck” feeling wasn’t going anywhere.

My bosses knew, and soon, my colleagues would know, and that thought filled me with almost as much panic and dread as the prospect of looking Rick in the eye tonight. I wasn’t ready to talk about this with him. I sure as fuck wasn’t ready to talk about it with them.

And damn it. Of all the restrooms in this building, I’d picked this one. The one where we’d stolen another kiss on company property when I’d been working myself into the ground.

I leaned against the icy wall and stared up at the ceiling. This was really happening, wasn’t it? The jig was up, the truth was out, and I was fucked.

Now I had two choices—I could keep Rick happy, or I could find another job.

Forty-five. In a profession that was rapidly being replaced by computers. With three kids in college and two looking at grad school.

Correction—I had
one
choice.

Which technically meant
no
choice.

Which meant that either Rick was literally fucked, or I was figuratively fucked, and holy shit, ultimatums like this didn’t bode well for anyone getting turned on enough to fuck.

I slid down the wall until I was crouched, the vague ache in my knees reminding me of the times I’d done this while Rick knelt in front of me. That memory should’ve been enough to make me grin, or raise goose bumps on my spine at the thought of having all that again at the next possible opportunity.

Did I tell Rick? Or did I keep it to myself? Shit. I couldn’t tell him. Then he might pull his business from the firm, and we’d all be fucked. Or he might think everything I’d done for him so far had been out of a need for job security.

A ball of lead formed in my gut. It hadn’t been for job security before, but suddenly I didn’t know where that ended and my desire began. Now I
had
to keep Rick happy. I
had
to give him anything and everything he wanted. I
had
to make sure this thing worked, kept working, didn’t stop working any time soon.

Fuck. This wasn’t done blowing up in my face, was it?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

In the NSFW Zone, I was hanging by a thread. I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t concentrate. I wasn’t even sure I could keep my coffee down, but I kept drinking it anyway because I was on autopilot.

The music, the banter, the mouse-clicking, the gum-snapping. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to follow Silent Dave’s lead and retreat into my own little world, but there was no point in going there either. I could escape the noise, the distraction, all the chaos that normally made my job enjoyable and made the hours fly by. Everything that used to make this the most incredible work environment on the planet. I could escape it all if I needed to, but that wouldn’t help. The only reason it all bothered me now was because it reminded me of what I didn’t hear.

I let myself get lost in my model and thoughts of Rick. I was aware of everyone talking around me, but even under the threat of death, I couldn’t have repeated a word they said. I made a few dazed trips to the supply room, including one in which I made it halfway back to the Zone before I had to go back and get everything I’d gone in to get in the first place.

Now all I needed to do was remember how to read a blueprint, and I’d be all—

A pencil skittered across the table, clipping my wrist as it went by.

I damn near jumped out of my skin, and looked around.

Teagan was watching me, leaning over her hands on her table a few feet away. “You up for sushi today?”

I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, but “do you want sushi?” was often code for “I need to talk”. No one else in our crew liked the stuff, so we were guaranteed a one-on-one conversation over lunch. When our eyes met, the thin, tight line of her lips confirmed she wasn’t just craving wasabi and sashimi.

Well, it would give me something to do besides staring at this model I’d forgotten how to build while I freaked out over my bosses’ ultimatum, so I laid my X-ACTO knife beside the miniature steps. “I’ll get my coat.”

“God, you two disgust me.” Scott shook his head and wrinkled his nose. “Raw fish, seaweed…”

“Ugh.” Cal shuddered.

Teagan laughed dryly. “You boys are
so
uncultured.”

“At least we’re not the ones eating raw fish.” Bianca made a face and shuddered just as Cal had.

“No accounting for taste,” Teagan said. “If the boss lady comes by, tell her we took an early lunch.”

“You should take her with you,” Scott said dryly. “She probably eats that shit too. Anything that’s barely dead and not fit for human consumption.”

“No, dipshit,” Cal said. “Everyone knows she eats babies and drinks the blood of virgins.”

Teagan laughed. “Well, Cal, I guess if she ever asks you to go for drinks, you should run—” She ducked, narrowly avoiding another flying pencil.

We started toward the door, and I asked, “You sure we should leave them without adult supervision?”

She shrugged. “Silent Dave is here. They’ll be fine.” Over her shoulder, she added, “Calvin, please don’t set anything on fire.”

The closing door cut off his response. We both laughed softly. Then the humor faded, and we walked to the parking lot in silence. No banter, no small talk. She must have been just as preoccupied as I was.

I drove, and the short ride was silent as well.

It was barely eleven, so the lunch rush hadn’t yet begun, and the sushi carousel was all but deserted. We took our usual booth near the prep counter. It was the prime spot to get the freshest plates before they’d had a chance to wind all the way around the restaurant. We’d keep an eye on the track, wait for something appetizing to come by and grab it. When we finished, we’d pay for the plates.

Nothing sounded good today. I snagged a pair of California rolls but ignored the squid and octopus, which I usually loved.

Even the first California roll couldn’t whet my appetite. Except the alternative was leaving here and going back to the office and my quiet world of wondering what the hell I was going to do, which was even less appetizing.

And Teagan needed to talk. No matter how distracted I was, I wouldn’t leave her high and dry if she needed me.

I still couldn’t quite bring myself to eat, though, and there’s nothing in the world quite as conspicuous as picking at sushi. It’s easy to move crap around on a plate and feign an appetite when there’s more than two bites of food to begin with, but nudging the same California roll with chopsticks for ten minutes is a little less subtle.

Teagan put an empty plate on the stack and watched the carousel for another to come by.

“You gonna eat that?” she asked.

“I’m not really that hungry, actually.” I nudged the plate away. “So, since you wanted to come here, I’m guessing you wanted to talk about something.”

She nodded. “Yes, I do.”

I rested my elbows on the table and my chin on the backs of my fingers. “Okay, so…?”

She set her chopsticks on the side of her plate. “What happened in that meeting? You were practically dancing your way through the Zone all morning, and then you disappeared to a meeting and came back looking like you’d witnessed a murder.” She wagged a finger at me. “Don’t even try to tell me there’s nothing going on, because there’s something on your mind.”

“I’m… I mean…” I shook my head. “T, there’s nothing—”

“Bullshit!” She smacked her palm on the table, rattling our empty sushi plates, and released an exasperated sigh. “Today
alone
, let’s see…” She ticked the points off on her fingers. “You passed up no fewer than two golden opportunities to give Cal shit about his mom. Bianca and Scott both completely set themselves up about a dozen times apiece. And you’ve had your nose in that model all day long but haven’t once noticed the
massive
gay Lego orgy going on in the center of the main conference room.”

I blinked. “A Lego orgy?”

“Yes. A huge one.” She released an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. “Scott and I spent ten whole minutes getting three of them into a proper Lucky Pierre position, and you didn’t even
notice
. I’m insulted. I really am.”

I couldn’t glare at her. I couldn’t even laugh. “I didn’t see it, no.”

“Exactly. And your Lego obliviousness doesn’t lie. C’mon.” She inclined her head slightly, twin creases appearing between her eyebrows. “I’m worried about you, I really am. Is everything okay between you and your man?”

Before I could stop myself, I flinched.

She leaned closer. “What?”

I was too exhausted and distracted to talk my way out of this, so I rested my elbows on the table again and sighed as I rubbed my temples. “Fine.” I lowered my hands and looked at her. “But none of this conversation leaves this table.”

Her eyes widened slightly, as if she was surprised there really was something on my mind. “Of course it won’t. You know me.”

“So I told you I’ve been seeing someone. And…” My heart thudded in my chest. I resisted the urge to keep glancing at the restaurant’s front door, convincing myself Marie or Mitchell were not going to come through it at any second. “I’ve… It’s…” I stared up at the ceiling for a moment before I met Teagan’s eyes again.

She lifted her eyebrows. “Is it going well?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s great.” I smiled despite my nerves. “It’s really great.”
Except
… I couldn’t maintain the smile. “The only problem…”

“I’ve never seen you have this much trouble spitting something out. Is he a war criminal or something?”

“No, nothing like that.” I picked up a chopstick and absently turned it between my fingers.

Teagan folded her arms on the table and leaned toward me. “Jon, now you’re really worrying me. What’d you do? Knock him up or something?”

A cough of laughter escaped my lips. “Yeah. That’s it. You got me.”

She laughed, but then turned serious again. “So, what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, I laid my palms on the table and forced myself to look her in the eye. “I’m dating Rick Pierce.”

Her eyebrows shot up so fast, I was surprised one of the rings didn’t fly off. “You got your dick pierced?”

“Very funny. You heard me.”

She stared at me. “You’re not kidding, are you?” There was no humor in her voice, no teasing this time.

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re…” She closed her eyes for a second, then met my gaze again. “You’re really dating
him
?”

I nodded.

“Holy shit, dude.” She tapped a chopstick against the stack of empty plates. “So, you guys hooked up then, and it just, what? Went from there?”

“Basically.”

“How? He’s… I mean…how…”

I chuckled. “How did a guy like me score a guy like him?”

“Honey, how does anyone score a guy like Rick Pierce?”

“Oh, I have my ways. And no, I’m not telling you that story today.”

“So, what’s the problem? I mean, are you guys in a bad spot, or—”

“No, no. That’s just it,” I said, almost whispering. “There
isn’t
a problem between Rick and me. Everything there is…” I paused, then shook my head. “It’s perfect. He’s amazing. I mean, you’d never even know he’s the client who has Mitchell & Forsyth by the balls. Outside of work, he’s just…Rick.”

“I guess I can see why you’ve been so out of it at work lately.”

“You have no idea.” I forced a laugh, then exhaled hard. “I can’t focus. Not at work. Not anywhere.” I took a breath and reached up to rub a phantom crick out of my neck. “I can’t…I can’t think. If he’s there, he’s all I can think about. If he’s not there, I want him to be. I—”

“Oh my fucking God.” Teagan stared at me with nothing short of disbelief written into the way her lips parted and her eyes widened.

I blinked. “What?”

“You’re in love with him.” It wasn’t a question.

I waved the thought away. “I wouldn’t go that far. It’s just, what we’re doing, it’s distracting.”

She shrugged. “So stop fucking him.”

“That’s the
other
problem, actually.” I drummed my fingers on the table. “It’s not quite that simple.”

“Because it’s more than just sex, right?”

“No. Because someone found out. At work.”

“Someone, as in—” She clapped her hand over her mouth. “Oh shit. Like, Dawson?”

I nodded. “Dawson. All the partners.”

“Ouch.” As her hand slid down, she asked, “How did they find out?”

My face burned. “Remember how they said they only check the parking garage cameras if there’s a wreck or a break-in or something?”

She grimaced. “Jon. You didn’t…”

“I kissed him. That’s all. Just a…”
Long, amazing kiss. The only reason I even stayed coherent that day. God, what a—
I cleared my throat. “I didn’t think anyone saw us, but apparently someone did. So they checked the cameras. And I got called into a conference room so we could all watch the video together.”

She covered her mouth with both hands, just barely muffling her voice. “I would’ve been mortified.”

“Yeah. I would’ve asked for the ground to open up and swallow me, but we were on the fourth floor.”

“How convenient. So, what did they say? I mean, I assume you still have a job.”

I scratched the back of my neck. “For the moment, yes.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means they’re not firing me, but they gave me one hell of an ultimatum.” I lowered my hand. “I can keep my job as long as I keep Rick happy.”

“Keep—” She blinked. “You might have to spell this one out for me.”

“Yeah, that was kind of my reaction too. Basically, they won’t fire me because that would piss Rick off. But if I split up with him, or I give him a reason to split up with me…” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m out.”

Teagan scrunched her eyes shut and waved a hand. “Okay…okay… I’m…” She looked at me again. “Are you telling me, they told you with a straight face that you have to—”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t that, like, prostitution?”

“Kind of feels like it,” I muttered.

“Can they do that?”

“Fuck if I know.” I thumbed the edge of my glass. “Dawson’s looking into it, but she doesn’t know either. She’s talking to a lawyer she knows, and then I guess we’ll sit down with HR.”

“That’s going to be a fun conversation.”

“Tell me about it.” I sat back. “The thing is, I’m not sure what difference it’ll make. Even if they can’t fire me for it, it isn’t like they
can
get fired for giving me the ultimatum. Part of me wants to say ‘Fine, fire me! I’ll see your asses in court!’ But I’m not even sure if I have a case, and even if I did, there’s no way I could afford a lawyer who could hold a candle to the firm’s legal team.”

“Well, you—” She chewed her lip.

“What?”

“You might not have the money. Your, um, boyfriend—”

“
No
.”

“Jon.” She huffed sharply. “They can’t get away with putting you in this position. If you can’t afford to go after them, but Rick can…” She shrugged. “Why not?”

“Because that’s not how I do things. If I can’t afford it, I don’t need it.”

“But you do need this job. And you have every right to work in a place that isn’t literally threatening you with unemployment if you aren’t at the sexual beck and call of their client.”

I shuddered. It would’ve been a distasteful position to be in no matter what, but the Dom in me wanted to start flipping tables. “I’m also well aware that if I quit or get fired, I’m screwed for keeping my house and putting my kids through school. Or finding another job.”

“Ugh, I hear you about another job.” She scowled. “There isn’t much out there for us.”

“Exactly. The thing is, if Rick finds out what’s going on and he pulls Horizon Developing from the firm, everyone here is screwed. We both know his company is the only thing keeping us all employed.”

“Shit. Yeah. Man, I do not envy you.”

“The thing with the money, with him paying for a lawyer or something, it…” I hesitated. “Look, there’s a little more to this, and there’s no way I can explain it without getting into a little bit of TMI.”

Teagan’s eyebrows climbed her forehead. “Am I going to need therapy after this?”

“Probably.”

“Great. Go on.”

I laughed a little, but it took a hell of a lot of effort. “The thing is, we… The reason we click is that we’re both…” I cringed. “We’re both kinky.”