Not To Us (31 page)

“I thought you would have me scheduled for a double mas and complete reconstruction on Monday, regardless of Stephen and Lisa’s grand plan, essentially over-ruling them.”

“No. I’ve studied your films. The margins looked good. Granted, we are way out of protocol, but if we can wait another nine weeks…”

“Michael, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying chemo should be a last option. I know how much you like your hair.” He pulls on a long strand of it now, twines it between his fingertips, and kisses it.

“Me or you?” I’m floored by his response. He’s a surgeon with a surgeon’s mind and he is taking a more passive, let’s-wait-and-see role than I’ve ever witnessed from him. “Have you talked to Lisa and Stephen about this?”

“Yes. They don’t agree.”

“They want me to do chemo.”

“Yes.”

“And, you don’t. Why?”

“I want all our wishes too, Ellie. I want you to get everything you want.” He buries his head between my breasts and the growing swell of my stomach. I stroke his golden head and trail my fingers down his bare back with the other.

“Michael, I…I love you,” I say, almost breathless as emotion overtakes me.

He pulls me closer to him and kisses my chest. I’m sure he can feel my beating heart beneath his lips.

“I love you so much, Ellen Kay,” he says against my skin.

“Tenable, Michael, capable of being defended, maintained, held; and more than real,” I say. “Soul mates, Michael Thomas.”

≈≈

Sunday. At precisely one in the afternoon, we meet up with Lisa and Stephen at their medical spa office to an ultrasound, a mammogram, and blood work. Apparently, the Doctors Chatham have all the equipment as well as the agreeable personnel willing to come in on a Sunday.

Our unborn son is still doing well. I see arms and legs where they are supposed to be. According to Melanie and Lisa, his head is a good size and his other measurements are right in line with growth predictions. I breathe a secret sigh of relief. I’m starting to believe it’s real; that my baby is okay. I can tell that Michael is, too. He is right beside me instead of over by the sixty-inch monitor this time. He’s holding my hand and stroking my face, while Melanie talks with us.

“Ellie, you know it’s a boy, right?” Melanie asks. She’s looking at the screen. “Oh, what do we have here? Hmmm…Lisa, take a look.”

“Take a measurement right there. I don’t believe it. Wow, you both ready for this?” Lisa asks.

“What?” I ask anxious now.

“There’s two heart beats, Ellie. We couldn’t see this little one last time, but there are two babies. This one’s smaller.”

“How much smaller?” Michael asks.

I hear the anxiety in his voice. I give him a squeeze of my hand and he looks down at me, suddenly anxious.

“It’s in the twenty-five percentile range. The bigger baby is about eighty percent.”

“That’s a pretty wide margin.”

“Yes. Let’s not get too excited,” Lisa says. “We can do an amniocentesis on this one. I’ll be careful, Ellie. We just have to check out what’s happening with this second baby. It’s just a precaution.”

Michael lets go of my hand and follows Lisa out the door. Their raised voices carry on in the hallway.

Melanie does her best to distract me by pointing out features of the second baby, but I can still hear Michael asking how come we didn’t know this before. Lisa’s own answer is indistinguishable.

“Can you tell if it’s a boy?” I ask.

“No. This one’s not in a position to let us know that. The amniocentesis will test for that.”

“Okay, Melanie, how come we didn’t see this baby before?” I ask with a nervous laugh.

“It was nineteen weeks a little more, right? Well, sometimes, the bigger baby’s position is just so and it will hide the second one. I wasn’t looking for it. Everything’s okay, Ellie, you know that right?”

“I know that.” I wish for just one second I could enjoy the impending birth and possibly these two babies without having to worry so much. I sigh audibly now, just as Lisa and Michael walk back into the room. Lisa is carrying a metal tray with a large needle on it. “I guess we’re doing the amnio now,” I say with irritation.

“Yeah, I never know when you’re going to take off to Europe.” I give Lisa a withering look and she just glares back at me. Michael slides a chair in next to me and holds my hand.

“Well, I’m not going back to Italy,” I say now. I give Michael my most seductive smile. He smiles and then leans down to kiss me, while Lisa swabs my stomach with some brown liquid to sterilize the area and then drapes the area with a blue sterilized cloth with a hole in the middle.

“Could you two stop making out for one second?” Lisa asks in exasperation.

“How can I help?” Asks Stephen. He enters the room, before Lisa starts the procedure.

“Calm your wife down. She’s testy today,” Michael says with an edge to his voice. I knew the Europe comment would catch up to him. I feel a little deflated myself by it as well.

“We’ve got twins, Stephen,” Lisa says with a meaningful look.

“That’s fantastic!” Stephen is always the cheerleader among the duo. Lisa rolls her eyes at him. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.” Melanie holds the wand over my abdomen trying to get a reading on the smaller baby. I’m just watching Michael’s face, trying not to think about what an amniocentesis involves for me or the baby.

“I love you,” I whisper only to Michael as he bends down by my face.

“I love you, too.”

≈≈

I’ve been through the proverbial ringer. I have had multiple x-rays done as well as ultrasounds done of my bodacious tah tahs. I am now dressed again and sitting next to Michael with the Doctors Chatham on the other side. The gigantic screen is filled with more than life-size films of my breasts. I’m left alone while all three jump up to get as close to the screen as possible.

There are no words spoken by any of them. I’m looking at the films at a distance through amateur eyes. I don’t see anything. Still, they don’t speak. They go through the deck of films three times, spending two to five minutes on each one.

A half hour later, there is still nothing said by any of them with the exception of the phrase “next one” to Lisa who controls the remote that advances the slide.

Finally, I’ve had enough. I stand up and walk over to them. “What do you see?” I demand. “Tell me! I can’t take it anymore. What do you see?”

“We can have Ben look at the films tomorrow, and Josh, too, of course, it’s his handiwork,” Michael says.

“What are you saying, Michael?” The stress in my own voice is evident to all three of them; this stress has been wearing me down for months. I wave a dismissive hand in the air, imitating Emily from the night before. “What are you saying? Just tell me.”

“The margins are still clear. There’s no spots, no tumors. There’s nothing there,” he says to me gently.

I finally smile. I finally hear him.

“Does this mean we get a honeymoon?” I’m subjecting him to my best yeah team smile and remembering his promise from the night before.

“Yes, I think it does.” He smiles back to me and his blue eyes sparkle with this desire that I can feel just standing next to him.

“What honeymoon?” Lisa asks irritably.

“A week away isn’t going to kill her, Lisa,” Michael says, still looking at me.

“Interesting choices of words, Michael.” Lisa gives him a withering look when he looks up at her. It just makes him laugh.

“Lisa, you’re getting all worked up, unnecessarily,” Stephen says with a loving glance at his wife. He reaches over and takes her hand. “I agree with Michael. A week away is fine.”

“We’re out of here for a week. Show the films to Josh and Ben. We’ll check in with you from the road,” Michael says.

“What about
chemo
? What about following some kind of fucking protocol here?” Lisa gives Melanie an apologetic look for swearing. “Where are you going anyway?”

“It’s a surprise for Ellie. I can’t say, right now.” Michael winks at her. His arm encircles my waist as we head towards the door.

“I’d like to
talk
to my patient,” Lisa commands.

Michael gives Lisa a quizzical look and lets go of me. The three of them leave the room, while Lisa starts pacing the room.

“First you run off to God knows
where
…and only God knows
why
…then, I don’t hear from you other than a sappy, thanks-for-everything-see-you-later e-mail. Then, weeks later, I get a strange call from a billionaire high tech guy, named Court Chandler, who tells me he’s bringing you back and now you are off on a honeymoon with Michael?” She studies my face closely.

“From what I’ve been able to put together you just had one with
someone else
. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Are you asking me what the fuck is going on?” I ask.

“Yes! That’s
it
, exactly. I’m fielding calls from Court Chandler by the
hour
, asking for your health status, which I
can’t
legally provide to him.

“He’s been calling? Asking about me?” I ask, stunned by this news.

Okay
, that’s what I’m trying to
tell
you. God damn it, Ellie, you can’t have both of them!”

“I know.”

“You’re having twins with Michael. Let that
register
with you.
Twins. Michael
. Oh, and your thirty-eight years old and your high tech boyfriend isn’t even thirty!”

“Of course, you would have to bring that up. That’s a really bitchy thing to say.”

“Bitchy, but true,” Lisa quips back at me.

“Tell me something,” I say, looking at her closely. “You would never sleep with Michael; right?”

“No!” Lisa says, incredulous. “What are you
asking
me?”

“I’m just checking.” I try to shrug in this nonchalant kind of way. There’s a long pause.

“I cannot make the same promise for Court Chandler,” Lisa says.

We both laugh at this declaration. I hug Lisa tight.

“Thank you for being honest,” I say.

≈≈

I power up my cell phone and look at the texts that have been sent in the last two days. I haven’t looked at them since Saturday night.

ILU Where are you? Why won’t you answer me? I’m leaving Eve.

Kimberley says I can’t, but I’m going to. Is this too untenable and not real enough? Ellie?

I type a text back to him.
Courtney Chandler you are amazing. Thank you. Michael and I are having twins. I’m cancer free. No chemo for a while. We’re going on the honeymoon that we never got to take. It’s untenable; yes. Okay I write too much for text. Lisa said to tell you hello. She thinks you are too wise for me. Ellen Kay Shaw.