Notes from the Life of a Total Genius (19 page)

May 11th

Dear RJ,

I don’t like where everything with the Leg Breakers is going. Everyone at Von’s house this afternoon really wanted to stage a protest outside the school, and invite the media to come and film it. They are making a huge deal about the whole thing! Things are going further than I wanted them to go. I mean, I still think that we should be allowed to do our plays, but I don’t want to be on the news. I think we could look like whiny teenagers. I’ve seen how things get edited sometimes, and the news is run by adults, so of course they are going to make the adults look like they are the ones who are right. I tried to explain this to everyone, but then they asked if I was chickening out, and Ben wanted to know if I was all talk and no action. I really don’t want to seem like I’m a wimp, so I told them that we just needed to plan out what to say and make sure that we don’t say anything that could be taken in the wrong way.

RJ, I don’t know what to do. I want to stand up for what I believe in and free speech and all that, but I don’t want Kennedy and half the class to hate me for being part of the group that got grad cancelled.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: May 18, 14:08

Arthur,

I was out this weekend and I heard that you guys are now planning a PROTEST for the news?!?! What gives?! You know that there are WAY more grade nines who care about grad than care about your plays, right?!? And if you put on your plays, NO ONE is going to come. I’ll make sure of that!!

Can you PLEASE stop your group from ruining what SHOULD be the BEST DAY of junior high?!?!

Kennedy

From: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

To: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

Sent: May 19, 10:50

I can’t believe you won’t even respond to me now. SERIOUSLY? That’s so immature!

Kennedy

From: Arthur Bean ([email protected])

To: Kennedy Laurel ([email protected])

Sent: May 19, 21:37

Dear Kennedy,

I swear, I’m not avoiding you! I was away all weekend, and I just got home and saw your emails. And we’re not doing a protest. You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. It’s totally overblown.

I wish you understood how important it is to some of the Leg Breakers that we do the plays. It’s a big deal. It’s about our rights!! You know that I would never do anything to hurt you, and if it was up to me, I would do something about it. But there’s nothing I can do now. It’s too big!

If you want, maybe you and I could get together after school one day and figure out the best thing to make it all work out for everyone. I bet if we brainstormed, we could come up with some really great ideas. You and I work so well together!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

May 19th

Dear RJ,

I wish I had fencing tonight. I could really have used the distraction. Instead, I’m just sitting at home, freaking out about the Leg Breakers. Von has been suspiciously silent all weekend, which makes me think he’s doing something weird and awful, like building a giant platform for some national news story. I wish we hadn’t gone away this weekend. It feels like we were gone for a month, not just three days. Plus, Dad takes our phones and locks them in the glove box of the car so that we can “power down” while we’re camping. But now look where it’s got me. Kennedy is furious, and I have no idea what the Leg Breakers did this weekend! Next time we go, I’m going to insist I keep my phone with me. It’s necessary for my survival!!

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

An Antarctic Odyssey
by Nick Bertozzi

This is my third and final book review for you, Ms Whitehead. I hope that you are moved to tears by my most touching and sincere book review here.

My last choice is to review
An Antarctic Odyssey
by Nick Bertozzi.

I got this book for my birthday from my best friend in Lethbridge. He’s really into comics and normally I don’t like the same stuff he does. But he said that he had never read this book, and he was told by the bookstore owner that it wasn’t like a comic.

First off, I should assure you that this fits into the non-fiction that you wanted us to read. Frankly, I never read non-fiction, because normally I read the first chapter, or paragraph, or heck, even just the title and subtitle, and I figure that I know what the book is about. I don’t understand how people need 300 pages to describe how to make cheese or the history of salt. I get it. Salt was important.

This book made me think, “Why aren’t all non-fiction books illustrated like graphic novels?” It’s so much easier to read them. I finished this one in an hour, tops. If I were in charge of Social Studies textbooks, I would make them all comic strips featuring a talking guinea pig named Scott. Scott could narrate all the cool stuff that happened in history, rather than long boring passages about the Fall of France. And I would show Scott getting killed in ways that match how different people died during the different battles. At the end of every chapter, Scott the Time-Travelling Guinea Pig would be stabbed, or beheaded, or shot through with an arrow, or something equally historic.

Anyway, the book was all right. I still don’t like non-fiction books, but I liked the parts when they almost got eaten by the giant sea monster, and watched whales breed. I found all the characters confusing. They all looked the same.

I give this book a 70%.

Arthur,

Your book review doesn’t say much about the book. In fact, you say almost nothing about the book, the synthesis of information, the language level, your engagement with the narrative or any of the criteria of the assignment. I get the feeling that you didn’t actually read this book, which is not like you at all. For one thing, Shackleton and his crew were never beset by a sea monster. Perhaps, the next time you read a graphic work of any kind, spend more than an hour focusing on the illustrations and the interplay between word and picture. There’s a lot more to be gleaned from books like this than what’s written in the text!

Ms Whitehead

May 22nd

Dear RJ,

We’re two weeks away from when we were going to put our plays on. Do you think it’s too late to drop out? Von said that he’s going to have a news crew at the school Monday morning to cover the story, and he wants me to do the talking, because according to him, I started the whole thing. I would like to state for the record, I didn’t start it! The way I see it, Kraleigh started it. But it doesn’t matter now, because I sure don’t want to be on camera! Kennedy has put up posters all around the school, on top of our Leg Breakers posters, and they all say
Graduation Celebration, Not Theatrical Vexation!
The posters tell people that they should boycott our play night.

RJ, I never thought that writing one article and stating my opinion would go this far. And now so many other people are getting upset, all because of me. I don’t know whether I made a huge mistake, or if it’s worth it, because you
should
stand up for yourself. I do know that I don’t want to do this anymore. I want all of it to be over, and I don’t want Kennedy to hate me, and I don’t want to worry that Hark is going to quit because of me, and I definitely, DEFINITELY don’t want to hang out at Von’s house anymore.

Yours truly,

Arthur Bean

Assignment: Extreme Survival!