Nothing But Time (19 page)

“I…well,”
Harrowby
stuttered looking down at the top
of her head where it rested just over his heart
.
 

“You could try hugging me back, you know,” came her muffled words.  “You just wrap your arms around me and–
”

“I know what a hug is,” he grunted and slipped his arms tentatively around her. 
Kate
was warm as she cuddled against him and
Harrowby
found himself relaxing into her arms.  He bent over her as she curled into him with a satisfied hum.  He tur
ned his head so that his cheek
pressed against the top of her head, drawing them even closer.

It was
…
nice, he thought, trying to remember the last time he’d found himself in the embrace of another simply for the joy of being there.  He could not, yet he felt oddly content
merely
standing there with his arms about her.  He could feel her serenity seeping into him, drawing away the stresses that business and family delivered him. 
Harrowby
felt calmer, more content with his lot.

It was also the most disconcerting moment in his experience.  The people he knew, his
friends and acquaintances –
even his own family –
never
touched a person with such informality and certainly
not
without their permission.  Even the mistresses he’d had in the past would not approach him so familiarly, with
nothing but the thought of giving
comfort.  It was a sad commentary on his life that he could hardly recall the last time he’d been held thus without the expectation of some compensation. 

Who was this woman that she gave so freely of herself?  Or was there something more that she wanted from him? 
“Why did you do this?” he asked quietly.

“It just seemed to me that you needed
a hug
,” she replied, though
Harrowby
had never before heard of the concept of a person ‘needing’ a hug.  “Though I am largely from the
‘
Me
’
generation as
I explained before, I am also
from a generation that is big on hugging.  It might have actually gotten a little out of hand, complete strangers hugging sometimes, but it’s a good thing, I think.”

“It is a good thing,” he agreed, using her unusual phraseology.  “Thank you, Kate.”

“Anytime.
”
S
he gave him one last squeeze and relaxed away from him but not before
Harrowby
unconsciously
brushed
a kiss on top of her head.  “I’ll be around if you need me later
or Nate and I are going to go fishing in a little while if you want to come with
.”

Leaving the room,
Harrowby
thought about her parting
comment
.  If he needed her, she would be around.  If he
needed
her… she would be around.

Though Harrowby didn’t make a habit of needing anyone, her offer was a touching one.  When was the last time anyone had offered him their support?  Or simply the pleasure of an uncomplicated presence?

By God, but he liked that woma
n, he thought to himself. 
She confounded the hell out of him, but he liked her. 
How could he not?

“Whatcha doing?”

She hadn’t been able to stay away.  Somehow that saying about if the mountain wouldn’t come to Mohammed, Mohammed would come to the mountain, had taken on a new appreciation with Kate. 
As she had thought before, i
f she wanted to see
Brandon Ryder
, it would be
up to
her to make it happen. 

She stood in the do
or o
f Brand’s study
not
twelve
hours
after their morning talk
only
to find the earl bent over a pile of papers writing furiously. 
Though he jumped at the sound of her voice, Brand was quick to snatch the s
heaf
of papers of
f the desk and shove
them into a draw
er
, pushing it shut
much as he had that morning
. 

That done, he laced his fingers and glanced at her nonchalantly.
“Nothing at all. 
What brings you here once more?”

Kate’s heart sa
nk with his cool welcome.
“Is this not okay?  I can go if you want.”

“I will allow it.”

“Well, thank you so much,” she accepted lightly
to disguise her disappointment.  Perhaps Brand truly did not find her as appealing as she found him.  She had jumped at every sound through the day, hoping Brand would
come fishing or
come to the nursery to see Nathan… to see her
despite his resolve to remain apart from her
.  He hadn’t and Kate’s confidence in the
mutua
lity of their pull on each other had been sadly deflated.  How was it even possible that this was a one-sided attraction?  Surely, he felt it, too
.
  After all, he had kissed her twice now
. 

With his mask of stoicism, it was just too hard to tell.  She couldn’t read him at all.  While a part of her was enthralled
by his autonomy, his noble solit
ari
ness
, she couldn’t decide if that demeanor was simply a result of his position, an off-shoot of his rearing or a charade to mask his true feeling
s. 
Kate only knew that she wanted to delve more deeply into Brand.  She wanted to know the true him.  He was irresistible in that very detachment.

Kate resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands.  God, she was pitiful! 
“I thought you might come by the nursery today.”

“Busines
s kept me occupied,” he told her
.

Kate tilted her head curiously
,
feeling the underlying falseness in the words
.  “What were you working on when I came in?”

“Business, just business.”

Kate doubted that.  Brand seemed almost embarrassed at being caught at whatever he was up to.  Not the reaction of a man
at an everyday task.  “
What kind of business?
”

“The kind that is none of yours.”

“Ouch, that hurts,” Kate winced.  “I thought we were becoming friends, Brand.”

“
Friends?
 
Mates?”

Though the second word had a dramatically different definition to Kate, she nodded.  Mates, the word brought to Kate’s mind the image of a man and woman as one, soul mates.  So much deeper than mere friends.  An odd yearning unlike any she’d ever known clenched at her heart.  What would it be like?  To be a true mate to a man?  Kate snorted.  It was not a thought she’d ever had in her life and
that she considered it now only seemed to underline how deeply attracted she was to this man. 

As for Harrowby, the concept itself was startling.
In the entirety of his life, he’d never
known
a female he considered
to be
a
friend
.  Certainly, there had never been an employee of his he thought of in such a fashion
, even Timson who had been at his side through the most personal moments of his life for the past decade
.  Kate was both
a female and an employee and completely unlike any of
his
mates
from school or university.  She undoubtedly attempted to pry deeper into his personal life than any other.

“One cannot be friends with an employee,” he opted for saying
,
as he had no intention of explaining what he was doing to Kate or anyone else.  It was his secret, his private joy.

“I told you before, I just can’t see you as my boss, Brand, even if you do sign the check,” Kate told him, wandering over and around the desk next to him before she propped her bottom against the
edge
of the
desk and crossed her arms over her chest.  Tilting her head to the side, she considered him thoughtfully.  “But I guess you might
not
see it the same way.  Is that all it is then?  You’re the boss and I’m just one of hundreds of employees to you?”

“
Not at all.
”
 
Harrowby
didn’t need to give it a second thought.  Kate Kallastad was unlike anyone he’d ever employed, unlike anyone he’d ever known.  He’d never met a person
who he knew, even after a few mere hours of acquaintance, would deal with him as honestly and straightforwardly as she.  There was no complicity or
artifice
about her.  It was part of what he
liked about her.  So, if he liked her,
Harrowby
supposed that
it
might be the beginning of a friendship with her… as odd as it sounded.

Naturally, it might be a great deal easier to picture her firmly in a role of friendship if he did
not
also continually picture her in his bed.

And he did imagine h
er so.  The two brief kisses they
had shared whet his appetite for more.  The honest, mutual attraction between them – an attraction that had nothing to do with reward or benefit – was as compelling as her honest approach to the world.

What Kate did
no
t understand was that there had been very little honesty in his world for many a year.  London’s
ton
was filled to the brim with
deception and chicanery.
Its elite would do or say anything to maintain their position while the newcomers would step on anyone to make their way up the
social
ladder.  Taken as a whole, that mendacity was part of the reason
Harrowby
had not yet wed.  He could read the calculation and speculation in the eyes of every woman he’d met in the past decade.  It made him weary, so weary that he’d given up on Society as a whole, reduced to going through the motions lest the back-stabbers turn on him.

He hated the world he lived in, hated the rules that left him without trustworthy companions, left him alone even when surrounded by hundreds.  Alone even in the company of his own mother who cared more about how Society viewed her and her behavior than how her own children saw her.

Harrowby
didn’t want to live his life that way and certainly did not want to marry a woman who thrived in
such an
environment. 
Even his mother’s constant nagging over the subject for nearly a decade hadn’t been able to coerce
him
into such folly
. 
He didn’t want his children to grow up as he had, as if he were more an acquaintance to his parents than a blood relative. 

He wanted warmth and affection, though he had no idea how those things truly felt.  He wanted hugs such as Kate delivered
so freely
and as he vaguely remembered receiving from his childhood nanny.

With a sigh,
Harrowby
reached out and took Kate’s hand
, lightly stroking his thumb across the back of it. 
He wasn’t certain what he intended to say but the words that emerged unbidden surprised him as much as they surprised her. 
“
You express such
astonishment
regarding my relationship with my mother, so I must ask, w
hat is your mother like, Kate?”

A long moment of silence followed as Kate studied him with a frown. 
“Do you really think a comparison will make you feel better about things?” she asked.  She had seen the emotions flitting across his face, generally knew where they were headed.  It didn’t take a genius to realize that Brand was a loner, that he had few, if any, close relationships. 
However, t
here was a whole lot
of love bottled up in Brand. 
She
’d
seen it in the way he smiled at Nate and ruffled his hair, in the way he’d fallen into their hug as if he were a man starving for affection.  

And Kate wanted to give it to him. 

Not because she felt sorry
for him.  No, pity wasn’t enough to spur on the kind of emotions Harrowby stirred in her.  Kate didn’t want to soothe and comfort
, she wanted to see just one smile of true happiness on Brand’s face.  She didn’t think there would be a greater gift than seeing this man who worked, basically, in a job he hated because it was
the
right thing to do, find simple happiness
.