Nothing But Trouble (34 page)

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Authors: Bettye Griffin

BOOK: Nothing But Trouble
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“It'll all be taken care of, if I do decide to keep the baby. Like I said, I haven't decided.”
“Michie, you don't love that baby any more than you love Errol. You just want to give my friends and me a lot of grief. I'll never understand why you hate us so much. You can have other babies with Errol. Why are you even considering holding on to this one?”
“Because I never had a baby before, Cécile. I don't know how I'll react in the delivery room when they say, ‘It's a girl!' I might ask if she's formed all right and then go about my business without even looking at her, but I might want to hold her. And if I do, I might not want to let go.”
 
 
Cécile's hands felt moist with sweat on the steering wheel of her minivan. She couldn't believe her sister. What kind of monster could string along a couple desperate for a child, knowing all along that she might withdraw at the last minute, depending on how she felt?
One thing was for sure. She couldn't face Norell until after the baby was born and they all learned what would come next. No way could she look Norell in the eye and share her excitement while privy to the knowledge that she might have to deal with a disappointment so crushing it would haunt the rest of her life.
All was dependent upon Micheline and her whims.
Chapter 49
“
D
ana, you don't know how much I appreciate your calling me every day,” Norell said into the phone.
“I'm so excited. I don't think I was this jumpy when I got close to my due date with Brittany.”
“Have you talked to Cécile?”
“Yes. She's still under the weather, but she's hanging in there.”
“Did she say if she'll be at the partners' meeting?”
“She said she didn't know. She's afraid she'll pass on whatever bug she has to you, which can get complicated if the baby comes.”
“That's sweet. I'll call her later.”
“So how's Vic handling the suspense?”
“He's trying to hide it, but he's just as anxious as I am. Not just for the baby, but to see what happens with the mother.” Again Norell experienced that queasy feeling that Vic knew more than he admitted to. It had haunted her ever since that day last week when he told her the baby was a girl. And again, she pushed it away.
“Norell, I can't tell you how happy I am for you two. For a while there I was awfully worried. I think your problems were worse than you let on.”
“It did get pretty hairy for a while there last summer,” Norell admitted.
“But you hung in there, and now look what's happened in just eight or nine months. Better days are coming for you, Norell.”
“Yes. I just pray everything will work out.”
“Think positive.”
 
 
When Norell took a break to have lunch, she pondered the sharp turn her life had taken since last summer, when she and Vic barely talked to each other or touched each other. Less than a year ago she wondered if her marriage would survive, and now she and Vic were better than ever.
This wasn't the first time her life had changed direction because of Vic. He'd entered her life after her mother died and brightened her world. He hadn't abandoned her when infertility darkened her outlook again. Instead he got his lawyer to look for a woman with an unwanted pregnancy, just so her dream could come true. Vic really loved her. Look at how much money he'd spent. Not that she knew exactly how much it came to, but it had to be substantial.
She frowned. She wished Vic had shared more information with her about the birth mother. She couldn't help thinking his vagueness was deliberate.
As she poured iced tea into a tall cooler filled with ice cubes, she thought about Dana's comment about everything turning around in her marriage in the space of eight or nine months, and the thought hit her like a heavyweight champion's fist.
The baby she waited for so anxiously right now had been conceived at the same time as her lowest moments with Vic, just before their marriage turned around, largely because he stopped complaining about her work schedule.
That, paired with his remarks of last week, made her more suspicious than ever. Exactly how had Vic managed to connect with this birth mother?
She broached the subject as she served him breakfast the next morning. “Vic, tell me all about how you arranged for us to get the baby.”
“There's not much to tell,” he said.
Somehow she'd known he would say that.
“I put out some feelers through Henry about black babies being given up for adoption. He contacted his colleagues, and we got a bite. I didn't tell you as soon as the arrangements were made in case the woman changed her mind. You looked so down when Cécile had her little girl, I decided you needed to know.”
“So Henry found her for you. Is she local? Did you meet her?”
“Yes. I interviewed her. She seemed like an all-right kid, if maybe on the self-involved side.”
“Didn't it cost a whole lot?”
“I had to pay Henry's fees, plus I paid her living expenses from the time she was about four and a half months along. She didn't want the people she works with to know her business, so she took a leave of absence.”
“So she works. Somehow I thought she was a college student.”
“I never said that. I just said she's young. I also gave her a reasonable allowance and paid her health insurance premiums. But I'm pretty sure I told you that already.” He smiled at her. “Why the sudden interest? You getting nervous at this any-moment stage?”
Norell took a deep breath, but her eyes never left his face. “It just occurred to me that nine months ago, when the baby was conceived, things weren't going too well between us. We hardly ever had sex. I thought that maybe you went out and got some woman pregnant and were trying to pawn off your own baby as belonging to some poor, unfortunate stranger.” She saw the guilt flash in his eyes, gone in an instant, but it told her what she had feared in her heart of hearts for the last week. “My God!” she whispered. “You did it, didn't you?”
“I didn't want to tell you—”
She slammed her palm on the table. “I'll just bet you didn't! How dare you, Vic.” She rose from the table and headed toward the front door.
He followed her, catching up with her quickly and turning her around. “Norell, listen. I made a terrible mistake. I knew that right away. There wasn't any love involved. It was one woman, one night. All she represented was release of all the frustration I felt for being so low on your list of priorities. But the condom broke, and she got pregnant.”
She glared at his hand, which was still fastened around her forearm, before lifting her face to him. “And you expect me to raise your illegitimate brat just so you can keep her close to you.”
“Norell, that's not it at all. I never wanted any more children in the first place. You know that. I enjoyed having all of you all to myself. There's a lot involved in raising children. Infants need a tremendous amount of care, and as they grow they still need nurturing. I'd already been through it. I only agreed to start another family because it was so important to you. When the mother came to me—”
“So she came to you.”
“Yes. I made the suggestion that she let you and me adopt the baby, and I got Henry involved to draw up the contracts and explain them to her. I wanted an intermediary so I wouldn't have to deal with her directly. I just felt awful when she told me she didn't learn she was pregnant until after it was too late to abort, and then it occurred to me that maybe I had a blessing instead of a curse. I thought that if I could get the mother to cooperate, you and I could adopt the baby.”
“What a marvelous stroke of luck,” she said sarcastically.
“Listen, Norell. I know this woman's type. She would have aborted without giving it a second thought if she'd known in time, and I never would have known about it. But because it was too late for that, you and I will have a child.”
“
You
will have a child, Vic. I have nothing.”
He reached out for her other hand. “Norell,” he said in that soft tone she knew so well, “do you really hate me so much that you would be willing to forego the opportunity to attain the one thing you want more than anything, to be a mother? You might not ever get another chance. You know that most black women keep their babies, even if they're very young teenagers and not really women yet. Or the babies are raised by family members, but they stay within the family network.”
She lowered her head. It hurt, but Vic was right. Black infants available for adoption had to be a rarity. But how could she still feel the same about the baby she waited to hold and love, knowing it had been conceived by her husband from a one-night stand he'd had with some nameless, faceless woman? She faced the prospect of being reminded of Vic making love to another woman every time she set eyes on the baby. It might even look just like him.
“Norell?” he prompted.
She raised her head. “I don't want to talk to you right now, Vic. Excuse me.”
She got up, walked into their bedroom, and stood by the crib they'd bought just yesterday in anticipation of bringing the baby home, resting her palms lightly on its edges. Plastic-bagged packages of baby supplies and clothing filled the inside. The receipts all remained in the bags. They'd been too superstitious to unpack until they actually had possession of the baby. Still, it didn't take much imagination to picture a sleeping infant lying in the crib, her chest moving up and down as she slept.
Sadness washed over Norell like a shower spray. These last weeks she'd spent a lot of time imagining all the wonderful things she and her little girl would do together in the future: Have matching mother/daughter outfits, bake Christmas cookies, paint Easter eggs. And that was just the beginning. Now, because of Vic, it might not ever come true.
She felt betrayed, and not only by him. How could Fate do this to her? Having been promised a baby and then finding out it came to be because of her husband's infidelity was just as cruel as offering a destitute person ten thousand dollars and then snatching it back at the very last minute.
Vic had entered the room and stood close behind her. “Are you all right?” he asked.
She stared at the window straight ahead. “No, Vic, I'm not. My heart is broken. You slept with another woman. You treated me the same way you treated Phyllis. I guess once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“That's not fair, Norell. Do you think I would have even told you about my affairs if I had any intention of repeating that behavior? When you and I met, Phyllis and I were divorced. I opened up to you, confided in you about my past. It's low for you to use that against me.”
“I can do any damn thing I want, Vic. And right now I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I wish you'd just go on to work and leave me alone.” She choked on her last words and raised her hands to wipe angry tears from her eyes.
The ringing telephone broke into the tension. Vic crossed the room to pick up the bedside extension. “Hello,” he said briskly.
“Vic, it's Henry. Micheline just called me from the hospital. Her labor has started. They're admitting her.”
Chapter 50
M
icheline panted breathlessly. She'd never known such pain in her life. Her lower body felt like it was on fire. My God, her body would probably never be the same. Surely her vagina had stretched beyond its limits. Would she ever be able to enjoy sex again after passing a six-pound infant through that narrow opening?
“Here she is, Ms. Mehu,” the nurse said, handing her the baby, who had now been cleaned of all those membranes that had covered her when she came out.
She noticed Errol stiffen behind her. He knew this would be the moment of truth, and she sensed he hoped she would decide against keeping the baby.
The child certainly didn't look like much, Micheline thought. For one thing, she was all head. Her eyes were shut, and her nose seemed to dominate her face. And why was she so pale? Micheline could see veins through her skin, which looked almost translucent.
She decided the baby would get cuter once she got a little older. After all, she'd thought baby Regine wasn't particularly cute at first, but she'd improved a lot in four months, even if she still looked more like Michael than Cécile.
“Well?” Errol pressed.
Micheline looked at him and shook her head. When she had her baby with Errol—whom she felt positive would be a boy—she would feel something a lot different, a lot more positive. “Thank you,” she said to the nurse, holding out the bundled baby for her to take back.
 
 
Norell stood in front of the nursery window, staring at the baby. The pink nametag bore the name ‘Bellamy.' From where she stood, the baby's features appeared muted. At this point she couldn't tell if it looked like Vic.
Vic wouldn't even tell her the name of the hospital where the baby had been born before today. This infuriated her, for she knew he had all the details and deliberately withheld the information. No doubt he feared she would seek out the birth mother in her room and make a scene. Now she didn't even bother acting on her curiosity. She knew Vic waited until after the birth mother had been discharged to tell her the baby's location.
Now the time had come to discharge the baby, but she still had a decision to make, or at least she had to inform Vic about what she decided. She wanted this child, even with her being the result of her husband's affair. How could she blame an innocent infant for the sins of her father?
Besides, could she honestly say that she had been blameless in the deterioration of her marriage? Hadn't she played a role in driving Vic into the arms of that other woman?
Maybe.
But that didn't mean she could forgive him just like that, or forget about it, either. This would hurt for a long time. But she felt reasonably certain that she could separate her anger at Vic from the love she felt for the baby.
“Norell, you all right?” Vic asked, coming to stand beside her.
“Yes, I'm fine. But I have a question for you.”
“What's that?”
She turned to face him, wanting to see his reaction, and spoke in a near whisper. “If you and I already had a child and were happy, would you still have wanted to bring this baby home to me?”
“If you and I had a child and were happy, I wouldn't have slept with another woman, so there would be no other child,” he said bluntly.
“Indulge me, Vic.”
“All right. Hypothetically, the answer is no. I would have encouraged her to give up the baby for adoption. I probably would have gotten Henry involved in the screening process of prospective parents, to do everything I could to make sure she went to a good home. But I wouldn't have felt a need to have the baby be a permanent part of my life.”
She sighed. “So this is why you've put so much emphasis on the possibility of the mother changing her mind, because you knew her.”
“I didn't spend enough time with her to know her, but a change of heart can happen with any birth mother, Norell. This woman is the center of her own universe. She does what's convenient for herself without any regard for anyone else.” He paused to look at the infant on the other side of the glass. “But her loss can be our gain, if you want it.”
“What if I don't want it? Will you be content to come home with me and let your child go into the foster-care system?”
Vic took a deep breath. He'd tried to do the right thing, to make the most out of an unhappy situation. He'd been as open as he could with Norell once she guessed the truth, while keeping the identity of his newest daughter's mother anonymous. He knew he could never tell her the whole truth. They still had a chance for a happy ending, but Norell would never forgive him if she knew he'd slept with Cécile's sister.
He'd tried his best to be as honest as he could in quite difficult circumstances. He couldn't lie to her now.
“I don't think I could give her up,” he said. “It would be different if I hadn't seen her, but I have. She looks so vulnerable, so peaceful in that bassinet. Handing her over to carefully screened adoptive parents who will love and cherish her is one thing. Letting her go into foster care, where she might be mistreated or neglected, is something else. I'd hoped you would want to keep her, to bring her up as ours. I know it's a lot to ask of you, Norell, but I believe you have it in you to love this little girl without letting her be a reminder of how much I've hurt you.”
He sighed. “I guess this is it,” he said solemnly. “This is where we find out what's to become of us.”
Their eyes met and held. “All right, Vic,” she said. “Let's bring our daughter home and give her a name.”

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