Nothing but Your Skin (4 page)

You said to me, “Having your period doesn't mean you can't make love, but…what about a few days before the full moon? Would that be okay?”

“Yes. A few days before, yes. Will the lake be frozen enough?”

“I hope so
.
”

“Will it be nice out?”

“I hope so.”

And at night, under the covers, in my bed, in my room, I thought about your words, and your words touched my skin, became fingers, lips. I thought of you, I felt you on me, and the pleasure I gave myself was already ours.

And the day came. Just like that. You said to me, “Tonight would be perfect. Because, you know, I'm going to leave on my apprenticeship and I'll be away for three weeks. Three weeks is a long time. The lake could melt all of a sudden. Or the weather could turn bad. So tonight would be perfect.”

And I replied, “Yes, tonight would be perfect.”

We didn't talk much on the path through the forest. It was a dry cold, very dry. I kept my gloves on, and you did, too. Our shoes crunched on the snow and seemed to be saying
tonight, tonight, tonight
. Tonight we'll have time to love each other, tonight we'll have time to touch, tonight we'll take our gloves off…

“Are you sure it will be warm enough in your sleeping bags? What if they get wet from the ice? And if we make it melt?”

“Don't worry, I'll bring a big plastic tarp to put under us, and we won't get cold, that's for sure. We'll be hot, very hot. Hotter than you can imagine, Lou.”

“What time will we meet? I'll have to sneak out. And I can't let the dogs hear me.”

“Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes, if I'm careful. I'll open the window quietly, I'll slide out, I won't need to take my skis or my snowshoes, the snow is hard enough that you can walk on it without sinking. I'll come to the edge of the lake.”

“Yes, Lou, and I'll be waiting for you.”

“With your big sleeping bags?”

“Yes, with my big sleeping bags, a tarp to put on the ice, and a condom.”

“You won't forget the condom.”

“No, I won't forget.”

Night came, and I snuck out of the house. The dogs didn't bark; they didn't hear anything. The moon was almost full, but not completely. It lit up the snow and the snow sparkled. When I got to the edge of the lake, I saw you, and my heart started to beat stronger. The sleeping bags were thick, you had zipped them together, they fit perfectly. We took them under our arms and walked onto the lake. There was a light dusting of frost on the ice that kept us from slipping. You could see the moon's reflection in places, and the whole night wrapped around us. We walked silently all the way to the middle of the lake, far from the shore.

“Will anyone be able to see us from the shore?”

“I don't think so.”

“What if the ice melts?”

“It's way too thick.”

Then my questions disappeared, and the world outside disappeared, too. We slid into the sleeping bags, we zipped them up, and, in the dark, we let our bodies tell their story. Sometimes, the frozen lake cracked and shook underneath, but we weren't scared. I said to you, “My body is talking under your hands.” That's what it felt like. You were right, it was hot all of a sudden, hot like I've never been hot before, even in summer. Sweat slid down my arms, my breasts, and where our stomachs met. You weren't in a hurry, I wasn't in a hurry. We had all the time in the world and we were a man and a woman, not children anymore. I wanted to bite you, like a puppy, but without hurting you. And you slid into me.

You pushed that little bit of childhood skin, gently. Before I even felt pleasure, I wanted to howl out in joy. It was good, it was good. There was nothing around us except a frozen lake, and our bodies burning on top of it. You weren't saying anything, you were breathing hard, softly, hard. I followed your breaths and got into a rhythm. I felt you inside me, it didn't hurt. We were a patch of color on the dark ice of the lake. You came, but not me, not totally, it was a bit quick. You said, “It's okay, we have the night ahead of us, I have my hands, I have my mouth, there are a thousand and one ways, you'll have your turn.” And we took our time loving each other, again, again, again.

Until the moment we heard the dogs barking in the distance, and the people walking on the shore.

“As strange as it seems,” the psychologist said to my parents, “I think Louella agreed to go with this boy and to have sexual relations with him.”

My mom took some time to think about what he said. But for a few days now, when she comes into my room, she almost looks me in the eyes. She talks to me, mostly about you. She says that you haven't come back, that you haven't tried to see me. That even if you didn't force me, which has yet to be proven, you haven't come to see how I am, you haven't even phoned. She says that I was stupid to trust you and that even if I did say yes, you took advantage of my gullibility. She says that you'll never come back, that you've already forgotten me, and that I should do the same with you. Then she asks if I'm still thinking about you and I shake my head no, because I'm not going to say yes. But I know that you've gone on your apprenticeship for three weeks, and that those three weeks have almost gone by. I managed to keep track of all the days, I haven't missed one. My mom says that you've ditched me, but I know that you're going to come back. I keep quiet, my hand on my throat. Because it's our secret. And I know you're coming back tonight, or tomorrow night. I'm not allowed to take the bus anymore, but you'll wait until it's really dark at night and you'll come around to the back of the house, so you won't disturb the dogs.

You'll tap on my window. You'll leave a little note, or just the traces of your steps. If the dogs don't bark, I'll open the window. If they do, we'll wait for the right moment. And one night, one night when the moon is almost full, a very cold night with lots of stars in the sky, we'll start again. We'll find each other on the lake and you'll have two sleeping bags zipped together. My body will be like brand new under yours. You'll touch my skin, I'll touch your earlobe, and nothing will happen to wreck our story. We'll make love as much as we want. And if I hear people walking on the shore, you'll just say, “You have nothing to be scared of, you're with me. We'll survive everything because we love each other. Lou, the dogs will never find us here.” And I'll believe you, Matt, I'll believe you.

First published in France as
Rien que ta peau
,
^©
Actes Sud, 2008
English translation
^©
2009 Annick Press

Annick Press Ltd.

All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic, or mechanical—without prior written permission of the publisher.

Series editor: Melanie Little

Translated by Paula Ayer
Copyedited by Geri Rowlatt
Proofread by Elizabeth Salomons
Cover design by David Drummond/Salamander Hill Design
Interior design by Monica Charny
Cover photo ©
istockphoto.com

To Éric, the rebel.

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Cataloging in Publication

Ytak, Cathy
        Nothing but your skin / Cathy Ytak.

(Single voice series)
Translations of: Rien que ta peau and La piscine était vide.
Title on added t.p., inverted: The pool was empty / Gilles Abier.
ISBN 978-1-55451-233-1 (pbk.).—ISBN 978-1-55451-238-6 (bound)

        I. Abier, Gilles, 1970- II. Title. III. Series: Single voice series

PZ7.Y73No 2010       j843'.92       C2009-906402-2

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