Nothing Personal (11 page)

“Nope. Never in a league
with the pretty boy,” Gabe said. Which brought an immediate, inarticulate protest from Mira that had him laughing and giving her a quick kiss. “I know you like me better,” he told her. “And I’m counting on being able to keep you fooled a little while longer, until I get that ring on your finger and it’s too late to change your mind.”

“I tried
,” Alec pointed out. “She didn’t want me. I can’t help it if the woman has no taste. And to answer your question,” he told Desiree, “It’s because a guy can wear a T-shirt and jeans, and he’s good. What we’re wearing today, Gabe, aren’t they about what we wore in high school?”

“In fact,” Gabe answered, “
I think these are
exactly
what we wore in high school. As in, I think I wore this same pair of pants. Opened the drawer today, and there they were. The shirt goes back that far too, for all I know. A little tight, come to think of it.” He plucked at the thin, faded fabric stretching over his broad chest.

“I thought that same thing,” Alec agreed. “Thought, did this shirt shrink? Guess we’ve both got a little bigger since then. We should probably toss some of that stuff.”

“Yes,” Desiree heard herself saying, “that’d probably be a good idea. You guys should definitely stop wearing your shirts so tight.” And was rewarded by a quick, startled look from Alec, followed by a smile that started slow, then grew as he met her eyes.

“I really need to get you all to clean your rooms out,” Susie said with a shake of her head
. “That’s pathetic. What do you think this is, a hotel?”

“I think having the wrong hair might have been the worst, though,” Desiree said.
Let’s get off the topic of tight T-shirts.
What had she been
thinking,
saying that in front of Alec’s parents? Not to mention Joe. Not to mention
him.
“Even worse than the underwear.” And now she was talking about underwear again.

“
Yeah, the hair was the worst,” she went on in desperation, trying to keep herself on safe ground, “because everybody sees your hair all the time. At least you didn’t have that problem, Alyssa. I always admired your hair.”

“Thanks,” Alyssa said, pushing a glossy dark lock behind her shoulder. “
But I admired
you.
The way you seemed . . . above it all. Like none of it ever got to you, not even the Mean Girls. And I’d like to help with your fund. Call my part the Clothing Stipend. They can buy some new underwear, anyway.”

“And yes,” she said with a glance across the table at Joe. “I said ‘underwear.’
Twice. Maybe even three times. Get over it.”

“Stop baiting
him, Alyssa,” Susie said calmly. “You’re terrible.”

“How are your own
philanthropy plans coming, Alec?” Dave asked his son, changing the subject. “Get that going yet?”

“Haven’t had a chance
to decide exactly how to set it up, or even what I want to do,” Alec said. “Got the money earmarked, just busy, you know, with the new company and all.”

“Earmarked isn’t going to
feed any hungry kids,” his father told him bluntly. “Earmarked isn’t going to send anyone to college, or get a family off the streets, or stamp out malaria, or whatever it is you decide to do. And I notice you had time to shop for that fancy new car last spring.”

“Well, actually, I didn’t,” Alec said. “I rode with somebody who had one, he let me drive it, I liked it, so I called a guy and bought it. I have a feeling
this wouldn’t be quite that easy.”

“Maybe you should get Desiree to help you set it up,” Gabe
suggested, humor lurking at the corners of his mouth. “She seems to have it down.”

“
I can’t ask her to do that. She doesn’t work for me, she works
with
me. There’s a difference.” Alec sounded a little defensive, Desiree thought. A little beleaguered.

“I’d be happy to help
, if I can,” she jumped in to assure him. “When you’re ready. I did a lot of research before I set up my little thing. But what, you have a foundation planned?”

“I can hardly avoid it, can I?” he
asked ruefully. “Not with my conscience sitting around the table with me.”

“
Perils of the PK,” Alyssa said. “You can run, but you can’t hide.”

“Preacher’s Kid.
” Alec, explaining again. “And,” he sighed, “I think I’ve just figured out where my first contribution is going, because I’m not going to get out of this house without pledging it somewhere. You’d better tell those girls at Chico High to keep their GPAs up, because that scholarship fund is about to get a whole lot bigger.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Alec told Rae an hour later, leaning down so she could see him and putting a hand on the window ledge. Damn, this was a tiny car. He hated to think what would happen if she got into an accident with anything bigger. Which would be just about anything at all. “You too, Mrs. Foster. Nice to catch up with you. And be careful on the drive back to the City tomorrow, Rae. Going to be a zoo out there.”

“
You too,” she said. “See you Monday.”

“Yeah. See you then.”

He stood back and held up a hand in farewell as the two of them drove off, walked back toward the house. To the sight of his brother, leaning against the wall, bouncing the basketball on the driveway. Joe and Alyssa were still on dish duty, then.

“You are so screwed,”
Gabe said with satisfaction as Alec approached.

“What?”

“You can hardly see straight, you’ve got it so bad. Told you it would happen, and bro, it’s happened. Cover your ears if you don’t want to hear this, because I’m going to say the word. You’re in love.”

“I am not in love.” Alec felt the punch of it straight to his gut. “I’m just . . . attracted.”

Gabe snorted at that with the contempt it deserved. “Tell that to somebody who didn’t just watch you eat the Jell-O salad.”

“What are you talking about?” It was a losing battle, he could feel it, but Alec did his best.

“The squishy green stuff? The mini marshmallows? The maraschino cherries on top? There was Cool-Whip in that, I’ll swear it.”

“So? Maybe I got less finicky while we were out in the backwoods.”

“Nope. That was true love. Because you asked for seconds.”

“Hey.” Alec gave it one last
try. “You ate it too.”

“Yup.
Twin bond, right there. If you’re going to be suffering, I’m going to be there with you.”

“It doesn’t matter,
though.” Alec leaned back against the wall himself with a sigh, and gave it up. “Because it can’t happen. We’re working together.”

“Never stopped you before.”

Alec shrugged irritably. “This is different. It wouldn’t look good for me, not to the board, not to the industry, if we did it and everyone found out, but I’d survive it. Hell, I have before. But for her . . . she wouldn’t. She’s supposed to be the adult supervision. She’s got this reputation built up, all based on keeping everybody focused, keeping it all about the business. She gets involved with me while she’s working with me, her credibility’s shot, because of
my
reputation. It would push her career right off the tracks.”

“And you don’t want to do that to her.”

“Of course I don’t. And it’s worse than that, because I don’t even know if she’s interested. Well,” Alec corrected himself, “I know she isn’t, not interested in pursuing it, I mean.”

“Has she said so?”

“Does she have to say it? She’s made it clear, trust me.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“What
can
I do? I can’t exactly quit. And I can’t push her into something that’s going to hurt her. I guess I just go on like this. But is that even possible?”

“Is it possible to restrain yourself? I don’t know. Is it? Who else are you sleeping with?”

Alec glared at his brother. “Nobody.”

“Nobody at all? How long are we talking here?”

“More than two months. Not since the day we had our first meeting. Well,” Alec amended, “that day, maybe, there was somebody. That night, I mean. But not since then. I’ve said no. I mean, flat-out no. Which makes no sense
,
if I’m never going to sleep with Desiree anyway. If I’m never even going to get to
touch
her. But I couldn’t help it. I got to the point, and I just . . . I said no.”

“You’ve n
ever even touched her?” Gabe zeroed right in on the main point. “Not once? Never kissed her?”

“No. Didn’t I just say? No. We can’t.”

“Never touched the stove,” Gabe mused. “And yet you’re pretty sure it’s hot. Imagine that.”

“You’re supposed to
be helping,” Alec charged him. “Why else am I telling you all this? Where’s your Hippocratic oath?”

Gabe looked at him
, his expression serious now. “OK, then. Here you go. Here’s my best shot. I’m not sure what the answer is going to be for you guys. I don’t want to sound like a Hallmark card, but if it’s meant to be, if it matters enough, you’ll work it out. And nobody ever actually died of sexual frustration, you know. It just feels like it.”

“Oh, and another thing?” he added as Alyssa burst out the back door,
grabbed the basketball from him, and began dribbling around the parked cars, Joe following behind her at a more leisurely pace, nodding to the brothers on his way out to the makeshift court.

Gabe waited until Joe was out of earshot, then continued. “If you ever do hav
e this conversation with her, here’s a tip. The part about not sleeping with anybody else sounds good. But don’t tell her about what you did on the day of your first meeting. Just say, ‘since the day of that first meeting with you.’ Going to go over a
lot
better.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Alec glowered at his brother. “I have a little experience here, you know.”

“Yes, you do,” Gabe replied cheerfully. “At casual sex, you’ve definitely got me beat. At being in love? Not so much.”

“So how was the drive back? I kept an eye out for ridiculously tiny red clown cars, but I didn’t see you.”

He was grinning at her again. And sitting on the edge of her desk again. And looking good again. She needed to tell him to go away. Yeah. She needed to tell him that. 

“Hey.” She leaned back in her reclining desk chair, stretched out her legs in the skirt she’d worn on purpose this morning, just because it stopped an inch above the knee. And watched his gaze drop to her bare legs, right on cue.

She swiveled a little
, felt the skirt inch up just a little bit more. “Thirty-five miles to the gallon on the freeway. How much does your car get?”

“Less.”
Still smiling, but his eyes had kindled, and he’d shifted position a bit. And she felt powerful, and feminine, and pretty damn sexy. She swiveled again.

“It was nice of your mom to invite my grandma and me to lunch,” she said. “I enjoyed that.”

“Yeah. I enjoyed seeing you too.”

“You’re different, with your family,” she said.

“Am I?” He was still smiling, but it was the kind of smile she could imagine a jungle cat might have on its face just before it pounced. Because he looked just that intent, and that dangerous. “How?”

She shrugged, leaned back a little more, pushed off with a toe. “More relaxed. More . . . normal.”

He laughed at that. “More normal? What does that mean? That I’m abnormal, normally?”

“No.” She forgot to be sexy, sat up again. “Just . . . successful.
In charge. Rich. None of which is exactly normal.”

“
You aren’t doing too badly yourself,” he said, “and you’re pretty normal. Well, except for the efficiency thing.”

She shrugged. “Not in your league, not that I’m not thrilled at getting this far. But not in your league, and you know it.”

“Well, now you know that we come from just about the same place,” he offered. “Which should help. Now that we’ve sat with our families and eaten lunch together.”

“Including a delicious Jell-O salad
,” she pointed out.

He made a little face, rubbed his ear. “Uh . . . yeah. Thanks for bringing that up. Because what the hell am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know.” She had to laugh at his expression. “I can’t wait.”

“If I say
that I liked it,” he complained, “she’ll make it for me again next time. And if I say that I didn’t, I’ll have insulted your grandmother. And I may be slow, but I’m not stupid. I already figured out that that’d be a deal-breaker.”

“Yes. That would be.”

He paused a moment. “So, can I ask? What’s the story with that? With you being with your grandmother, I mean.”

“You don’t want my sad life story, Alec.”

“Yes, I do. I really do.”

All the heat was gone, and she felt the familiar walls closing in, the door slamming shut. She
glanced at her computer. “It’s after eight. I need to go home, and so do you. And this is . . .” She hesitated. “This is dangerous, and stupid.”

“
Huh? What?”

She looked up at him
sitting there, looking so good. Like every fantasy she’d ever had, of a strong, handsome, good man who would whisk her away from all the struggles and all the worries and all the heartaches in her life. Like every dangerously enticing escape she’d ever yearned for, when life was so scary, and so lonely, and so damn
hard
that it seemed like she’d never make it.

And she knew it was time to draw the line
. No matter how much fun this was, how much she’d thought about him, and dreamed about him, and wanted to do more. No matter how much she wanted him to show her what it would be like to do everything. Six ways from Sunday.

“Alec
.” Time to say it. “You need to stop sitting on my desk. We need to stop this, this flirting. I know you do it all the time, but it’s not appropriate, and I’m not . . .” She stopped, went on again. “I’m not in your league in this either. I can’t flirt, not the way you do. Not for . . . for nothing.”

“You think that’s what I’m doing?” He actually looked shocked.
Hadn’t anybody ever called him on this stuff?

She sighed. “Of course that’s what you’re doing. I’m n
ot saying you’re a bad person. I like you a lot. But I don’t have time or space in my life for casual relationships. And this
matters
to me, this job. You can just move on to the next project, the next big deal. But everything I do, every single job, it has to
work.
This is my
life
. Because we don’t come from the same place, not really.
You’ve got a net, don’t you see? I don’t have a net. I don’t even have a rope. I’ve just got me here to keep me from falling. And not just me, my grandma too. For you, this is fun. And for me, it’s life and death. It matters.”

“I know it matters.” He
looked more upset than ever now, actually distressed. “And I know it isn’t casual. None of it. Not the job, and not me. I’m not just flirting.”

“So, what?” She could feel the tension gripping her shoulders, her thighs, tightening her throat so
her voice came out pinched, instead of her usual calm, measured tones, but she couldn’t help it. “You want to have sex with me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“You must know I do.” He stood up, shoved his hands in
to his pockets. “I guess I haven’t been as cool as I thought. But, yes. Since we’re putting it on the line, I want to have sex with you.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen.” She clicked on her computer to shut it down, pulled out her purse, her laptop case. “I need to go home
. It’s late.”

“And that’s it?” he demanded. “
That’s all the talking we’re going to do about this?”

“What else is there to say?” She stopped fiddling with her things and looked at him squarely. “
It’s all a sort of game for you, I get that. And lots of women are fine with that. They know the rules, and they know how to play. But I don’t. I’m just not that kind of person. I’d get hurt. So, since I know it’s really all the same to you,” she said, the pain in her chest telling her that she was right, that she had to end this now, “go choose somebody else to play the game with, OK? Because I’m an amateur, and I’ll lose.”

“Desiree—“

“No.” She stuffed her laptop into her case and pulled the zipper closed, shoved the strap over her shoulder and stood up. “I mean it, Alec. This has to end. This is done.”

“And my name,
” she said fiercely, pushing past him, feeling the tears threatening, knowing she had to get out of there right that minute, “is Rae.”

Alec walked out of her office behind her, feeling like he’d been hit in the head with a brick. Watched her pull her keys out of her purse with fingers that trembled, lock her door, and walk across to the exit without looking back at him. Back straight, as always. Head high. And hurting. He could see it, and it was killing him.

He walked back into his own office, dropped into his chair. Swiveled to look out of
his window at the plaza below, empty and forlorn in the occasional lights set into the pavement, casting half-circles onto the concrete and brick. The wind blowing through the bare branches of the newly-planted trees. And Desiree, her foreshortened figure appearing amidst them, on her way home, alone in the cold December dark. To wherever she lived, which she’d never trusted him to know. Just like she didn’t trust him to know her, or to care about her either.

He’d a
lways thought he was so smart, only involving himself with women who were willing to play by his rules, to keep it casual, to keep it fun. And now, when he wanted more, when he wanted it all, he couldn’t have it. Because of everything he’d done before, because she thought this was the same old thing. Another flirtation. Another fling. Another fun time for Alec Kincaid, Master of the Universe.

It was so
ironic, he could have laughed, except that it felt too bad. And he couldn’t see how to change it, or how to fix it. How to show her that she mattered, that she didn’t have to worry about falling. How to be her net.