Noughts and Crosses (36 page)

Dear Callum
,

I was going to phone you but I knew I’d bottle out and never say what I wanted to say. So I’ve decided to write it all down. I’ve thought and thought about it and I think I’ve found a way for both of us to get away from all this madness. You’re sixteen, nearly seventeen and I’m almost fifteen so don’t say I’m too young or anything stupid like that. Just read this letter with an open mind, that’s all I ask
.

I think you and I should go away together. Somewhere. Anywhere. Just the two of us. For good. Before you throw this letter in the bin, my brain hasn’t dropped out of my ear. I know what I’m saying is right. I want to be with you and I think you want to be with me. I’m not going to swear undying love or any of that other stuff you despise so much, but if we don’t leave now and together, then something tells me we never will. I’m not talking about the two of us becoming lovers or anything like that. I don’t think either of us is ready for that. Besides, I know that’s the last thing you’d want. But the two of us could set off together. Set up together. Stay together. Save each other – if that doesn’t sound too melodramatic. I think it probably does. But I mean it. And if you think about it, you’ll realize deep down that I’m right
.

So let’s just do it before we get too old and scared. Let’s do this before we turn into
them
. I’ve got plenty of money saved in my
own personal bank account, plus there’s my regular monthly allowance from both Dad and my grandmother’s trust fund. And we can both work. Just as long as we’re together. All you have to do is say yes. I thought we could move right away from here. Maybe rent a place up north somewhere. Maybe in the country
.

If you say yes
.

Mother has finally agreed to my going to Chivers Boarding School and I’m leaving at two o’clock on Sunday afternoon. If I don’t hear from you by then I’ll know what your answer is. I’ll wait for you right up until the moment I have to leave. But either way I’m going to get out of here
.

Take me away from all this, Callum. Don’t let me leave for Chivers. I want to be with you. Please don’t let me down
.

All my love

Yours for ever
,

Sephy

I stuffed the letter back into its envelope as I heard footsteps approach the kitchen. I was in luck. It was Sarah.

‘Sarah, I . . . could you do me a favour? A really big one.’ I chewed on my lip nervously, trying to read her expression.

‘Oh yes? What’s that then?’

‘Could you deliver this letter to Callum McGregor? He’s staying with his aunt. I’ve written the address on the front.’

‘I don’t think so!’ Sarah scoffed. ‘I need this job.’

‘Please, Sarah. I’m begging you. It’s really important.’

‘What is it?’ Sarah asked.

‘A letter.’

‘I can see that. What does it say?’

I chewed on my lip some more. A horrified look appeared on Sarah’s face.

‘You . . . you’re not pregnant, are you?’

I stared at her, then burst out laughing.

‘I guess not,’ Sarah said dryly.

‘Please,’ I pleaded, my smile fading. ‘I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t really,
really
important.’

Sarah regarded me thoughtfully. ‘OK,’ she said at last. ‘I’ll deliver it on my way home tonight. But only on one condition.’

‘What’s that?’

‘That you don’t do anything . . . hasty.’

‘It’s a deal!’ I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight. ‘Thank you. Oh, thank you.’

‘Hhmm!’ Sarah didn’t sound convinced that she was doing the right thing at all.

I licked the envelope and sealed it before pressing it into her hand before she could change her mind.

‘Thanks, Sarah. I owe you one.’ I grinned at her as I skipped off.

‘You owe me several, Miss Sephy,’ Sarah called after me.

‘I know.’ I twirled around before heading up the stairs.

Hasty! This wasn’t hasty at all. I’d thought and considered and planned this for days, weeks, months, all my life. Everything Callum and I had ever done had been leading up to this moment.

Callum would read my letter and come for me and together we were going to
escape
.

Wasn’t life glorious?!!

‘Callum, there’s someone downstairs to see you . . . What’re you doing?’

I closed my eyes briefly, my back towards Mum. I’d hoped to escape any kind of explanation.

‘I’m going away, Mum.’

‘Where?’

‘Away,’ I replied. ‘Somewhere where I can make a difference.’

Silence. When I could bear it no longer, I turned to see what Mum was doing. She stood in the doorway, watching me.

‘I see,’ she said at last.

And she did see. That was the trouble.

‘When will you be back?’

‘I don’t know,’ I answered truthfully.

Pause. ‘Will you see your brother?’

‘I don’t know. Probably.’

‘Tell him . . . Give him my love,’ Mum said at last, adding, ‘Do one thing for me, will you?’

‘What’s that?’

‘Keep your head down. And tell your brother to do the same.’ Mum turned to walk out of the door, her whole body slumped and drawn in on itself. She turned her head.
‘What about Sarah downstairs?’

‘Sarah?’

‘Sarah Pike who works for Mrs Hadley. She’s downstairs.’

‘Tell her I’m busy at the moment. I don’t want to see her.’ I shook my head. The last thing I needed right now was a stale morality lecture from Mrs Hadley’s dogsbody. ‘I can’t take all my stuff,’ I decided. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon for the rest.’

Mum carried on downstairs. I flung a clean T-shirt into my rucksack and closed it, waiting for the sound of the front door to close downstairs. My leaving would please Aunt Charlotte at any rate. I’d already received my orders. Go to the bus garage just outside town, sit on the bench outside the bus garage and wait. All very hush-hush, cloak-and-dagger. It was a big waste of time and effort if anyone were to ask me, which no-one did. But if it kept my brother happy then fair enough.

I felt quite upbeat about what was going to happen actually. I was going to join the Liberation Militia. It wasn’t what I’d planned for myself a couple of years ago, but at least I’d stopped drifting. At last, I belonged.

The moment I heard the front door shut, I headed downstairs.

‘Sarah left this for you,’ Mum pointed to a letter on the hall-table.

‘I’ll pick it up tomorrow with the rest of my stuff,’ I said, impatiently, without even looking at it. What Sarah couldn’t say to my face she’d written down, eh? Well, it could wait. I was off to spend my Saturday evening outside a bus garage.

‘I’m off now, Mum.’

Mum nodded. ‘Take care of yourself.’

‘You too.’

We stood in the hall like two lemons on display.

‘See you, Mum.’

‘Bye, son.’

I skirted round Mum trying to make sure I didn’t knock her with my rucksack. And then I was out of the door. Mum closed it quietly behind me as I walked off towards the other end of town.

He’s coming. He’s not going to come. He’s coming. He’s not going to come. He’s . . .

‘Persephone, move it!’ Mother snapped. ‘D’you want to go to Chivers or not?’

‘I’m coming,’ I called out. I took one more look around, searching the grounds, the path, towards the gate.

Nothing.

He wasn’t going to come. The desire to cry came and died. Dry-eyed I moved towards the car. Karl, the chauffeur, stood by the passenger door, holding it open for me.

‘Sephy!’

I turned as Minnie came hurtling out of the door. She
stopped right in front of me.

‘Enjoy yourself at Chivers,’ she said at last.

‘I wish you could come with me,’ I told her.

‘Do you?’

I nodded.

‘Well, Mother can’t do without both of us and as I’m the oldest and my exams are only just around the corner, and going to a new school would be too disruptive, so I might as well stay here . . .’

Mother’s arguments, not Minnie’s.

‘I’m sorry, Minerva.’

Minnie shrugged. ‘Yeah, so am I.’

‘Couldn’t you have another word with Mother? Maybe she’ll . .?’

‘It wouldn’t do any good,’ Minnie interrupted. ‘She’s determined that I should stay.’

‘You worry too much about pleasing everyone,’ I told her.

‘Unlike you. You couldn’t give two hoots for anyone else’s opinion,’ Minnie smiled.

If only that was true. I sometimes acted first and thought about it afterwards but I did care what other people thought. That was the trouble.

‘Don’t . . . don’t get too . . . like Mother – OK?’ I said.

‘I’ll do my best.’ Minnie winked conspiratorially. ‘And you lay off the booze. Agreed?’

‘I’ll try,’ I told her.

‘I thought you stopped for a while?’

‘I did.’

‘What made you stop?’

I shrugged. How to answer that? Feeling wanted. Being
cuddled. Not feeling sorry for myself any more. Any number of answers. Lots of reasons.

‘Well, what made you start again?’

I shrugged again. Being lonely.
Missing him
. The absence of hope until I’d written my letter.

‘Sephy, you’re not Mother. Stop trying to be,’ Minnie said.

I started at Minnie’s words, staring at her. Is that what I was doing?

‘Sephy, please come on,’ Mother called out from behind us.

‘Bye then.’ Minnie bent forward awkwardly and kissed me on the cheek. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that. I couldn’t remember the first time come to that! I headed for the car, still looking around.

He wasn’t coming
.

Wave goodbye to Dreamland, Sephy. I sat down next to Mother.

‘At last!’ she said, annoyed.

Oh Callum . . . Why didn’t you come? Didn’t you believe me? Or maybe you didn’t believe in me? Or maybe you were the one who had to have sense enough for both of us. Or maybe you were just scared enough for both of us.

Karl walked around the car to the driver’s seat – and we were off.

Callum, why didn’t you come?

Faster. Move. I have to do it. I just have to. Wait. Please wait.

I race like the wind towards Sephy’s house. Faster than I’ve ever run before. As fast as if my life depends on it.

Please God, if you’re really up there . . .

I clamber up the rise to the rose garden, just in time to see a car turn out of the security gates. Sephy is in the back, next to her mum. But she’s looking down, not at me, not anywhere near me.

Please God . . .

‘
WAIT
!
SEPHY, IT’S ME. WAIT
!’

Run. Move. I sprint after the car. I stop breathing so drawing breath won’t slow me down. Run. Race. Sprint.

‘
SEPHY
. . .’

The car is several metres ahead of me now. The driver’s eyes meet mine in the driver’s mirror. Sephy’s Mercedes accelerates smoothly but noticeably away from me.

‘
SEPHY
. . .’ I speed after the car. My lungs are about to implode and every muscle, every bone in my body is on fire. But I’ll follow that car to hell and back, if I have to. If I can.