Nova (19 page)

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Can I have it now? Maybe it will help me relax.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Nope, sorry.
”

“Can I have a hint?”

He scowled at me. “Jeez, can I have a break?”

“Well now you have me really excited.”

He smiled and said, “Well it’s nothing big or anything. I was just thinking about the fact that I met you just after your birthday and I kind of wanted to get you a birthday gift.”

“
Aww
, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to. Anyways, I really
gotta
jet. I’ll see you afterwards, okay?”

I nodded so he kissed me goodbye. I watched him join his team and he glanced back briefly to smile at me. I found my way into the grandstands and barely had to look for his family because Sam
waved me over as soon as
she saw me.

I think I did okay watching the race itself. I refrained from gasping out loud or saying what was on my mind because I didn’t want to annoy the people around me. But I’m not sure if I barely said five
sentences
the entire race.
Marlo
and Dave offered a little bit of information here and there—about Austin, the track or the team, or stories about other races that he’d raced in—but I was honestly so stressed out about watching the stupid race that I didn’t know what to say to them.

Austin
led for 17 laps that day and finished
third
, a
nd even when the race was over—a
nd I could take a big
, deep breath to relax myself—m
y stomach was still tied in knots. I didn’t know what it was about racing cars that sent me into such a nervous fit, but I wasn’t sure if I could ever do it again. Maybe
it would get better with time—maybe I could get used to it—b
ut for now
I could hardly stand it.

Chapter Ten

“I said
two-thirds
,” Lori practically growled at me. “If you can’t measure two-thirds, how can you expect to measure anything else? Next time such a careless mistake could be costly.”

Lori had been on my case all morning, no matter what I did. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad day, and for the most part I just let her be snarly, but this time I had to stand up for myself.

“That was
exactly
two-thirds,” I told her
calmly
. “See? This is a cup, and I filled it to here.” I pointed it to the two-thirds mark that was plain as day, but she almost refused to look at it.

“Being corrected for your mistakes is a good thing, Nova. If you get insulted every time someone tries to help you, how are you supposed to learn?”

“I agree, but I didn’t make a mistake. You told me two-thirds, so I gave him two-thirds.
”

She actually rolled her eyes at me and sighed, like I was an insubordinate child and she’d had enough. Without another word she gathered
the supplies and headed for the office.

I groaned to myself, silently praying for Jack to return early from his summer vacation. But he’d only been gone for three days, and I had four more to endure with Lori. If her frustration with me actually had merit I could handle it—if I actually screwed something up, I could understand it—but the fact of the matter was that she just didn’t like me. I couldn’t think of a single mistake I had made, and she not only found things to nit pick over, she also said thi
ngs that were total unnecessary
like “If you think you can handle this,” or “If you can find the time.” I didn’t understand what she was implying, or why she was even implying it.

“What’s got ya down?” a voice asked.

I was sitting on an overturned bucket when Heath opened a stall across from me. He began to bridle Sadie Liz as he looked at me again for an answer.

“Nothing,” I replied as I stood. “Just done for the day. Deciding what I should do.”

He glanced at me again as he led the horse into the aisle. “Hmm, looks to me like you’re bugged about something.” He faced me and asked, “Anything I can do to help?”

“Nah, just one of those days.”

“You miss Austin or something? You know you can still change your mind and go to his race.”

I smiled and said, “Yes I miss him, but no that’s not the problem. And no, I’m not going to his race.”

He seemed to think about that for a moment and slowly nodded his head. “Well, how ‘bout you come on a ride with me and my wife? I’m putting Sadie in the field and then I’m saddling up a couple horses to ride with Clara. You should come too.”

That sounded really appealing to me, but I didn’t want to intrude on their
time
with each other. I told him that and he chuckled.

“Actually she wanted me to ask you anyway. So pick which horse you want to ride and saddle it up.”

He turned and left with Sadie Liz, so I carefully considered the offer. The only person I’d ridden with on the ranch was Sam, and since I was starting to get more comfortable around some of the other people employed by the Gaines family, I decided to give it a try.

My choice for a mount was
Down
a
nd Dirty, and
s
he seemed very willing to come along with me and be led to the stable for a saddle. I felt bad for the other horses though, and I could swear that Inky Black was even pouting. However, I got
Dirty
saddled just as Clara and Heath led Cash and Bench Rider outside, and all three of us mounted our horses together.

I really enjoyed my time with the Tomlinson’s. Other than being with Austin, I couldn’t think of anything better I wanted to do on a Sunday afternoon. I did miss Austin, but I decided that I could tolerate that instead of watching him race a car. He’d had three races since the first one I went to, and I just couldn’t put myself through the stress again.

However, it didn’t stop me from worrying about him every second of the day, and even with all the conversation I had with Heath and Clara, I still found plenty of time to think about Austin. Somehow racing came up though, and Clara made mention that she understood how anxious it made me feel.

“When Amy told us she wanted to do show jumping I almost had a heart attack. I didn’t grow up around horses and horse events like Heath did, so to hear your fourteen-year-old daughter insist that she wants to do something so dangerous, I automatically put my foot down.”

I didn’t know too much about Amy Tomlinson, only that she was Heath and Clara’s only daughter and she died in some kind of accident ten years ago. I wasn’t the type to pry into other people’s personal lives, so I never
had
asked questions about it.

“I guess her love for the sport talked me into it,” she continued. “But I still have a hard time justifying
the outcome, you know? She died doing something she loved, but does that make it any better?”

“Amy died from…?
”

“A
jumping competition. Got thrown from her mount and, uh… Well, let’s just say I’m not sure if it was better for me to be there or not. I’d rather not have that image in my head, but I guess I’m thankful I was there for her last day on earth. I don’t know. It’s hard to weigh and measure things like that. I suppose she was meant to die that day no matter what, so I can only hope she’s happy wherever she’s at. You think there are jumping competitions in heaven?” she asked me with a smile.

I returned the smile and shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Heaven should consist of the things that make us happy, right? Now she’s doing something she loves without any heartache or worldly troubles to bog her down.”

“Maybe she’s keeping your mother company?”

“Maybe,” I smiled. “My mom is probably reading as many books as she can get her hands on. She loved to read but didn’t get to very often since she worked so much.”

“Amy lov
ed to read, too
. She was a very
sweet
girl; somewhat of a daydreamer
.”

We were just returning to the stable
s when I asked, “How old was she when she died?”

“Sixteen.”

“So she’d be twenty-six?”

“Yes. I’m sure she would have been married by now with children…”

She seemed to leave the sentence unfinished as we dismounted our horses.
Heath took both Cash and Bench R
ider to dress them down, so I led Dirty to do the same. Clara stood with me as I tied him
in front of the tack room and
proceeded to remove the saddle.

“My son lives in North Dakota,” she continued. “Ben. He’s got his life all figured out and doesn’t have a need for parents,” she
smiled sarcastically
.

I could tell that she was hurt by it, even though I didn’t know the history.

“How old is Ben?”

“Twenty-three.
Same age as Austin.
Actually they used to be
best
friends growing up. But between Austin’s need for thrills and Ben’s need for rebellion, the two of them got into some pretty good trouble on occasion. It blows me away that Dave and
Marlo
even speak to us these days; Ben was such a bad influence
on
Austin.”

I considered that for
a moment as I pulled off
Dirty’s
saddle and placed it on
a saddle
rack. “When was the last time you saw your son?”

“Mm, about
two Christmases ago. We’ve traveled
to North D
akota to see him
. He’s
too busy to come here, though. But h
e actually called the other day—
that was a shocker. He claims he’s coming
this way sometime soon. He even mentioned moving back here for a while,
but I won’t hold my breath.
”

Heath was already done with two horses by the time I was done with mine. I was still brushing
Dirty while Clara chatted with me about how different Ben and Amy were growing up on the ranch. We had a discussion about the environments we grow up in, and how much
of
our personalities decide our future.

“I guess some people grow where they’re planted and some don’t,” Clara said. “Amy was perfectly content with her life—she loved it here and she was at home with our
way of life
. Ben didn’t seem to take to the ranch life like the rest of us did
, but it got even worse when Amy died
. It was a constant battle for us, worrying about what we should do about his unhappiness. We didn’t know if we should move to give him a
different opportunity, or what.
I guess we really didn’t understand how much his sister’s death affected him, and if I could do it all over again, I might have moved our family just to give Ben another chance. I don’t know if it would have helped or not,” she shrugged.

I could tell that she loved her son, and I could understand what if felt like to have regrets or that “what if?” mentality.

“I almost c
alled my mom the night she died,” I told her.
“
I called to check up on her every so often, but that night I just decided not to.
I was tired and just went to bed.
In hindsight I realize that phone call would have been about
five
minutes before she died. If I had just called, she could still be alive today.”

“Oh, honey…”

“No, I’m not blaming myself, or feeling sorry for myself
.
I’m just saying that even little things like that can make such a huge difference, but for some reason, life wasn’t meant to go that way. I think I knew a few years before that I was going to lose my mom. It was just one of those weird feelings I guess, and I had at least three dreams that
placed
me at her funeral. I never told her about it because I didn’t want to worry her—plus I just thought I was nuts—but I think it caused me to be pretty close to her, fearing that I wasn’t always going to have her around. I miss her, and my life might be a lot easier if she were still alive, but I have to believe that there’s something else in store for me. I think that everything comes in balance, but we just don’t always see it as it happens.”

Clara didn’t respond as
we walked
Down
a
nd Dirty out of the stable in silence. A truck and trailer pulled up and Heath met the driver as he got out, but Clara and I walked Dirty back to Field Four. While I released him into the pasture, Clara entered the house to get dinner started.

I leaned against the fence to pet Whiskey and thought about Clara’s relationship with Heath. They’d been
together
for almost thirty years and seemed to have such a deep connection with one another. They’d been through ups and downs, several moves and financial difficulties, the death of a child and basically the estrangement of another
.
They were definitely dedicated to each other.