Novels 01 Blue Skies (18 page)

Chapter 42

Kathleen gathered a small bundle of Rose’s clothes
and her favourite teddy bear and wrapped them in a
clean sheet. Her own small case was already packed
and sitting beside her.

‘Come on, Rosie-Posie, it’s time for your bath.’ She
picked up the little girl and rubbed her cheek against
her daughter’s velvety skin.

Rose chuckled and banged Kathleen over the head
with a small hand. ‘Bath time, bath time!’ she chanted.

‘You love your bath, don’t you, my darling?’ asked
Kathleen as she lowered Rose into the tin trough in
her room. There was only a few inches of water in
the bottom, but it was enough for Rose to be able
to bang her hands down in delight and laugh as the
water splashed up around her.

Kathleen bit back tears as she gently washed her
daughter for the last time. She had known she could
not continue the way she was. Every time she gave
her body to one of Alice’s ‘friends’ a part of her died.

She had to leave – her daughter deserved so
much more.

Kathleen knew that she couldn’t give Rose what
she ought to have and she couldn’t take her back
to Esperance. There would be too many questions
asked. But there was a place that would keep her
warm and comfortable.

Kathleen lifted Rose out of the tub, dried her
with a rough towel, and tried to dress her. ‘Arms up,
darling,’ she murmured. Rose obliged and tapped
Kathleen on the head again. ‘No, Mummy.’ She tried
to wiggle out of Kathleen’s grasp. ‘No dress.’

‘We need to go and see the nice ladies at the
mission,’ Kathleen choked out. ‘Come on, there’s a
good girl.’

‘No dress, no dress!’ Rose extracted herself from the
strong grip and ran around the room naked. Then
she turned back and giggled at Kathleen.

‘You naughty little girl! Rose, come here!’ Kathleen
moved forward a few steps and watched as Rose ran
just out of reach. She wanted to play.

Would it really hurt to play one more game with
a daughter she would never see again? Of course not.
She yanked the door open and chased Rose down
the hall, enjoying her daughter’s giggles and screams
when she was finally caught. The raspberries that
Kathleen blew on Rose’s bare tummy made her laugh
out loud and squirm.

‘I hope you remember this, my daughter,’ she
murmured against Rose’s soft, sweet-smelling skin,
trying to memorise the smell.

‘Come on now. It’s time to get dressed.’

Rose stood obligingly and let her mother dress her.
Then Kathleen gathered up the bundles of clothes
and her suitcase and walked out of the rented room
with her head high.

A few hours later, tears streaming down her
cheeks, she boarded the train to Esperance alone.

Kathleen finally arrived in Esperance, sore and weary.
Her tears had long since dried, to be replaced with a
sense of desolation, an anguish like nothing she had
ever felt before.

Seeing the familiar Norfolk pines around the
foreshore and boats in the harbour brought back so
many memories. Happy times with Thomas and her
mother. The sadness she felt when her father passed
on. The joy when she and Michael had been together.
She thought of him now – not that he was ever far
from her mind – and without warning anger swept
through her. For a moment she wanted to hit something,
but the anger passed as quickly as it came.

When she arrived home, she was troubled for a
brief moment by the note on the door of the boarding
house, wondering why it was closed, but was grateful
that it was, knowing that no one was at home as she
slipped a note under the door.

Skirting around the edge of the garden that
bordered her old house, she looked through the
gap in the fence to see if Winkie, her horse, was still
stabled there.

He was, along with two other horses that she
didn’t know. She slipped around the back, climbed
the fence and started talking quietly to Winkie as
she slipped the bridle over his head and the bit into
his mouth. Throwing on the saddle blanket and
then the saddle, she tightened the girth, took hold
of the reins and led him out the stable door, through
the yard and into a tract of bush where she wouldn’t
be seen. There she mounted the horse and turned
him in the direction of Kyleena. She had to see
Michael one last time.

The shed was lit by kerosene lanterns when
Kathleen arrived. She had tethered Winkie to a tree
back on the road, followed the track to the house.
Surprised to see the modifications that Michael had
made since she was here last, her breath caught in
her throat as she saw the swing and neatly tended
garden. There was a woman here. A child here. She
hadn’t known.

‘No,’ she whispered, falling to her knees.

Crawling forward, the only noise a rustling of her
skirts, she peered through a window in the shed.

Michael had his legs crossed and a child sitting
on his ankle. A horse ride. His smile told her everything
she needed to know. Kathleen Cramm was not
thought of anymore. She was just turning to leave as
a woman entered the room holding a pot. Kathleen
could see she was pregnant.

Stifling a sob, she stumbled towards the old hut.
She spent the night inside, rocking and crying, her
desperate moans heard only by the dingoes and owls.
As the sun dawned, she walked to the river and sat
for a little while on the rocks, listening to the water.
She could tell there had been good rains this season,
because the river was high and running swiftly.

Kathleen slipped off her boots and stood, then
took off her dress. Feeling the hardness of the granite
under her feet, she walked slowly towards the water.

She walked and walked and gave herself up to the
rushing river.

Chapter 43

Amanda was sitting at her computer with Mingus at her feet. Outside, the wind was howling and rain blew horizontally against the walls of the house. Occasionally, there would be an extra heavy squall and Mingus would lift his head, listen, and then put his head back down on his paws and sigh, his eyes on Amanda the whole time.

Amanda had been searching the web for information on the piece of land with the old hut on it, but without success. She sighed and tapped her finger on the desk. Aunty Di and Uncle James hadn’t known anything about it, though James had suggested she could hire a solicitor to do a title search. Suddenly she remembered that she still had all the paperwork from her parents’ probate. There would be a solicitor in there she could use. She was just hauling the files from the filing cabinet when it occurred to her that before she forked out for a solicitor, she really should have a look in her father’s office for the title deeds.

The phone rang and she looked at the clock and realised that Adrian would be arriving to pick her up any minute now. They were supposed to be going to a fertiliser information night.

‘I’m just leaving Paringa, Mandy. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.’

‘Adrian, do you mind if I don’t go? It’s so cold and rough outside, I just don’t feel like it. I’m just as happy to stay here and curl up in front of the fire, watching some TV.’ She didn’t mention her search of the title deeds. Adrian had made his thoughts on her obsession – his words, not hers – quite clear.

‘Well I guess so,’ he said slowly. ‘I was looking forward to seeing you tonight though.And you’ve paid to go,’ he reminded her.

‘Yeah, I just don’t feel like it tonight,’ said Amanda, aware he was a bit miffed.

‘Right-o. Are you sure I can’t come and get you?’

Amanda wavered, then said, ‘Yeah, I’d like to stay home.’

‘Well, I guess I’ll see you when you
feel like it
,’ he said shortly. ‘Bye.’

‘There you go, Mingus,’ Amanda said. ‘We’ve got the whole night to ourselves. What shall we do? Tea and then let’s have a look through Dad’s office to see if we can find any interesting snippets of info, there.’

She had hardly entered Brian’s office since he had died, and it was strange seeing it so cold and empty. But, spurred on by her curiosity about the hut, she turned on the bar heater and sat down at her father’s desk.

An hour later, she’d learned more about Kyleena’s accounts than she’d ever known, but it was all from Brian’s own management of the farm, nothing from earlier times when her grandfather would have been about. She closed the handwritten cash books with a sigh and rolled her shoulders back, trying to loosen the muscles that had tightened while she was hunched over reading the faded script. Staring at the familiar handwriting had made her feel the loss of her father more keenly than she had in some time. A wave of sadness washed over her and she sighed and closed her eyes – only to jump up with a start as the sound of shattering glass echoed through the night air.

Mingus barked frantically and, after a second’s pause, Amanda ran along the hallway to the lounge. She stood still as she took in the rock on the floor, surrounded by shattered glass, the curtains flapping as the cold winds rushed through the opening.

Amanda grabbed a torch from the kitchen and, with Mingus at her heels, went out into the blackness of the night. She scouted the garden, then the sheds. Nothing. The wind continued to howl and occasionally a light shower rained down.

Shivering from cold, and fear, Amanda made her way back to the house and picked up the phone to call Adrian.

‘Why would someone throw a rock through my window?’ Amanda asked for the third time. She was sitting in the lounge room at Paringa with a glass of wine in her hand.

‘Mandy, I really believe someone is just trying to frighten you because you’re living by yourself. That’s all. You’re not the sort of person who has enemies. It’s probably just young kids who haven’t grown up enough to realise how terrifying their actions would be to a woman on her own,’ said Adrian.

‘Who’s got young kids around this area though? I know some of the neighbours have got kids of about sixteen or so, but none of them would have licences yet.’

‘I wouldn’t have a clue,’ Adrian shrugged. ‘I’ve lost track of all the teenagers around here. But I’m sure there is a simple answer to all of this.’

‘Yes,’ Amanda said, ‘there is. I’m going to go and talk to Detective Burns again. He was so nice to me last time, I’m sure that he won’t just dismiss this incident.’

‘Really, Amanda, are you sure it’s worth going to the police over one broken window? And what do you mean “again”? When did you talk to him before?’

‘Oh, I haven’t bothered you with it. I just got a couple of silly letters in the mail and I wanted his opinion, that’s all. Anyway . . .’

‘No,’ interrupted Adrian.‘Tell me. I thought we talked about everything.’

‘I know,’ Amanda said quietly. ‘But I can’t deal with this right now. Let me have my tea and talk about something else.’

There was a lengthy pause and then Adrian said, ‘Okay, I’ll get tea. Perhaps you could come and help.’ He got up and led the way to the kitchen.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said as he seasoned the steak for the pan, ‘about our future.’

Despite everything, Amanda smiled. ‘So have I. Now that’s a much nicer subject than what we’ve been talking about.’

‘I like the sound of that,’ he said as Amanda sat on a bar stool and began slicing mushrooms and tomatoes for a salad. ‘How would you feel about moving to Paringa?’

Amanda paused in her slicing. ‘Well, I’ve thought about it. It would feel a bit strange after putting so much into Kyleena, being there all the time and loving it the way I do. But I think that I could move.’

Adrian leaned across the bench and planted a kiss on her lips. ‘I’m so pleased you said that! I’ve got a surprise for you. Wait here.’ He left the room and came back a few seconds later with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a ring box in the other.

‘Mandy, would you marry me?’ He handed her the flowers and opened the ring box to reveal a silver band with a large sapphire encircled by a dozen or so small diamonds.

Amanda involuntarily gasped at its beauty. She reached out to touch the ring and then looked into Adrian’s face.

Her thoughts ran together. Dependable. Stable. Reliable. A good provider. And then the long-forgotten memory of her mother pushed its way to the front of her mind. ‘The lust can fade, Mandy. Life takes over, kids are born, work gets stressful and the sex bit fades. You’ve got to be friends, not just lovers, with whoever you marry.’

They were friends, Amanda realised. Adrian was all of those things, but above all he was a good friend. They could make it work.

Swept away in the emotion of it all Amanda answered:‘Yes’.

Adrian pulled the ring from its box and took her left hand. As he slipped the ring onto her finger, he murmured, ‘Thank you,’ and then kissed her. ‘Now, let me tell you about my plans!’ he said. ‘Tea can wait for a while.’

Back in the lounge room, he poured her another glass of wine.

‘Now, I think you should move in here as soon as possible. That will kill a couple of birds with one stone – we can stop this ridiculous carry-on of people frightening you, and we can finally be together.

‘We could have a March wedding – perhaps at the yacht club or maybe Seas, on the foreshore.’

Mandy started to laugh. ‘Hang on – we’ve got to tell people first! We need to tell Mum and . . .’ She stopped. ‘Well, we just need to tell Hannah and Jonno and all of your friends, I suppose. Neither of us have parents to tell, do we?’

Adrian was so caught up in his plans he hardly seemed to hear her. ‘And we could have an engagement party right here on Paringa!’

‘That’s a great idea,’ said Amanda. ‘Much more personal. And perhaps instead of getting married in town we could have the ceremony on the beach, or down by the river, then go into town for the reception.’

‘Mandy, I really think that a beach or farm wedding is out of the question. It may look beautiful in photos, but think about the weather – it could be too hot or cold, or too windy. You know what Esperance is like. I think we really should be indoors.’

‘I’d love a river wedding,’ said Amanda wistfully.

‘Well, we’ve got time to work that out. Why don’t we plan the engagement party first?’

They threw ideas around excitedly until finally Amanda said, ‘I’m starving. Let’s have some dinner.’

‘Hang on, we should probably talk about the farms, Mandy, since we’ve worked out the basic details of everything else.’

Amanda gave him a hug.‘Just like you to talk business when we could be discussing romantic things!’

Adrian hugged her back, then let go. ‘I propose that we merge the farms together.What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, after all.’

Amanda felt the first twinge of apprehension as he talked. She wasn’t sure she was quite ready to do that; it was only through her own hard work and effort that Kyleena had been saved. She tried to push the thought to the back of her mind, chiding herself for being selfish. If Adrian was happy to share everything of his, which was plenty, much more than she could offer, then shouldn’t she be happy to do the same?

‘I’ve worked out that to shift stock between the farms we could build a small stile at the narrowest part of the river and walk them over. Kyleena has some great cropping land. Since it hasn’t spent a lot of time in crop, the natural fertility will help grow fantastic crops. Damo has been talking to me about expanding the cropping program and Kyleena will fit in with that.’ Adrian took another sip of his wine.

‘Ade, I’m really not sure about cropping Kyleena. I understand why you want to, but I’m not into cropping that much.’

‘But, my love, we’ll have to run everything together. It would be foolish to run it as two separate farms. Now as for your studs, you could bring them here and have them in the paddock near the house. All the rams will be in the right spot for the sale and you won’t have to worry about getting Kyleena too tidy for it – and while I’m sure you’ll want to keep on with them for a while, once we have children I hope you’ll give them up. It’s not like we’ll need the money.’

‘Really?’ Amanda asked, suddenly getting angry. She had an idea where this was going even though she had been sure that Adrian had understood her outlook on not working. ‘What about helping you outside? Would there be equal say there?’

‘Oh, Mandy, do you really want to work on the farm? Surely you won’t, not with all this to look after.’ He swept his hands around to encompass the house and gardens. ‘I’ll happily take you on farm inspections, but once the children come along you’ll be too busy. And I’m not getting any younger, so I’d like to have children straight away.’

‘Adrian, you know I’m not like that.You of all people know how hard I’ve worked to get Kyleena where it is. Why would I want to stop suddenly?’

‘But that’s just it, Mandy,’ Adrian looked at her so eagerly that her heart almost melted. ‘You wouldn’t have to work that hard anymore. You’d have me to look after you.’

‘You don’t get it do you?’ Amanda asked incredulously. ‘I thought you did. I do this because I
love
it! Not because I have to. I want to work outside. I want to feel the sun on my skin and listen to the lambs calling to their mums. I want to feel the soil between my fingers and look out at the mass of grass I’ve grown and know that it’s happened because I made the right decision. I want to feel the heartbreak of a bad season and learn from it and then start again the next year. I love the land, I want to be a part of it, not shut in a house somewhere on a hill, tending to a garden, making jam and bringing up a tribe of kids. I want to be out
there
, living it, breathing it.’ Amanda put down her glass and stood up.‘I’m sorry, Adrian, I thought this was going to work, but it’s obvious that I’m not the sort of woman you’re looking for.’ She slipped off the ring and put it on the table.

‘Mandy, darling, you’re overreacting. I’m sorry.’ Adrian shot to his feet. ‘You can be any type of woman you want. I’m sorry if I upset you. Please stay – we’ll work through it.’

Amanda looked at him gently and said,‘Adrian, you might say that now, but it will only come between us later on. You won’t like that I’m outside, that I come home dirty and smelling like sheep. You’ll start to resent me and then I’ll resent you. I’m sorry, but it’s better to know now than later. ‘I do love you, but I can’t be the person you want me to be.’ And she walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her.