November Foxtrot (Rhythm of the Heart Book 2) (11 page)

“I let you catch me,” she said.

“You know, this kind of reminds me of our first 'date'. What if we finish the night out bowling?”

“Shame we can't go to the old bowling alley and this time not get caught by Tim.” The bartender brought her a burger and she smiled up at him. “Thanks!”

“You want something, son?” The older man asked him and Calvin nodded.

“A Coke would be great, thanks.”

“You got it.”

Zoe beat the bottle of ketchup until she was satisfied with enough on her burger and she picked it up and took a big bite out of it. “Mmmmmmm.”

“That good?”

“God, yes. Want a bite?” She held the sloppy mess out to him.

“Sure.” Their eyes locked as he took a slow bite. “Mmm. Delicious.”

Her cheeks went pink and she took another bite of the burger. “Want a fry?”

“Nah, I'm good, babe. So tell me, have you thought about any names for her?”

Zoe chewed and swallowed. “Yeah, I have.”

“Well tell me.”

“Dahlia Vivian.” She took another bite of the burger and eyed him.

“My Grams' name is Vivian, so I get that. But Dahlia?” He wrinkled his nose.

“Combining Dawn and Lila, the two most important women in our lives. I think they'd want it that way.”

The Coke came at that point and Calvin took a long sip of it, blinking his eyes a few times before he looked back her way. “Ah hell, Zoe.”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.” He took another drink. “What if the baby is Derek's?” The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them.
Verbal diarrhea strikes again...

Her smile faded. “I never thought that far.”

“I'm pretty sure the man won't appreciate you naming her after my mom and grandma.” He snatched a fry from the basket and stuffed it in his mouth. “Maybe we should have a name that is neutral.” He took a slow breath. “Just in case.”

She placed the burger back in the basket. “I'm not hungry anymore.”

“I'm sorry, Zoe. I didn't mean to upset you. I just… I thought maybe you should think about that possibility.”

“I wish we didn't have to, Calvin.”

“Me too, but it is what it is. You know I'll be there, regardless.” He smiled and leaned to kiss her cheek.

She turned and stared at him. “Will you?”

“I made vows to stick with you, didn't I? It'll be okay. Eat your burger. Then we'll go have fun.” He stole another fry and popped it in his mouth.

“What are we going to do if she is his, Calvin? He's not going to back down about being there for her.”

“I know that. I would expect nothing less. I'm not going to lie and say it won't be hard, but we will make it through.” He swallowed against the pain blossoming in his chest.
Christmas she'll see the trust I have in her...

She finished her burger and he paid the tab. “Let's go find somewhere to bowl.”

“If that’s what you still want to do,” she said quietly.

“You look beautiful. Have I told you that?”

“Yeah, you have. Thank you.” A weak smile crossed her lips and he sighed.

“I shouldn't have said anything, huh?” Calvin nudged her with his elbow as they walked to the car.

“Nah, it was something that needed to be said. We can't wrap ourselves up in this bubble that everything is perfect and this is a fairy tale. Because it's not.”

He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. “Why can't it be, Zoe? Why can't this be our own little fairy tale?”

“I'm a realist.”

“Well, I say it's our fairy tale. We'll have a happily ever after. I believe that with all of my heart, Zoe.” He bent and kissed her slowly.

She kissed back and sighed. “Let's go bowl.”

He searched on his phone for a bowling alley and drove them there. Zoe was silent on the ride, and he watched her from the corner of his eye.
I should have kept my mouth shut.

They pulled in front a brick building with neon lights proclaiming “All U Bowl”. He parked the car and stepped out. Zoe followed him into the building and he asked for shoes for both of them. She never said a word as she pulled her shoes on and found a sparkling purple ball.

Calvin watched her stalk to the line and throw the ball, it rolling down the lane and crashing into pins. A strike in which she took no joy. He clapped and smiled, but she walked back to her seat in silence. He stood and palmed a ball carefully, and tossed it, watching as it curved and hit two pins.

They continued the game in much the same manner, Zoe picking up spares and strikes, and him bombing. Neither said a word to the other and when the game ended, Zoe pulled her shoes off and took them to the counter. Calvin followed suit and paid for their game. She waited for him by the door, refusing to meet his eyes.

He opened the door and they walked back to the car. The ride back to the hotel was spent again in silence. When they arrived, they rode the elevator to their floor and went into their room. As the door closed, Zoe crawled into bed and whispered softly. “Hold me, Calvin.”

“I’m here for you, baby.” He kicked off his shoes and climbed up on the bed beside her. His arms twined around her and he buried his face in her hair. “It's gonna be all right.”

“Just hold me, Calvin. Hold me and don't let me go.”

The next morning broke grey and cold, and Calvin woke to the shower running. He eased from between the covers and padded into the bathroom. Stripping his clothes off, he opened the curtain and joined his wife in the heat of the shower. She turned to face him, her pretty face splotched from tears and Calvin opened his arms wide. She stepped forward, into his embrace and sobbed.

His hand rhythmically ran up and down her back, seeking to soothe the woman he loved. After a few moments, she pulled back and rinsed her face under the blistering spray. “I'm getting out.”

“Zoe?”

She glanced down at his stiffened dick and whispered, “Sorry.”

He shrugged. “You don't have to be sorry. You're upset and you need comfort right now.” He scrubbed quickly with the sliver of soap in the shower and rinsed under the now lukewarm spray. As he stepped out of the tub, she handed him a towel and looked up at him quietly from the toilet where she sat fully dressed.

“I love you.”

Calvin's brow furrowed. “You know I love you, Zoe.”

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. “I know you do, Calvin.”

He lifted her chin with his finger and stared into her eyes. “Hey. Here and now, remember?”

Zoe sighed and tried to smile. “Here and now. It's Christmas, after all.”

“Well. It is tomorrow. Want to head back home and let Grams fill you full of cookies?”

Zoe suddenly smiled. “You do realize we're standing here having a conversation and you're naked, right?” Her fingertip brushed the puckered scar on his arm where he'd been grazed by a bullet and she frowned.

“Well I'm standing, you're sitting,” he quipped.

She laughed. “Good point. But can't you get dressed?”

Calvin looked down at his damp body and back to her. “Why? Are you distracted by my...charms?” He waggled his brow and arched his hips forward.

She giggled and tossed a washcloth at him. “No!”

“You seem very distracted to me, Zoe.” Moving quickly, he pulled her up and into his arms. “Could I distract you further?” he purred against her ear, a promise to leave her fully distracted and blown away in each little word he whispered.

Zoe fought the urge to take Calvin back to bed and pretend the world didn't exist.
I could forget everything, just for a little while.
She shook her head and pushed against his chest.

“Not right now. I want to go somewhere.”

Calvin smiled. “Your wish is my command. Whatever you'd like.”

“Well, get dressed. Unless you want everyone to be distracted by your...” She motioned down to his penis. “Charms,” she finished with a blush flooding her cheeks.

He snorted and tossed the towel over the edge of the tub. “Only because you insist.”

Zoe grinned as she stared at his ass. “Oh, I do, Calvin. I would hate for people to get distracted. Think of the mass destruction your junk viewing could cause.”

“It's not all that,” he laughed.

“Oh, I beg to differ. It's pretty decent.”

His face brightened and he glanced back down. “Really? You think so?”

At his boyish excitement, Zoe couldn't help but laugh. “Yes. It's nice.”

“Well!” he grinned. “Good to know.”

Zoe watched him in silence as he dressed, finally whispering, “I was so scared when you told me you got shot.”

Calvin sat down beside her on the end of the bed. “I know, Zoe, but I'm okay. Just a little scar, and hey, it gives me some character, right?” His elbow nudged her side and she smiled.

“Yeah, I guess. I just don't like you being shot at.”

“Well,” Calvin started, blowing out a breath and scrubbing his eyes with his fingertips, “I don't like it either, but it's part of the package I signed up for. I signed up to protect my country and that's what I'll do. Even if it means dying.”

She glanced at him in horror, tears pooling in her eyes. “Don't say that!” she whispered, her voice hoarse and cracking under the weight of her panic.

“Zoe, calm down.” He pulled her into his arms and ran a hand slowly up and down her back. “I'm not going to die. I promise.”

“But – but what if you do? What will we do without you?” Her fingers clenched in the fabric of his shirt and her tears dampened his shoulder.

“You'd live, Zoe. But I am not going to die. Even if I did, you carry a piece of me with you in our daughter.” Calvin kissed her neck gently. “Every time you'd look at her, you'd see me, loving you.”

But what if she isn't yours?
Her brain screamed in protest. Instead of giving a voice to the thought she hated most, she buried her face in his shoulder for a moment more. Finally, she pulled back.

“I want to take you somewhere. Let's go.”

Calvin frowned at the abrupt change in emotion and caught her hand. “Look at me.”

“No, I can't right now. I can't stare at the mess I made right now.”

Calvin sighed and released her hand, turning to pick up the bags and follow her out the door. She stood silently while they checked out of the hotel and only met his eyes long enough to get the keys.

Zoe started the car and closed her eyes for a moment to clear her thoughts. Once Calvin climbed in and they both were buckled in, she pulled out onto the street. She turned to drive along the coast, needing to see the water before going home. Calvin simply came on the ride with her, letting her drive as she needed it.

Zoe ran from her demons, each rotation of the tires taking her further away. The road meandered along the coast and she followed it, waiting until she found the right spot to pull off. She parked in a small parking lot and turned off the ignition. “Come with me,” she simply said.

As she opened the car door, the smell of the briny sea wrapped around her, pulling the dark thoughts from her mind and whipping them away on the December breeze.

“Do you believe in miracles?”

Calvin stared at her for a moment over the hood of the car. “Sure.”

Her eyes closed. “This spot, right here? It's special.”

Calvin looked out at the beach they'd parked at. “Okay, I'll bite. Why is it special, Zoe?”

She shook her head and stepped away from the car, her sneakers shifting through the cool sand. “Not yet.”

Calvin followed, completely perplexed with his wife. “Okay.”

She walked forward in a straight line to the water, and stared at the waves slowly crashing in and eddying around her shoes. The water was chill and it soaked through the canvas to dampen her socks, but still, she stood. “My mom brought me here, before she died.”

Calvin wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into his chest. “I know you miss her.”

Zoe nodded. “What would she say right now?”

“Mine would tell me that it doesn't matter what the future holds, what matters is the here and the now.” Calvin replied.

A tear trickled down her cheek and dripped down on her shirt. “Mine would probably say the same, after asking me how I let myself get into this mess. I miss her.”

“I know. I miss mine too.”

“Do you think just maybe that we were brought together...by our moms?” She turned in his embrace. “Do you think that's possible?”

Calvin nodded. “Anything is possible.”

“Maybe because they knew we needed each other.”

Sometime later, Zoe stuck another cookie in her mouth. She'd never had sugar cookies quite that delicious before, but Grams really had a way with cookies.

Just that moment, Grams came by and snagged the plate of cookies out of her hand. “That's enough, girl. We don't want a twelve pound baby,” she chuckled, softening her words. “Get yourself ready.”

Zoe frowned. “For what?”

“Church! We're going to the candlelight ceremony.”

Zoe shook her head. “I – I really don't do church, Grams.”

“Maybe not, but tonight you're going. We're going as a family. If you and that baby want more cookies, you'll be coming along.”

Zoe pouted. “Bribing the pregnant woman with cookies. Grams, that's not fair!”

Grams chuckled. “I know your weakness.” She disappeared into the kitchen and Zoe hefted herself up off the couch and meandered into the back of the house to find Calvin. He was sitting on Layla's bed and they seemed to be having a deep conversation so she left them to it and turned into their bedroom to find something decent to wear.

The last time I was in church, other than getting married was when momma...
her throat closed and she fought against the sorrow that filled her.

She found one of her new shirts and pulled that on, not bothering to change her pants or do much more to her hair than pull it into a braid. Calvin came in as she was wrapping a ponytail holder around the end of her hair.

“Hey, I see you're ready.” He leaned against the doorjamb, looking like six foot one inches of pure sex in his fitted slacks and sweater.

“You could have warned me,” Zoe whispered.

Calvin frowned. “Of what?”

“Church!”

Awareness hit him. “Oh.”

“Grams took my cookies,” she sulked.

Calvin chuckled. “You can have more later.”

“You're gonna make me go, aren't you?”

“Have you ever been to a candlelight service?”

“No,” she admitted.

“Well, it's pretty. I am going to make Grams happy. I haven't been home for Christmas in a long time. Can you come to make me happy? I know it will be hard; it will be hard for me too. My mom loved this. Please?” Calvin held out his hand and smiled.

Zoe stood and took his hand. “Okay. Don't leave me,” she whispered.

“Never.”

The church stood in a blaze of light, the doors thrown wide open for all to come. The sound of piano music filtered through the air and Calvin caught her hand in his as they climbed the stairs. “Breathe.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

They all sat in a pew and she glanced around, her eyes meeting the one face she never expected to see. She stared at the face and the rest of the world went dark around her.

Calvin glanced down at his wife and found her transfixed on someone across the church. He turned to see who held her attention and his mouth gaped.

The person in question stood and made his way toward them, mouths dropping with each step he took. The organist stopped playing and the whole church fell silent. Calvin stood and stepped between them.

“You aren't going to hurt her.” He held his arm out to stop the person from coming closer.

“And just who the hell are you?”

“I'm her husband, the man who helped hold everything together for her.”

The person stopped. “I see.”

Calvin nodded. “Good. I suggest you go sit down, because I'm not making a scene in here.”

“Oh?”

“Oh.” Calvin folded his arms across his chest.

“We could take this outside. I'd be happy to whip your arrogant black ass.”

Zoe stood carefully. “Stop it, Daddy. You're not going to do this. Not here. Not ever.” Her voice cracked. “Go sit down. You're ruining everyone's service.”

Calvin turned. “It's not a big deal, Zoe.”

She smiled shakily. “Let's enjoy the service.” She sat down and Calvin sat beside her, holding her hand in his own.

Her father turned beet red and stomped back to his pew, shooting daggers at them both with his eyes. Slowly, the crowd began to whisper, the sound like a million tiny crickets, and the sound became overwhelming. Her cheeks burned with anger and her hands shook as she stared at the altar. Calvin wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in tight. He whispered softly against her hair. “It's all right.”

The pastor came from the back of the church at that point and the organist began to play again. Zoe went through the motions of being present at the service, the hot dampness of wax dripping on her pants bringing her out of her thoughts.

She brushed at the hardening wax and sighed. The sermon droned on and on, she didn't catch many words of it; her head was in the clouds.
I miss my mom, and who better to show up than my father. Really, God? What's this all about?

Tears pooled in her eyes and she furiously blinked them away, bringing a hand to rest on her belly, where her daughter turned and shifted.
It's okay, baby.
As the strains of the final song drew to a close, she pursed her lips and blew out the candle and stood, moving down the aisle to the door. She could feel the eyes of the congregation burning holes in her skin, and she moved faster to avoid the scrutiny. She grasped the handle of the door and pulled it inward, her eyes closing as a waft of cool air hit her face. Opening them again, she hurried down the stairs and over to the rental car, where she leaned against the cool metal and waited for Calvin.

He was mere seconds behind her. “You okay?”

“Let's get out of here,” she whispered.

“You got it babe.”

They got in the car and he pulled onto the street, moving quickly away from the church. Zoe broke down, her shoulders curving in and shaking with sobs. “Why?” she asked softly. “Why did he have to come back? Why now?”

Calvin drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and swallowed before speaking, his voice tight with anger. “I don't know, but he can go back.”

“What am I going to do?”

Calvin pulled over on the side of the road and shut the car off. “Stop running.”

Zoe shifted in the seat and looked at him with wide, wet eyes. “Who is running?”

“You. You're running from Derek. Running from me. Running from your father. When are you going to stand up and face this shit head on? You said you couldn’t stand to look at the mess. Sometimes you have to. No one said it's going to be easy to face the ugly, but it has to be done. Grams always said that if you leave something ugly to fester, it's only gonna get worse. Like a cancer eating at you until it consumes you and you're left just as broken and dark.” He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Stop running, Zoe. Pull the bandage, dig out the splinter, however you want to look at it. We can't move forward and be happy until this darkness is gone.”

“I'm not running!”

“I call bullshit on that one, Zoe. No one has ever made you face your problems. What if I wasn't here? What would you do?” Calvin folded his arms across his chest.

“I don't know. I'd figure something out. I told you I never needed you to save me.” She sat up straight in the seat and glared his direction.

“I know you didn't. I did it because, dammit, I love you! But Zoe, you have to learn to face things without running away and pretending they won't be there! Because they always will be! I get that's how you cope. You push everyone and everything away and you run, but it's not healthy. You just run until there's nothing left and drop everyone, not giving them a chance to explain, a chance to say they're sorry or fix anything. Don't get me wrong, I know you've been dealt a shit hand, and anyone else would have caved under the pressure a long time ago. Running is probably the only reason you haven't. But I'm here now. To be your support and to help you face this, if you will let me. But you have to trust me and trust that I'm not going to let him hurt you. Not again.” Calvin held out his hand, palm up. “You just have to trust me, babe.”

Zoe cried harder, covering her face with her hands. “I don't want to face this.”

“It hurts, Zoe, and I know that.”

Zoe glanced up at him. “More than anything.”

“It will feel better when it's over.”

“What am I going to do?” she whispered softly, staring out the window. “What in the world am I going to do?”

“First step would be meeting him somewhere neutral and talking. Let him speak and see what he has to say. Then go from there.”

“I don't want to hear anything he has to say.”

“Maybe not, but have you ever thought he needs to pull the darkness from himself and wants to apologize?”

Zoe turned to glance at him again. “No, I didn't.”

“Can you give him a shot?” He sat patiently with his hand still out.

Zoe looked up at the roof of the car and closed her eyes. She reached out and groped in the darkness until she found his hand. “Fine.”

Calvin squeezed her hand gently. “I'm going to call Tim and see if he can find your dad. Can you think of somewhere we could meet that's neutral?”

Zoe shrugged. “Can you get into the bowling alley?”

“Good idea. I can do that.”

Zoe closed her eyes as he called Tim and the whole way to the bowling alley.
If I just keep my eyes closed, I don't have to see it yet. I don't have to see him.

The car parked and Calvin nudged her shoulder. “I know you're not asleep.”

“Why?”

“You're not snoring.”

Zoe's head snapped up. “I don't snore.”

Calvin laughed. “Sure you don't.”

“Can we go inside?”

He unbuckled his seat belt. “Sure, let's go. Tim said that he found him walking down the road after church, so he's not far.”

Zoe nodded. “Okay.” She crawled from the car on wobbly legs and followed Calvin to the front door. He unlocked it with a key hidden under a flowerpot and she snorted. “Really secure.”

Calvin shrugged. “It doesn't usually need to be secure.”

“True,” she agreed, rubbing her arms against the chill. “I'm cold.”

Calvin pulled his coat off as they stepped inside and he flipped on the main lights, illuminating the old bowling alley in a dim fluorescent light. “Here, wear this.”

She eased into his jacket and wrapped her arms around herself. Tim's cruiser pulled into the lot and her throat tightened. “They're here.”

Calvin came to stand beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. “Stand strong, Zoe. You don't have to run or be afraid.”

Her chin tipped up and nostrils flared as she inhaled slowly. “I know.” The baby rolled and kicked, sensing her inner turmoil and she placed a shaky hand flat against her bump.
I know, baby. I know.

Tim opened the door and smiled softly. “Hey, Zoe. How's our... uh, baby doing?”

Zoe smiled back stiffly. “Fine. Let's not pretend this is a social call.”

Her father walked in behind him, immediately freezing when he spotted her belly. “You're knocked up.”

“Way to go, genius. You figured that one out on your own,” Zoe quipped.

“How far?” He leaned against the wall by the door and stared at them.

“I think almost twenty-two weeks,” Zoe remarked.

He nodded, stepping forward to pick up a toothpick from a bowl on a table. As he put it in his mouth, he started to laugh. “So whose kid is it?”

Zoe paled. “Mine.”

“I see.” He shifted his gaze to Calvin. “What if it's not yours, bad ass?”

Calvin took a slow breath. “I made vows.”

“Ain't you heard the saying boy? Vows that are spoken are made to be broken. What if that baby comes out whiter than the fresh blown snow? What you gonna do? Gonna drop her faster than a hot cast iron skillet, ain't you? Then what is she gonna do? The house has been sold, the bank took that and wouldn't tell me who bought
my
damn home.” He chewed the toothpick violently.

“Mr. Parker,” Calvin started and he held up a hand to stop him.

“Mr. Parker was my daddy. I'm Ed.”

Calvin shrugged. “All right,
Ed
. I'm going to take care of her. Because I love her.”

Ed smirked. “I remember her being so twitter pated over you. The girl was over the moon. And all you wanted was that little whore she was friends with. What was her name, baby?” He glanced at Zoe, waiting for her to answer. As the silence stretched, he shrugged, “It don't matter. What made you realize that my girl here was the girl you just had to have? Did she ply you with some kind of sob story? Part her legs and let you play hide the sausage?”

Calvin ground his teeth so loudly his jaw popped. “Don't disrespect my wife.”

Ed chuckled. “That so,
boy
?”

Calvin's nostrils flared as he took a breath. “That's so.”

“She's my damn daughter.”

Calvin laughed. “You gave up that right when you left her up shit creek without a paddle,
Ed
.”