Now and Forever 5, Love's Journey (28 page)

Sam’s frown gave away his feelings.

“Pat…am I some dirty little secret you have
to hide away?”

“Never! Of course I don’t think of you that
way.”

“Somewhere between that and being swept away
like an old shoe.”

Pat took him in her arms and whispered in
his ear. “Let me get this straight with Jack first.”

“Two weeks? Can I at least call you?” He
moved toward the door.

“Of course. I’ll call you tonight and we can
talk."

Pat stopped him at the door by pulling on
his arm. He turned around and she moved into his arms. He looked at
her quizzically.

“Taking a short hiatus doesn’t mean I’m not
still crazy about you, Sam,” she said, going to kiss him.

But Sam pulled back, avoiding her kiss while
Jack stood by watching.

“Kiss me when we’re alone, when you mean it,
Patsy.” He put his hands on her arms and moved her back.

Pat watched the door close and knew he was
angry. “What a mess.” She rested her forehead on her palm.

“How?” Jack turned to her.

“Sam is angry. I’ve shut him out so I can be
with you, because you can’t be with him. I’ve spent time with his
family, his sons and grandchildren. Now I’ve pushed him away from
mine…all because you won’t accept him…us.” Pat directed a resentful
gaze at Jack.

“It was a shock, Mom. You have to
admit…”

“It was. But not putting his calls through
to me…don’t ever do that again! He’s a wonderful man, and I don’t
want to lose him.”

“Is it too much to ask that we have your
full attention for two friggin’ weeks?”

“It isn’t. It’s just…I don’t know…would it
have been too much to have him join us for one meal? I’ve hurt Sam.
I’ll have to work this out myself.” Pat retreated to her bedroom.
She plopped down on the bed but through the open door she picked
out Merry’s voice.

“Weren’t you a little hard on her? She is
your mother, after all,” Merry said.

“Yeah? If your mother was shacking up with
some old guy, how would you feel?”

“I don’t know. But I hope I’d try to
understand things from her perspective.”

“I’m trying. I’m trying. It isn’t easy.
She’s my mom.” Pat heard Jack’s footsteps and knew their
conversation was over.

* * * *

Mac drove his father home. They didn’t talk
in the car. When Sam got in the door, he fixed himself a whiskey
and soda and sat down at the kitchen table. Peter and Lara had gone
to bed and the house was quiet. He didn’t know what to make of the
situation. He knew he had to talk to Patsy, so he picked up the
phone and dialed her number.

“Patsy, its Sam. Can you talk? So what’s up
with us?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to play games. Are we still
on?”

“Of course we are, Sam. You’re very
important to me.”

“Am I? I don’t feel important, or good
enough. Good enough to meet your son and his family, even for a
breakfast or lunch out, my treat. I feel like you’re ashamed of
me.”

“I know you feel that way…I’m not. Jack
wants to have uninterrupted time with me for two weeks.”

“And what do you want?”

“I don’t want to rock the boat, I
guess.”

“Wonderful. Where does that leave me?”

“We will pick up where we left off in two
weeks. That’s not a long time. We can talk on the phone…”

“You’re right, two weeks isn’t a long time,
but it’s more than that. I told you I loved you tonight. Yet you
haven’t made any response. How do you feel about me?”

“I think I love you too, Sam.”

“You think?” Sam took a swallow of his
drink.

“This is not an ideal way to have this
conversation. It would be better in person.”

“But I can’t see you for two weeks, so this
will have to do.”

“Sam…I…”

“I’d like to spend more time with you,
Patsy. It’s almost six months and we only see each other on
weekends.” Sam finished his drink.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m looking for more of a commitment.” Sam
took his glass to the sink.

“I am committed. I’m not seeing anyone else.
Are you?”

“No. I’m committed too. But I’d like to be
committed to more time together.”

“My work schedule can be difficult.”

“But we could work around it, couldn’t we?”
Sam asked.

“Can we discuss this more in two weeks?”

“Sure, sure. As you said, it would be better
to talk about this in person. When I love someone, I want to see
them more than Friday and Saturday night…and then only if we make
plans ahead. I want you to commit the time to me each weekend. I
want it understood we will be together…and maybe more too. It’s
driving me crazy to say goodbye to you every Sunday night.”

“I wish I could hug you right now,” Patsy
responded, a quiver in her voice.

“I wish I could do more than that, sexy
lady.” Sam chuckled.

“I’ll miss you in my bed tonight,” Pat
whispered into the phone.

“That goes for me too. Think it over.”

Sam sat back in the chair and crossed his
legs.

“I’m going to miss you, Patsy.”

“Me too, Sam.”

“Goodnight.”
Sam closed
his cell phone and sighed.

Chapter
Eighteen

The time for the audition was drawing near.
Lara was scheduled to perform with Andres on December twenty-first
the second to last day of auditions. Their rehearsals increased in
intensity. Andres and Lara argued and fought, then made up and
danced. As partners, they had become a couple, performing fluidly,
close but not romantic. She came home nervous and tired every day.
Some days she closed herself in the bedroom with a headache. Peter,
facing final exams for his first semester at the university, was
tense and drawn.

As December twenty-first drew closer,
correcting exams and producing final grades kept Peter too busy to
think about losing Lara. The rehearsals interfered with their love
life as Lara was often too tired. When Peter did make love to her,
he wondered how many more times he’d have the chance. He’d
disappear into to the kitchen, to control his emotions. One night
he ran into Sam.

“Peter, what are you doing here so
late?”

“Getting a glass of water.” He turned away
from his father, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

“Is something wrong, Pete?” Sam turned on
the flame under the kettle to make a cup of tea.

“Nothing new. It’s only a few more days
until Lara’s audition.”

“You’re worried she’ll get chosen and not
return?”

Peter nodded, as the words caught in his
throat.

“Isn’t there some way you could be together
even if she’s picked?”

“I’ve been thinking about it, but I can’t
find a way out. Even if I apply to New York City universities,
it’ll be a year before I can get hired, if then.”

“I’m sorry, Pete.”

“What about you and Pat, Dad?”

“Things are messed up on that front too,
son. Love troubles…”

“Stink.”

“Well said, Pete. I’m going to try to get
some sleep, after I finish this book.

“I’ve got to get back…”

“What a mess…for all of us,” Sam sighed,
taking his tea with him.

Peter folded Lara in his arms. Her nearness
soothed him and he was able to join her in sleep. But they were
both restless.

Saturday morning, December twentieth, seven
a.m., Peter was up first. Lara was catching the train to New York
for her audition at ten. No matter what happened, Lara would return
for her things at Uncle Jim’s. It could be their last morning
together.

Peter wanted to make love to her before she
left. He rolled over and watched her sleep. Her face was relaxed,
calm and so lovely with her dark hair scattered over the pillow.
Peter picked up some curls and rubbed them through his fingers,
feeling their silky softness. He bent to smell the freshness of her
hair and the faint sweet smell of her perfume. His lips brushed her
shoulder, peeking out of the warm quilt. It felt cold and he
covered it with his hand. Lara sighed, rolled around and reached
out for Peter. He raised her hand to his lips causing her to open
her eyes and smile. She touched his rough face.

Lara reached for his hand and put it on her
breast. He pulled her close to him and kissed her slowly and
gently, as his emotions skimmed along the surface of his skin. His
hands moved over her body as if in slow motion, caressing and
stroking her tenderly. She felt heat trail his fingertips from one
end of her body to the other. He wanted to remember every
sensation, every touch, every flame ignited by making love to her.
When they were satisfied, he took her in his arms.

“This may be the last time we make love,” he
said.

“I’m not leaving you forever, just a few
days. I’ll be back.”

“Maybe. And maybe not.” He rolled over to
stare out the window.

“Oh, bear, I love you so much. Please,
Peter…I’m coming back.” She reached for his hand, turning him to
face her.

“Lara, I love you, now and forever.” Fear
settled in his heart.

Peter looked into her eyes. He saw love…but
would it matter if she was chosen to dance? He hugged her.

Lara got up to pack her overnight bag.
Callie was coming to take her to the train station because Peter
couldn’t face going. To distract himself, he was at the piano. When
Callie arrived, a grim-faced Peter took Lara’s bag out to the car.
Lara and Peter hugged and he kissed her with passion. She clung to
him. Finally he let her go, turned and went into the house and
closed the door.

* * * *

In the car, Callie didn’t know quite what to
say but spoke up anyway.

“Love like Peter’s love for you doesn’t come
along every day.”

“I love him too. He’s overreacting. I’m not
going to get chosen so there is nothing to worry about.”

“But what if you do? What will you do?”

“But I won’t.”

“Dancing for one season doesn’t mean you are
guaranteed to dance there for years, does it?”

“In fact, you can be replaced from season to
season. Being selected after this audition would only mean I’d have
a secure position for one season…and only as long as I stay
healthy…don’t get injured.”

“So you might lose Peter for only one season
of dance?”

“But I won’t get chosen.”

“But if you did and you accepted…one season
of dance and the loss of Peter’s love forever, right?” Callie
persisted.

“Please don’t put it like that.”

“But it’s the truth, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is.” Lara looked out the window
at the gray countryside, tears clouding her eyes. She watched the
frost on the car window melt.

“A big price to pay to dance, isn’t it?”
Callie turned the SUV into the parking lot of the train
station.

Lara got out, closed her coat against the
cold and bought her ticket at the window. Callie joined her on the
platform lugging her small suitcase. The day was cold, slightly
damp and overcast with low-hanging clouds blocking the sun. There
was a sharp wind blowing, biting into them while they stood on the
platform. Snow was coming. Lara stamped her feet one at a time to
chase away the numbness from the cold. She hugged her bag and
watched for the train.

“When will you know?”

“My audition is on the twenty-first. They
have another day of auditions after. Then they will confer and
decide by December twenty-third, I’ve been told.”

“No delay for Christmas?”

“They want the dancers to report for
rehearsals by January second…they need to give some notice.” Lara
trained her gaze on the train tracks.

When Callie saw the train approach, she
hugged Lara and whispered in her ear. “Please come home to us. You
are family now, Lara. ”

“I’ll be back.” Lara broke from Callie and
picked up her bag.

The train stopped and clouds of steam filled
the platform. A few other people got on board along with Lara, who
found a window seat right away and waved to Callie. Callie waved
back as she watched the train pull away.

* * * *

Peter was at the piano playing
Liebesträume
. In the middle of the piece, when the music
paused and Peter lifted his fingers from the keyboard for a moment,
the train whistle blew. He looked out the window and saw first the
smoke, then the train as it picked up speed, chugging out of Willow
Falls, carrying Lara to New York. Tears filled his eyes. Then he
finished the piece.

Sam had been reading the paper in the living
room. He put the paper down and watched Peter motionless at the
piano. He pushed to his feet, heading into the kitchen to put up a
pot of tea. It would be tea for only two today…and maybe every day
thereafter. Peter joined his father. His head came up when he heard
his father whispering to himself.