Now or Never (14 page)

And he’d allow
ed that tongue inside his mouth? What the hell was wrong with him? Jay was suddenly overcome by the urge to brush his teeth. With bleach.

***

Dozens of crescent shaped marks marred Jay’s palms from the sheer number of times he’d balled his hands into fists throughout the evening. Each time Em flinched when a customer brushed past her. Each time she jumped at a loud noise or an unexpected touch and no one else noticed. No one else comforted her. Told her it was all right to be afraid. That it would get better. It might not be his place anymore, but it was someone’s. And that someone was completely fucking clueless.

When they finally left—Em and t
he idiot . . . together—Jay released his frustration. Knuckles cracked open and bled as he slammed his fist into the side of the bar, earning him more than a couple strange looks from the stragglers who refused to get the hell out so he could go home. He didn’t give a damn. It was late and he was tired. The entire day had royally sucked. But, then again, that was true of most days.

Ten minutes later, the bar was cleaned and prepped for the following day. Snatching up the final glass with a splash of vodka cranberry left in the bottom, his last remaining customer finally took the hint and pulled on his long, dark overcoat, tossing a few dollars on the bar before heading for the door. No tip. Figured.

Washing out the glass, he shoved it in the drying rack and pulled on his own jacket. Bart was still in the back going over paper work, so he didn’t bother with the lights, heading straight for his truck. All he wanted was to crawl into bed and shut the world out for a few solid hours.

Life was never that simple, though. He’d barely turned onto the road when a detour sent him the long way home. What the hell had he done to piss o
ff the universe so badly? At a stop light, Jay dropped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes to count to ten. His hand was throbbing and the last thing he needed was to cause real damage by hitting something else with it. He opened them again just in time to see a girl crossing the street on the opposite side of the intersection. As she passed through the beam of his headlights, Jay uttered a curse.

Un-fucking-believeable. It was Em. W
alking. Alone. In the middle of the friggin’ night. Son of a bitch. Hitting his turn signal, Jay waited impatiently for the light to turn green before cruising up slowly behind her. He leaned over to crank open the passenger window as he approached, doing his best not to scare the crap out of her.

“Em!” She jumped anyway and Jay’s fingers clenched the steering wheel.

“Jay. What are you doing here?” Em glanced up and down the street as though she’d expected someone else—maybe the boogie monster from the look in her eyes—and stepped closer to the truck.

“Heading home. What are
you
doing?”

“Heading home,” she
parroted back and it almost made Jay smile. If she was being a smart-ass, she must be feeling at least a little better. Then he remembered
how
she was getting home and his lips turned downward, instead.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” He hadn’t meant to snipe the word, but he knew his aim was true when she flinched. Damn him.

“Out.”

“Without you?” Jay tried to sound merely curious, but she knew him well enough that he knew his annoyance showed through.

“I didn’t feel like going.”

“
And he couldn’t drive you home first?”

“I told him not to bother. It’s not that far and it’s a nice night.”

“He still should have taken you. It’s late, you shouldn’t be walking by yourself. Get in.”

“I really don’t—”

“Get in the car, Em.” He saw the fight coming in the way she narrowed her eyes, so he quickly added, “Please. Otherwise, I’m just going to have to follow you all the way home.”

Em shook her head—knowing full-
well he meant every word—and climbed into the passenger’s seat, slamming the door behind her. Jay slid out into traffic and promptly got stuck at a red light.

“I don’t get it.”
Jay picked at the fraying seams of the steering wheel, trying to avoid her gaze, but he still caught the confusion written in the scrunch of her brow. “Mason? I tell you to give someone else a chance, and you pick Mason Locklier?”

“I didn’t want to pick
anyone
. Ashlyn picked Mason, I just followed her advice. And yours.”

“You can do better, that’s all.”

“I know. But, better doesn’t want me anymore.”

Her words, though quiet, sliced through him cleaner than any blade.
“Em . . .”

“Don’t. You don’t get to talk anymore tonight, Jay.
I agreed to a ride, not a lecture. Just take me home. Please.”

For a moment he wondered what she meant. Was she asking him to take her
home
? Back to his place,
their
place, where they’d built a home together? The urge to turn around and take her there was so powerful for a moment his arms shook with the force of resisting it. That’s not what she meant, though. She wanted him to take her back to Ashlyn’s house. Home was just a figure of speech. It had no meaning anymore.

Chapter Twenty-four

Em

Em had been lying awake in bed since Jay dropped her off. She’d spent hours watching shadows play across the ceiling and the walls. Her head was torn in a thousand different directions, running a million miles an hours, full of questions and absolutely no answers.

She couldn’t understand this game they were playing. He told her to see other people, practically forced her away from him, and then disapproved of her choice? He told her to stop having feelings for him—as though that would ever be possible—and then showed up to comfort her? He held her in his arms, and then left her all over again?

The only thing
not confused was her heart. It knew what it wanted and it wasn’t going to change its mind. Jay would always be the one written in each and every scar on her heart. He was the one who pieced it back together when she’d believed no one ever could. And it belonged to him. Always.

She understood his fear. Better than most, Em knew what it was like to think yourself unworthy of something. Of some
one.
She just hadn’t been able to comprehend that someone like Jay—someone so amazing, and courageous, and perfect—could ever feel that way. But that wasn’t what Jay saw when he looked in the mirror.

Tears misted Em’s eyes as she realized that he saw what she saw when she looked in the mirror. The scars. Not the ones on his back, but
the one’s made on their souls. That’s all either of them could see. He’d tried to tell her again and again that he didn’t see her the way she saw herself. She’d never really believed him. But when she looked at him, she didn’t see the scars. All she saw was the man that bore them. The kind, generous, honorable, gentle man. The man that she loved with every beat of her heart. Pretending anything else to be true was cruel.

However the game ended, it ended today. She wasn’t playing anymore.
It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to Jay. And it sure as hell wasn’t fair to Mason.

***

As if fate itself agreed with her goals, Mason was coming out as she pulled into the lot at Bart’s and parked.

“Hey, beautiful.”
He opened her door, offering her a smile and a hand out. Why did he have to be so nice?

“Hey. Did you have fun last night?”

“I did. But I missed you. Wish you would have come with me.”

“I’m not much of a party girl.” Em shrugged and internally stockpiled the courage she was going to need to take this conversation where it needed to go. “Listen, Mason—”

“Why don’t we go out tonight? Just you and me. No parties, I promise.”

“I don’t think—”

“Please, Em? Give me another chance. Please?”

She cringed, feeling that courage
evaporate. “What would we do?”

Coward!

“Mmm. I have a few ideas. We could . . .” He stepped in closer, trapping her between his body and the door of Ashlyn’s car. The restrained feeling immediately made her hands start sweating despite the below freezing temperature.

“What are you—?”

His mouth dropped over hers
, cutting off her protest, and worked its way, nipping and teasing down her jawline. The shakes took over as she feebly tried to push him away without success.

“Stop.”
Though it screamed through her mind like a shrill alarm, the word left her lips as little more than a breath of air.

His lips continued moving, flicking over the sensitive skin behind her ear.

“Mason.” When his hands joined in, slipping beneath her layers of clothing to skim her bare stomach and hips, Em forgot how to breathe, but not in a good way. Fear crippled her lungs, holding her prisoner in a body of solid stone. The heat from his hands stood out in stark contrast against the icy winter wind and scorched her straight to the bone, burning away her contaminated flesh.

“Mason. Stop.” She barely had enough air to breathe the words.

He didn’t hear them, or he chose to ignore them, because his lips and tongue moved lower along the curve of her shoulder. Em gasped as tears sprung to her eyes. Inside, she was screaming, fighting, running for the hills. Outwardly, she stood stock still at a complete loss of control over even her most basic functions. Panic overshadowed everything.

“Mason,
please.
” The desperate plea in her voice demanded his attention and he pulled back—confusion and concern warring in his eyes—at the same moment a large hand folded over his shoulder, tearing him away from her.

Jay’s fist plowed into his stomach, doubling him over before Em even knew what was happening.

“Jay!”

Another fist to the face sent Mason sprawling on the wet gravel.

“Jay, don’t!”

“She said
stop
. Or are you deaf as well as dumb?”

He balled his fist, ready to strike again and Em screamed. “Stop it, Jay!”

Jay stood over Mason unmoving, fists clenched. The only part of him in motion at all was his chest which heaved under each labored breath.

“Jay?”

Without a word, he turned and stormed across the lot. Shit, what was she supposed to do now? Kneeling in the snow beside Mason, she brushed his hand away to get a better look at the bruise already darkening his jaw. She’d done this. To both of them. This was all her fault.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Rubbing his chin, Mason sat up, unbothered by the wetness soaking through the seat of his pants. “I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to—”

“I know. It’s not you. Really. It’s me. It’s him.” She nodded after Jay. “It’s us. But it’s definitely not you.”

“Us?”

“Me and—”

“Jay.”

Em scrunched her face in apology, already knowing he wasn’t going to like what she had to do next.
“Mason, I—”

“You’re going after him, aren’t you? After what he just did, you’re still going after him.”

“You don’t understand. I have to.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand.”

Guilt sat like a heavy weight in her gut as she got to her feet and sprinted toward the building after Jay. She caught up with him on the sidewalk just outside the door.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“He was touching you.” Jay’s growl sent shivers down her spine.

“He was just fooling around.”

“You told him to stop. He didn’t.”

Em sighed. She couldn’t really blame Mason for that. “He doesn’t know me like you do. He doesn’t understand
my . . . issues.”

The look on Jay’s face as he stared down at her was heartbreaking. His jaw clenched so tight she could hear his teeth grinding together as his throat worked convulsively to combat the misty sheen gathering in his eyes.

“I’d do anything to protect you.” The harsh whisper tore from him with a horribly pained expression.

“I know.”
Including destroy us both with what you think is best.

And he was gone again, turning his back on her, but Em wasn’t done with him yet. Scurrying to catch him, she grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop just inside the door.

“What’s going on with you?”

“I’m trying to work.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. What the hell is going on with you, Jay?”

“Nothing.”

“
Something
. You look like crap. When’s the last time you ate?” He’d lost weight. She hadn’t noticed it happening, but she was painfully aware of it now. He was almost as thin as he had been out on the street. Dark smudges shadowed his eyes. “Or slept?”

“I’m fine, Em.”

“You’ve been working constantly and—”

“Dammit, Em! I said I’m fine!” He shouted loud enough that half the restaurant turned to look at them.

Fine, if that’s the way he wanted to play it, she was game, but it would have to wait until later. Obviously, this wasn’t the time or place for this conversation.