Nowhere but Here (24 page)

“I want to tell you about your gift.”

He still had not looked up at me. He pushed me to sit on the edge of the bed and then began kissing a trail up my inner thigh. “Okay, tell me, baby,” he whispered.

“You’re going to be a father.”

He stopped kissing and looked up at me. There was so much love in his expression. I wished that I could bottle it. “Really?” Tears quickly filled his eyes.

I smiled and began crying myself. “Yes. We’re going to have a baby.”

He stood up, reached for the hem of my slip, and pulled it over my head, then he moved us up onto the bed together. He kissed everywhere and then stopped near my stomach and spoke quietly. “I loved you before you existed, and I’ll love you after I’m gone.” I felt a tear hit my belly. He kissed it away and then looked up at me. “Thank you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“Me, too,” I whispered.

Epilogue

Jamie

Whispers, that’s what she calls them. They’re signs, small sounds, or little reminders, letting you know that there’s something bigger than us out there. That there’s a force working hard to make things right in the universe. That’s what she says, anyway. The whispers came to her in a dream. She believed that her fate was predetermined and that she had to follow these whispers or listen to what some grand power told her to do.

I’ve never said it to her, but I know the dream was a manifestation of something that was alive in Katy from the beginning. It came from her. It’s the desire we all have in us to love and be loved. It’s what lets us get our hearts broken over and over again. Maybe the force she talks about is a collective energy put out by the whole of humanity that simply says: love each other, fight for each other, take care of each other. I know I fought it out of fear, just like her. I needed to feel a force so strong that I couldn’t fight back. The pull toward her was like our own world existed around us, spinning so hard that the gravity forced us to the center, to each other, into each other’s arms, into each other’s souls.

Katy exists in my soul now, and she can’t be taken out. If there were whispers happening in my life, then they were loud and clear. Mine were shouts that came barreling at me in a tiny Toyota rental car. It crashed into me with the force of a thousand suns and never stopped crashing, over and over again. She still hasn’t stopped crashing into me.

I know that now, as I watch her from across a field of vines. She takes my breath away. She’s holding our baby girl, Charlotte, looking up to the sky and soaking in the sun. Every day they are both more beautiful than the last. I stand here for several moments, watching her in her white sundress. Charlotte’s in white, too, and I realize that heaven does exist on earth. The wind hits the back of my neck, pushing me gently in their direction. She spots me and smiles serenely as she bounces our baby girl. When I reach them, I take Charlotte in my arms. She coos between little belly laughs.

“Someday you’re going to break my heart, little girl, do you know that?” Her little smile literally makes my heart skip a beat. “It will all be worth it.”

Kate and I know that there’s no light without darkness—there’s no joy without pain—but we promised each other, through it all, that we would always choose to be here, living in the moment, right by each other’s sides. And I believe that’s truly what love is.

Susan happily takes Charlotte from my hands and off for a little walk. I follow Kate into our home and catch her by the hand. She turns. I smile brazenly. “I heard a whisper, Kate. It said I need to take you to bed this instant.”

She socks me in the arm. “Would you stop with that?”

“I have to listen to the whispers.” I bend and throw her over my shoulder and then stalk off to our bed, with her giggling all the way.

Acknowledgments

Endless thanks to my friends and family members who have supported and encouraged me throughout this process, especially my brother, Rich, who has always had my back, even if he was making stupid faces behind it. Thanks and love you, bro.

Mom and Dad, thank you for running the grassroots campaign by taking my books into the bank and sharing the news with the bank tellers, and also for getting the Portuguese community involved. Donna, thank you for your kind words and willingness to read at the drop of a hat.

To my cousin, Debbie: Thank you so much for the love, support, and encouragement.

Kristina Radi, for offering all of that fantastic Chicago material. I got such a sense of the city from you. Thank you.

Many thanks to my agent, Christina Hogrebe, who from day one believed in the work.

Angie, thank you for taking the time out of your crazy schedule to be a part of this.

Daralyn Christensen, from my entire heart I am thankful to you for so graciously sharing your story with me. You opened my eyes to diabetes and the experience of living with a diabetic partner. The details you offered helped me to grasp the disease in a way that made it tangible and real and possible for me to present through Kate’s eyes.

To Roberta Bohn, for the time you took to answer my questions and for your superb Chicago inside scoops.

To my editor, Jhanteigh Kupihea, who I’m pretty sure has cloned herself at least four times. Your speed, energy, and enthusiasm have to be unmatched. Thank you for your hard work and responsiveness.

To the authors who have offered me so much advice and support, including Authors Off the Shelf, Joanna, Kylie, Kim J., Katy, Kim, Carey, and the goddesses—thank you.

To the D2 crew and the Ramies, you inspire me.

To the readers and bloggers who read and loved
Sweet Thing
and have been on the lookout for my next work, thank you so much. Your enthusiasm has kept me going all these months.

Heather, there are no words to express my gratitude. “Thank you” barely scratches the surface of what I want to say to you, but I’ll start there. Thank you for being passionate about this world and for being the best signing assistant EVER! And for being a great friend and all-around awesome person. Love you.

To my boys who remind me every day how much fun it is to daydream and pretend. Thank you for not letting me grow old too fast. Thank you for being my best teachers.

Finally to Anthony, a true Renaissance Man, who can build anything, weld anything, grow anything, do anything while wearing his Converse well. Thank you for making the best coffee and for the eighteen billion other things you do.

ALSO BY RENÉE CARLINO

Sweet Thing

Sweet Little Thing

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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2014 by Renée Carlino

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data TK

ISBN 978-1-4767-6396-5

ISBN 978-1-4767-6397-2 (ebook)