Nowhere But Here (Thunder Road #1) (13 page)

A rush of guilt consumes me because none of that is me. None of it. I don’t hook up, but that wasn’t a hook-up. It was a kiss. Just a kiss. Just the best freaking kiss of my life with a guy who hates me.

Oh my God, we were mauling each other. Oz draws down his shirt and readjusts parts in his pants. I drag a hand through my hair and try to ignore how the strands are completely tangled.

I graze my hand across my swollen lips. Just a kiss. Just a kiss.
Just a kiss.

I clear my throat and Oz glances at me as if he’s startled.

“Um...” Think straight, Emily. “You need to sneak me out so I can hear what Eli has to say to my parents.”

Oz laughs. “Did you think I’m going to ruin my chance with the club because you thought I’d get sentimental? You’re wrong.”

I shake my head because he misunderstands. “No, you’re going to help me because if you don’t, I’ll tell Eli that you kissed me.”

Oz

EMILY AND I
are crouched in the small kitchen next to the general meeting area of the Lanesville chapter. Above us is the open serving window. In the room adjoining the kitchen, chairs shift and there’s the occasional try at conversation between Emily’s parents to fill time.

Anger is a pulse within my body. I’m risking my entire future in the club because Emily—little good-girl Emily—knows how to seduce. Her ultimatum: bring her here to eavesdrop or she’ll inform Eli I kissed her. I have a better chance at surviving telling him we left the office than his daughter announcing we went at it and that I held her up against the door as I attempted to slip down her bra.

I silently rap my head against the wall behind me. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. That was my problem. I blame it on the lack of sleep, Emily looking too damn gorgeous for her own good and how she acts all naive and seductive.

I’m fucked. I’m stupid and I’m fucked.

“I’m going to go use the restroom,” says Emily’s dad.

“All right,” answers her mom.

Shoes against the concrete and the squeak of a chair being pulled out. From where we sit, we can see a reflection of Emily’s parents from the glass of a cabinet. Along the shelves in front of us are unopened bottles of liquor, boxes and, across from Emily, a jumbo box of condoms and a pair of women’s lace underwear.

Emily’s face contorts and my lips turn up.

“Ew,” she mouths.

My unrepentant smile grows and I shrug a so-what. Club life is club life and we don’t apologize to anyone for it.

We sit beside each other and our thighs slightly touch. I knead my eyes and try to push away the memory of Emily’s body moving against mine. That was the hottest damn kiss I’ve had and it’s going to cost my life or my future. And I thought only guys did the seducing. I should feel cheap, but that kiss was too good to feel used.

Trouble.

Emily is trouble and she needs to leave before I end up with a bullet in my head.

The door to the general area opens then closes and Emily straightens. My eyes snap to the glass case and I stop breathing. Eli.

There’s silence. A heavy silence as Emily’s mom and Eli stare at each other.

“Where’s Jeff?” Eli asks.

“Restroom,” she replies.

Emily’s fingers curl into her thigh and her knuckles grow white as we enter another long absence of conversation.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve been alone, Meg,” says Eli.

Meg stands. Her long blond hair is tied at the nape of her neck. Even in the mirror I can tell she’s pretty, but Emily is gorgeous. It’s obvious Emily inherited her height and soft features from her mom, but the rest of Emily is purely from Eli’s side.

Eli shoves his hands into his pockets and shifts to one side while keeping his eyes locked on Meg. Meg, on the other hand, rubs her hand over her neck. Then she walks, quickly, killing the distance between her and Eli. He holds out his arms and Meg falls into them.

Emily jerks and I plant a hand over her knee in warning. Emily’s eyes are wild as they beg me to explain what the hell is going on, but I’ve got nothing. This is new even to me. Eli gently enfolds Meg into him and kisses her temple. “I’ve missed you.”

His hand clutches her hair as Meg rests her head on his shoulder. They stay that way. A second. Another. Too long for Emily and she begins to scratch at a spot on her wrist. An angry red welt forms and I snatch her hand, keeping her fingers firmly in my grasp.

Emily’s chest is moving fast—too fast—and she focuses on the reflection with too much intensity. I glance over at the door we snuck in from off the back hallway. Emily needs to get out of here before she completely spirals.

A sniff from the other room and Emily’s mom finally steps away from Eli. “Jeff says that you never married.”

“No, I haven’t found anyone worth being with.” He pauses. “You didn’t need to work through Jeff all these years. It would have been nice to talk to you.”

Mirroring Emily earlier, Meg grips her elbows. “It’s better this way. Better for us to have distance... I should have never brought Emily here—”

“I’m glad you brought Emily,” Eli cuts her off. “I’m glad you came. But this should have been done differently. To show up unannounced—”

“I know,” Meg says harshly. “It’s just that when I thought Olivia was dead...it brought everything back and I reacted without thinking and... Is Emily in danger?”

“Yes,” Eli answers. “She is and I’m going to need time to fix it. You woke a sleeping giant and something that large takes time to put back to sleep.”

Emily’s hand goes limp and cold and I slip my fingers through hers. She studies me as she accepts the comfort I’m offering. Moisture lines the bottom of her eyes. The Riot. The Riot is after Emily and I don’t understand why.

She’s in danger and until now I honestly thought this was some stupid misunderstanding. The image of my father bleeding from his head enters my mind. That could be Emily.

The back door opens and my hand automatically shoots to my hip and my fingers clutch the air where my knife should be. Emily’s father strolls in and his eyes land on the two of us.

Emily shakes her head and raises a finger to her lips. His eyes flicker between me and Emily and then settle on the reflection of Eli and Meg that Emily eventually points at.

I hold my breath. Waiting for him to blow our cover, waiting for him to nail me to the wall for holding his daughter’s hand while sitting so close. Instead, he motions for us to go out in the hallway.

Quietly, we do, and once there he leans down and whispers to Emily, “I’ll find you soon.”

Emily

HOLDING MY HAND,
my father guides me into the hot June sun and away from the men in black leather vests to a bench swing that hangs under a shade tree on the other side of the parking lot. Twenty minutes after Oz and I returned to the office and waited in silence, my parents walked in with Eli.

I hugged Dad and then Mom, but I have to admit to being numb. Eli told me this morning that I wasn’t in danger and he told my mother I was. What does it mean? What does any of this mean? They hugged. Mom and Eli hugged like they meant it.

“Why don’t you sit down, Em?” Dad says.

Parroting a puppet on a string, I do, and Dad claims the spot beside me. Mom exits the warehouse with Eli behind her. She veers right and observes me and Dad from an empty picnic table. Eli heads left toward a group of men, but I don’t miss how his gaze roams to us. Oz also watches us as he talks to a guy about our age, except this guy has a vest on.

Dad takes a deep breath and I steel myself for his rip-the-Band-Aid-off method. “Eli wants you to stay in Snowflake for a while—for the summer, even.”

“Oh, hell no.” I go to jump up, but Dad places a hand on my knee.

“Will you agree to just hear me out?”

I want to scream “no,” but the silent plea in Dad’s eyes causes me to settle back on the swing. “Fine.”

“Thank you.”

He’s totally not welcome.

“Eli feels that the Riot, the motorcycle club that they’re rivals with, is a threat to you because of his current business issues, and that you’ll be safer under his protection than you would be returning home. Eli believes that if the Riot thinks you’re unprotected, they’ll use you against him. Your mom agrees with him. No one has made this decision lightly. Not Eli. Not your mom. I want to know your thoughts.”

Knots harden in my stomach as I lace and unlace my fingers several times. “You said
they
want me to stay. What do you want?”

Dad lays his hand over my fidgeting fingers. “The same thing.”

My head falls back and I fight the way my lower lip trembles. “So I’m in danger?”

“No,” Dad says with force. “You’re not in danger.”

“But I overheard Eli say—”

“You overheard what Eli believes. If you want my opinion, this is a game.”

His leg moves, causing us to slowly swing, and I contemplate his words. “What do you mean?”

“Do you remember my cousin Josh?”

I can’t help the lift of my mouth. Josh. He owns his own company, but odds are Dad’s referring to the conventions he attends where he dresses up as his favorite characters. It’s different from my world, but he’s a huge teddy bear and I adore him. “Yeah.”

“Sometimes people create a world that gives them power. Sometimes people create a world to find friends with similar interests. To me, motorcycle clubs are a rougher man’s sci-fi convention.”

A chill runs through me when I remember the men last night at the motel. “Are you saying that whatever is going on between the Reign of Terror and this Riot club isn’t real?”

Dad merely inclines his head in answer.

An unsettling jolt of nerves compels me to glance around to confirm no one’s overheard. A few hours with these people and even I’m aware that those are fighting words with men who are heavily armed. “I don’t know. They seem serious to me.”

“What danger have you truly met? You saw men in a parking lot in the middle of the night. If people from Eli’s club weren’t there, you would have bought your water and returned to the room. Eli’s convinced himself this is a big deal. It’s amazing what people can make themselves believe.”

I tap my tongue to the roof of my mouth. “If that’s the case, why have I been living in the seventh circle of hell for the past few hours?”

Dad chuckles. “I like that you chose violence.”

Dante’s
Inferno
and his nine levels of hell. It’s one of Dad’s favorite books. “It was a lucky guess.”

“To answer your question, I thought you should come back to the motel immediately, but your mother felt differently.”

My eyebrows rise past my bangs. “My mother? Mrs. Snowflake-is-the-devil’s-playground is the cheerleader on this?”

“She hates you being here, but she went into hysterics when Eli showed at the motel. Crying and screaming like I’ve never seen. Your mother has secrets, Emily. Those demons we talked about, and they have a strong hold when they pop up. They don’t terrorize her often, but when they do, she’s unreasonable.”

“What happened to Mom?” I ask. “And why is she scared of Snowflake—and Eli?”

He sighs. “I love your mom. I’ve belonged to her since she walked into that free clinic with you on her hip and told me I didn’t know jack when I informed her that you had a cold.”

I love this story. They’ve both told it to me a hundred times. Dad was volunteering at the clinic and my mother was a complete bitch to the know-it-all young doctor. She was right and I had strep. He was wrong and bought us dinner. The three of us have been together since.

“Your mom is persistent, headstrong, passionate and full of life and love. I traveled around the world after med school, not knowing what I was looking for, and I knew I had found it when I met her...and you.”

Even though it’s a million degrees outside and I’m minutes away from heatstroke, I edge closer to him. Sue me for this being my favorite part of the story.

“With that said, your mother has had this uncontrollable fear of motorcycle clubs. Terrified of their reach. Terrified of their violence. Terrified that at any moment they were going to barge into our house and rip you out of our hands. She told me stories and for the first few years I believed them, but then year after year we heard nothing. Saw nothing. My fear receded and yet your mother’s stayed the same.”

“Do you think she lied to you?” I broach. “About the club?”

“Not intentionally. Your mother believes the same lies they tell themselves. They act bigger and badder than they really are. They probably threatened her and she fell for it. The most dangerous part of ourselves can be an overactive imagination.”

My cheeks burn and I lower my head. How many times has Dad reminded me of that when it pertains to my fears? “So I’m safe.”

“You’re safe. I guarantee they’ll act overprotective, but things will remain silent and this part of the game will be over.”

A group of women pull up to the warehouse in a minivan then hop out. Two of them have babies on their hips and a toddler in a T-shirt that proclaims him a “Reign of Terror supporter” follows. “If that’s what you really believe then why do you want me to stay and feed into this game?”

Dad’s blue eyes flicker over my face. He’s done this since I was young—encouraged me to discover the answers without his help.
Sound out the word, Em. You can figure it out... Would a real friend treat you that way...? Don’t you wonder what’s out there in the world...? Aren’t you curious about your heritage?

“You want me to know my biological family.”

He relaxes back onto the swing. “You’re curious about them.”

“I’m not. Trust me, I’m really, really not.”

We swing slowly. His foot controlling the speed and how high or low we go. Dad’s thinking and I’m used to this, but the longer he waits to speak the worse it will be for me. He’s forming an argument, one I’ll surely lose.

“There’s more to life than our home and Florida. More to life than me, your mom and the friends you’ve made there. The world is a huge place. How will you know where you fit in unless you explore beyond your comfort zone?”

I wave my hand toward the warehouse in disgust, beyond caring that it’s obvious to the gawkers that I’m hating. “And this is where I should start? I’ll make you a deal, I’ll go home and visit somewhere safer in Florida, like a prison. Maybe a toxic waste dump.”

Dad laughs. I wasn’t joking. “Anytime your mother even casually brings up the past, you pay complete attention. You’ve never been one to mince words so if you weren’t slightly curious about Eli, you never would have agreed to the visitations. You’re frightened of Snowflake because your mother raised you to be. If you stay, maybe you’ll figure out that there’s nothing to fear and maybe your mom will finally learn that she has no reason to be afraid of Eli or his club.”

My stomach flips multiple times. Mom and Eli hugged. I’m not so sure that it’s Eli she’s scared of, but I choose to keep this tidbit to myself. There’s no way I could ever tell my father that my mother, his wife, touched another man.

I listen to the creaking of the swing as I let the events of the past night and his words sink in. Dad informed me from the moment I walked off the plane that I wasn’t in danger and that everything was fine, but like Mom I permitted my fear to lead me.

I release a long breath and bite the bullet. “Mom’s lied to me, hasn’t she? About Eli’s family?”

The porch swing stills and my dad tenses beside me.

“Olivia showed me a picture of me and her together. I was a baby and James the Elephant was seriously pink and fluffy.”

He’s silent for a moment. “I promised your mother I would never discuss certain things with you. I agreed, not understanding the effect it would have on you both. I don’t break my promises. Especially to your mother.”

No, he’d never break a promise to either of us. “Which is why you fought for the visits with Eli and why you think I should stay here.”

Dad wraps an arm around me and squeezes my shoulder. “There’s a big world out there and you have blood family in it. I’m not suggesting that you forget us and fall in love with them, but—”

“It’s okay to be curious,” I whisper.

“It is,” he agrees.

“I’m not saying I am,” I mutter.

He ignores me. “Our fears are what stifle us and we’re only scared of what we don’t understand. Fear can be handed down generationally, kind of like eye color. I love your mom, but I also love you. I don’t want to see your mother’s fears turn into chains that drag you down.”

I let my gaze roam. Men gather around their bikes. Another group of guys hang around the women and children. Mom still stares at us, as do Oz and Eli. It’s the same picture from when we sat down, yet it’s changed.

“These people scare the hell out of me,” I say.

“They’re flesh and blood like the rest of us. That, as a doctor, I can guarantee.”

My mother was afraid. Very afraid. And she fled from here. Why, I don’t know, but I run the risk of letting fear paralyze me if I don’t overcome it and what better way to overcome it than to stay in the scariest town on earth?

“If I ask Mom what happened, she won’t tell me, will she?”

“No,” Dad says. “She won’t, and neither will Eli. Just like me, he made a promise to your mother—and Eli might be a lot of things, but over the years I’ve known him, he’s proven to be a man of his word.”

Mom won’t tell me. No one will tell me...except maybe the woman I accused of being a liar—Olivia.

Disorientation hits me as another shot has been taken at my relationship with my mother. Somehow this bleeding wound tastes like betrayal. My arm begins to itch. I scratch, not caring that it will make the hives bigger. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yes?”

I turn my head and look straight into his eyes. “Do you swear I’m safe?”

“I swear it, Em. If I thought you were in danger, you would have been on the first flight home to Florida this morning with police by your side. Eli’s your biological father, but I’m your dad. I’m not asking you to stay here forever. A week. Maybe two. You decide the length, no matter what Eli thinks. I’ll miss you every second you’re away and we’ll talk as often as you want. I want you to discover your biological family, but I’m your dad and you’re my little girl. Always.”

I rest my head on his shoulder. My dad. This is my dad. “I love you.”

A kiss on my head. “I love you, too.”

“For real, how long do I need to stay?” A sickening wave of homesickness hits me. I’m not just leaving behind my parents, but dreams for an entire summer.

I was supposed to go on vacation with Trisha next week to her grandmother’s in New York. I had just discovered that I was selected to be the head volunteer at the food pantry. I had just gotten the attention of the cute guy in my math class. I was just on the verge of making some dreams a reality.

A lot of supposed-tos and just-abouts and now I’m stuck here—in Snowflake—in hell.

“Stay just long enough for you to get a taste of Eli and his family and for your mom to feel you’re safe in returning home. When you’re ready, I’ll come and get you. What do you have to say?”

What do I have to say? From across the lot, my mother focuses on us with her hands locked together as if in prayer. Eli stands in the middle of a group of men, but his attention is fixed solely on me. My gaze reaches Oz and the moment our eyes meet, he glances away; then my heart picks up speed when he looks my way again. And I have my answer. “Mom is going to lose her mind when she leaves me behind.”