Numbers Game (18 page)

28

T
he morning heat was already unbearable. Fortunately, my neck was cooler than it had ever been. After an hour at the salon, my hair was now short and dark. Surprisingly, the lack of weight made my hair wavy and bouncy. No wonder Tali had liked this. I’d even gotten a pleased smile out of Vance, which I took as a good sign.

I felt my time ticking down, so I didn’t dare try to sleep. Instead, I pulled each guy aside in turn for an interrogation. Vance stood nearby, arms folded, pretending not to listen. After the usual formalities, I told them I’d been sent to uncover a spy and watched their reaction.

Most of them were dumbfounded. A few laughed.

When it was Semias’s turn, he just smirked. “Right. We all know that if there’s a spy here, it’s you.”

“Thanks,” I said, dismissing him. Vance had stood at his side, ready to subdue him at the slightest sign of aggression. The only person left was Poly, and I was already certain he wasn’t a suspect. It seemed Vance was right. There was no traitor. Either the empress’s information was wrong, or she’d sent me here to die. Neither conclusion made any sense.

It was during my shower that afternoon that my techband vibrated.

AMETRINE DOWELL. YOU ARE COMMANDED TO APPEAR IN THE EMPRESS’S CHAMBERS IMMEDIATELY.

I stared at the glowing letters, expecting to feel horror or nervousness. Instead, there was nothing. This was it, then. Would they execute me privately, in the seclusion of her chambers? Would Konnor be relieved that I wasn’t staining the family name anymore? Would Dresden miss me at all?

I dressed slowly. When I opened the door, I sensed someone waiting outside.

“I was ordered to escort you,” Vance said solemnly.

I didn’t answer. I just passed him and made my way toward the hallway, feeling the cold more acutely than usual. Maybe it was best that everyone else had gone for a run, leaving us alone. Less awkward this way—no good-byes. I turned on the lights in the training room as we passed through, glancing around one last time. Remembering. The girl that had entered so long ago seemed like a distant memory. Vance was stiff, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here. I knew the feeling.

I reached for the handle, but it wouldn’t open. Vance’s lock was still in place. He stood in silence for a moment before he finally spoke. “You can still run, you know. Just climb out the ventilation shaft.”

“No, thanks.”

“No,
thanks
?” He stared at me. “I’m not offering you a food pill or a new shirt, Treena. I’m trying to save your life. What’s this about? Punishing yourself?”

“Take a good look at yourself, Vance,” I shot back. “You spend every day arresting your own people and then beating yourself up over it. You keep trying to prove to the world that you’re this horrible person, that you deserve this life. I don’t think you should be lecturing me right now.”

His eyes flashed with anger. “This is not about me. This is about you doing something stupid.”

I yanked at the lock as I’d seen him do before, and the door clicked open. The air in the stairwell was cold and stale, but I strode into it and started climbing the stairs. Vance gave an exasperated sigh and followed.

We walked in silence for a few minutes. I had no idea what we’d find at the top. Guards? Monitors? The commander?

“Your Rating is wrong,” he said. “Their precious Rating system says absolutely nothing about you and what you’re capable of.”

“So far, everything I’ve done has proven my number absolutely correct.”

“Treena.” His tone softened. “I don’t know why that happened to you. But I do know one thing.” He stopped on the step below me, and I whirled to face him. We were the same height now, and his expression was fierce. “You are the most loyal, most determined, and most fascinating girl I’ve ever met. No number could ever describe you.”

The deadness inside me cracked, and the pain came flooding back. I felt like a five-year-old again. Falling, grasping for a handhold, for something to save me. “It doesn’t matter now.”

He gave me a long look. Then he sat down, right on the steps, easing me down next to him. I lay my head on his shoulder and let him pull me close. The warmth of his embrace felt completely and utterly right. For a long moment I allowed myself to forget about the past few days. There was no empress, no punishment mode, and no mission. There was just us. The world was cool and dark, and his touch sent my heart pumping as if it had just awakened from hibernation.

“When my dad died,” Vance finally said as he began to gently stroke my hair, “I didn’t handle it very well. I kept thinking if I’d just disobeyed his order and stayed with him he’d still be alive.” He gave a bitter laugh. “I still think it sometimes.”

“So that’s why you punish yourself.” I tried to gain control of my voice. “But if you’d stayed, you would have died too.”

“Dying isn’t the worst thing to happen to someone,” he continued thoughtfully. “Anyone coward can die. The hardest thing is being left behind and trying to make sense of a world without them.”

Tali had joined the smugglers to make a difference, to leave a footprint on the world. I’d just wanted to slip into a quiet life, unnoticed. She was the one who deserved to live, not me. “It’ll never be the same,” I whispered.

“No, it won’t,” he agreed, still stroking my hair. It sent ripples of heat down my body. “Do you remember what I told you in our first training session?”

“Yeah. You told me to stop retreating and fight back instead.”

He chuckled. “When you took on a dozen men at the warehouse, I thought I’d created a monster.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” I said. He just hadn’t known me very well yet. I’d never been one to run from a fight. But wasn’t that exactly what I was doing? What would Tali do if she could see me now—beaten, helpless, and too guilt-ridden to think straight?

She’d slap me upside the head, that’s what.

I tilted my head back and allowed myself to look up into Vance’s eyes. They were so dark it was as if they were absorbing all the light that entered and saving it for some future purpose. His eyebrows were choppy, untrimmed, and his were lips chapped. But somehow it worked. It was simply . . . him. No surgeries, no tallies of volunteer hours and checklists. Vance just took life one day at a time, keeping his family safe, trying to put the pieces back together. I could see it, the pain in his heart. It was something we shared now.

“When you see the empress,” Vance whispered, “tell her I’m the spy.”

I sat back, stunned. “What?”

“Tell her you found the traitor and fulfilled your mission. Maybe it’ll make a difference.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. It hadn’t stopped her so far. “I won’t put my problems on you. You’ve spent the last two years acting as the commander’s little slave, arresting people you probably knew well. I can’t even imagine what two years of that must have been like. And you did it all to save your family.”

He looked away quickly, as if my words had stabbed some part of him. He let out a long, frustrated breath. “I tell myself every day that they are the reason. I’m not so sure about that anymore.”

I put a hand on his arm. “Is this about what the commander said? About you being willing to do anything to survive? Don’t listen to him. He knows nothing about love and loyalty. What you did was brave.”

He looked at my hand on his arm, and I wondered if I’d gone too far. But before I could pull it away, he grasped it with his other hand and squeezed.

“If either of us is brave, it’s you,” he said and gave a self-deprecating laugh. “You survived a week in the most dangerous military unit in NORA, with two kill orders and no weapon. Now you’re going to meet with the person who wants you dead, and yet you’re comforting me.” His finger traced the line of my palm, sending tingles up my arm. “You don’t deserve any of this. The least I can do is accept some of your punishment. Just tell her I’m the spy and let the chips fall where they may.”

I didn’t ask what chips were. A warm feeling spread through my chest until I thought I would burst. This was who he really was. The tumultuous battle within him seemed to have trickled away, leaving one gallant, vulnerable boy. A boy who saw me as something precious—who looked at me instead of at my Rating. His eyes stared at me questioningly, his usual confidence replaced with uncertainty.

“I think your first offer was better,” I finally said. “Let’s use the tunnel to escape.”

“There’s the Treena I know.” He gave a tiny smile. “It feels good to finally choose sides, doesn’t it?”

“Whose side are you on, then?”

As he looked into my eyes, I felt like he could see into my soul. His fingers brushed my cheek, then he cradled the side of my face in his hand, gently tilting my chin upward, and I felt his breath, felt the battle within him as well as I felt it in myself. But something pulled me toward him.

“Yours,” he said. He slowly closed the distance between us.

And our lips met.

He was hesitant at first, just a soft brush of his lips on mine. Then the cool, damp air around us melted away in an instant. His strong arms went around me, pulling me closer, holding me tightly. His kiss became more insistent, and the pain and fear within me began to fade as I felt myself giving in. His chin was rough against my skin, but it only fueled the heat that pulsed through my racing heart.

It felt like hours, that brief moment of pure joy mixed with pain and longing. For the first time I saw past the rough exterior he hid behind to the soul beneath, and it was beautiful. It was a world I’d never known existed, communicated with perfect understanding.

And then there were footsteps overhead.

He pulled away, the sudden distance painful, his voice hoarse. “They’re coming for you.”

I tried to stand, but my legs weren’t working right. The moment we’d just shared had made my thoughts fuzzy. “Do we still have time?”

The sound of pounding on the steps overhead got louder with each second. He jumped up, then grasped my hand to pull me to a standing position. The wistful look in his eyes told me enough. “Sounds like there are only three of them, Treena. I’ll keep them occupied long enough for you to get away.”

“Not a chance.”

“You!” a woman’s voice snapped. “Keep your hands up.”

“Go,” he hissed at me. “I’ll catch up.”

I took off running, taking the steps two at a time toward the bunker. There was a shout from above, and the pounding overhead intensified. I grabbed the rail and leaped down the last flight of stairs, landing hard on my feet, and then rushed to the door.

More shouting. They must have reached Vance. I pushed the door open and sprinted inside—only to run into a human wall.

Poly blocked my escape. He wore a gray shirt and training pants, his black hair tousled as if he’d just risen from bed. A deep frown lined his face. “Going somewhere?” he asked. “You were summoned, as I recall.”

“I just—just—” I couldn’t think of a single lie. All I could think about was the muffled sounds of fighting on the stairs. “Let me through! Please!”

Someone cried out in the stairwell, and I turned. Poly grabbed my shoulder, but I twisted out of his grip and tried to slide past him. He caught hold of my elbow and yanked me back. His grip nearly pulled my shoulder out of its socket, and I yelped with pain. In seconds, both of my hands were locked behind my back.

A woman ran inside and stopped when she saw us. “The girl is under arrest.”

Poly shoved me forward. The movement sent an electric jolt down my arms. “I caught her running back inside. Do you need an EPIC escort?”

“No. There are others.” She took my arm and guided me roughly toward the stairs. As we climbed the first stairwell, I glanced at Poly in the doorway. His face was emotionless, his arms folded. Apparently his loyalty to EPIC didn’t extend past the empress’s orders.

A minute later we rounded a stairwell to see her companions. They must have called for backup because there were five of them now, surrounding Vance, who knelt in the center, arms locked behind him. His face fell when he saw me. The monitor’s grip on my arm loosened, and she yanked me forward. I caught myself on the rail just before my face hit the step.

“Careful,” Vance growled.

“I’d say the same for you, EPIC leader,” the lady said. “Both of you get moving.”