Nurse Saxon's Patient (24 page)

‘
You do, don
’
t you?
’
Tansy shot a direct glance at him from under her fantastic eyelashes.
‘
That
’
s what I like so much about you.
’

‘
That isn
’
t all you like, I hope?
’
Roger had said the words before he really thought about them.

Tansy looked back at him, gravely and sincerely, suddenly sobered by the thoughts his words had evoked.

‘
No,
’
she said seriously,
‘
that isn
’
t all I like about you. That isn
’
t even the half of it,
’
and knew to her own surprise that she was speaking the perfect truth.

She considered Roger over the rim of her glass. He was all she had ever admired in a man, and he had the
stimulating
,
exciting personality which she had dreamed of. And he believed her firmly engaged to and in love with Garth, dear kind Garth, who would no more dream of
d
ashing
off to Mexico than he would of building a house without windows or warmth.

I ought to have left my ring where it was, Tansy thought suddenly. If I told Garth the truth now, cleared that blank space in his memory for him, it may be no good after all. Roger Saxon isn
’
t the type of man who would
think
much of a girl who broke off her engagement with a
man
just recovering from an accident such as happened to Garth! And he
’
d wonder why I had felt I had to have my ring back. He doesn
’
t know me well enough to understand, not yet, but if he did I
’
m sure he
’
d know why I felt I had to get back to where we were...

‘
Tansy,
’
Roger said suddenly, startling her,
‘
do you think you
’
ll be happy, living in Hyncaster all your life, watching Garth go off to the office or out to some site day after day, never being able to do the things you
’
re doing now, because it wouldn
’
t be the right thing, once you were his wife, or perhaps because you wouldn
’
t have time to make records, sing with the group ... all the rest of it?
’

‘
I
...
don
’
t know,
’
Tansy said slowly.
‘
Yes, I do,
’
she corrected herself before he had time to speak.
‘
I know I shouldn
’
t be happy living that way, but I hope—hoped—Garth would want to come with me sometimes, when we get tours abroad.
’

‘
But he couldn
’
t, not and do his work here,
’
Roger persisted,
‘
and his work is his life to Garth. He wouldn
’
t want to live the way I do nowadays, and hope to go on doing, living out of a suitcase, seeing new places, meeting new people
...’

They had been sitting on the veranda as they talked and just at that moment the estate car rounded the curve in the drive, Julie at the wheel, and there was no opportunity for further private conversation, but all through the weekend Roger
’
s words rang in Tansy
’
s ears, teasing her with their exciting promise.

‘
Living from a suitcase, meeting new people, seeing strange places ... excitement
...’
Wasn
’
t that what she had always wanted, longed for? Wasn
’
t that what she felt she was living for? And Saturday evening he had said something about a film test, something about the part of Wanda, whoever
she
may be, in his next book.

If I could get that part. Tansy
’
s thoughts ran on, maybe others would follow. They would, I know they would. I
’
d work as I
’
ve never worked before, and the training I did with the rep company would serve me in good stead, even though I expect I
’
d have a great deal to learn, playing to a camera instead of to a live audience. But it
’
s what I
’
ve always wanted, what I
know
I can do. Nothing would stop me working hard enough to get to the top
...
especially if I had someone to whom it meant as much as it meant to me
...

She was thinking of Roger, and she admitted it to herself. Roger was the man she had been unknowingly waiting for all her life. When she had met Garth she had been excited by the difference between
him
and the other men she knew, she had
’
been intrigued by his ordered way of life, his careful, clear-cut thinking, the way he looked at not only tomorrow but for many tomorrows to come. Until she met Garth the men in her life had held much the same outlook as she did herself. Show business was a chancy business at the best of times. One could be a popular star one day and have the public turn its cold shoulder on one the next. All this Tansy knew and accepted, but when she met Garth she met someone who, in planning a house, was also planning a home, not just somewhere for two people to live together for a time, but somewhere in which they would rear their own family and that family would follow them with children of their own.

It was that I found fascinating—in the beginning, Tansy admitted to herself now, but how much more exciting to live as Roger was living. One might ride on the crest of the wave one minute and be down in the trough the next, but the moments on the crest made up for all the rest, she was sure of that now.

She was sitting on the wide window-seat in the drawing
room as these thoughts ran through her mind.
Mr.
and
Mrs.
Crossman, Julie and Garth were playing bridge. Tansy did not play, the scoring worried her and she could never see through a game ...
‘
I haven
’
t that
kind
of mind
’
, had been her excuse. Roger was not keen either. He had been listening to a travel talk on the radio and now it was ended. He switched off the set and came to sit beside her, careful not to disturb the players.

‘
Penny for your thoughts, Tansy?
’
he offered gently.

‘
They
’
re not worth it,
’
she answered pertly.
‘
You can have them for nothing. I was wondering,
’
she wrinkled her brow thoughtfully,
‘
if I
did
manage to make such a good test fiat they offered me a part in that
film
you were telling me about, do you think I have it in me to work hard enough to
...
get places? Real places, I mean.
’

‘
In
films
?’
Roger shot at her.
‘
I
’
m sure of it. Merriman
’
s a good producer. He
’
d help you, groom you they call it. You
’
d do fine
...
but it won
’
t be a comfortable film to make,
’
he warned her.
‘
Most of the location will be where I am now. Saves expense. You may not like the climate, the country, the people ... we have a number of the local population in as extras, crowd scenes and so on. You
’
d be working with a strange community
...’

‘
And loving every minute,
’
Tansy said, and he knew she was speaking the truth.
‘
I must get it, I must,
’
she said suddenly and fiercely.
‘
I want it so much, and I know I
’
d do well. If Garth doesn
’
t like it, that
’
s just too bad.
’

She stole a quick glance at Roger to see how he was taking this, but Roger was ha
v
ing difficulty in controlling his own emotions just then. Abruptly he too knew she must get the part. He could not bear to say goodbye to her now. He looked across to where Julie and Garth sat at
th
e bridge table. If this was what it was like for them, loving each other, wanting each other,
lo
nging
to proclaim their love to the
world and yet bound by an engagement which was so false as to be utterly wrong, then somehow he must make one or the other see this situation could not continue. He must tell Garth that he knew the full story and persuade the other man that the only thing left to do was to break with Tansy whether it hurt her pride or not.

I
’
ll make it up to her, Roger vowed to himself. I
’
ll be so proud of her myself she
’
ll never know her own pride
’
s been damaged at all—if it has or is
!
He rose suddenly, knocking out his pipe and holding out a hand to help Tansy to her feet.

‘
Come and walk in the rose garden with me while they finish that rubber,
’
he suggested.
‘
I feel I must have a breath of air,
’
and neither of them was aware as she watched them go that Julie
’
s heart was weeping silently, wondering why her beloved brother should be complicating matters by a sudden and tremendous interest in Tansy Maitland instead of helping her, Julie, solve the emotional tangle she was in.

CHAPTER
XI
I

Tansy left Woodlands late on Sunday evening. It was that or an early start Monday, as she was due to rehearse with the group just after lunch, and Tansy hated an early start. Julie watched her departure with mixed feelings, knowing that Garth was in the same state of emotional chaos as she was herself. He had tried very frequently throughout the weekend to talk to Tansy, not sure what he was going to say beyond a blunt
‘
I
’
ve remembered everything that happened the night of the accident
’
and thus give her a chance to make the break for herself, but the opportunity did not arise. All through the weekend Tansy had hovered around Roger. It was all too apparent that she was fascinated by him, by his way of life, by his achievements, as indeed she was, and when she
left the house she was still unaware that Garth knew the truth of their engagement, and she was still wearing his ring on her finger.

‘
I suppose you think me an emotional coward, Julie?
’
Garth asked, as together they turned after seeing Tansy off
.

J
ulie shook her head.
‘
No
,’
she said honestly.
‘
It
’
s a very difficult situation. I don
’
t know what I would do in your place. Maybe a letter
...’

‘
No.
’
Garth was decided on that point at any rate.
‘
I must tell her face to face,
’
he said decisively.
‘
I must let her know, but I must give her a chance to explain at the same time.
’

‘
Then there
’
s nothing we can do but wait until
next
weekend
,’
Julie sighed.
‘
I had thought Roger might have been able to help
...’

‘
I don
’
t see how. He doesn
’
t know any of us well enough to be able to help, except for yourself,
’
Garth said crisply.
‘
No, this is something I must do myself, and not hide behind anyone else or behind any letter. I
shall
give her the chance to explain and to offer to break
things
off herself—as she had done before the trailer hit us—and I shall tell her why. That I love you, Julie.
’
He turned suddenly and his left arm went about her, holding her in an awkward embrace.
‘
Damn this plaster,
’
he exclaimed irritably, finding some relief from the emotional tension in his little outburst.
‘
If Greensmith doesn
’
t come and remove it soon I
’
ll take the
thing
off myself. I know how. I watched
him
do the left hand.
’

‘
He
’
ll be here tomorrow, or the day after,
’
Julie consoled.
‘
Don
’
t touch it, it isn
’
t worth risking anything now.
’

‘
I won
’
t.
’
The left arm, now fully recovered and strong, drew her close.
‘
You haven
’
t said it yet, Julie,
’
Garth whispered.
‘
I
’
ve told you that I love you, you know I want to marry you ... but you haven
’
t yet said you love me.
’

‘
I do,
’
Julie whispered in return,
‘
you know I do. I think we both knew it on the night of the Hospital Ball, if only we had had the sense to recognize what was happening to us.
’

‘
And none of this would ever have happened,
’
Garth said softly.
‘
Aunt Lavinia has a theory that everyone
’
s life is planned out for them and that what has to be will be and all that sort of thing. If her theory is right, I wonder why we aren
’
t given enough sense to recognize a thing as important as love when we meet it? Why should we be allowed to make mistakes, choose the wrong person for the wrong reasons, as I allowed myself to be flattered by Tansy
’
s interest?
’

‘
My mother used to say we all had a free will and
that
to exercise it and make the right or wrong decisions was part of God
’
s plan for us,
’
Julie remembered slowly.
‘
I don
’
t understand all these things, they
’
re a little out of my depth, but I do understand that we must put things right
...
now. We both know to go on as we are doing is as unfair to Tansy as it is to ourselves
...’

The telephone shrilled through the house at
that
moment and they drew apart as Edna came to tell Julie
Mr.
Greensmith was on the phone and would like to speak to her. Julie took the call in the study, and was a little shattered by Ian
’
s greeting.

‘
Well, my dear,
’
he began heartily, quite unlike the self-contained Ian she knew so well,
‘
when is the happy day?
’
It was only as he spoke the last three words that Julie realized the hearty joviality was false, that Ian, having been notified that Garth had recovered from his temporary loss of part of his memory, had put matters to rights and had terminated his association with Tansy and was now all set for a marriage with Julie. This greeting was Ian
’
s way of dealing with that event without whining that he had lost.

‘
I
...’
Suddenly the misery, the frustration, the anxiety of the past weekend swept over Julie like an overwhelming tide, and she felt the foolish tears rise in her throat, threatening to choke her.

‘
Tansy doesn
’
t know,
’
she managed with difficulty.
‘
There hasn
’
t been an opportunity to tell her.
’

‘
Rubbish.
’
This was the Ian she knew so well, all false heartiness gone now, crisp and decisive.
‘
What do you mean, there hasn
’
t been an opportunity?
’
he demanded.
‘
All it needed was for Garth to tell her quietly that he had remembered everything that had happened on the night the trailer hit them, and Tansy
’
s own decency would have done the rest. She
’
s not a bad kid, and I believe she really would want to do what she knew to be the right thing.
’

‘
It
’
s difficult,
’
Julie said, wondering why she felt so apologetic.
‘
Roger is here, of course, and she
’
s spent most of the weekend with him. He thinks he may be able to get her a film test and probably a part in the film they
’
re going to make of the book he
’
s working on at present.
’

‘
I see.
’
The two words were spoken so quietly, so deliberately, that Julie wondered if Ian, with his quick perception of human nature, really did see something important which had escaped herself and Garth.
‘
We
’
ll talk about it tomorrow,
’
he went on decisively.
‘
I shall be there early, and I
’
m taking the plaster off Garth
’
s
right hand in the morning. He
’
ll be as fit as he ever was by the time he has exercised that for a week or so, I
’
ll guarantee.
’

They chatted for a few moments longer, but the conversation didn
’
t amount to anything, and when Julie replaced the receiver she felt suddenly deflated and utterly miserable. She had built so much, almost without realizing it, on what might happen when Garth did recover his memory, that to find they were all still in the same position now that the miracle had actually happened was too much of an anti-climax.

But we
’
re not, not really, she chided herself. At least I know it
’
s me he loves now. I could only hope before
...

But there was small consolation in the knowledge, and when she went to bed that night she wished ardently
that
she had, after all, asked Matron to take her off Garth
’
s case whether she went back to St
.
Luke
’
s or accompanied Roger to Mexico.
Mrs.
Andy, saying goodnight to the girl who had grown to mean so much to her, looked anxiously at the dark circles beneath the blue eyes. With all her well-meaning heart she longed to take Garth on one side and point out to him that this state of affairs was ridiculous, and that three people were miserable because he could not bring
hims
elf
to say to Tansy,
‘
I know we
’
re both pretending, that for reasons of your own you pretended our engagement had never been broken, and because I couldn
’
t remember I accepted that
...
but this can
’
t go on.
’

No, thought
Mrs.
Andy, suddenly furious with him, he has to make a big thing of it. He has to give
her
the right to jilt him ... all over again. And how does he know she will? she asked herself fiercely.

There was nothing she could do about it, or was there? She said goodnight to the others absent-mindedly and went slowly and thoughtfully to her own room. If events did not go the way she thought they ought to go, then Lavinia Crossman was in the habit of giving them a push in the right direction. It was only a question as to which really was the right direction this time
.

The next day dawned hot and sultry, with more than a hint of thunder in the air. Dressing, Julie felt the weather matched her mood, and when she went in to Garth and he turned to her suddenly, fiercely, placing his arm about her shoulders and startling her by suddenly kissing her as though he could never let her go, she felt something of her own tension must have overflowed to him.

‘
When this plaster
’
s off,
’
Garth said half angrily,
‘
I want you to drive me in to Hyncaster, darling. I can
’
t go on like this, seeing you, having you around and not having the right to touch you, hold you, kiss you
...
put a ring on your finger. I want to see Tansy. I want to tell her I know we don
’
t belong together and to ask her for my release. Until then
’
—he let his arm drop from her shoulders and smiled ruefully—
‘
forgive me. I know that wasn
’
t the right thing to do, I know I
’
ve made you feel worse instead of better, but I
had
to do it.
’

‘
I wanted you to kiss me,
’
Julie said, clearly and simply.
‘
I
’
ve wanted you to do exactly that for ages
...
but you are right, you really ought to have broken with Tansy first.
’

‘
I
’
ll phone her directly breakfast is over,
’
Garth decided.
‘
I don
’
t care whether she
’
s up or not. I must see her, get this over and done with.
’

But by the time he had retired to the privacy of the study to make his call to Tansy, Ian had arrived, and Julie had to stay and talk with him alone.

‘
What is all this
?’
Ian demanded, settling himself with the coffee
Mrs.
Andy had instructed Edna to bring for him, and lighting cigarettes for them both.
‘
When I heard Garth
’
s memory was restored I took it for granted all would be plain sailing for you both from now onwards.
’

‘
It isn
’
t so simple as that, Ian.
’
Julie knew he would understand, and once again she was grateful for his appreciation of the difficulties of others, for his understanding of the human heart.
‘
You would behave in exactly the same way,
’
she told him.
‘
You wouldn
’
t
...
jilt a girl, even though you knew all this had happened. You
’
d want to do the decent thing and give her the opportunity of jilting you, all over again.
’