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Shopping with Maggie.

She wasn’t even going to tell me. She was going to sneak out while I wasn’t around.

And then, when I did show up, when I caught her in the act, did she cover herself? Did she invite me?

No. She just walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, without saying a word.

Mrs. Bruen was in the middle of a phone conversation. I heard her interrupt it and ask, “Where are you going, Dawn?”

And Dawn told her, but in this whispery little voice. Like I wasn’t going to hear.

“Isn’t Sunny going too?” asked Mrs. Bruen.

Dawn’s reply? “I see enough of Sunny.”

Thud went my jaw as it hit the carpet.

Zoom went Dawn out the door.

And then Mrs. Bruen was calling to me. “Sunny? Are you going to be here for the next hour or so?”

I managed to spit out a “yes.”

Mrs. Bruen appeared in the bedroom door. “Mr. Schafer just called. He forgot some important files, and he wants me to run them over to his office. But I am concerned about leaving Carol alone. If she should need anything — ”

“She’s not alone,” I snapped.

“Is that okay with you, Carol?” Mrs. Bruen called into the next room.

“You bet,” Carol answered.

Off went Mrs. Bruen, shouting a list of instructions: “Keep an eye on the stove. I’ve got a stew going. Listen for Carol. And call Jeff’s friend Spencer. The number’s by the phone. Tell him I’ll pick him up on the way back.”

Robo Slave Daughter back again. Same girl, different house.

And now, as if everything isn’t just the absolute worst, some obnoxious jerk is blowing the horn outside.

Right in front of my house.

I think I’ll throw something at him.

Some of these tomatoes look just right.

6:05 P.M.

What did I do?

A LOSER. That’s what you are, Winslow. A heartless, brain-dead, selfish LOSER. The bottom of the pile.

Was it only an hour ago I heard that horn?

Only an hour since I made the biggest mistake of my life?

No. The second biggest. The first was being born.

I should have been born in the year 3000 or so. When they have time travel. So I could slip back in time and redo all the stupid mistakes I made.

Like today’s.

Like when I looked out the window to see who was making that noise and saw that it was Bo, parked in front of my house.

What kind of guy sits in front of a girl’s house, honking away so the whole neighborhood can hear? Why didn’t he get out and ring my doorbell?

If he had rung the bell, I would never have heard him. He would have gotten back into the car and left. And none of this would have started.

I should have pelted him with tomatoes. My mind had to turn into meat loaf. I had to run outside because it was Bo.

And what did he want?

To tell me his real name. The name he couldn’t mention in front of his friends.

It’s Beauregard.

Beauregard Montfort Rollins.

Because he was embarrassed to admit that at school, he had to come all the way over to say it.

And I was moved. I thought he was being so sweet and vulnerable to drive all that way just for that.

So I told him my full name. We laughed. We chattered about all kinds of stupid things.

I must have been there a long time. I sort of forgot about the rest of the world.

Then I heard the smoke alarm.

My stomach fell so fast it made my head spin.

I bolted. I don’t even remember if I said good-bye to Bo.

I tore across the Schafers’ lawn and into the house. The pot was smoking on the stove. Inside it, the stew had become a lump of solid black.

“Sunny?” Carol called.

She was standing in her doorway.

Standing.

“Get back in bed!” I called out.

I turned off the burner. I almost grabbed the pot. But the handle had melted. So I found a mitt, threw the whole thing into the sink, and turned on the water.

Bad move. The moment the water hit the pot, it let out a loud hiss and the kitchen filled with smoke.

The alarm was still screeching. And now the phone and the doorbell were ringing.

“Should I call the fire department?” Carol called out.

“No!” I shouted back. “Everything’s fine! Just — just go back to your room!”

I opened all the windows. I fanned the smoke under the detector until the sound stopped.

Then I ran to Carol’s room. She was lying on her bed, grimacing.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“You told Mrs. Bruen you’d be here,” she said. “I’m not supposed to move.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just — ” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Just what?” Carol asked. “Who was that boy you were talking to?

“Boy?” I repeated.

“Yes, Sunny. I saw you. Out the window.”

It was an emergency.

An employee of Dad’s.

Someone from the hospital.

But I couldn’t lie.

Not to Carol. I had to tell the truth.

“His name is Bo,” I said.

“Bo,” Carol repeated.

“Well, Beauregard,” I went on. “Which is what he wanted to tell me. That’s why he was blowing his horn. …”

Lame. That sounded so lame.

I wanted to melt right into the carpet.

Carol was staring at me with the strangest look in her eyes.

Fear. Pain. Disbelief. Anger. Disgust. Confusion. All of it at the same time, like flashing neon lights.

Pinning me.

Blaming me.

“So you ran outside to flirt,” Carol said. “With the stove on.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“Look, I realize it’s boring to look after an invalid. I don’t like being one. I don’t want to burden people. But someone else is involved in this. Someone who is depending on me to stay healthy. Someone whose life has just been put at risk — ”

“I know! I said I was sorry!”

“Sorry doesn’t matter, Sunny! We’ll all be sorry if — ”

Carol sank back into her pillows. She shut her eyes, and tears squeezed out from under her lids.

“What should I do?” I pleaded. “Should I call the doctor?”

Carol shook her head. “No. I’ll do it. Just bring me the portable phone, please.”

It is so dark out here.

But people are around.

I’m not scared.

Yet.

Ducky, where are you?

Maybe he’s not coming. Maybe he lied to me over the phone. Maybe he’s disgusted with me too.

Well, he’ll just have to stand in line. Behind Dad, Carol, Mom, Dawn, Mrs. Bruen, Mr. Schafer, Jeff, and Carol’s doctor.

What if he doesn’t come? Where am I supposed to stay now?

Not at home.

Not at Dawn’s house either. Not after today.

I’ll stay here. I can swim out to the island in the middle of the pond. Sleep with the turtles.

Dream about this afternoon.

Just seeing that doctor was freaky. He looked so mad.

He knew who I was. Had to. Carol must have told him. The girl who put her life in danger.

He was probably making the first house call of his life. Doctors don’t make house calls. Only in emergencies.

I should have left them. Carol was in good hands.

But I couldn’t. One abandonment was enough.

So I stayed until Mrs. Bruen came home. With Jeff. Both of them scolding me because I hadn’t called Spencer’s house.

Called Spencer’s house! If only that had been my worst mistake. I would have taken that in a minute.

I couldn’t take the expression on Mrs. Bruen’s face when she smelled the burning odor that was still in the house. and head the doctor’s voice. And raced toward Carol’s room, murmuring, “Oh my god.”

And I almost smacked Jeff when he ran into the kitchen and emerged with the charred, warped pot.

Laughing.

But even then I didn’t leave.

I stood there like a tree, rooted to the carpet, until Mrs. Bruen came back into the living room.

Her lips were tight. Every last Mrs. Bruen-ish twinkle was gone from her face.

“Is the baby alive?” I blurted out.

“Well, there’s still a heartbeat,” Mrs. Bruen snapped.

“Whew,” I said. “That’s a relief.”

“What happened?” Jeff asked.

Mrs. Bruen glared at me. “Why don’t you tell him, Sunny?”

“I’ll never let it happen again, Mrs. Bruen. I promise.”

“What?” Jeff insisted.

Mrs. Bruen shook her head. “No, I won’t let it happen. I was the one with the ultimate responsibility, Sunny. I gave that responsibility to you. I trusted you. But I was wrong to do that. I have to take the blame too.”

“If you won’t tell me, I’m going to ask Carol!” Jeff declared, stomping away.

“I thought you were mature, Sunny,” Mrs. Bruen barreled on. “I never, ever imagined that because of a flirtation you’d put two lives at risk — ”

“I know! I know!” I shouted.

“You’d better know, Sunny,” Mrs. Bruen said. “Because I’m going to have a good, long talk with Mr. Schafer about this.”

Now Jeff came running back to us. “ You left her?” he shouted. “With the stove on?”

“Well, sort of — ”

“Even I’m not stupid enough to do that.”

That was it.

I couldn’t take it.

Not another minute.

“Do you think I’m happy about what I did?” I shouted. “You think I’m proud of myself? That I’m totally ignorant about how serious it is? I KNOW, all right? I KNOW I did the wrong thing.

I’m not an idiot! YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP YELLING AT ME!”

Mrs. Bruen looked like she wanted to kill me.

I could not stay there another second.

I was out the door.

A car just zoomed by. Some ugly yahoo with a stringy mustache leaned out the window and shouted something unintelligible at me.

If Ducky doesn’t show up, I am out of here.

The bus station isn’t too far away. I have enough money to go somewhere.

I think.

He’s here.

Thank. God.

Somewhere in the Palo City Hills

I can’t talk anymore. I’m all talked out.

I hate writing in a moving car, but I’m going to try it anyway. If I have to blow chunks, we can always stop.

It won’t be the worst thing that happened to be me today.

I do feel a little better, though.

It’s all thanks to Ducky.

Ducky, who practically had to scrape me off that bench at Las Palmas because I was so upset.

Ducky, the only person all day who has not judged me. Who has not reminded me what a cruel, worthless person I am. Who has actually listened.

The facts, according to D.

1. I was wrong.

But I admitted it.

2. Something bad could have happened.

But it didn’t.

3. The bottom line.

Carol’s fine.

The baby’s fine.

The negative side? A lot of people are mad at me.

The positive side? I didn’t lie. I acted fast. I turned off the stove in time.

I did the right thing to leave the Schafers’. I cooled off. I let them cool off too.

Anyway, we worked out a plan. I have to go back. Apologize again. Calmly, this time. Gently.

Just sit and talk it out. Like mature people.

I’m scared out of my mind.

Friday

4:14 A.M.

Dark.

Quiet.

Dead.

The world is off. Unplugged.

Even the crickets are sleeping.

Not me.

I can’t even come close.

Might as well kiss the night good-bye.

The sun’ll be up any minute.

This is turning into a habit. Why is this happening to me?

According to Ducky, everything was supposed to work out. I should be snoozing like a

newborn.

I thought I did everything right.

I went back to the Schafers’. I rang the bell.

Mrs. Bruen answered. (She had decided to spend the night.) She didn’t throw me out. in fact, she invited me into Carol’s room.

Mr. Schafer was there, sitting on the bed. They both looked a little wary. But they let me sit with them.

Jeff, fortunately, was asleep.

Dawn wasn’t.

She was in her room, doing homework.

She came in once, glared at us, then left. No comment.

I told Carol I knew she was upset with me. I said I wouldn’t blame her if she kicked me out of the house.

“It was my fault too,” Mr. Schafer said. “I shouldn’t have asked Mrs. Bruen to come to my office.”

Mrs. Bruen shook her head. “I shouldn’t have agreed.”

“I agreed too,” Carol said.

They were trying to make me feel better. But it wasn’t working. They were making excuses.

Like, they should have known I wouldn’t be responsible enough.

“I’m not a baby,” I reminded me. “You should have been able to trust me. I let you down, Carol.”

“Sunny, I’m not going to sugarcoat this,” Carol said. “Am I upset? Yes. Have I lost my trust in you? Well, maybe. One thing about trust, though. It’s renewable. But you have to earn it.”

My eyes were starting to water. “I want to,” I said.

“I know you do, sweetheart. And you’ll get a chance. I just don’t know how many stews we’ll be making.”

I smiled at her. She smiled back.

We didn’t hug or anything. No big scene.

But it was a start.

I offered to go home for the night, but Carol insisted I stay over. So I had tea with Mrs. Bruen and Mr. Schafer in the kitchen. I watched some tube. And finally I decided I to get ready for bed.

I knocked light on Dawn’s door and pushed it open.

The first thing I noticed was my cot. It was folded up.

All my stuff was back in plastic bags, lined up by the door.

Dawn was at her desk, reading. Not even looking up.

No explanation, not even a hello. Nothing.

The same stupid game. Freeze Out Your Friend.

Almost turned around and left. I was so sick of her attitude.

But I couldn’t back out. I was on a roll. I was feeling strong. My head was clear after talking things out with Carol.

I guess I figured if I could get through that, I could handle anything.