Objects of Desire (33 page)

Alexis spoke up, a tremor of nervousness in his voice while he did what he was told. ‘My mother never loved us, not the way she loved my father. My father loved us, really loved us, and still does. He’s always been terrific, and I don’t mean just because he buys us things or takes us places. He teaches us all the time about life and all sorts of things. He loves us.’

‘Spare me that one. I don’t want to hear that clap trap, even if it’s true. You’re old enough to know that people love in different ways. If you didn’t know it already, you know it now, boys.’

‘Does my mother love you?’

‘I hope so. But if she does it’s not the same way she loves you, or the way she loved your dad.’

‘You’re not angry with us?’

‘No, I told you that. I just don’t like your attitude to your mother. She doesn’t deserve it, and it makes you look like snotty little brats when I know you’re a heck of a lot better than that. But an attitude problem is not serious. You can always change an attitude.’

And they did. They made an effort from that very day on. And Anoushka stopped trying so hard. The conversation with Hadon had had a terrific effect on the boys and Anoushka. It prompted her to turn her back on her marriage and Robert, once and forever. It was also what prompted her to take some final steps for herself and her future.

Yes, that incident had to be classed one of the highlights of those last few months. Anoushka opened her eyes just in time to see Sally struggling into the terminal, loaded down with luggage and looking prettier than ever. Upmarket Barbie doll Maharani. It did make Anoushka laugh. She leapt up from her chair and all but ran to greet her friend. She called out: ‘Sally!’ raising her wrist and pointing to her watch. They hugged each other, Sally dropping the luggage to the floor.

‘Sally, I can’t believe it! For the first time since I’ve known you, you are absolutely on time.’

‘On time?’

‘Yes, you’re only forty minutes late.’

‘Not my fault.’

‘It’s never your fault.’

Sally shrugged her shoulders and the two women kissed each other French style, once on each cheek.
Anoushka found a porter and the luggage was disposed of. The two women sat down.

‘Page isn’t here yet. Miracle of miracles, she’s not on time. How are you, Nooshky?’

‘Happy, excited. And you.’

‘The same. What happened in Lakeside?’

‘Oh, I’ll tell you all my news when Page gets here. How was London, Jahangir, marriage?’

‘London’s great, Jahangir in top form, marriage … I’m blissfully happy in it. But I’ve missed you, worried about you. You know, I would have gone to Lakeside with you.’

‘You’re a good friend, Sally. But don’t worry about me. You can’t fix it for your friends, they have to do it for themselves. That does not, however, mean that it isn’t a great deal easier when you have a support system going for you like I have in you and Page. Everything went well, I’ll tell all when Page gets here. Right now my head is filled with only one thing – we three sailing the Atlantic ocean on
Black Orchid
.’

‘Me too. I think about it all the time, I even dream about it. Sometimes during one of my girlie lunches at San Lorenzo’s I’ll drift off into thinking about us bucking the North Atlantic, the trade winds, forty-foot swells. I’m worried that I’m obsessed, and Jahangir’s thrilled that I am.’

They had hardly settled into a gossip when Page arrived. Her first words were, ‘I’m so thrilled we’ve made it! God, it’s good to see you two.’ She hugged and kissed them both and a porter was summoned. He
pushed his trolley through the terminal loaded with what seemed like an inordinate amount of luggage for three women sailing the Atlantic in a three-masted schooner. They followed, full of chatter and an effervescent charm that drew people’s attention.

‘Rab is going to go crazy when he sees the amount of stuff we’re toting,’ said Page.

‘Well, it’s not exactly an overnight hop, is it? Fourteen days to Las Palmas, and sixteen to eighteen for the crossing to Mustique,’ said Sally.

‘Any excuse to go shopping,’ teased Page.

‘You’ll be happy for my luggage, all of you. It’s not all for me. Two of those cases are a result of a raid – well, several raids – on Fortnum’s and Harrod’s food hall. It’s a long voyage and I didn’t think goodies would go amiss. I sent the champagne by courier right to the boat.’

‘And I sent the claret and some tidbits from Paris. I was worrying about getting bored with shipboard cuisine, captain Rab-style.’

‘I have a whole Mortadello and a wheel of Regiano in my case, dragged them all the way from Tuscany back to Hydra and now here.’

‘That brings me to something I wanted to talk to you about,’ said Sally. ‘I think we should dress for dinner every evening.’

Page and Anoushka burst into laughter. But in only a few minutes they had decided that Sally was right and if they banded together and discussed it with Rab they could swing it their way. A smile of complete
satisfaction crossed Sally’s lips. Both women looked at her. They knew that smile.

‘Confess, Sally.’

‘I bought black silk ties for the men, and white dress shirts. Jahangir thought I was right so he’s sent a gift to Rab and the crew: dinner jackets with gorgeous black satin lapels from his Savile Row tailor, 1940s style. we might as well make a party of it.’

The three women once more burst into laughter. ‘You’d better twinkle at Rab with an extra bit of sparkle to pull this one off, Sally.’ Rab had a soft spot for her, and there was little he could refuse her when she made her mind up to it.

They stood at the glass doors and watched the rain pelting down. Gusts of wind sent drops into spins and twirls creating waterfalls of rain.

‘It’s a bloody storm,’ said Sally.

‘Maybe it’ll blow out to sea,’ said Page.

‘Oh, thanks, Page,’ said Anoushka.

‘I’m famished, where shall we go to eat?’

‘Good question.’

‘Hold everything. Look, Anoushka, isn’t that Akito? Oh, you are clever, getting him to come and pick us up.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘Then how … Hadon. God bless Hadon!’ said Sally.

In the car spirits were high, especially with the women not having to think of where to lunch or how to get their luggage to the boat. Hadon had arranged everything for them. They sat in the back seat
together, Anoushka in the middle, talking in Japanese to Akito.

‘Well, where are we having lunch?’ asked Sally.

‘I have no idea. Akito says he knows a place that will serve us at this hour, so just let’s leave it to him. I thought we’d lunch then go to Hadon’s for tea, if that’s all right with you girls? Just long enough for me to say goodbye.’

All was agreed and then they fell silent, looking at the rain, hoping it would go away.

Finally it was Anoushka who spoke up. ‘I think I’m overexcited.’

‘At seeing Hadon?’ teased Page.

‘I am always overexcited at seeing him, but you know very well what I mean.’

‘I do indeed, dear. I’m that way all the time about this voyage. But now that Maharani Sally has decreed dressing for dinner I don’t think I’m quite as ready for this crossing as I thought I was.’ Page made the statement as a joke and was made to laugh once more, as was Anoushka, when Sally replied, seriously, ‘Oh, I thought as much, so I went shopping. Short, smart, dead chic but simple. Evening cruise wear.’

‘Incorrigible!’ was the word that Anoushka and Page used.

By the time they had arrived at the small dirt road to Stephano’s the storm had blown out but the rain was still pelting down. Only when they were making their way down the slope did they realise where they were, none of them ever having been there by road.
The restaurant looked warm and inviting, lit by candles and lamps, a fire crackling in the stone fireplace.

Nothing could have been more delightful than to see their fellow diners. There they all were: Hadon, captain Rab, and
Black Orchid
’s crew. ‘Don’t be angry with me, this is no party, just a good meal on shore, and if truth be told I couldn’t resist seeing you three in your moment of glory together, a dream realised. But I promise, no toasts, no scenes, no dramatic goodbyes, no words of wisdom.’

With that Hadon removed a very wet hat from Anoushka’s head and shook it out. She smiled at him, put her arms round his neck and kissed him. A kiss of thank you and of passion.

Hadon and Anoushka said their goodbyes in the rain, standing on the dock waiting for their luggage to be loaded. The Riva was too small for all the luggage and the crew so some of the men remained in the restaurant and waited for the second run to
Black Orchid
. Anoushka remained on shore waiting for the second run too, only she and Hadon did not go inside. They found instead a darkened doorway and huddled there in the shadows, talking and kissing, until finally lust took them over and he pressed her against the locked door and raised her skirt. He caressed her near-naked bottom, the exposed flesh of her thighs between the top of her cream-coloured stockings, held in place by long garters that hung from the lace belt she was wearing. He tore the tiny slip of silk from between her
legs and shoved it in his pocket. Then he fondled her cunt.

Anoushka was lost to Eros and Hadon. She wrapped her legs round him and he plunged deep inside her and they fucked to the sound of the rain and the wind and came together, unable to hold back the urgency of their passion for each other. All this between relentless kissing, and hearts and minds racing together to their moment of sexual oblivion. Breathless, exhausted, they leaned their weight against the door and rested before he withdrew and they adjusted their clothes. This then was their goodbye.

Chapter 22

At ten o’clock when everyone was asleep the rain was still falling in a heavy downpour. By dawn’s early light it had stopped, the winds were moderate and Captain Rab called for all his crew to assemble on deck. He had an announcement to make.

‘There can be only one captain on a boat and I have made my decision. I’m retiring as captain of the
Black Orchid
for this crossing. Anoushka, you’re in charge, you make the run across the Atlantic as captain of this schooner. I’m making this crossing as an observer, and will be at your shoulder any time you need me. That goes for the rest of the crew, just think of us as ballast. Only one thing can change these orders. We hit bad trouble where boat or life is in danger, I take over.’

Anoushka’s first order from the wheel was: ‘Weigh anchor, Sally,’ and the three women experienced their proudest moment.

Oscar surprised them in Casablanca, much the same way as Hadon had surprised Anoushka in Simi.

The weather had been all any sailor could have
asked for: sunshine, the right amount of wind, clear blue sky, starry and moonlight nights. The women sailed
Black Orchid
without a hitch, confidence riding high.

Only when Jahangir arrived in Las Palmas and they were all dining with him on shore for the last time until Mustique did the women realise it had been Rab who had been choreographing the support system for his lady sailors.

Eleven days out of Las Palmas and they hadn’t had it all their way. After weathering a three-day mid-Atlantic Force Eight storm they were now riding very uncomfortably in the trough of a long swell. By now they were used to such swells: walls of water cresting at times fifteen or twenty feet high. But they had ridden out the storm with no damage to the boat and relatively few bruises, none fortunately to their ego. They had handled themselves and their craft admirably.

The sun was high in the sky, lunch was being cooked below, most of the crew was sun bathing or reading in the bow – no easy task for the pitch and roll of the boat, but hungry for fresh air and sunshine they managed as best they could. Sally was at the wheel, Anoushka sitting close by. They had the trade winds behind them and were making serious speed considering the rough ride Mr Ocean was giving them, though it seemed to all on board a lake compared to what they had been through. Page was scanning the horizon and
Black Orchid
was cutting through the ocean like a hot knife through butter.

‘This is more, much more, than I ever dreamed it would be!’ shouted Sally to Page and Anoushka.

‘I think this is the closest to God I will ever be,’ said Anoushka.

It was true, there was something religious about being afloat under sail in the middle of the ocean. It was magical and mystical, deeply spiritual. Page understood exactly what Anoushka meant. She motioned to her, suggesting they go below for a hot cup of coffee, and then to Sally. Ten minutes. They’d return to relieve her in ten minutes. Sally gave them a thumbs up. Below the two women had the galley to themselves. They shrugged out of their coats and sipped from their mugs.

‘That tired old expression “leave the world behind”,’ said Page.

‘You certainly do that out here. What is the world? Eleven days out of Las Palmas and I’ve forgotten about it. This ocean, sailing, it’s disorientated me, and yet it has somehow put my life in perspective.’

‘Do you think any of us will ever be the same after this voyage?’

‘No, never. Enhanced by it.’

The two women remained silent. Listening to the sounds: the creak of the boat, the wind in the sails, the sound of the ocean. They didn’t speak for several minutes.

Finally Anoushka commented, ‘This is real freedom. It seems I’ve been getting ready my whole life for this crossing. Oscar, Hadon and Jahangir knew so well
what we wanted to experience. How was it that at first we really didn’t.’

‘I certainly didn’t but maybe I had an instinct, a desire for the experience of real freedom.’

‘It was their support, their understanding and appreciation of what we are doing, without laying expectations on us, that’s heightened this experience for me. I don’t want any man ever to lay any expectations on me ever again. I’ve been there, had that, thank you.’

‘They must love us very much to understand the friendship between the three of us. Piers did too, that’s why he offered us
Black Orchid
, it wasn’t just guilt over Sally. He wanted her and us to experience real freedom, the way men do,’ said Page.

‘I’ve been looking for an opportunity to talk to you and Sally but one hasn’t arisen. One of us has always been on watch or someone has always been hovering. There are things to be said, things I want you both to know. I’ve taken some serious steps.’

‘Is this good or bad news, Anoushka?’

‘Good. Great.’

‘Oh, thank heaven for that,’ said Page, looking very relieved.

‘Let’s take some coffee up to Sally. Maybe the wind has dropped, the sea does feel a little calmer. If the swells are subsiding then I’ll be able to tell you what’s been going on.’

But the swells did not subside, not until the following morning when Anoushka was at the wheel. Then
the weather was some of the best they had seen on the entire crossing: a bright sun, an easy ocean to ride and perfect trade winds. They were at full sail, a ride on the Atlantic that every mariner dreams of. Everyone was on deck taking advantage of the morning but a good distance from the three women round the wheel. Sally and Page were sitting facing Anoushka, their faces to the sun.

She just plunged in. ‘I haven’t mentioned it before because I haven’t really had the chance. The last few days of the boys’ holiday back in August, I overheard a conversation between them and Hadon. It gave me quite a shock. Made me see the light, so to speak. I won’t go into what was said, merely the upshot of it all.

‘I can’t cope any longer with this tug of love between Robert and me for the love of my boys. Something the boys said to Hadon made me realise that Robert stole their affection from me long ago, when they were small children. It’s him they love. Not that they don’t love me, they do, they just love him more. It’s not good for me, trying as hard as I do to win them over, and it’s no longer good for them: my constant trying, their constant rejecting, my constant accepting of the situation.

‘They know I love them, that I’m always here for them, but last summer’s holiday and their behaviour towards me was a nightmare. I’ll not put myself through that again. The years of being treated as the crippled member of the Rivers family are over.’

‘Do Robert and the children know how you feel about them now?’ asked Sally.

‘Yes, and they know that if they want me they will always be able to find me, come to talk, talk to me. I’m not rejecting the boys. I’m just putting our relationship on an even keel. Hadon told them I deserve to be treated better than they treat me, and he’s right. As it stands now things are moderately better. All three of us seem to have changed our attitude and that’s working for us.’

‘Are you all right with this?’ asked Sally.

‘Very all right. Very, very all right. You’re my best friends and I wanted you to know, but don’t think I’m unhappy about the changes, I’m no longer even unhappy about their feelings about me.’

‘Something did have to be done, and it’s great you got up the courage to do it,’ said Sally.

‘Courage was riding high so I made a clean sweep of some other things.’

‘Like what?’ asked Page.

‘I’ve cut all ties to Robert, except of course those that relate to our boys. I’ve sold the remainder of my antique coin collection too. I did
not
sell to Robert. I put the money in a Swiss account. I went back to Lakeside to tell Robert how I feel about the boys and that I’d sold his precious coins.’

‘Oh, how he must have loved that!’ said Page.

‘Let’s just say he played a bad game of wait and see, and lost. He did not take the news at all well.’

‘Oh, dear, will he make trouble?’ asked Sally.

‘He would like to but he can’t. They were legally mine.’

‘All I can say, old girl, is “well done”. I was always afraid you would soften and return the coins to him.’

‘I might have, once.’

No one spoke for several minutes. The ocean and the sun and the sky, the thrill of their isolation, seemed to wrap itself round them, hug them. They stood up to embrace.

‘Well, it seems we three have arrived somewhere in our lives,’ said Page.

‘We sure have,’ agreed Anoushka.

‘I’ll say so,’ added Sally, and placed an arm round Anoushka’s shoulders. Page’s arm went round her waist. Three beautiful and serene women standing entwined like that at
Black Orchid
’s wheel was reminiscent of a glorious classical statue: the Three Graces, which, in a museum in Side in Turkey, they had viewed with admiration not many months before.

More days passed: days of silence and an incredible otherness.

They did dress every night for dinner and the crew and captain alike rose to the occasion. There was something very gallant about their evenings at table, and they spoke to each other, all of them, of things they would never have mentioned had they not been sailing across the ocean.

There was always one of the three on watch throughout the night. After dinner the other two would go up for a nightcap. One particularly beautiful night with a clear sky and a perfect half moon, as white and shimmering as ever they had seen, a sky
hardly visible for the stars, the women had their nightcap of whisky and spoke about love and the erotic life.

They were less than two days’ sail from Barbados and heading for Mustique. The excitement and thrill of arriving in the Caribbean, of having sailed the Atlantic virtually on their own, filled them with tremendous self-awareness, a more complete knowledge of who and what they were than they had ever known.

They all three knew that Anoushka had love choices she must make. Little had been said about that during the voyage. It was Sally at the wheel this time, and she took it upon herself to talk about it to Anoushka and Page.

‘I think it should be said, Anoushka, that nothing will change between us if you choose to marry Piers. I won’t love you less, and it will make no difference to our friendship. I would never allow that.’

‘Piers should have married you, Sally. He was a fool to let you go.’

‘Throw me out. Let’s get it right.’

‘What are you going to do, Anoushka,’ asked Page. ‘You won’t get marriage offered from Hadon.’

‘Oh, I know that. I don’t want to be married ever again. I wouldn’t give up my freedom now for any man, especially a man like Piers who demanded it. I’ve done that all my life. No more. I have my sons, I have my independence, financial security, a budding and rewarding career, a man who loves me and leaves me free to do my thing. Hadon Calder adores me, looks
after me, protects me, the real me that Robert has never seen or respected. Why would I give all that up for marriage?’

‘Then you’ve chosen?’ said Sally.

‘Yes, I guess I have, just now.’

‘Does Hadon know?’

‘I haven’t told him but he might have guessed.’

‘Piers?’

‘No.’

‘Poor Piers.’

‘Don’t feel sorry for him, Sally. I can assure you he would have done to me what he has done to you, only I would have had a ring on my finger. He would have been another Robert, in a different style. And I would have become once again the old Anoushka, chasing after his love. No, don’t feel sorry for Piers.’

‘She’s right, you know,’ said Page.

‘I know, but it still hurts to admit it,’ said Sally.

‘He’s going to be in Mustique waiting for my answer as to whether I will or will not marry him.’

‘Let’s hope seeing us sail
Black Orchid
in safe and sound will take the edge off his disappointment. Do you think there’s some poetic justice going on here? I’d like to think there is. It would actually make me feel a little better about having been tossed away by him. Vindictive? Well, maybe. Nobody likes having to carry a scar round for the rest of their life, not even if it’s barely visible.’

‘Well, that’s going to be quite a reception committee waiting for our arrival: Piers, Hadon, Jahangir, Oscar,
waiting for the sailors home from the sea.’

‘Not for me it won’t,’ said a smiling Anoushka.

‘You’ve got something up your sleeve?’

‘I told Hadon about Piers a long time ago, not long after we met. That last night we were together in Cap d’Antibes, he told me he was not a man for scenes. I had a decision to make, and though it involved him, I would have to make it alone. He had no intention of standing on a dock next to Piers waiting to be picked. I think his expression was “Like a ripe fucking plum off a tree”. Much as he wants to see us all sail in after an Atlantic crossing, he won’t be in Mustique.’

‘Oh, no!’ wailed Sally.

‘He can’t miss our arrival. I’ll really be disappointed if he won’t be there for our moment of triumph, he’s been so supportive of the three of us,’ said Page.

‘He doesn’t have to. He’s researching a new book in Barbados, he’s been there very nearly since we left France. What he said was, “If you’re looking for me you’ll find me in Barbados in a large house facing the sea, a place where one can have a great view of the boats coming in from an Atlantic crossing.” I’ll be jumping ship in Barbados, ladies.’

There were tears and hugs and kisses, a great deal of happiness for Anoushka. She too had found her man, the right man.

As captain of
Black Orchid
, she called the crew and Rab Nesnet on deck for a meeting. She felt, as did Page and Sally, that she had to explain her situation and ask for their support. They had come too far, been
through too much together, for her to leave them out of her decision. They considered how she could abandon ship, since Rab’s orders from Piers had always been to complete the crossing at Mustique. Rab took over and choreographed the event. Anoushka called Hadon.

They had a brisk wind and at seven o’clock the following morning Sally was on early watch when she sighted land for the first time in eighteen days.