Obsession (8 page)

‘I want to hate him, thank you very much,’ Corrie snapped. She looked at her watch. ‘I expect Beth will be wanting her feed, won’t she?’

With a sigh of resignation Paula stood up. ‘Won’t you come over and have some dinner with us?’

‘No. No thank you, ’ Corrie said tersely.

‘So you’re going to sit here on your own and fester over all this?’

‘Yes.’

Paula looked at her sadly, but knew there was no point in trying to coax her out of it. ‘Well, you know where I am,’ she said, as they walked out into the hall, ‘you only
have
to pick up the phone. I’ll always be there for you, you know that.’

‘No, I don’t know it. I don’t know who I can trust anymore. I mean if my own mother can let me down like this …’ Her voice broke, but catching herself in time, she pulled open the front door, ‘Yes, I know you’ll always be there for me. Thanks.’

Corrie stood at the door watching Paula walk away. She was numb, devoid of all feeling. But then, as those familiar, precious blonde curls started to bob about in the wind she suddenly wanted to call Paula back. She opened her mouth, but no sound came.

She closed the door and sank down onto the bottom stair burying her head in her hands. All around her the house was silent, so agonizingly still and silent. She sat there for a long time, holding herself tense, hardly daring to breathe, suffocating in the engulfing emptiness. Everything inside her was welling so wildly, so uncontrollably that she didn’t dare to move. She must hold on, mustn’t let go. To do that would be to admit, finally to surrender … But it was all right, everything was all right … She could bear this, her anger would hold her together. Slowly she lifted her head. A familiar colour seemed to twitch in the corner of her eye. She turned and saw the sleeve of her mother’s coat, hanging beneath her own on the end of the bannister. Unthinkingly, she reached out to touch it, then edging closer she rested her face against it. She could smell her mother; it was as though Edwina were standing right there beside her.

Suddenly her heart heaved in her chest, pushing the pain into her throat. She cried out. Then the sobs started to tear through her body, and she clung to the sleeve as though it were Edwina’s own hand. ‘Oh Mum,’ she choked, ‘Mum, why didn’t you tell me? You didn’t need to protect me so much, you know? Oh Mum, Mum, what am I going to do without you? You’re all alone now. I can’t bear to think of you all alone in the darkness. Come back to me, please.’
A
week later Corrie was once again in Uncle Ted’s library. Her hair was scraped back in a pony tail, her face was still pale, and the smattering of freckles on her nose stood out vividly. She seemed calm, but no longer frighteningly so, and as Ted listened to the decisions she had reached he was again impressed by the inner strength that he knew she had not inherited from either of her parents. She was going to move to London, soon, she was telling him, just as she’d always wanted. Paula and Dave were going to rent the cottage, and would Auntie Hattie like to run the shop? They both smiled at that, since they knew that Hattie would jump at the chance.

For a moment or two Ted’s mind wandered. He could suddenly see Corrie’s new, though fragile, self-confidence at the mercy of London and it bothered him. So many young people still believed London to be the land of golden opportunity, but those days had long gone – if they had ever even existed. Now it was a rat-race the like of which terrified even him. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Corrie could survive it, he was simply afraid of the cost. Unlike her, the men in the village, the women too, he imagined, were not ignorant of the way Corrie looked. She considered herself too tall, too large, and lamentably plain. True, she was no beauty, but her body was surely a gift from the gods. Round and firm and rippling sensuality in a way he had rarely seen in any other woman. What kind of trouble would that lead her into? There were so many who were just waiting to prey on the innocence of a young girl – and a girl such as Corrie would be manna from heaven. But she had money, he reassured himself, and she had him to help her get started.

She had a streak of her great-grandmother in her, he was thinking happily, when she suddenly said something that brought him up sharply. He’d been expecting it, of course, but not quite this soon.

‘Are you sure?’ he said. ‘Have you thought it through?’

‘I think so,’ Corrie answered. ‘Besides, what is there to think through? I have a father. I’d like to meet him. I take it he does live in London?’

Ted nodded. ‘Yes. Yes he does.’

‘Naturally I don’t want to go to his home. That would cause all sorts of problems, I’m sure, since he’s married again. I can’t say that I have any feelings for him, not after the way he treated my mother, but I’m prepared to give him a chance. Let’s just hope he’s prepared to give me one.’ When Ted made no comment she went on. ‘Paula accused me of sitting in judgement on him, and my mother. She’s right, I am. At least I was. Now all I want to do is meet Phillip Denby for myself. So, will you arrange it for me, Uncle Ted?’

Ted pursed his lips thoughtfully and rocked back and forth in his chair. ‘Yes. I can arrange it,’ he answered. ‘If you’re absolutely sure that’s what you want.’

‘I’m sure. I would prefer that he didn’t know who I am, though. At least not at first. I guess that makes things more difficult for you?’

‘A little. But not impossible. I’ll give it some thought.’

‘I already have,’ Corrie said, sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs.

A twinkle shot to Ted’s eyes. ‘And what would you have me do?’ he said.

Corrie’s burst of assertiveness seemed to flounder for a moment, but taking heart from the affection in Ted’s eyes she said, ‘I will need a job when I get to London so perhaps you could ask my father to help. I’m not suggesting that he should give me a job, rather that he might be able to put me in touch with someone who can. I know I’m not qualified for much more than running a shop, but I’m willing to start at the bottom and work my way up.’

Ted grinned. ‘Up to what? A take over?’

Corrie grinned too. ‘Don’t rule it out.’

‘And in which particular field would you be interested?’

Corrie eyed him sheepishly as she pushed out her cheek with her tongue.

‘The media,’ he answered for her.

‘All right, I know I’m asking for the moon, the stars, the whole galaxy, I guess …’

‘You are. Particularly these days. So few jobs and so many contenders. Much more qualified than you. Nevertheless, I might be able to work something out for you. Better still, your father might. He’s a banker, bankers know a lot of people. He might be a little more willing to help though if he knew you were his daughter.’

‘I do intend to tell him, but I’d like to meet him first. See what kind of a man he is.’

‘OK. Just let me know when you’re ready to go. Have you thought about somewhere to live?’

‘I’ll rent somewhere for a while, until I find a place to buy. A quarter of a million pounds should get me something decent, even in London, shouldn’t it?’

‘Oh, it will. But what about sharing? It’s a way of meeting people.’

‘Paula suggested that too, but I’m not sure. I’ll think about it.’

‘Do that. It’s a dangerous city, I won’t be too happy thinking about you there alone. Auntie Hattie certainly won’t.’

Corrie rolled her eyes. ‘Now I don’t want you two sitting here worrying about me. I’ll call you regularly, let you know what’s happening. And you can always come to visit, you know.’

‘We did think you might consider taking a holiday,’ Ted said. ‘Recharge yourself before you set off to seek your fortune.’

‘I already have one,’ Corrie laughed. ‘And besides, I just want to get on with things now.’

Corrie spent the next two weeks in torment. Now she had
made
the decision to leave, Amberside had suddenly become so dear to her that she really didn’t think she could tear herself away. She felt safe and secure there; she knew everyone and everyone knew her. Having ambitions to go out into the big wide world was one thing, she realized, but fulfilling them was quite another. And as the day of her departure grew closer she became so nervous at the prospect of what lay ahead that had it not been for the fact that she had promised Paula the cottage she might just have called the whole thing off. On the other hand she couldn’t bear to think of staying.

Though she said nothing of her feelings to anyone Paula sensed them, which was why, at the last minute she decided to go to London with Corrie for a few days to lend moral support. She had to take the baby as well of course, but since Ted had arranged for Corrie to stay in his company’s Regent’s Park flat, Dave insisted he didn’t mind, and even offered to drive them down himself.

The first few days in London were all rather bewildering. Dave stayed only for Saturday night, and not until he went to bed did he stop voicing his awe and appreciation of the luxury flat with its plush grey carpets, formal leather furniture and
two
bathrooms. Corrie and Paula were more impressed by the view over Regent’s Park, and the dishwasher which neither of them could work.

Now Dave had gone, and left to their own devices, neither Corrie nor Paula knew quite what to do, or where to go.

They decided to set about exploring the Underground first. Though Corrie had visited London before, as a teenager, she soon realized that this was not the town that had lived all these years in her memory. What had happened, she wondered, to all the bright lights? Where was the vibrancy, the exhilaration that had seemed to charge every particle of air the last time she was here? And how on earth would she ever get to know anyone, when just about every
face
she saw was so blank, so unreceptive, and everyone was in such a hurry to get somewhere? The whoop and wail of police sirens, coupled with the hostile blasting of car horns seemed unsettlingly constant, and the overcrowded streets, clustered, dour-looking buildings and the unrelenting greyness were almost as menacing as the daily headlines of violent crime.

Trying not to be daunted Corrie was slightly cheered when they visited Covent Garden and roamed about the weird and wonderful stalls packed with hand-carved wooden toys, ornately embroidered cushions and exotic jewellery. They went to a concert at the Albert Hall, where they spent as much time laughing at the way the baby sat curiously wide-eyed in her sling while seeming to tap her foot to the rhythm, as they did listening to the music. They visited Hyde Park, Buckingham Palace and on Paula’s last night they went to the cinema where Beth slept through Cristos Bennati’s film starring Angelique Warne.

‘It’s funny how it all seemed somehow attainable when I was in Amberside, just dreaming about it,’ Corrie said when they came out into Curzon Street. ‘Now, even standing here, smack in the middle of it all, it feels like a zillion light years away. Am I doing the right thing? Or am I completely insane?’

‘Both,’ Paula laughed. ‘But you have to give it a try. And once you find a job, well, you’ll have more friends than you can handle, you see. And you can always come home at weekends, if you get lonely. It’s not far on the train.’

‘I don’t suppose you and Dave would consider moving down as well, would you?’ Corrie asked glumly.

‘Strap-hanging on the tube’s not for me,’ Paula winced. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed I’m just the right height for my nose to fit comfortably into the nearest armpit. I’d end up suffocating in BO.’

Laughing, Corrie hugged her. ‘Just be thankful you’re
not
a midget,’ she said. ‘Oh, I’m going to miss you.’ She didn’t add how terrified she was of Paula leaving tomorrow.

‘I’m going to miss you too,’ Paula said, swallowing the lump in her throat. She’d never said so to Corrie, but the very idea of life without her seemed intolerable. Dave knew that, which was why he had let her come to London, but how on earth was she going to say good-bye? Even worse, how could she let Corrie stay here alone in this dreadful place?

When Corrie got up the next morning Paula was on the telephone to Dave.

‘I’ve just asked him if I can stay until the end of the week,’ she said when she put the phone down. ‘Until after you’ve met your father. He said it was OK, but I have to go back at the weekend.’

‘Oh Paula,’ Corrie gasped. ‘That’s terrific. I was really dreading you leaving.’

‘I thought you might be,’ Paula laughed, and taking the toast Corrie had buttered for her she sat down at the gleaming white formica-topped breakfast table. She watched Corrie as she made more tea. Behind her the windows were steamy and a drizzly rain trickled down the outside. Paula had thought it rained a lot in Amberside, it seemed never to stop in London.

‘Corrie,’ she said after a while, ‘you don’t
have
to stay here you know. I mean no one will think any the worse of you if you change your mind.’

Corrie turned round, pulling the belt of her dressing gown tighter then stuffing her hands in the pockets. ‘It really is bloody awful, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘It’s so gloomy, so depressed.’

‘It’s the recession,’ Paula said. ‘Not a good time to be looking for a job either.’

‘Just what I’ve been thinking. You know ninety per cent of me wants to go home with you – ninety-five per cent. But the rest of me would never forgive me if I didn’t at
least
give it a try now I’m here. But I’m not up for flogging a dead horse. I’ll give Uncle Ted a call, get him to set up a meeting with my father, then I’ll take it from there.’

‘Meaning if your father doesn’t come up with a job for you you’ll come home?’

‘Probably.’ Corrie laughed then at the look of relief on Paula’s face. ‘You’re supposed to be supporting me in this adventure,’ she said, ‘not willing my father to come up with zilch.’ She pulled a face. ‘I wonder what he’s going to be like?’

‘Do you think you’ll tell him who you are?’

‘That very much depends on him. On what my instincts tell me at the time.’ She pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘I’ve been thinking about Mum a lot these past few days,’ she said, resting her chin on her hands. ‘Well, I don’t suppose that comes as any surprise, but I’ve been thinking about her life – about all of our lives really. I mean we’re all of us striving for the same thing really, aren’t we? A happy ending. But is there such a thing? There wasn’t for her, was there? I wonder if there is for anyone. I guess though that we have to keep believing in it or there would be no point in anything, would there?’