October song (9 page)

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cowboy boots and tight blue jeans. Actually, the clothing she could almost overlook, but the gunked-up hair struck her as downright comical. She didn’t laugh. Laughter would be a dire mistake.

Silently, she listened as he began to share the pressures he was feeling at home. “Comes mostly from Dat,” he said. ” ‘Cept Mam brought it up the other day… ‘bout me taking over the farm, livin’ on their side of the house, me and the girl I marry. But I don’t have my eye on any Plain girls just now.”

Katie could think of a handful of Amish girls she’d suspected him of courting on and off through the years — before the girl who’d hurt him so awful bad. But she felt it best to keep her peace. Let Ben voice his feelings, speak out his frustrations.

Looking at him sitting across the table from her, his eyes intent on life, his hair all shiny and hard from whatever it was he was smearing on it these days — well, she had a strong notion he needed to get some things off his chest.

“Dat’s itchin’ to slow down some.” Ben stared at his coffee. “But why do I hafta planmylife round the old man’s decision to retire?”

Katie wasn’t too surprised. She’d heard

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him fussing in the past enough to know he sometimes got riled up.

“What if Eli took over instead?” she sug gested. “Anyone thought of that?”

Ben shook his head. “Eli’s got himself a carpentry shop out in the shed behind their new place. I daresay he’ll make a gut livin’ doing what he enjoys. Besides, Eli’s never been too keen on farming.”

She wondered if the strain coming from Dat was the reason Ben wanted to experi ence the world — buying himself a car and going with the English girl. “What if Dat wasn’t planning to retire for a while?” she said, thinking that Ben needed time to find himself, maybe.

“Wouldn’t make me any difference.” He took his time drinking his coffee. Then — “I’m thinking of leaving the church, Katie.”

“For what reason?” she asked, a bit shocked.

“Tell ya the truth, I’m fed up.” He drew a deep breath. “Need to get out on my own.”

She was cautious. Ben was clearly upset at the world, not just at their father. “Is this about your girlfriend leaving you for —”

“}Su got shunned, Katie, and you’re doin’ all right!” She shook her head. “You’re wrong

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about that.” She breathed a prayerforwisdom. “Let me tell you something. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not cut off from my family, from all the People

my dearest friend, Mary, too. I live with the pain each and every day. Yet there is nothing I can do to change it. I’m a follower of the Lord Jesus, and there’s no turning back for me.”

“Same as you, I have no choice but to leave.”

“‘Well, if you were leaving the Old Order to follow the Lord — to accept His gift of salvation — I’d encourage you. But I’m not

sure that’s what you mean to do.”

Ben was silent, head down.

Katie was caught in the snare of a dilemma. Here was Ben ripe for the picking, perhaps hungry for the fullness of the Lord. Yet he wasn’t talking about leaving the tradition of the People for the sake of the Gospel. “I do pray that someday you’ll find the peace I’ve found in Jesus, Ben. You’re a young man in rebellion to your father,” she said. “If you feel you must leave the Plain life behind, be sure to count the cost.Be sureyou know why you’re willing to go fancy.”

By the time Clan arrived home from

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brother go, she called after him, “The door’s always open here for you.” But he hurried down the steps toward his car without promising to return.

Clan was quite interested in her account of Ben’s visit. “I was in prayer off and on all day,” he told her.

“And I surely felt your prayers,” she said as she set the table. “Ben’s clearly searching for truth. I just hope he doesn’t do something he’ll be sorry for later.”

They talked a bit more about Ben’s visit, then Clan swept her into his arms. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Istopped in to see Mary. Took her a batch of vegetable soup.” He smiled. “I’m sure she was surprised

,,

to see you.

She told how they’d talked and wept. Heartbreaking, it was. Yet in another way the short visit had been ever so sweet. “Mary ‘n’ Katie,” she whispered. “Not two peas in a pod the way it used to be … but our special bond’s still there all the same.”

Two days later Katie was both surprised and delighted to see Ben’s car pull up in the driveway around eleven-thirty. “Well,

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come in, stranger . you’re just in time

for lunch.”

He appeared to be more at ease this visit, and she had him sit at the head of the table. She served him baked macaroni and cheese and a veal loaf. “Looks like I’m breakin’ bread with a shunned church member,” he said.

“We can set up separate tables if you’d rather,” she suggested, wondering if he was already under a probationary Bann, due to his comment.

“No need for that.” Ben bowed his head, leading in the silent prayer.

After the “amen,” it dawned on her that today Ben’s hair was free of the goo, washed out clean.

“What’re ya starin’ at?” he asked.

“Your hair’s all clean and shiny.” She passed the platter of veal to him. “I daresay you’re looking more like an Amishman again.”

He said not a word.

“I’m thinking I might go over to visit Mam and Dat this afternoon,” she said, changing the subject.

“Do they know you’re comin’?”

“Suppose not, but they shouldn’t be too surprised.”

“Why’s that?” he asked.

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She shared with him the invitation Mam had offered. “Just why is it, do you think. they don’t mind me coming now … thei shunned daughter, and all?”

“For one thing, Dat’s not asabsenaat-headstrong as he’s been in the past. Doesn’t show his indignation so much anymore, neither.”

She thought on that. “I wonder why.”

“It’s you, Katie … he’s lost his only girl to the church’s rulebook. Why else?”

“What would Bishop John say if he knew?” she asked.

“Dat won’t be tellin’ the bishop, I guarantee ya that.” His eyes were blinking to beat the band. “Dat’s been sitting for the longest time of an evening, reading the Bible, a-turnin’ one page after another.”

So then her shunning had its virtues, after all. Her heart leaped for joy over Ben’s remark.

“Don’t be quotin’ me on that,” he said. She had to smile. Her brother was telling stories out of school, and Dat wouldn’t be any too pleased. “My lips are sealed.”

After dessert Katie brought up the thorny subject. “The bishop knows about your car.”

“Who said so?”

“A little bird.”

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He hung his head. “Didn’t think the People would find out so awful quick.”

“It’s not too late to confess.., to change the direction of your life.” She reached across to touch his arm.

He sighed audibly. “Don’t rightly know what to do.”

“Have you ever searched the Scriptures for divine guidance?”

He shook his head. “Prob’ly, I’ll end up shunned,” Ben muttered.

“All for good reason, if you choose God’s way.”

He scooted back from the table. “And if I keep my car and my fancy girlfriend I’ll get kicked out, too. Either way, I’m banned.”

She could see he was downright miser able.

He said he felt justified in owning a car and driving it, ” ‘specially when one of Preacher’s sons has unnecessary reflectors and decorations all over his buggy. One sin’s as bad as another, ain’t?”

She thought on that. “Maybe owning a car isn’t as wrong as wanting it so,” she said.

“Truth be told, I don’t know what I want anymore.” He was awful quiet for the lon gest time.

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“The Lord loves you, Ben. Why don’t you ask Him to lead you?”

He looked her straight in the eye. “I .

uh, would you do itforme?”

“Right now, you mean?”

He agreed, nodding his head.

She prayed a gentle, compassionate prayer, requesting God’s help in the life of her precious brother. When she finished, tears glistened in Ben’s eyes. “I’m awful proud of you,” she said.

” ‘Pride goeth before a fall,’ ” he said flatly, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Oh, go on. You know what I mean.” His face turned ever so serious then. “Jah, I believe so, Katie,” he said. “I be lieve I do.”

Ben’s visit gave her the boost she needed to drive over to see her parents. Mam’s and Dat’s faces were unsmiling as she shared about her doings at church and Daniel’s work as a draftsman.

After a time Mam said, “Benjamin was just here and left with the horse and car riage.”

Dat nodded. “He finally wants to talk farming. On our land.”

“That’s good,” she said cautiously.

Dat continued. “The land is God’s

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greatest gift to mankind. Never does it be tray you. The longer you live on the land, the more you’ll come to love it.”

Katie wondered what Dat was getting at. Was this his way of speaking his mind in so many words? This was surely a different way than she’d ever known Dat to be.

Mam’s eyes sparkled. A curious frown crossed her brow. “You wouldn’t happen to

know ‘bout Ben’s sudden interest in

farming, would ya?”

She wouldn’t let on. She’d given Benjamin her word. “Some young men take longer to mature than others, that’s all,” Katie said.

“Well, now, ain’tthatthe truth!” Dat was in total agreement.

“Is that true of young women, too?” Mam asked.

Katie was prepared for this, for Mam to bring up the topic one way or another. Every time they talked by phone, lately, Mam was saying something to this effect. So why would she overlook the opportu nity in her own house? ‘Specially with Dat here to back her up?

“Idon’t mean that you’re not mature,” Mare added. “Just would be awful nice ifyoureturned to the People, Katie. You and Daniel both reestablished in the

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church community.”

“I don’t have to attend the Amish church to belong to the Lord.” She put it as gently as she knew how. “Clan and I gladly offer our lives and our talents to God’s work. For His glory.”

Her father was fidgety, as if he wanted to debate the issue in the worst way. But he kept a-rockin’ in his chair, shaking his head every now and then. Not once did he agree with her, not at all, yet something about his eyes made her wonder if he was softening to her just a bit. Maybe so …

When the time came to leave, she hugged Mam, but Dat hung back, cautious of getting too close to his wayward girl, no doubt.

“You’ll hafta drop by sometime again,” Mam said softly.

Just not too soon ….Katie thought.

She headed to the back door. “The same road goes to Dan’s and my house, same as here, you know,” she said quickly.

Neither parent commented on her parting words. Just as well. Best to let them mull things over a bit, come to a conclusion in their own way. And in their time.

A westerly breeze stirred the trees as she made her way to the car. Overhead, transparent clouds skimmed the sky. In a few

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hours, twilight would fall over Hickory Hollow and beyond.

As she drove she wondered about run ning into Benjamin at the bank. Surely the encounter had been divine providence at work. Was it also the makings of the long road back to her father’s heart? She’d keep trusting the Lord for that.

But she wouldn’t be sharing with her parents anytime soon how she’d talked sense to their youngest son. Or that she be lieved wholeheartedly that prayer had brought Benjamin across her path. Even to her very door. No need.

The glory was God’s and His alone.

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5

B2Lantern’ Light

Joy is the sweet voice,

joy the luminous cloud-We

in ourselves rejoice!

All thence flows all that charms

or ear or sight,

All melodies the echoes of that voice,

All colors a suffusion from that light.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The idea had come to her in the early evening, just as the last vestiges of sunbeams winked over the horizon and disappeared out of sight. Mary savored the thought, keeping it hidden safely inside, wishing not to share it with another soul.

In three days her dearest friend-Katie Lapp Fisher …. would celebrate her first wedding anniversary. ‘Course, the celebration would be a far cry from what it might’ve been had Katie and Clan repented and returned to the community of the People. Yet Mary hadn’t washed her hands

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of the dear couple, no. She’d grown up in the hollow with both KatieandDaniel, shared many a happy day during their years spent at the one-room school, enjoyed a good many fall afternoons in her early teens, raking and gatherin’ up leaves, then havin’ a big bonfire over at the Lapp farmhouse, all the while aware of Daniel’s fond and frequent smiles directed toward Katie.

Had Katie confessed and married Daniel Fisher under the covering of the Amish church, why, they’d be invited to a big anniversary dinner of scalloped ham or Swiss steak over at Samuel and Rebecca Lapp’s place, no doubt, come this Saturday noon. And, too, invitations would have been extended all round to Dan’s immediate family and to Katie’s brothers and families, as well as to Mary herself and her husband, John.

She emerged from the back door and hurried out across the back lawn strewn with fallen oak leaves, murky and rustred in the growing dusk. One year of wedded happiness for Katie and Clan. Think of it! Katie would be expecting her first baby here perry soon. Maybe she already was, though nothing had been said when she dropped by unexpectedly with homemade soup a while back.

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Mary headed to the barn in search of her husband’s full-size farm lantern. She needed some time to herself, time to let her thoughts wander a bit. Just a short walk down one of the mule roads. Not too far. While her dried beef casserole was baking in the wood stove, she would go. While her husband and the boys, Hickory John and Levi, rode home from mending a pasture fence for one of John’s cousins; while the girls, Nancy and Susie, redd up the kitchen and set the table, shooing Jacob, a big tease, from the kitchen till the evening meal was served.