Of Gods and Wolves (21 page)

I'd felt like no one understood me for so long; like I kept trying to do the right thing but just ended up fucking things up worse every time. What he said changed everything. It's funny how far a little understanding can go.

Our wolves met in between us with an almost audible sigh of relief. When they touched, I got a glimpse of what it would be like to truly be with Trevor and I have to admit; if the movie was anything like the preview, it would be a blockbuster.

“Forgive me, Rouva,” UnnúlfR spoke stiffly as he stared at the ground near my feet. “I spoke out of anger and love for my brother.”

“
Forgiven,” I smiled from the warm confines of Trevor's arms. “I understand your anger and I'll do my best to remedy my part in it, but as far as Sam goes, you don't get to speak to her like that. If Trevor can mate a human woman, there's no reason Samantha can't date a man. In all honesty, UnnúlfR, I don't think that's what has truly upset you. Maybe you should sit down and contemplate why the thought of Samantha with someone else bothers you so much.”

“
It's not... I don't... oh whatever,” UnnúlfR growled and turned away, trudging downstairs while he continued to mutter to himself.

“
You okay, Samantha?” Trevor reached out a hand to her and she flowed forward, rubbing her cheek against his hand. I was suddenly glad for the cover the tree provided. I don't think we'd have been able to explain all of that to Kurt.

“
I'm fine, First-Born,” she smiled at him and then me, “but I better get back to my date before he runs off.”

“
Enjoy your human,” he stroked her silky hair as she walked by.

“
Oh, I have every intention of doing just that,” she winked at him and he laughed.

“
What are you doing to my wolves, Minn Elska?” He whispered down to me.

“
Opening their eyes,” I tapped his nose, “and it seems they're returning the favor.”

He gave in to one last snuggle before he escorted me back to our table. Kurt was looking back and forth between Ull and Trevor, totally confused. Sam and Ull were both smiling.

“Hey Trevor, what's up?” Ull lifted his drink in salute.

“
Oh just settling a family disagreement,” he helped me onto my seat and sat next to me.

“
Trevor's the other owner of Moonshine,” Sam said to her date. “Trevor, this is Kurt.”

“
Hey there,” Trevor shook the other man's hand.

“
Nice to meet you,” Kurt finally gave up on being confused and just smiled.

“
Do you think the others would come over to my place for movies and dinner tomorrow?” I asked Ull. “I'd love to see them.”

“
That can probably be arranged,” Ull laughed. “I think Horus misses you the most. He's been even more annoying than usual.”

“
He loves me,” I shrugged and smiled like it was a given. Ull laughed louder. “Loves me, loves me, loves me.”

“
Well, who wouldn't?” Trevor whispered down to me.

“
I'd like for you to come as well,” I peered up at Trevor. His smile was radiant and a little mischievous.

“
I'd like that too.”

“Okay, the name of the game is Seven Card Stud,” I dealt the cards, two down and one up in front of everyone.

“
You are so hot when you do that,” Ull wagged his brows at me from across my dining table.

“
I agree,” Pan added.

“
Are we flirting or playing poker?” I looked around the table.

“
I vote for flirting,” Trevor raised his hand beside me.

“
Very funny,” I growled and then eyed Finn. “Put your hand down, Finn.”

“
What?” He grinned innocently. “I was just going to ask what the ante is?”

“
It's a quarter,” I sat back, happier than I'd been in days, now that I had all my god friends around me again. Well, all but one.

“
A quarter,” Hades scoffed as he looked over at Persephone. “I got this, Bunny-Nose.” He threw two quarters into the pot.

“
I don't want you to 'get this',” she grabbed back one of the quarters, returned it to his pile and threw out her own. “I want to play with my own money.”

“
Women are insane,” Hades rolled his eyes and the other men at the table nodded in commiseration.

“
You just think that because you all think with your penises,” Persephone sniffed and I choked on my rootbeer.

Trevor's hand pounded my back and then stayed there to rub lazy circles over my skin. I allowed it because it just felt so good but after awhile I leaned forward and he took the hint. It wasn't that I didn't want Trevor. It was that I wanted him too much.

I was all mixed up about Thor and Trevor. I guess Blue and Finn should have factored into my thoughts as well but I knew deep down that they weren't for me. It was Trevor. It felt like it had always been Trevor. The only problem was, I still loved Thor.

Even after all he'd done, I couldn't just flip a switch and hate him. I was seriously pissed at him. I fantasized about him groveling to me and me just laughing at him as I walked away. I wanted him to suffer like I was. But I didn't hate him. I couldn't. I just wasn't built like that.

I never understood it when people talked about great love turning into great hate. Real love doesn't turn into something else. It can be killed but it can't be altered like that. At least, not for me.

If you hate someone you once loved, it's because they did something horrible to you. And if someone you thought loved you does something horrible to you, then they really didn't love you in the first place, did they? That kind of realization can kill love. You cease to love them because you realize your love was one-sided and it's difficult to continue to love someone who doesn't love you back. It has nothing to do with change, it's not a transformation. It's a death.

Maybe one of the reasons the love magic felt so at home with me was because I didn't kill love. I wouldn't murder my love for Thor just because he did something awful. When I love, it's for good. It's forever. I will always love Thor and I will always miss him because even though I still loved him, I could never be
in
love with him again.

Thor had ruined our chance and I had to accept that. I had to accept that he hadn't loved me like I loved him. I think the hardest part of loving, is realizing that the only love you have control over is your own. You can't make the other person love you truly. All you can do is hope and believe in them but then real love doesn't need to be reciprocated. Real love just is.

I glanced over at Trevor and had an epiphany. I wasn't scared that Trevor would do what Thor did. I wasn't worried about giving him my heart and having him not truly love me in return. I was scared that for the first time ever, I might have found someone who loved just as completely as I did. I was afraid because I knew that if I ever gave Trevor my heart, his would be mine just as entirely and I just wasn't sure if I was ready for that. Even in the midst of loving Thor, I knew our relationship would end eventually. There were just too many complications for it to last.

When I looked at Trevor though, all I saw was forever.

“Minn Elska?” Trevor was smiling at me with just a hint of concern.

“
What?”

“
Are you going to ante up?” He lifted his brows and looked from me to the pile of coins in the center of the table.

“
Oh, yeah,” I threw a quarter in. “Sorry, I was a million miles away.”

“
Were you?” My Wolf Prince whispered with a knowing smile. “You felt a lot closer than that.”

“
Could you two stop playing footsie for ten seconds so we can play some poker?” Horus glared at us.

“
Go ahead,” I nodded to his cards. “You have the highest, you bet first.”

I put on my poker face and it wasn't to hide my hand. Realizing why I was being careful with Trevor didn't change anything. In fact, it made me even more paranoid. It was just too soon after my break-up with Thor for me to be thinking straight over matters of the heart.

What if Trevor was just a rebound? What did I do if I was totally wrong and I didn't end up loving him? He'd still be bound to me but he'd have memories of being with me to go along with it. Would memories be better than nothing or worse? Like I said, I couldn't think straight when my heart was still healing. So the decision would have to be put off for a little longer.

Most people prayed for reprieves but not I. I liked action. A reprieve meant no action, which in turn meant I'd be sitting around stewing about what needed to be done. Over and over. Besides, I didn't have anyone to pray to.

Shopping was just what I needed. I was with Sephy and Samantha at Ala Moana, supposedly the largest outdoor mall in the world. They kept adding to it, so they must be constantly fighting for the distinction. We were in one of the newest additions, Nordstrom, which the mall had actually built a overpass to accommodate.

“I love this soup,” I groaned over my tomato soup. We'd taken a break and were having lunch in the Nordstrom Café.

“
This has been such a fun day,” Sam grinned over her duck pizza. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“
We all needed this,” I dunked my cheese toast happily.

I'd stayed away from Moonshine since my fight with
UnnúlfR. Not because of any bad feelings but because I'd gone past the partying stage in my heart healing. I'd cried my eyes out, check. Toughened up and accepted things, check. Partied up and reaffirmed my attractiveness, check. Now I was just trying to relax and get used to being alone again.

Sometimes the phantom pains of a relationship were the hardest to get rid of. Waking up in the middle of the night because something just didn't feel right and realizing it's because no one's lying next to you. Turning to laugh with someone who wasn't there anymore. Buying more groceries than you need or buying something you'd never eat. All the little things you don't realize you do when you're part of a couple. People don't know how much they change to fit someone else into their life, until that person is gone.

So now I was trying to readjust and I was finally beginning to feel like I was walking on solid ground again. As much as I tried to be this tough as nails Godhunter, I was a girl at heart and I loved to go shopping. Being out with Sephy and Sam was therapy for me. For all of us, I realized as I looked at their shining faces.

“
You look like you're having fun,” Demeter's voice called the therapy session to a halt. We might be needing some professional therapy after this.

My stomach dropped to the floor. I was completely unarmed, thinking I'd be safe in the company of a werewolf and a goddess. Shit, I knew better than that.
Always be prepared
is a good motto, those boyscouts know what they're talking about. I looked over the table and discreetly palmed Sephy's steak knife.

“
Mother,” Persephone didn't look concerned but then Demeter wouldn't hurt
her
. “What are you doing here?”

“
You never return my calls,” she slid into the seat next to Sephy. “You've forced me to trail you like a miscreant.”

“
What do you want, Mom?”

Sam and I held our breaths as we watched mother and daughter face off. This could go bad quickly and we were in a very public place. Was it wrong that I was more concerned over the possibility of being black-listed from Nordstrom for fighting, than I was about the fight itself? I looked at my bowl of soup sadly. Was this the last bowl I'd be able to enjoy? Sigh.

“I want my daughter back.”

“
Well I'm not coming back,” Sephy lifted her chin. “This subject is closed. I'm done talking about it and that's why I won't answer your calls. Now go away.”

I gaped. Visions of sending in covert operatives(werewolves) to smuggle me out tomato soup, started to form in my head. Oh but the shoes. I have to try on shoes. I couldn't just send someone else in to get them for me. Shit. Goodbye, Nordstrom. I will miss you, my friend.

“I understand that,” Demeter said reasonably. “I'm willing to accept your living arrangements. I'm willing to compromise. I miss you.”

I gaped more. I had to move my soup, so my chin wouldn't land in it. At least it wasn't going to be my last bowl. I distractedly ladled another spoonful into my mouth, since it was already open.

“What?” Persephone was just as surprised.

“
I miss you,” Demeter smiled and it looked like she was really making an effort to appear genuine. Did that mean she really was genuine and just hadn't had a lot of practice at it or did that mean she was faking? “Will you spare some time for your mother?”

“
I have to think about it,” Persephone didn't seem too convinced either. Demeter's eyes flashed for a second before she controlled herself.

“
Okay,” she patted Sephy's hand. “Call me when you're ready.” She got up gracefully, her cornflower blue suit crisp even though she'd been sitting. She didn't even look at or acknowledge me and Sam as she left. It didn't matter. I couldn't have spoken anyway, my mouth was full of soup.

“
Wow,” Sam said it for all of us. “Do you think she meant it?”

“
Not for one second,” Sephy frowned and sighed. “Which means she's up to something.”

“
Not to sound conceited,” I grinned, “but it's probably some horrifying plot to cause me more pain.” I laughed mirthlessly.

“
What's so funny?” Sephy looked concerned for my sanity.

“
It's just that I used to think all those people were so egotistical when they'd say 'Why is God punishing me?' I mean how could one person be so important that a god would sit around trying to come up with ways to torture them?” I snorted. “Now here I am, faced with the reality of a goddess, who probably spends quite a bit of time sitting around, thinking of ways to torture me. Should I be flattered?”

“
I won't let her hurt you,” Sephy took my hand and I smiled at her.

“
Thanks, Sephy,” I reached over and took Sam's hand too. “Look at us, we're the power of three.” I giggled. “Either that or we're a bad joke.”

“
Excuse me?” Sam pulled her hand back and acted affronted.

“
You know,” I laughed, “a witch, a werewolf, and a goddess walk into a restaurant.”

We got our good mood back instantly, laughter chasing away the dread, Demeter's presence had brought. I was so relieved. I didn't want my day spoiled. We hadn't even made it to Sephora yet.