Authors: AMY JO COUSINS
Tags: #lgbtq romance;m/m;college romance;coming of age
“We still were. At least for me.”
He wouldn't ask. Jealousy had burned like banked coals in his gut when he saw Reese with that other guy who hadn't hesitated to touch him in affectionate ways. He knew he didn't have the right to ask and had told himself to shut his fucking mouth and suck it up.
His boy had never had any trouble reading him, though.
“I wasn't waiting for you, Tom. But I wasn't ready either.”
Tom tipped his head back and stared up at the clear blue sky and it felt like a prayer. He blinked until it was safe to look forward again. Reese didn't say anything for a little while.
“I'm really happy for you. I hope you know that.” Safety vanished in an instant. Tom's stomach roiled. “But it's hard for me, you know? Because I wanted to be a part of all this.”
The crux of it all. He'd had to shut Reese out to get to the place where he could let him in.
“I know. But I thinkâ¦I needed validation. And it couldn't come from you, because I already knew that you, um, loved me.” They had never actually said the words. “So your opinion didn't count as much.” He bit his lip. That sounded worse out loud than it had in his head. “I'm sorry.”
“It's okay. I get it.” His voice was tight though and he picked at the bunched up seam of his jeans where his knee bent. “Although I'd love to know where all this validation talk comes from.”
“Don't laugh. I'm seeing someone.” Reese's back shot stiff as a board and Tom shook his head. He blew a hard puff of air at Reese's hair, pushing it forward to fall in his face. Dork. “Not a date. Jeez. A therapist. Fuck.”
“Of course.” Of course, my ass. Hadn't Reese just said he was faithful? Not quite as sure of that as he'd appeared, maybe. “I'm glad.”
“Yeah, I think I'm some Psych grad student from UMASS's senior project, but she's pretty cool. Seems to know what she's talking about anyway, or at least acts like she does. Like I'd know.” Tom shrugged. Another thing to take on faith.
“Still. That's great. I'm proud of you.”
Tom could live forever on the small golden spark that lit in his belly. He hummed with satisfaction, the vibration low in his chest. Reese shivered.
They soaked in the sun while students argued and necked and dozed all around them, one more tangle of two bodies on a sprawling lawn that shone with sunshine and potential and held them in the light without fear.
After a while, Reese roused himself to ask.
“So if you stay on for another year?”
The smile tucked Tom's cheeks into balls of goofy happiness.
“I'd be eligible for housing in Perkins again, if I want. I'm officially old enough to qualify, without ulterior motives. But even if I get a shitty lottery number, almost all seniors go for singles. If I wanted a double on campus, I could probably get a really kick ass room.” He held his breath, waiting, having faith that asking if he was still too far behind would deliver the answer,
I was waiting for you.
Reese leaned his head back against Tom's shoulder and let the sun shine down on his face. The shadows under his eyes were still there but fainter than they'd ever been. Tom knew at some point they'd be gone completely.
It felt as if hours had passed before Reese spoke, still sunbathing in his arms.
“I hear the doubles in that new dorm by the Science building have bay windows and their own bathrooms.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. They sound pretty cool.”
A long pause allowed his throat to loosen again.
“Are you saying that because you want to have sex in the shower?”
“No. Sort of. No.” Reese pushed his butt back against Tom's crotch and Tom buried his face in his boyfriend's neck with a grin, because he could feel it in Reese's skin, in his bones, in the way his spine curved against Tom's belly that it wasn't too late.
He could still catch up.
Epilogue
Four months later
The corner of a cardboard box jammed him hard between the shoulder blades.
“Move it, big boy.”
Tom stepped to the side and let Reese squeeze past, skinny arms wrapped around the box he could barely see over. His boyfriend walked into the middle of their suite's common room and spun around in a slow circle, taking in the hardwood floors, high ceilings, and a bay window with a navy blue-cushioned bench seat that overlooked the campus green. Doors to two small bedrooms faced each other on opposite walls, with their ensuite bathroom carving out a chunk of the main room to his right.
And in the middle of it all was Reese.
Damn, his boy looked good. Hair a little shorter and rarely in his face these days. Skinny dark blue jeans and the tight Rolling Stones T-shirt with Mick Jagger's Union Jack'd tongue. Reese swore he only wore it because it made Tom think of blowjobs.
This was true.
The smile that slid over Reese's mouth when he stood facing Tom could only be called wicked. “Oh, we are so gonna do it on that window seat.”
All the blood in Tom's body rushed to his crotch as he pictured that. He didn't know how they'd manage it, but was pretty sure it was going to involve him bent over something and he was so, so on board with that idea. He imagined looking out over the green from their fourth floor suite and wondering if anyone could see them while Reese slid hand up his naked back until his fingers were buried in Tom's hair. Heat balled in his stomach. He was letting it grow, because Reese played with his hair more when it was longer and Reese's hands in his hair made Tom shiver.
He still had a hard time believing they were here, together, in this luxurious new dorm on the Green. The one the school put on the front of brochures to lure potential students and their parents into dropping the equivalent of an entire mortgage on a bachelor's degree.
The honeymoon period after their snuggle on the Green had lasted all of five days.
Tom's announcement that he'd found a studio apartment in Dorchester to sublet for the summer had not been received well. Getting back together with your boyfriend apparently meant that decisions about where you were going to live for three months weren't to be made without any discussion. Especially decisions that meant camping out in grotty, un-air conditioned attics instead of staying with the Anders. That argument had lasted a week and only ended when Tom realized Reese wasn't going to back down.
“Even that shitty studio will cost you thousands over the summer, between rent and utilities.” Reese's jaw had flexed and Tom had seen it, because they had these conversations in the daylight now. “You stay with us. Save your money and drive a reasonable number of hours. If you stay there, I never see you and at the end of the summer you have no cushion.”
“I can't have sex with you with your dad in the house. Seriously.” It wasn't the best reason for renting an apartment of his own, but accepting help was still awkward and weird and made his skin crawl with unease and the weight of obligation.
“I can wait.” He'd glared at Tom's bark of disbelieving laughter. “And we can send my dad to the movies.”
They'd managed. Tom still sometimes drove for too many hours, when he felt himself needing to exert some kind of control over his world. He'd drive all night and show up at dawn, crawling into bed just as Reese left it for his summer internship. There were daytime arguments and lots of snuggling on the couch and very little sex. But they'd managed to make it through the entire summer until it was time to pack up his car and head west on the Mass Pike to their new home.
On campus.
The light lit up Reese like a halo as they smiled at each other.
“I love you.” It was easy to say. Now.
Tom had learned that it mattered. Saying the words. The words weren't enough, in and of themselves, and actions mattered too, but after Reese had sat him down and explained a few things, he got it better about it. And, learning how the words lit Reese up like a candle, he'd started to look for it. That bright shiny glow, the curve of a lip, how Reese blinked slowly just once, the dozen ways he practically shivered with happiness when Tom said it.
“Love you too.” His boyfriend's eyes narrowed and Tom dropped his box to the side with a thud just in time to brace himself as Reese walked right into him and backed him up against the wall. For a little guy, he could growl like a bear. “God. I'll love you right up against this wall.”
Reese pulled Tom's head down until their mouths pressed together in a kiss that shifted from
Hello there, sailor
to
Fuck me now
in seconds. He dug his hands deep into Reese's back pockets and pulled his boy close, reveling in how far they'd come.
He tore his mouth away from Reese's long enough to groan out, “They're right behind us.”
Cash and Steph, who they had left near the ground floor elevator, snapping at each other about the easiest way to get their new and surprisingly lightweight couch up four flights.
“I can be fast. You?” Reese pushed him around the corner.
“So fast.”
Their bathroom was tiny, barely enough room for the two of them to stand inside and close the door. Reese dropped the lid on the toilet seat and sat, pushing Tom against the wall with two hands on his waistband, thumbs rubbing against the ridge of Tom's dick in his pants. The wall-mounted towel bar was jammed into Tom's kidneys and he totally didn't care.
Reese leaned forward and pressed his mouth to the tight-stretched denim over his dick, and for a second Tom felt like he was on fire as heat from Reese's breath soaked through his jeans.
“God.” He smacked a hand against the wall to his left for balance, catching the doorframe with the side of his hand on his right. Reese dipped his fingers into Tom's jeans, searching, until one of his fingertips grazed the head of Tom's dick. Pleasure jolted up his spine and he looked down. Reese grinned up at him, popping the button on Tom's jeans right before he pulled the placket open and grabbed the zipper tab with his teeth.
“Yo! Where is everybody?”
He was going to punch his best friend in the face.
“Just one minute!” His voice cracked. Goddamn it. They'd be able to hear that for sure.
“Dudes! Tell me you are not doing it in the bathroom while I'm hauling your piece of shit couch up four flights of stairs. Thing's made of balsawood. Steph, kick their asses.”
“I'm not going in there. No way.”
Reese buried his face in Tom's stomach, smothering laughter, while Tom groaned and bumped his hips against his boyfriend one last, useless time. A whole summer of being a guest in someone else's homeâalthough being treated like a second son by Mr. Anders never made him feel anything other than lovedâmeant that all he wanted to do was strip all his clothes off and get naked with Reese on every flat surface in their suite.
Fuck it. He'd take a non-flat surface at this point.
He dropped his hands to Reese's head and stroked his hair. Slid his hands under Reese's arms and dragged him up his own body until Reese pressed against him full length, a bright sparkle in his eyes.
Tom dropped a kiss on his lips. “Later.”
“Not too much later.”
“No way. We use them for heavy labor then send 'em out for pizza. We'll get thirty minutes alone, at least.”
Reese blew a breath up that rearranged his bangs. “This is so not going to take me thirty minutes. Sorry.”
Tom rolled his eyes. They'd both been counting the hours until they were back on campus, which felt like a win in its own right. “Imma need about five. C'mon.”
“Wait.” Reese stopped him when he would have pulled the door wide open. “It's suspiciously quiet. What are they doing?”
They cracked the bathroom door and plastered their faces to the inch gap, Tom on tiptoe to see over Reese. Steph and Cash had made it to the middle of the room before dropping their load so that the couch faced the suite door, Cash opting to collapse on the couch in melodramatic fashion. Steph stood over him for a moment, saying something they couldn't quite hear, before she stepped away.
Cash grabbed her by the hand and tugged her back.
Tom stood up straighter. “Wait, are theyâ¦?”
“She swears not.” Reese shook his head, hair tickling Tom's chin. “But I wonder.”
“Yeah.” From their hideout in the bathroom, it looked distinctly like Cash was playing with Steph's hand, their fingers tangled up together.
“Let's get 'em.” Reese's whisper was a sly giggle under the skin.
Tom didn't even really know what he meant, but he laughed under his breath and committed without hesitation. “Okay.”
Their exit from the bathroom was only subtle enough to be missed by people who weren't paying any attention at all. Tom's running shoes, shiny new ones, squeaked on the hardwood and Steph, her back to them, tilted her head.
“Dog pile!”
Reese rushed Steph and tackled her onto Cash's lanky form. Tom followed more slowly, still conscious of his body in relation to Reese's, but joined the puppy pile on the couch. He braced himself on one knee, his hand on the back of the couch and an arm wrapped around Reese's waist as he crowned the tackle hug. He grinned down at Steph's outraged face and Cash's wince.
“Dude! Get off my nuts.”
“That's me.” Steph's drawl was dry. Cash's face turned pink as she squirmed, trapped between Reese and the tall runner with the big mouth. Tom laughed out loud and let himself fall backwards.
He managed to wedge his ass in the corner of the couch while Reese sprawled on top of him, kicking in desultory fashion now at Steph, who didn't seem to mind that she was half on top of Cash.
Buttery yellow sunlight spilled through their tall windows. Tom draped an arm over his eyes, blocking the glare. They were going to need to do something about that. Another trip to IKEA maybe. Curtains. A bunch of shit for the bathroom he hadn't thought about before since they'd have to clean it themselves.
They'd have to get the rest of their crap out of his car first.
And then naked time.
He stood up and dumped Reese to the floor. “Right. Time's awastin'. Let's get moving.” He hustled everyone out of the suite and into the hall, checking to make sure that his keys were tucked in his pocket.
His friends' voices echoed in the empty corridor, Cash and Steph arguing, as always, over what toppings they wanted on their promised reward. He'd asked the dean for permission to show up on campus a day early, to give them twenty-four hours to settle in before the hordes of students descended. She'd understood.
He closed the door.
412.
A new room number.
He brushed a fingertip over the brass number plate, following the grooves. His heart raced for a moment at the thought of the hundreds of students who would flood the building tomorrow morning. Tom was under no illusions about the gossip that still followed him around. Maybe it always would.
“You ready, babe?”
Reese waited for him at the top of the stairs.
His rocketing pulse slowed at the sound of his boyfriend's voice. It always did. He pushed off the door with a smack of his palm and loped down the hall.
“Absolutely.”