Off Her Rockers (Loving All Wrong #3.5) (23 page)

Not so much as a beat passed before he was out of the elevator and rushing toward me. He dropped to his knees so we were face-to-face. We stared at each other.

Silence. Pregnant, poignant silence.

“You’ll leave him?”

“I was never with him.”

A frown formed, chased off by confusion. “What?”

“For someone who’s been in the media for nearly all your life, I can’t understand how you could just run with every rumor.”

“What’re you saying?” He was beside himself. “You and Davi—”

“We have a kid together. A kid we moved here and are raising together. Being around each other is unavoidable.”

“You knew Jess and I aren’t together?”

“Only recently.”

He nodded. He shook his head. Nodded again. Warring with his thoughts.

“Xavier…” I sucked in a shaky breath. “Why didn’t you come after me and apologize? Why did you let it go this far? Get this bad?”

Sighing, he rocked back on his heels. “Was ashamed. Of myself. Gave in to jealousy. Left you in my bed and got caught making back-up plans with Jess. To even begin to justify that, explain it, how could I? Should’ve come after you, true. Just didn’t know what I’d say if I did.

“Naming the bar after you, that was my ‘creative’ way of apologizing. Of letting you know it’s only you…only you for me. It didn’t work. By the time I realized how serious it was and that I needed to come get you before it got bad, there were pics, and videos. Every day was something new. Convincing. So…I accepted defeat. Figured it was futile to compete with
him
. Thought it was what you wanted all along. An excuse to run back to him.”

“If I wanted an excuse I wouldn’t have chosen you, Xavi. Do you see how much sense that
doesn’t
make?”

“Messed up.” He caught my fingers, stilling them, and it was then I realized I’d been twisting them between us. “Messed up bad, Chino.”

“You did.”

Moving my lips in close to his, I just breathed.

His long-lashed lids shuttered down, creases of pain marring his forehead. “Where do we stand?”

Withdrawing my fingers, I rose quietly. Standing to my full height, I looked down at him.

He looked up at me.

Extending my open palm, I answered, “I know I want to stand with you. Always. Where do
you
stand?”

He studied my proffered hand for a moment before taking it, but he didn’t stand. He pressed a kiss in the center of my palm and then released it.

I suffered a brief moment of panic and disappointment, but then he crawled closer to me, closing the gap. Remaining on his knees, he circled his arms around my hips and tipped his head back so our gazes kissed. “Beneath you.”

My bones didn’t melt, but my heart did.

I felt the heat of his lips press just above my hipbone, and my fingers combed through his hair as a quiet sigh escaped me. He continued, lava-hot kisses burning across the waistband of my shorts.

Before he could tear them off and ravish me, I gathered the strength to grip his hair and yank his head back.

“
No
. This is more serious than sex.”

A slow smile yawned across his lips. “Babe, nothing’s more serious than sex.”

Releasing his hair, I backed out of his hold. “Before we can resume being ‘Xavi and Ally’, you have to get clean. I can’t have an alcoholic around my son.”

Letting out a frustrated grunt, he rubbed his eyes with his fists. It looked painful. “You don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?”

He sat back on his heels again. “Every time I admit into rehab and check out sober, it’s usually a matter of time before I relapse. That’s ‘cause I had nothing to lose. Until you. An addict needs a reason to quit. They got nothing to lose, only tryna quit ‘cause people tell them to, then it’s never gonna work.

“When you were mine, I knew what I’d risk losing if I took a sip. You were my reason to stay clean, but when I lost you, I also lost my reason to stay sober. Took the sip ‘cause if I didn’t have you, I had nothing to lose.” In a subservient pose, he placed his palms on top of his thighs, gazing up at me under those lush lashes. “You’re my rehab, Chino. You say we’re back on then I’m clean. That’s all it takes.
You
.”

Not even his band? He didn’t care whether or not he got kicked out of the band but cared whether he’d lose me? That’s… just not something I could believe. “How can I trust that?”

“Trust
me
,” he offered, “and everything else will be easier.”

Raking both my hands through my hair, I let out a noisy sigh and walked around in confusing circles. I’d never dealt with an addict before. How did I know it wasn’t the usual for them to give convincing speeches like that to avoid rehab? I needed to check in with Xena about that. In the meantime, however, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

I ceased walking in circles and crossed my arms. “Okay. You may not want to check into rehab, but you
definitely
need to check in with a doctor.”

He looked at me puzzled.

“Tex told me you were spreading yourself thin, sometimes two women in one day. No way is my mouth or vagina going near that dick again until I see a
clean
medical record.”

“Fair enough.” He nodded. “Anything else?”

“Yes.” I eliminated the gap between us and took his face in my hands. “I love you.”

An unidentifiable expression passed over his features as he averted his eyes, taking my hands by the wrists and removing them from his face. “Chino…did you…you do anything with anyone?”

“Would it matter if I did?”

“No,” he told my pelvis. “Just wanna know. Peace of mind.”

“No, but…”—I shifted uneasily—“…I almost did.”

An audible whoosh of breath left him, surprising me. “Thank shit.”

Unable to help laughing, I commented, “So much for not mattering.”

“Lied.” He looked at me then. “Would’ve haunted me.”

“It was with Davi.”

He made me a ‘duh’ scoff. “Who else.”

Donning a scowl, I folded my arms. “Are you saying no one else would’ve wanted me?”

“Know you still love him, Chino. Nothing I can do about it. Can’t tell your heart what to feel. Know if it’s not me, it’s him.”

I assured him, “It’s never gonna
not
be you.”

He stood,
finally
, and, seizing my arm, he tugged so hard I slammed into him. Now here’s my big, bad, unconquerable Samson. Vulnerability gone. Cockiness succeeding. My king. “That better be the truth, Chino”—he tipped my chin up and lowered his mouth close to mine but didn’t kiss me—“’Cause I’m building my life on it.”

I gasped.
“
Pump faster
.”

The shower.

I’d climbed in. He’d snuck in behind me.

“What did I say?” I’d snapped at him.

He’d shrugged. “Just wanna shower with you, is all. Like old times.”

“In old times, ‘just showering’ never once worked out.”

He’d grinned.

“Xavi, I can’t see you wet and naked and
not
want you inside me. Get
out
.”

Moving down to the other end of the shower, he leaned back against the wet tiles. “Will stay down here. You stay up there.”

Knowing there was no getting him out, I turned around and resumed lathering my skin. A moment later, I heard a low groan. I didn’t turn. I knew exactly what he was doing and I didn’t have the strength to resist giving in, so I kept my neck ramrod straight.

His groans grew. To block them out, I ducked my head under the shower. That, however, did nothing to block out the throbbing ache of my clit. Of its own volition, my soapy hand began gliding down my slippery skin, making a clear path down between my thighs.
No
. I stopped myself. This was exactly what the bastard wanted.

“Do it,” he urged in a strained voice from behind me.

“Get
out
.”

“Two fingers, Chino. It’ll feel good. Slip ‘em in.”

Damn him to hell
. My hand finished its journey, and an everlasting moan wound through me as my fingers dipped into my slick heat.

“That’s it. Turn around. Lemme see.”

Dropping the soap bar, I turned, leaning back against the wall as he was on the other end. His abs tightened, pelvis thrust out as he held himself tight in his fist, jerking up and down.

“You’re a slut,” I spat.

“Deeper.”

At his request, I buried my fingers deeper, my hips thrusting up and out to swallow them.

“My Chino,” he whispered like a prayer.

I rocked my hips, grinding on my fingers while pressing down on my clit with my thumb, the way Xavier used to do whenever he was ready for me to explode.

“Pissed I can’t touch you right now,” he growled out, his pumps becoming more aggressive as though he were punishing himself.

“How many were they?”

“All were you to me,” he immediately responded, as though he’d been expecting the question. “Your eyes…you’re gonna come, aren’t you.”

“You. Are. A.
Slut
.”

“That makes you wetter?” he asked, licking his lips. “Thinking I’m a slut?”

Selling me out, my hips jolted forward, rocking faster on my fingers.

“Pump faster,” I gasped.

He obeyed. His hand flew up and down over his length, punctuated by harsh grunts and groans. His lidded eyes transfixed on my working fingers, his lips parted, sucking in air.

He looked so damn hot pleasuring himself, the head of his cock cherry-red and swollen.

“Wanna suck you, Chino,” he strained. “Wanna ease—”

That was all I needed to implode. A visual of Xavier kneeling before me, my leg hitched over his broad shoulder as he sucked hard on my clit.

My hips bucked and my whole body spasmed. “Xavi…”

A deep groan had me peeking one eye open. His stare was fixed on my mouth now, and he was rigid as he pumped himself so hard veins bulged from every crevice of him. His hips thrust upward and his entire body stiffened as he gritted out, “Shit. Shit. Shit, Chi—”

White bursts of pleasure spurted over the top of his fist, hindering his words. Eyes closing, he slumped back against the wall.

Before he could regain himself, I hastily rinsed off under the shower and slipped out.

I heard his chuckle as I was bolting through the door, but he didn’t follow me this time.

Eleven minutes later, I was standing in front of the dresser towel-drying my hair when he emerged.

He came up behind me, watching me in the mirror, limp wet curls drooping down his shoulders. The top of my head hit just below his clavicle, so tall and macho he was.

Eyes on mine in the mirror, he opened his mouth comically wide above my head.

Struggling to keep a straight face, I started to ask, “What are—”

“Look inside,” he ordered, pointing to his mouth before opening wide again.

Tossing the hair-towel over my shower, I turned to him and tipped up on my toes to peek inside his mouth.

“What am I looking for?” I asked, bemused.

“Sores, fungus, cuts, blood, herpes…”

“Ew!” I punched his chest and spun back around. “You’re disgusting.”

“Never went down on a chick unless I’m really into her, she smells damn good, or she’s classy and clean. Like you. Random stabs don’t get the mouth.”

I made a face. “Again:
Ew
.”

His grin could’ve blinded me. “So, my mouth is clean?”